SCENE II.(143)

_A well-furnished apartment in the house of_ KNICKERBOCKER.

LORRENNA, _now a woman, enters._

LORRENNA.

Alas, what a fate is mine! Left an orphan at an early age,—a relation’s bounty made me rich, but, to-day, this fatal day—poverty again awaits me unless I bestow my hand without my heart! Oh, my poor father! little did you know the misery you have entailed upon your child.

KNICKERBOCKER _and_ ALICE _enter, arm in arm. They are much more corpulent than when seen in Act I and dressed in modern attire_,—ALICE _in the extreme of former fashion._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Decided that cause in the most judgematical like manner. White wasn’t black. Saw that in a twinkling; no one disputed my argument. [_Speaking as entering._] Come along, spouse! Lauks! how you do waddle up and down, side to side, like one of our butter-laden luggers in a squall, as the Dutchmen have it. Ah, Lorrenna, you here? but you appear more depressed than customary. Those saddened looks are by no means pleasing to those who would ever wish to see you cheerful. What the dickens prevents your being otherwise when all around are so anxious for your happiness!

LORRENNA.

Truly, am I beholden for your protection and ever grateful. But to place a smile on the brow whilst sorrow lingers in the bosom is a deceptive penance to the wearer—painful to those around who mark and must perceive the vizard; to say that I am happy would be inconsistent with truth. The persecutions of Herman Van Slaus—

ALICE.

Ah! my dear Lorrenna, many a restless night have I had on that varlet’s account, as spouse knows.

KNICKERBOCKER.

That’s as true as there’s ghosts in the Catskills, as Dutchmen have it; for be darned if a single night passes that Alice suffers me to go to sleep peaceably.

ALICE.

Well, well; cheer thee, my niece; there is bounteous intelligence in store; nor think there is any idle fiction in this brain, as our divine poets picture.

KNICKERBOCKER.

There, there, Alice is getting into her romance again,—plain as my fist—she has been moonified ever since she became a subscriber for books at the new library! Planet struck, by gum, as philosophers have it, and—

ALICE.

And you have said so little to the purpose, that I must now interpose. My dear Lorrenna—Gustaffe—’tis your aunt who speaks—

KNICKERBOCKER.

There, now, pops in her word before a magistrate.

LORRENNA.

My Gustaffe! ha! say!—

KNICKERBOCKER.

Would have told you in a brace of shakes, as gamblers have it, if she hadn’t thrown the dice first. Yes, my pretty chicky—Gustaffe’s vessel is now making up the Hudson; so, cheer thee! cheer thee, I say! your lover is not far off.

LORRENNA.

Gustaffe so near? blessed intelligence! Oh, the happiest wishes of my heart are gratified! But are you certain? Do not raise my hopes without cause. Are you quite certain? speak, dear aunt; are you indeed assured, Gustaffe’s vessel has arrived?

KNICKERBOCKER.

Didn’t think fit to break the news too suddenly, but you have it.

ALICE.

“The ship with wide-expanded canvas glides along and soon”—I forget the remainder of the quotation; but ’tis in the delectable work, “Robinson Crusoe”—soon will you hear him hail. [_A knock is heard._] My stars foretell that this is either him—

KNICKERBOCKER.

Or somebody else, as I suppose.

_Enter_ SOPHIA.

SOPHIA.

Oh, sir; Squire Knickerbocker, Herman, son of the late Derric Van Slaus, is in the hall.

ALICE.

That’s not the him whom I expected, at all events.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Son of the individual whom I succeeded as burgomaster? Talk of the devil—now, I don’t know how it is, but I’m always squalmish when in company of these lawyers that’s of his cast. _Qui Tam._

SOPHIA.

He wishes to be introduced. What is your pleasure?

KNICKERBOCKER.

Let him be so, by all means. An honest man needn’t fear the devil. [_Exit_ SOPHIA.

LORRENNA.

Excuse my presence, uncle. To hear him repeat his claims, would but afflict a heart already agonized: and with your leave, I will withdraw. [_Exit._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Aye, aye; let me alone to manage him, as a barrister says to his client when he cross-questions a witness. See Miss Lorrenna to her chamber, Mrs. Knickerbocker. This Herman is a d——d rogue, as the English have it; and he’ll go to the dominions below, as the devil will have it, and as I have had it for the last twenty years.

ALICE.

And I tell you, to your comfort, if you don’t send the varlet quick off with a flea in his ear, you shall have it. Yes, Squire Knickerbocker, you shall have it, be assured. So says Mrs. Knickerbocker, you shall have it. [_Exit._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Truly, I’ve had plenty of it from you for the last eighteen years.

_Enter_ HERMAN.

HERMAN.

Sir, I wait upon you once more. The period is now expired when my just claim, which you have so long protracted, can be vainly disputed. A vain and idle dispute of justice.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Precious fine, indeed, sir,—but, my ward has a mighty strong reluctance to part with her fortune, and much more so to make you her partner for life. You are not exactly to her liking, nor to her in the world’s generally.

HERMAN.

One or the other she is compelled to. You are aware, sir, that the law is on my side! the law, sir—the law, sir!

KNICKERBOCKER.

Oh, yes! And, no doubt, every quibble that it offers will be twisted to the best purpose for your interest. You’re a dabster at chicane, or you’re preciously belied.

HERMAN.

You will not, I presume, dispute the signature of the individual who formed the contract?

KNICKERBOCKER.

Oh, no! not dispute Rip’s signature, but his error in judgement. I happened to be a cabinet councillor at the very moment my deceased relative, who was _non compos mentis_, at the time, clapped his pen to a writing, artfully extracted from him by your defunct father, whose memory is better forgotten than remembered.

HERMAN.

Sir, I came here, not to meet insult; I came hither, persuaded you would acknowledge my right, and to prevent a publicity that may be painful to both parties. You are inclined to dispute them; before a tribunal shall they be arbitrated; and, knowing my claims, Mr. Knickerbocker, know well that Lorrenna or her fortune must be mine. [_Exit._

KNICKERBOCKER.

You go to Davy Jones, as the seamen have it. Lorrenna shall never be yours, and if ever she wants a cent whilst I have one, my name isn’t Knickerbocker;—damme, as the dandies have it.

LORRENNA _enters, with_ ALICE.

LORRENNA.

My dear guardian, you have got rid of Herman, I perceive.

KNICKERBOCKER.

I wish I had, with all my soul; but he sticks to his rascally undertaking like a crab to its shell; egad, there will be no dislodging him unless he’s clapped into a cauldron of boiling water, as fishmongers have it.

ALICE.

And boiled to rags. But, husband! husband, I say!

KNICKERBOCKER.

Mr. Knickerbocker, my dear, if you please.

ALICE.

Well, then, Mr. Knickerbocker, my dear, if you please, we have been looking out at the window to ascertain who came and went, and have discovered a fine, handsome fellow galloping towards the town, and I shouldn’t at all wonder if it wasn’t—

GUSTAFFE _rushes in._

LORRENNA.

[_Hurries to him._] My dear, dear Gustaffe!

GUSTAFFE.

[_Embracing her._] My tender, charming Lorrenna!

KNICKERBOCKER.

Why, Gustaffe! Bless us! why, how the spark has grown.

ALICE.

Not quite so corpulent as you, spouse.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Spouse! Mr. Knickerbocker, if you please. Truly, wife, we have both increased somewhat in corporal, as well as temporal substance, since Gustaffe went to sea. But you know, Alice—

ALICE.

Mrs. Knickerbocker, if you please.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Well, Mrs. Knickerbocker—

GUSTAFFE.

Why, Knickerbocker, you have thriven well of late.

KNICKERBOCKER.

I belong to the corporation, and we must support our corporation as well as it. But not a word about the pig, as the butchers have it, when you were a little boy, and Alice courting me.

ALICE.

I court you, sirrah? what mean you?

KNICKERBOCKER.

Sirrah! Mr. Knickerbocker, if you please. Why, then, deary—we didn’t like anyone to intrude on our society; do you take the hint? as the gamblers have it. Come along, Alice—Mrs. Knickerbocker, I would say—let us leave the lovers to themselves.

ALICE.

Again they meet, and sweet’s the love that meets return.

_Exeunt_ KNICKERBOCKER _and_ ALICE, _singing in concert_, “Again they meet.”

GUSTAFFE.

My dear Lorrenna, why this dejected look?—It is your own Gustaffe enfolds you in his arms.

LORRENNA.

Alas! I am no longer worthy of your love,—your friendship. A fatal bond extracted from my lamented father has severed us forever—I am devoid of fortune.

GUSTAFFE.

Lorrenna, you have been the star that has guided my bark,—thee, my compass—my north pole,—and when the magnet refuses its aid to the seaman, then will he believe that you have foundered in affection, or think that I would prove faithless from the loss of earthly pittance.

LORRENNA.

Shoals,—to speak in your nautical language—have long, on every side, surrounded me; but, by my kind uncle’s advice, must we be guided. [_Exit._

*Footnotes*

143 Scene II, in K., reads as follows:

SCENE SECOND.—_Chamber._

Enter NICHOLAS VEDDER and DAME VEDDER (_formerly_ DAME VAN WINKLE).

DAME. ’Tis very hard for the poor girl. VEDDER. Yes; but ’tis your fault. You shouldn’t have had a fool and a sot for your first husband. DAME. [_Aside._] And I didn’t ought to have had a bear for my second. VEDDER. What did you say? DAME. Nothing—nothing. VEDDER. Well, don’t say it again. Because Lowena will have to be the wife of Herman Van Slaus, that’s settled! DAME. But he’s a most disreputable man, and my poor child detests him. VEDDER. Well, she won’t be the first wife that has detested her husband. DAME. No; I should think not, indeed. VEDDER. You should think not! What do you mean by that? DAME. Nothing! VEDDER. Well, don’t mean it again. What, do you suppose that I’ll suffer my daughter-in-law to sacrifice her fortune—a fortune of which we shall have our share?—Herman has promised that. DAME. Herman will promise anything; and you know that my poor girl is doatingly fond of young Gustaffe. VEDDER. Well, I can’t help that; but I am not going to allow her to make a beggar of herself and us too, for any nonsense about the man of her heart. DAME. Hers will break if she is compelled to— VEDDER. Nonsense—a woman’s heart is about the toughest object in creation. DAME. You have given me plenty of proof that you think so. VEDDER. What do you intend to imply by that? DAME. Nothing! VEDDER. Well, don’t imply it again—don’t, because—

_Enter_ Knickerbocker _and_ ALICE, _arm-in-arm—both grown stout._

KNICKERBOCKER. Halloa! what’s going on—a matrimonial tiff? My wife has just been giving me a few words, because I told her that she waddles up and down, and rolls about like one of our butter-laden luggers in a squall, as the Dutchmen have it. ALICE. You have no occasion to talk, Mr. Knickerbocker, for, I am sure, your corporation— KNICKERBOCKER. Yes, I belong to the town corporation, and to look respectable, am obliged to have one of my own. Master Vedder, a word with you. [_Talks aside with him._ ALICE. [_Going to_ DAME.] You wish now, that my poor brother Rip hadn’t died, don’t you? DAME. [_Sighing._] But I thought Nicholas Vedder would have been just as easy to manage: he was as mild as a dove before our marriage. ALICE. You ought to have known that to be allowed to wear the inexpressibles by two husbands was more than the most deserving of our sex had any right to expect. DAME. Oh, dear me! I never thought that I should live to be any man’s slave. ALICE. Ah, we never know what we may come to! but your fate will be a warning and example for me, if Mr. Knickerbocker should take it into his head to leave me a widow. VEDDER. Mrs. Vedder, what are you whispering about there? DAME. Nothing! VEDDER. Well, don’t whisper it any more. ALICE. [_Aside_, to DAME.] Come along with me. VEDDER. Mrs. Vedder, take yourself out of the room. ALICE. Mr. Knickerbocker, I shall expect you to follow me immediately.

[_Exeunt_ ALICE _and_ DAME.

KNICKERBOCKER. And this is the last day of the term fixed on by the agreement! VEDDER. Yes; and Herman is resolute, and so am I. KNICKERBOCKER. I am sorry for poor Lowena. VEDDER. She shouldn’t have had a fool for a father. KNICKERBOCKER. It was unfortunate, but I can’t exactly see that it was her fault. [_Exeunt._