Chapter 4

A CYNIC'S VIEW OF ARMY LIFE

Once I was a farmer boy, a tiller of the soil, I liked the work--I never was a chap to shirk from toil. But I thought I'd choose a broader life (I must have been an ass). I took on in the Army--and now I'm cutting grass.

I thought my farm life narrow, for there my simple work Was planting things and tending them, and this I did not shirk. I'd charge of all the horses, too, and handled them first class, But since I joined the Army, I am simply cutting grass.

I get up in the morning to the sound of martial strain. The sergeant says: "Go get that scythe and sharpen it again. The grass has grown six inches, men, while we have been in bed, So hustle, soldiers, hustle--don't let it get ahead."

The Chief of Staff sits up above and wonders "wot fell?" The money goes by millions, but the Army is a sell. We privates, if we dared to, could easy hit the mark, It's grass that takes up all our time from early dawn to dark.

We all would like to soldier and get prepared for war; It's what we left our happy homes and joined the Army for. We'd like to learn our duties from "skirmish drill" to "mass." But all we learn with Uncle Sam is grass, grass, GRASS!

I hate the sight of anything that has a color green; My disposition's ruined and I have a swoolen spleen. And when my time to cash in comes, I pray a gracious God, That I'll be buried out at sea--not placed beneath the sod.

THE SONG OF THE SHOVEL AND THE PICK

The Sergeant says: "My gun is rusty, And I guess it must be right. But you ought to see my pick and shovel; They are always shining bright."

Chorus:

Farewell, Bunkie, I must leave you, And leave you mighty quick For I'll be d----d if I can soldier With a shovel and a pick.

There is hash that's hot, and hash that's cold; There's hash that's new and hash that's old; And Hash that's mixed into skilligbee; But with me they don't agree.

Chorus:

So, Farewell, Bunkie, I must leave you, And I leave you with a dash; For I'll be d----d if I can soldier On Uncle Samuel's corn beef hash.

ARMY SLANG

B-ache--to complain.

Beans--the commissary sergeant.

Bean-shooter--a commissary officer.

Belly-ache--to complain.

Black strap--liquid coffee.

Blind--sentenced by court-martial to forfeiture of pay without confinement.

Bob-Tail--a dishonorable discharge, or a discharge without honor; to be "bobtailed"--to be discharged or to be given a discharge without honor.

Bone--to study; to try; to cultivate.

Bone bootlick on--to cultivate the favor of.

Boots and Saddles--trumpet call.

Bootlick--to flatter.

Brig--guard-house.

Bow-legs--cavalrymen.

Buck-private--a term sometimes used in referring to a private.

Bucking for Orderly--giving clothing and accoutrements extra cleaning so as to compete for orderly.

Bunkie--a soldier who shares the shelter of a comrade.

Bust--to reduce a non-commissioned officer to the grade of a private.

Butcher--the company barber.

Canned Horse--canned beef.

Chief--name by which the chief musician of the band is usually called by the enlisted men.

Cit--a civilian.

Cits--civilian clothes.

C. O.--commanding officer.

Coffee Cooler--one who seeks easy details away from troops; one who is always looking for an easy job.

Cold-feet--fear, lack of courage (to have cold feet is to be afraid, to lack courage).

Commissaries--groceries.

Crawl--to admonish.

Dog-robber--name by which the enlisted men call a soldier who works for an officer. (An offensive term, the use of which generally results in trouble.)

Dough-boy--infantryman.

Dough-puncher--the baker.

Down the Pole--to drink, after having stopped.

Duff--any sweet edible.

Fatigue--extra work.

File--a number on the lineal list.

Fogy--ten percent increase in pay for each five years' service.

Found--to be found deficient or wanting in anything, especially an examination.

French leave--unauthorized absence. Absent on French leave--absent without authority.

Goat--junior officer in post, regiment, etc.

Goaty--awkward, ignorant.

Guard House Lawyer--a soldier with a smattering knowledge of regulations and military law; quite loquacious and liberal with advice and counsel to men in the Guard House or other trouble.

Hand-Shaker--a soldier who tries to win the favor of first sergeant or troop commander.

Hardtack--hardbread, biscuits.

Hash Mark--enlistment or service stripe, worn on sleeve.

Hike--a march; to hike; to march.

Hitch--a term for enlistment period.

Hive--to discover, to catch.

Hobo--the provost guard.

Holy Joe--the chaplain.

Hop--a dance.

How--form of salutation in drinking, meaning "Here's to your health," "My regards," etc.

I. C.--condemned by an inspector.

Jaw-bone--credit (to get things on "jawbone," is to buy on credit).

Jump--to admonish.

K. O.--the commanding officer.

Major--name by which the sergeant-major is usually called by the enlisted men.

Mill--Guard-house.

Mule-skinner--a teamster.

Non-Com--non-commissioned officer.

O. D.--the officer of the day.

Officers Line, or Officers Row--the row of houses where the officers and their families live.

Old Issue--an old soldier.

Old File--an old officer.

Old Man--the company commander.

On Official Terms--not to be on speaking terms except officially.

On the Carpet--called before the commanding officer for admonition.

Openers--cathartic pills.

Orderly Buckle--a soldier when going on guard who strives by extra neatness of appearance to be designated as orderly for the commanding officer.

Orderly Room--company office.

Outfit--one's organization in the army.

Over-the-Hill--to desert.

P.--Prisoner.

Pills--the hospital steward.

Punk--light bread.

Q. M.--the quartermaster.

Q. M. D.--quartermaster's department.

Ranked-out--to be compelled to vacate by a senior, as "to be ranked out of quarters."

Red-tape--official formality; that is, the close or excessive observance of forms and routine in the transaction of business.

Regimental Monkey--the drum major.

Re-up--to re-enlist at once.

Rookie--a new recruit.

Sand-rat--an officer or soldier on duty in the rifle pit at target practice.

Saw-bone--the doctor.

Shave-tail--a new second lieutenant. So called, after the young, unbroken mules in the Quartermaster's Department.

Shoved up--to pawn.

Shutters--camphor or opium pills.

Sinkers--dumplings.

Sky-scout--the chaplain.

Sky-pilot--the chaplain,

Slap-Jacks--pan cakes.

Slum--a stew of meat, potatoes and onions, mostly potatoes and onions.

Soap Suds Row--the laundresses' quarters.

Soldier, to--to soldier, to serve; also to shirk.

Soldiers' One Per Cent--one hundred per cent.

Sow-belly--bacon.

Stars and Stripes--beans.

Striker--a soldier who works for an officer.

Take-on--to re-enlist before the expiration of three months after discharge.

The Old Man--term sometimes used by officers and soldiers in referring to the commanding officer; sometimes used by soldiers in referring to their company commander.

To Take Another Blanket--same as "Take-on."

Top Sergeant--first sergeant.

Up the Pole--to swear off drinking.

Yellow-leg--cavalryman.

Youngster--a young officer (a first or second lieutenant).

Wagon-soldier--light or field artilleryman.

Wind-jammer--a trumpeter or bandsman.

Wood-butcher--company artificer.

ENGLISH ARMY SLANG

Gravel Crushers--infantry soldiers.

Poultice Wallahs--Royal Army Medical Corps men.

Doolally Tap--when a soldier becomes mentally unbalanced he is said to have received the "Doolally Tap." "Doolally" is a corruption of the name of an Indian town, Deolali.

Bun Wallah--a soldier who drinks nothing stronger than tea, and is in consequence supposed to eat voraciously of buns.

Chips--the regimental pioneer sergeant, who is usually a sergeant.

Lance Jack--a lance-corporal.

Quarter Bloke--the quartermaster.

Rookey--a recruit.

Scrounger--a man with plenty of resource in getting what he wants.

Yob--one who is easily fooled.

Bobygee--a soldier cook. In India a native one.

Baggies--sailors in the Navy.

Badgy--an enlisted boy.

Long-faced Chum--a cavalryman's term for his horse.

Rooty--bread.

Slingers--a meal of bread and tea.

Muckin--butter.

Bully Beef--the tinned meat ration.

Lamping--eating heartily.

C. B.--confined to barracks.

Chucking a Dummy--when a man faints on parade he is said to "have chucked a dummy."

Clink or Mush--the guard room.

Brief, Cheque or Ticket--discharge documents.

Dock--a military hospital.

Swinging the Lead--the equivalent of "telling the tale."

Weighed off--when a soldier has been awarded punishment for an offense he is said to have been "Weighed off."

High Jump--an appearance before the C.O. to answer a charge of breaking regulations.

Lost His Number--a man is said to have "lost his (regimental) number" when he is reported for any offense. It is "lost" because it is placed on the report sheet.

Stir--imprisonment in a detention barracks.

Chancing His Arm--committing an offence in expectation that it will not be discovered. A N.C.O. is said to be "chancing his arm" because he may be deprived of his stripes.

Jankers--defaulter's drill.

Dog's Leg--the first stripe received on promotion.

Bundook--a rifle.

Bobtack--powder mixed into a paste to clean buttons and brass work on equipment.

Muck-in--share in.

Square-Pushing--courting. Your best boots, cap, etc., are called square-pushing boots, etc.

Square-bit--your best girl.

Atcha--all right.

Blighty--home.

WORDS TO THE ARMY TRUMPET CALLS

REVEILLE:

I can't get 'em up, I can't get 'em up, I can't get 'em up in the morning; I can't get 'em up, I can't get 'em up, I can't get 'em up at all; Corp'rals worse than the privates; Sergeants worse than the corporals; Lieutenants worse than the sergeants, And the capt'n's the worst of all.

Chorus--

I can't get 'em up, I can't get 'em up, etc.

MESS CALL:

Soup-y, soup-y soup, Without a single bean. Pork-y, pork-y, pork, Without a streak of lean; Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Without any cream! (Or, the weakest ever seen!)

SICK CALL:

Come and get your quinine, come and get your pills, Oh! come and get your quinine, come and get your pills.

STABLE CALL:

Come all who are able and go to the stable, And water your horses and give 'em some corn; For if you don't do it, the Col'nel will know it, And then you will rue it, sure as you're born.

TAPS:

1 2

Fades the light; Love, good night. And afar When the day Goeth day, Must thou go Cometh night; And the night And a star Day is done Leadeth all, Leave me so? Speedeth all Fare thee well; To their rest. Night is on.

ANOTHER VERSION.

When your last Day is past, From afar Some bright star O'er your grave Watch will keep, While you sleep With the brave.

FIRST AID IN CASE OF ACCIDENTS

The following hints are only intended as a reminder to assist you when in doubt.

TO STOP BLEEDING.--Place a pad of clean cloth on the wound and bandage firmly. Raise the part affected. If raising the limbs or applying the pad does not control the bleeding, compress with your two thumbs over bone and as near the wound as possible. Give no stimulants as long as bleeding remains uncontrolled.

BURNS AND SCALDS.--Exclude the part from the air at once, by dusting flour on it and covering with cotton wool. If there is a blister do NOT pick it for 24 hours.

Soothing applications are Carron Oil, Salad Oil, Vaseline, Lard, etc. If there is severe shock, give it immediate attention, even before attending to the burn or scald.

FRACTURES.--The two main classes of fractures are simple and compound and the first aid treatment you give is to prevent the simple fracture from becoming the more serious compound fracture, which has a wound caused by the jagged end of the broken bone.

Attend to the patient on the spot, and fix the injured limb, at once, by splints and bandages. Use great gentleness.

If there is a wound, cleanse it and apply antiseptic dressing before putting limb in splints.

Disturb the limb as little as possible and make the patient comfortable until arrival of doctor.

SNAKE BITES.--Tie something tightly around the limb, between the wound and the heart. Give patient a good dose of brandy or some other spirit.

Encourage the bleeding by squeezing the bitten part and bathe with warm water. If breathing is bad, use artificial respiration.

POISONS.--In the first place endeavor to find out the poison. If you cannot, and there are no stains about mouth or lips and no burning sensation in mouth and throat, give an emetic or tickle throat to make patient vomit. Emetics are: three-teaspoonfuls of mustard in pint of tepid water; salt and water, two tablespoonfuls to pint of warm water. (See First Aid for Poisoning.)

When there are stains, etc., give cream, white of eggs, olive or linseed oil (no oil with phosphorus poisoning). Antidotes to follow.

GRIT IN THE EYE.--Do not rub the injured eye. By rubbing the other eye you will bring tears, which may wash the grit out. If not, roll back the upper eyelid over a match or pencil, and remove the grit with the corner of your handkerchief or small camel hair brush.

If lime in eye, wash out at once with water, then drop olive or castor oil between the lids.

Do not attempt to remove anything deeply imbedded--drop in olive oil and bandage.

FAINTING---The patient is very faint and partially or completely unconscious. Pulse is weak and rapid and breathing quickened. No convulsions.

Place the patient in a lying position with the head lower than the rest of the body. Loosen his clothing at neck and chest. Give patient plenty of fresh air. Sprinkle face and chest with cold water and apply smelling salts to nose. Rub the limbs toward body. Give stimulant when patient is able to swallow.

SPRAINS.--A sprain is the tearing of the ligaments or capsule of a joint and bursting of small blood vessels, and swelling.

Apply cold water dressings as long as they give comfort, and afterwards apply hot fomentations. Rest the part in an easy position. If movement of limb be essential, bandage it tightly. If in doubt, treat as a fracture.

[*]FRENCH MONEY

5 centimes (one sou) ......= 1 cent 25 " ......= 5 cents 50 " ......= 10 " 1 franc ......= 20 " 2 " ......= 40 " 5 " ......= 1 dollar

ENGLISH MONEY

Half Penny ...............= 1 cent One " ...............= 2 cents Three Pence ...............= 6 " Six " ...............= 12 " One Shilling...............= 24 " Two " ...............= 48 " Half a Crown or Two Shillings Six Pence .. = 60 " Five Shillings ........... = $1.20 Ten " ............. = 2.40 1 Pound .................. = 4.80

[*]French currency has depreciated since the war about 10 per cent., so that ten per cent. deduction should be made for accurate reckoning.