Part 10

My husband failed to find any land to rent or work, so we kept going. Two of the children were still walking and driving the goats. On account of the limited space I can tell but very little of their experiences along the way. One circumstance, however, that gave us much concern was that there were many streams to cross, and at one place by driving the goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to cross the stream several times, and they were required to take the mountain-side. It was steep and above the river. Sometimes they would slide and have considerable difficulty in stopping, and the goats would run up the mountains, jump on rocks, and cause trouble. My husband drove on and would not wait for them at the bridge, which was about a mile from where they started, and it was some time before I saw them again, a time of great anxiety. It was one of the times when I had to trust the Lord to take care of them.

After the children had driven the goats about two weeks, my husband sold them. One day about four weeks after we left our home, I heard my husband tell a man that he was going to ----. This was the town the Lord had shown me would be our future home. You will remember that our clothing was left behind, so that our appearance was not presentable; but I deepened my consecration and told the Lord that if he wanted us to go in such a plight, I could say amen. Before we arrived, he opened the way for us so that we looked quite presentable, considering the fact that we were traveling. A week before our arrival, I wrote for the trunks to be sent to the town. We arrived in safety. Three weeks after I wrote for our goods, they had not arrived, and so I wrote again. We received a letter from the people saying that they had moved and left the trunks in the house, which was not locked. We gave them the dishes and other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad, and upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as I had packed them.

We were now glad to be with the dear people of God and to know that the captivity was turned. My husband began telling the usual stories, but they were not received even by his own people. He became very miserable and alarmed about his own safety on account of the people. He left the town, and has never been heard from. During these years of trial, many hours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the dark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his future life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the Lord and the presence of the Almighty. I do not know what the future holds in store, but I am expecting some good things from God, whether or not my pathway is strewn with trials.

In relating this experience, I have been obliged to omit many things that could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who are passing through similar trials, as there are so many experiences that would not be advisable to publish. I believe that the good part may be a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the sad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of God. My dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead of suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost, had he only been obedient to the Lord and walked in the light of his Word. The sister who was in Arkansas is with us, and we are working together for the Lord.

I have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the Lord and have been better able to understand the words of the Psalmist, wherein he said, "Teach me thy way, 0 Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

Experience of a School-Teacher in India

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 16

The message of the cross is the same in every clime. The Spirit of the Lord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth.

In the year 1904 there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings in the Punjab district in northwestern India. An intelligent young lady, a native school-teacher, offered her services as interpreter one Sunday while I preached on the subject of the ordinances of the Bible.

She became very much interested in the story of the cross, and as the prophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, she was much affected. After interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of the crucifixion-scene and the story of how the Savior gave his life for the salvation of those who are lost in sin, she suddenly stopped, began wringing her hands, and fell upon her knees. In the bitter anguish of her soul she cried, "O Lord! I am a sinner! I am a sinner! Have mercy upon my soul!"

For a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting. Her efforts were with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able to realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith, and received a witness to her soul that the Lord Jesus was now her Savior.

She arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of spirit, realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he said that the gospel of Christ "is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth."

Unconquered Will Won by Love

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 17

"Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded, Which find but pleasant ways, But they are few. Far more there are who wander Without a hope or friends; Who find their journey full of pains and losses, And long to reach the end."

Yet if, like Elisha's servant, we could open our blind spiritual eyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the wounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some such experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul to surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure. There is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait on the soul that surrenders to his will. The difficulty is always the unsurrendered will.

When I was about fourteen years old, an evangelist came to our town to preach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the soul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was riding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of the clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun. I thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting, though of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me more solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for me also. But I said: "Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I choose other things." At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped the cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be no crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering servants were ready to spare me the "pains and losses," but my will was not surrendered. I would not bear the cross.

Another warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the home of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of the meeting and its solemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please Jesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going because the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my conscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably to be the presence of some one in my room. I looked up, and it seemed that I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul, and the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had no desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was enraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient.

This, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might make all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep, and I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and unconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a "journey full of pains and losses," "without hope or friends," I walked life's track. God did not have his way, but I had mine. Often, so often in the years that followed I remembered the last night of the revival that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had not decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people; I wanted to join a more fashionable church. As she approached me, I whispered to her, "I am going to join the other church." She said, "Be sure your heart is right," but I was not sure.

Perhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God, I would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that laid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these unseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was no hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease possessed my body, and sin became my hated master.

"Could we but draw back the curtains That surround each other's lives, See the naked heart and spirit--ah, if we only could!

"If we knew--alas! and do we Ever care to know Whether bitter herbs or roses In our neighbor's garden grow?"

I attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but without a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to God. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any cross he saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me salvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was so ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart feel so new and light and happy, he had made me his child. I knew about as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen. At last, a very dear, good woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever asked me about my soul. She taught me to talk about spiritual things and to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God's own Word. She showed me by God's Word how I might live entirely free from the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to his glory. It was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food I had ever tasted. She taught me that by his Word and promises he was able and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was hopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live until God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my cross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the "pains and losses" that brought grief and misery to my life. Blessings now fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body was being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He caused me to "forget the things of the past and press on."

"Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow, He said, 'Arise and shine!'"

He has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little children and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding he makes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind, the Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an instant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that he might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning! It was not his will that I should suffer.

"Can we think that it pleases his loving heart To cause us a moment's pain? Ah no, but he saw through the present cross The bliss of eternal gain."

An Experience a Hundred Years Ago

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 18

I have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my God--the experience of his goodness to my soul. I was fond of the gaieties and follies of the world until about fifteen years of age, when I became awakened to the needs of my soul. In all former seasons when God called me, I was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear the reproach of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety without his duties and crosses, but I now fell at the Savior's feet and inquired with trembling, anxious words: "Lord, what shall I do? I will part with everything or do anything for an interest in Jesus."

I do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, but sorrow that I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being willing to acquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness. I did not obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks, though I sought it with prayer and tears. My burden had become exceeding heavy, too heavy for my strength, and I sank to the floor. While kneeling there I was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the heavenly world. In an instant darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away, and peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place. I rose to my feet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear Redeemer.

I was away from home with a family who were not Christians, though amiable, kind friends. I said nothing to them, but they had noticed my distress and now observed the happy change. Among my private writings I find the transaction thus recorded:

"January 13, 1805.--I have this day publicly devoted myself to the service of God and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal King of heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world, with whatever is displeasing in his pure and holy eyes; to walk in his commandments and ordinances; to seek his glory and the best interests of his church here below; and in confidence of well-doing, to look forward to a happy inheritance with the saints in light."

For a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did not persevere in that course of consecration, which alone secures unwavering hope. As I was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed religion amid a large society, naturally amiable and loved, I had many temptations to return to folly, which I mainly resisted; but sometimes I went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to Christ. Here I first experienced a diminution of my happiness. I could not go from the circle of my folly to my closet and find my Savior and hold sweet communion with him, but with adoring wonder, I remember that when I repented, he forgave me. When I returned to him, he healed my backslidings and loved me freely.

After I was married, I was anxious to train my children in the ways of the Lord, but through many cares and on account of having to work very hard, I neglected their early religious instruction. I found that I needed a deeper work of grace in my heart, and when for the time I ought to be a teacher, I had need that one teach me again the first principles of the oracles of God. My prayer was, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I wanted to be freed from sin and thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I should never vex or grieve him more.

For something more than a year I suffered much from the buffetings and temptations of Satan. I knew that Jesus was near and sustained me in those conflicts, although it seemed that he had left me alone to contend with the powers of darkness. In the midst of these trials I had temptations of rebellion against God to call him unjust, to reproach him for creating me. The temptations came to "contradict him." I did it, but oh, the horror of that moment! Until then I had resisted every temptation, as I thought, but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath the mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of infinite wisdom and excellence and contradict him. This, I thought, must be the sin for which there is no forgiveness. But I could weep tears of penitence; could sink at his feet and own it just. What less could his insulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm! But he did not do it. Not even a frown was upon his gracious brow. It seemed that there was salvation for every sinner who had not, like me, contradicted him and thereby made him a liar. I contemplated the glorious character of God and concluded that unless I could find evidence that my sin was against the Holy Ghost, I should only be repeating that dreadful sin while I refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent.

I retired with my Bible spread open before me and, kneeling down, read and prayed over the chapters in Hebrews which represent the blessed Savior as our sacrifice and high priest. In the twenty-fifth verse of the seventh chapter I found this assurance: "He is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them." Here was something to meet my case. "To the uttermost" I had insulted him, but "to the uttermost" he could save. I believed and here my soul entered into rest. I embraced the promises, rich and boundless, as my own. In Christ Jesus they are all there for me. I felt and said with heaven-born confidence, "This is firm footing; this is solid rock. My feet are placed upon it to remove no more." The view was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion (if so it may be called), but calm, delightful, "strong consolation," firmer than the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable Word and oath of God in Christ. It was "hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil."

Eleven years have passed since, and my peace has been like a river. In the world, to be sure, I have had tribulation and expect to have, for Jesus told me I should; but, blessed be his name! in him I have peace. I love the subject of Christian perfection, or entire sanctification in this life; but I have not been fully able to reach the point to obtain that deeper experience. Yet I believe I perfectly desire to do the will of God. May God bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are laboring to promote the sanctification of believers.

An Indian Mother's Submission

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 19

To show that God works the same in the hearts of his people wherever they are, I wish to mention the experience of one of my Indian sisters. Her little son contracted enteric fever. Every possible aid was given him, but he continued to grow worse. The fever caused him to become unconscious at intervals. The parents then decided to remove him to a hospital, that he might have skilled attention. Soon after being taken to the hospital, he became entirely unconscious, in which condition he remained for weeks, yes, for months. He was unable to take nourishment in the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him, as he was at the point of death yet did not die. Many who were not acquainted with the parents, but heard of the case, went to the hospital to see him.

The father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital, but when weeks and months had passed, they gave up hope for his recovery. All the Christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for him and felt that God only could restore him to health. The parents knew a man who believed in divine healing and called him, and he anointed the child and prayed for him. He became so sick that the doctor thought he would not live until morning, and asked the parents to remain at the hospital that night.

The next day the father and mother went for a walk together, and while out walking he said to her, "We must become reconciled to losing our child, for it seems God is going to take him." At first the mother-heart could not yield to giving up the child, but at last she became resigned. Soon after this the child regained consciousness, but was weak, and his mind was almost a blank. He was like a new-born babe and had to learn to speak, although he was about nine years of age. Some thought he would never be normal again, and others thought he would be crippled. Since he has been restored to health, when that mother sees him enjoying the right use of his faculties and limbs, her heart is filled with thankfulness and praise to God.

She told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing their hearts closer to the Lord, and of enabling her to experience the sweet rest of being fully submitted to God, whereby she was afterwards able to teach others the way.

Just before this she had been urging a bereaved friend, who was grieving too much over the loss of her father, to become resigned to the will of God. Her friend said, "You can not appreciate my loss, for you have never suffered such a loss." She saw the force of her friend's remark and said no more. But when the affliction came upon her child and she was called upon to become resigned to the will of God, she came to know not only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great consolation in being submissive. When her friend afterwards came to know of her submission, she was very much affected.

Both my friend and her husband feel that God has given them their child from the grave, and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal they have come to love their Savior more.

The Conversion of My Father

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 20

The most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own conversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had prayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only a young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never felt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession. A few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on in that condition, he even dropped his profession.

Eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United Brethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward for prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace he so earnestly sought.

A DISCOURAGEMENT

One day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the ministers to know just how to get rid of the great load of sins he was carrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed. The minister said: "It is like this: A man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his shoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize any difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it had all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that the entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins. As you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not realize any change at first, and it will take some time for you to realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully forgiven."

Poor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an instantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement he gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that unhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind, although he often desired to be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own peace of mind, and yearned to be able to "read his title clear to mansions in the sky."