Part 17

_Wealth._ Sirs! I am glad that you be here. How doth all our household? with them what cheer? Is everything in order there, After our intent?

_Ill-W._ Yea, Sir! they be all merry and glad; With revel and rout sometime they be mad-- Pipe whore, hop thief, every knave and drab Is at our commandment.

[HEALTH _turneth him_.

_Health._ What do ye say? then ye are to blame, And we put you in trust for the same; To keep such rule, it is a shame; It is not for our honour.

_Wit._ By the mass! the whoreson doth lie; There is no such rule, by God's body! A man may break his neck as lightly As his fast in your kitchen or cellar, truly!

[LIBERTY _turneth him_.

_Lib._ With that neither I am not content; I would there should be liberality competent; And, with honesty, it is convenient That our neighbour fare the better.

_Ill-W._ You be angry with all that we have done? Come away, brother! let us go hence soon; I know a new master where we shall be welcome. God be with you, gentle master!

_Wealth._ Why, will ye be gone for a word? Peradventure, we did but bord; Methink ye should your master ford For to speak my mind. D1,_r_.

_Wit._ Nay, nay! I can tell what was the matter: Remedy was here, and he did flatter; Ye trust he more than us, and better; But, mark the end! what ye shall find.

_Health._ With Good Remedy we spake, indeed; To follow his counsel we had need. He warned us that we should take heed Of excess and prodigality.

_Wit._ I marvel ye speak so of Good Remedy: It is I that can do more than he. Wit can make shift at necessity When Remedy cannot be heard. I know some that hath, this thousand year, Sought Good Remedy, and yet never the near; Wit can put Remedy by, yea, this is clear; For Wit is a crafty lad.

_Ill-W._ And Will is an ungracious stay; Will hath done many things men say; And if ye let Wit and Will go his way, Ye will repent it soon.

_Lib._ Why, what cause have you to go your way? Ye shall abide with us, though you say, Nay; I will follow Will and Wit alway; And so I have ever done.

_Wit._ If I wist all my masters would so do, Then from your service I would not go; Speak now! whether ye will or no, And let us know your mind.

_Health._ Sirs! ye be welcome to me, plain; And for your company I am full fain; I had liever suffer great pain Than to leave my Wit and Will.

_Ill-W._ Then, let us go hence; with kindness my heart do kill. D1,_v._

_Health._ I pray you, let us go; wherefore do we bide still?

[_And goeth out_. [REMEDY _cometh in_.

_Rem._ As touching my first purpose, hither I am come again. I trow ye know me; Good Remedy is my name; That every day doth take great labour or pain To amend all faults: I am chosen to the same. If any man's conscience here doth grudge or shame, Having in himself remorse, and mends in time and space, I am Good Remedy, and God is full of mercy and grace. Therefore I will stand aside, and a little while remain, Of Wealth, Health, and Liberty for to inquire How they be ordered; and if any man complain I will be glad to show my remedy--methink I see one appear!

[HANCE _cometh in_.

_Hance._ Be Got's drowse! ic myself bin cumpt heye scon lansman; Ic mot in ander land lopen, all is quade dan.

_Rem._ Thou Fleming! from whence comest thou, and what dost thou here?

_Hance._ Ic myself cumt from sent Katryn's doxe, mot ic skyne de can beer.

_Rem._ Get thee thither again, and tarry here no longer!

_Hance._ Sir! ic mot mid ye spreken; ic myself be en scomaker.

_Rem._ What and thou be? therewith I have nothing ado.

_Hance._ Ic dest al forlore; copin is dod, ic maght not do thereto.

_Rem._ I pray thee, go hence, for thou dost trouble me ill.

_Hance._ Nen ic seker, ic wil not gon, ic wold fain live hore stil.

_Rem._ There is too many aliants in this realm; but now I, Good Remedy, have so provided that Englishmen shall live the better daily.

_Hance._ What segt ye? by Got's drowse! dai is de quade man; Be de moro goi, ic myself love de scone Englishman.

_Rem._ Fie on thee, flattering knave! fie on you aliants all, I say! Ye can, with craft and subtle figure, Englishmen's wealth away.

_Hance._ O, skon mester! ic heb hore bin this darten yeore. Ic can skote de culverin, and ic can be de beare broer.

[_A line (or lines) apparently missing here_.

[_Rem._] Trust see so provide that Wealth from you have I shall. D2,_r._

_Hance._ Ic seg to you dat Wealth is lopen in an ander contry; Wat hebegy dar brough forstan ye net, segt me.

_Rem._ I understand thee well; yet, thou liest, like a knave. Wealth is here in England, and Wealth still I trust we shall have.

_Hance._ Ic ment no quad, ic love de English man, by min bere! Cump by sent Katrin, and ic shal ye geven twe stope bere.

_Rem._ Get thee hence, drunken Fleming! thou shalt tarry no longer here.

_Hance._ Mot it net mare herebin woder sal ic gewest kiskin; Ic wil to de kaizer gan, dar sall ic wal skinkin.

[_And goeth._

_Rem._ Is he gone? I pray God the devil go with him! Where is Wealth, Health, and Liberty? I would see them come in.

[HEALTH _cometh in with a kercher on his head_.

_Health._ O, good Lord, help me! by your license, my Sovereign! I am homely to come here in your presence, thus diseased. Need constraineth me, for Remedy I would have fain; I am infect, both body and soul, I pray you be not displeased.

_Rem._ Why, what ail you? show me! yet, you I do not know; Glad I am to remedy any man that is affirmity; I perceive by your phisn'amy that ye are very weak, feeble, and low; Yet show me your grief, and I will help you gladly.

_Health._ Gracious Remedy! I thank you; yet I am half ashamed To show you my malady and my name--I was called Health; Therefore, I am well worthy to be punished and blamed Because I have not followed your counsel, but all thing may be suffered save Wealth.

_Rem._ Are you Health? this maketh me very pensive and sad: Yet be of good cheer, and show how you were infect; To remedy you and succour you, I would be very glad; For God will punish the people when they be detect.

_Health._ Sir! I thank God therof; for well worthy I am, My conscience doth judge; some trouble have I must; Amends I will make to God, and if I can. Wit and Will hath deceived me: in them I put my trust. D2,_v_.

_Rem._ If thou have done amiss and be sorry therefore, Then half amends is made, for that is contrition. Let that pass! now will I axe you one thing more: Where be Wealth and Liberty? be they of good disposition?

_Health._ As for Wealth [he] is fallen in decay and necessity By waste and war, through Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit; And Liberty is kept in durance and captivity. God help us all, and send us good remedy for it!

_Rem._ For to hear this tale, it maketh my heart heavy; Yet, be of good comfort! God is full of grace, and I am good.

_Health._ Sir! then I beseech you, help us in the way of charity!

_Rem._ I would fain, but I cannot tell which way to begin, Except I might catch Will and Wit; then, I trow, I could Tie them shorter; for they destroy Wealth, Health, and Liberty by sin. If I had the thieves, punish them extremely I would.

_Health._ You may soon catch them if ye will stand aside; From this place they two will not long abide.

_Rem._ Methinketh I hear them come; help to hold them fast.

[ILL-WILL _turneth_.

_Ill-W._ Come in, Wit! for here is nobody; We may be bold, and talk largely Our hearts to ease, and show plainly What we have done. [SHREWD WIT _comes in_.

_Wit._ I must needs laugh, I cannot forbear To remember War, that knave! Will ye hear? The whoreson Fleming was beshitten for fear, Because he should void so soon.

_Ill-W._ Hark! now do I marvel, by this bread! For I ween, surely, that Health be dead! I saw him go with a kercher on his head, As he should go to hanging.

_Wit._ Hark, in thine ear!--if the whoreson hap To complain to him that wears the red cap, I fear then shortly he will us clap D3,_r._ By the heels from our living.

_Ill-W._ Nay, nay! there is no doubt; By him I have reported, all about, That he doth not well his good name to put out: Ill-Will cannot say well.

_Rem._ Friend! therein thou art the more to blame, To slander me wrongfully and undeserved; But, or thou depart thou shalt answer for the same. Where is Wealth and Liberty? how hast thou them ordered?

_Ill-W._ Qury cisis quest is un malt ombre; Me is un Spyanardo compoco parlavere.

_Health._ Thou false thief! is thine English tongue gone? As mischievous Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit ye have destroyed many one.

_Wit._ Sir! hurt not me, and I will tell you truth, anon: This same is as false a knave as ever came within Saint John's.

_Ill-W._ Per amor de my as pica un poco Eo queris andar pour lagtaunt creae so.

_Rem._ I cannot tell what thou dost mean, babbler! But thou shall speak English, and confess another matter.

_Health._ Sir! I beseech your lordship, in the way of charity, Let not these thieves escape your hands: they have destroyed us utterly.

_Wit._ Sir! believe him not! he speaks but of malice only. We be true men; thereof we shall fetch good witness, An honest man that shall be bound for him and me. The law saith plain: _Nulla fides contra testes_.

_Rem._ That is truth; but who will be witness or bound for thee?

_Ill-W._ There is three among you in this house.

_Wit._ I will go to fetch them quickly.

_Rem._ They will come unsend for, I warrant you, if they wist. What be their names? tell me what they be!

_Ill-W._ That one is John Irische and John Sholer: But full these be honest men, all three. D3,_v._

_Health._ Trust not their words! they will dissemble still; They are so false and crafty, all their intent is ill.

_Ill-W._ Ye lie falsely! I speak but right and reason; And by the law of arms, ye must needs be tane. You are called Good Remedy which, at all season, Should lean to man's life, and maintain the same. We be here both your prisoners, wrongfully accused by defame: Keep one of us fast; let him lie for all; That other for friends and witness go shall.

_Wit._ Sir! let him not go, and leave me behind; He will ever be a false knave, for I know his mind.

_Ill-W._ Hold thy tongue, foolish knave! I do not mean so.

_Rem._ I hear now ye cannot agree which of you should go.

_Ill-W._ No, by God's body! there shall none go but I.

_Wit._ Thou playest the knave! it must needs be I!

_Health._ Keep them safe, I pray you; for if they scape again Many men shall repent it: it shall be to our pain.

_Rem._ They be here yet; to keep them fast is mine intent. Have them away, both to prison, incontinent!

_Ill-W._ Lo, false knave! this is for thy crafty wit; Now fast by the heels we are like to sit.

_Wit._ I am content so that I may have company; If I should be hanged I would be hanged honest.

[_And goeth out._

_Rem._ Go hence with them, and bring Wealth and Liberty.

_Health._ Come away, ye thieves! now I shall keep you surely!

[_And goeth out._

_Ill-W._ Lock us up, and keep us as fast as ye can, Yet Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit shall be with many a man.

_Rem._ I am half ashamed that long it hath been said That noble men by such wretches hath been deceived. They did rejoice and jest, and were very well apaid, Trusting to scape clear and still for to have reigned. But now, they shall not so; let them be well assured That Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit shall have but ill rest; D4,_r._ For wheresoever they be I will break their nest.

_Wealth._ In the honour of God we ask you forgiveness, all three; We ought to be ashamed to look you in the face. By our folly and negligence we have done so unwisely; We were foully deceived; we put us to your grace: This shall be a good warning for us a long space; When man is well punished then he will beware; Who that knoweth what need is, will after dread care.

_Rem._ I may not blame you greatly, for by mine own reason I know Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit deceiveth great and small. If ye can remember this, and beware another season, This is a good example and learning to you all: Now serve God and love Him, and for grace ever call, And Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit from you I shall abstain: Ye have used them too long to your damage and pain.

_Health._ Forsooth, sir! ye say truth; they did us great displeasure; Full hard it is to vanquish the ungracious Ill-Will, He is so crooked by flattery, dissimulation, and such other. Man's mind is so variable, and glad to report ill, I fear many one yet would have him reign still; For some unto their own will hath so much affection: Yet the devil and Ill-Will is both of one complexion.

_Lib._ Ill-Will is nought, but worse is Shrewd Wit; For he contriveth all subtle imagination; It were unpossible for a man else to do it. Shrewd Wit breweth mischief, and false conspiration; He hath put me, Liberty, in prison and great tribulation; If it had not been for your good remedy and furtherance, I, and other that hath liberty, should have been in durance.

_Rem._ Be all of good cheer, and have no mistrust! The end of Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit is but shame. Though they reign awhile, wrongfully and unjust, Yet Truth will appear, and their misdeeds blame; D4,_v._ Then wrong is subdued, and good remedy tane; Though falsehood cloak and hide his matters all, Craft will out, and deceit will have a fall. Whereas ye are now in distress, all three, Near were ye brought in case like to mar; Now, have ye no doubt! if ye will be ruled after me I shall restore ye again as well as ever ye were. Wealth! keep still this realm; look ye stray not far! And Health! be of good cheer! your disease I can soon mend. Liberty! now ye be released, do no more offend!

_Wealth._ Now let us all thank God, that Good Remedy hath send; Trust to Him only for His grace and goodness. We axe forgiveness of our trespass; I trust we will amend, And clean forsake sin, folly, and unthriftiness. Thus we will here conclude. Sovereign! of your graciousness, We beseech you to remit our negligence and misbehaviour: There we have said amiss, we commit all to your favour.

_Health._ And for your preservation heartily we will pray; Your realm to increase with joy and tranquillity; That Wealth, Health, and Liberty may continue here alway, By the oversight and aid of him that is Good Remedy; Which willingly doth his duty under your authority, As part here appeareth, your purpose to maintain: God continue his goodness, that long he may reign.

_Rem._ Jesu! preserve Queen Elizabeth, the noble princess worthy! Jesu! continue her health long for to endure! Jesu! endue her in virtue, grace, and honour! Jesu! maintain the Lords of the Council to execute good remedy ever! Jesu! speed and help all them God's honour to further! Jesu! increase the commonalty to prosper and do well!

FINIS.

* * * * *

[The printing of this play in the original is atrocious--_à_ _la_ Cock-Robin shop: type worn and battered; bad spelling; turned letters--b, d, f, long s, k, l--all long "stamps" used interchangeably; throughout a monument of bad Caxtonship.]

A NEW INTERLUDE OF

IMPATIENT POVERTY

NEWLY IMPRINTED, 1560

Four men may well and easily play this Interlude

PEACE, and } COLHAZARD, and } for one man CONSCIENCE }

ABUNDANCE and } for another man MISRULE }

IMPATIENT POVERTY } PROSPERITY, and } for one man POVERTY }

ENVY, and the } for another man SUMNER }

Imprinted at London, in Paul's Churchyard at the Sign of the Swan, by JOHN KING

[IMPATIENT POVERTY.]

PEACE _beginneth_. A2,_r._

_Peace._ The puissant Prince and Innocent most pure, Which humbly descended from the seat sempiternal, Illumine his beams of grace to every creature; To withstand the conflict of our enemies mortal; The devil, the world, and the flesh, these three in special, Which setteth division between the soul and the body; In like wise envy setteth debate between party and party. I speak for this cause: daily ye may see How that, by envy and malice, many be destroyed; Which, if they had lived in peace with patient humility, Riches and prosperity with them had been employed. For thereas is peace, no man is annoyed; For by peace men grow to great richesse; And by peace men live in great quietness. I am named Peace, which Envy doth expel. Envy with me shall never rest; For Envy is one of the pains of hell. When that he sojourneth within a man's breast, Like the burning Phoenix in her own nest, Though she can none other hurt, ne grieve, Yet she doth not cease herself to mischieve

_Envy._ A, sir! here was a long predication: Methought ye said, in your communication, To every man peace was most behoved.

_Peace._ Forsooth! and so said I.

_Envy._ That shall be proved contrary, by and by; For by peace much people are undone.

_Peace._ What people are tho[se]?

_Envy._ The armourer, the fletcher, and the bowyer, Mariners, gunners, and the poor sowdyer; Yea, and also many another artificer Which I do not rehearse by name.

_Peace._ I say the universal people doth best obtain A2,_v._ Whereas Peace is ever abiding.

_Envy._ Thou liest! so God me help and halidom! For then were surgeons clean undone. Of them that will fight, and break a pate, They get good living, both early and late; And what sayest thou by men of law? Their living were not worth a straw And every man should live in peace!

_Peace._ That is not for the commons increase; For by peace they profit in many a thing. Peace setteth amity between king and king; In time of peace merchants have their course To pass and repass.

_Envy._ Thou liest, knave! by the mass! For under colour of peace much subtlety hath been wrought; And ships are taken the merchants dear have bought-- Was that for their promotion? Nay, in time of war, Such a knave durst not stir. By the mass! were it not for shame thou shouldst bear me a blow.

_Peace._ Hold thy hands, thou lewd fellow! Thou art of evil disposition Thus against peace to repugne; The which from heaven descended down To bring man out of captivity.

_Envy._ A, whoreson! why dost thou lie? When were thou in heaven? tell me by and by! How camest thou down? with a ladder or a rope?

_Peace._ It were no sin to hang thee by throat; Thy words be envious, not grounded on charity.

_Envy._ Sir! one thing, I pray you, tell me.

_Peace._ What is that?

_Envy._ Have ye any wife, or no? A3,_r._

_Peace._ Wherefore ask ye so?

_Envy._ Because ye say peace is most expedient: If your wife made you cuckold, you being present, What would ye do?

_Peace._ Give her such punishment as longeth thereto.

_Envy._ A false, flattering whoreson, lo! Now thou sayest against thine own declaration: If thou fight, where is then peace become?

_Peace._ I break not peace with doing due correction; For correction should be done charitably-- _Irascemini et nolite peccare_.

_Envy._ I shall meet that at _omnium quare_: Peace should forgive, and not be revenged. Hence, whoreson! by our Lady of Wolpit, I shall rap thee of the pate!

_Peace._ Go hence, wretch! thou makebate! It were alms to set thee in Newgate. Ho, Master Constable, come near! Here is a wretch without reason; Take and put him in prison, With as many irons as he may bear!

_Envy._ By our lady! I will come no near. A constable, quod ha! nay, that will I not abide; For I am loth to go shorter tide. Yet long, whoreson! for all thy pride, I shall meet with thee another day, When one of us two shall go a knave away.

_Peace._ O, thou wretch! thou ought to remord That so far art exiled from charity. Lo! he thinketh not how meekly his Maker and Lord Suffered reprefe, and died upon a tree, Giving us example that with humil[it]y Every man should follow his trace, A3,_v._ That in heaven will claim a place.

[_Enter_ IMPATIENT POVERTY.]

_Imp. Pov._ Keep, keep, for Cock's face!

_Peace._ Why art thou so out of patience?

_Imp. Pov._ A knave would have rested me: I owe him but forty pence-- He shall abide, by God's dear blest!

_Peace._ Take heed, my friend! thus saith the text: In little meddling standeth great rest. Therefore, pay thy duty well and honestly, With few words discreetly; Another time ye shall be the better trust.

_Imp. Pov._ That will I never do while I live; let him do his best. I had liever lay all my good to pledge To get a writ of privilege; So may I go by his nose at large, Spite of his teeth, whosoever say Nay.

_Peace._ This is but a wilful mind: if thou wilt not pay Thy very duty, which cannot be denied, Getting of thy writ and expense in the law Will cost more than thy duty--this well I knaw. Thy debt therewith cannot be paid; It is only a deferring of the payment.

_Imp. Pov._ Yet the knave shall not have his intent.

_Peace._ Thou shalt pay by rightful judgment, For the law is indifferent to every person.

_Imp. Pov._ I see thou holdest on his opinion. Yet, I set not by you both a rish: And I meet the knave I shall hew his flesh; Help him, thou old churl and thou can!

_Peace._ I see thou art an evil-disposed man: I utterly forsake thy condition.

_Imp. Pov._ Marry! avaunt, long, precious whoreson! I set not by thee nor him, I make God avow! I am as good a man as thou, for all thy good: A4,_r._ Let it be tryd by manhood, and thereto I give thee my glove.

_Peace._ All such warriors I do reprove, For peace loveth not to fight.

_Imp. Pov._ No, old fool! thou hast lost thy might; For in age is nought else but cowardise.

_Peace._ Youth with his courage light, Nor strength with multitude, I do thee plight Are not only the cause of victory.

_Imp. Pov._ No, good sir! what then?

_Peace._ Grace and good governance of man. For with good discretion they began That were the great winners of victory.

_Imp. Pov._ Then victory is gotten by discretion; I pray you, sir, show me this lesson: How to come to richesse, for that is all my care. For I am ever in great necessity; Meat and drink with me is scarcity; No man will trust me of a penny; And, also, my clothes are but bare. Good sir! what say you therein?

_Peace._ I hold it punishment for thy sin: Show me what is thy name!

_Imp. Pov._ I am named Impatient Poverty.