SCENE I. _Rimini. The Garden of the Palace. PAOLO and a number of

noblemen are discovered, seated under an arbour, surrounded by RENE, and other troubadours, attendants, &c._

PAOLO. I prithee, Rene, charm our ears again With the same song you sang me yesterday. Here are fresh listeners.

RENE. Really, my good lord, My voice is out of joint. A grievous cold--

[_Coughs._

PAOLO. A very grievous, but convenient cold, Which always racks you when you would not sing.

RENE. O, no, my lord! Besides, I hoped to hear My ditty warbled into fairer ears, By your own lips; to better purpose, too.

[_The NOBLEMEN all laugh._

FIRST NOBLEMAN. Rene has hit it. Music runs to waste In ears like ours.

SECOND NOBLEMAN. Nay, nay; chaunt on, sweet Count.

PAOLO. [_Coughing._] Alack! you hear, I've caught poor Rene's cough.

FIRST NOBLEMAN. That would not be, if we wore petticoats.

[_The others laugh._

PAOLO. O, fie!

FIRST NOBLEMAN. So runs the scandal to our ears.

SECOND NOBLEMAN. Confirmed by all our other senses, Count.

FIRST NOBLEMAN. Witnessed by many a doleful sigh, poured out By many a breaking heart in Rimini.

SECOND NOBLEMAN. Poor girls!

FIRST NOBLEMAN.[_Mimicking a lady._] Sweet Count! sweet Count Paolo! O! Plant early violets upon my grave! Thus go a thousand voices to one tune.

[_The others laugh._

PAOLO. 'Ods mercy! gentlemen, you do me wrong.

FIRST NOBLEMAN. And by how many hundred, more or less?

PAOLO. Ah! rogues, you'd shift your sins upon my shoulders.

SECOND NOBLEMAN. You'd bear them stoutly.

FIRST NOBLEMAN. It were vain to give Drops to god Neptune. You're the sea of love That swallows all things.

SECOND NOBLEMAN. We the little fish That meanly scull about within your depths.

PAOLO. Goon, goon! Talk yourselves fairly out. [PEPE _laughs without._ But, hark! here comes the fool! Fit company For this most noble company of wits!

[_Enter_ PEPE, _laughing violently._]

Why do you laugh?

PEPE. I'm laughing at the world. It has laughed long enough at me; and so I'll turn the tables. Ho! ho! ho! I've heard A better joke of Uncle Malatesta's Than any I e'er uttered. [_Laughing._

ALL. Tell it, fool.

PEPE. Why, do you know--upon my life, the best And most original idea on earth: A joke to put in practice, too. By Jove! I'll bet my wit 'gainst the stupidity Of the best gentleman among you all, You cannot guess it.

ALL. Tell us, tell us, fool.

PEPE. Guess it, guess it, fools.

PAOLO Come, disclose, disclose!

PEPE. He has a match afoot.--

ALL. A match!

PEPE. A marriage.

ALL. Who?--who?

PEPE. A marriage in his family.

ALL. But, who?

PEPE. Ah! there's the point.

ALL. Paolo?

PEPE. No.

FIRST NOBLEMAN. The others are well wived. Shall we turn Turks?

PEPE. Why, there's the summit of his joke, good sirs. By all the sacred symbols of my art-- By cap and bauble, by my tinkling bell-- He means to marry Lanciotto! [_Laughs violently._

ALL. [Laughing.] Ho!--

PAOLO. Peace! peace! What tongue dare echo yon fool's laugh? Nay, never raise your hands in wonderment: I'll strike the dearest friend among ye all Beneath my feet, as if he were a slave, Who dares insult my brother with a laugh!

PEPE. By Jove! ye're sad enough. Here's mirth's quick cure! Pretty Paolo has a heavy fist, I warn you, sirs. Ho! ho! I trapped them all; [_Laughing._] Now I'll go mar old Malatesta's message. [_Aside._ [_Exit._

PAOLO. Shame on ye, sirs! I have mistaken you. I thought I harboured better friends. Poor fops, Who've slept in down and satin all your years, Within the circle Lanciotto charmed Round Rimini with his most potent sword!-- Fellows whose brows would melt beneath a casque, Whose hands would fray to grasp a brand's rough hilt, Who ne'er launched more than braggart threats at foes!-- Girlish companions of luxurious girls!-- Danglers round troubadours and wine-cups!--Men Whose best parts are their clothes! bundles of silk, Scented like summer! rag-men, nothing more!-- Creatures as generous as monkeys--brave As hunted hares--courteous as grinning apes-- Grateful as serpents--useful as lap-dogs-- [_During this, the_ NOBLEMEN, _&c., steal off._] Ha! I am alone at last! So let me be, Till Lanciotto fill the vacant room Of these mean knaves, whose friendship is but breath. [_Exit._