Part 16

_Wealth._ Thou speakest with a slanderous tongue, All of evil will; and yet, it is wrong: Wealth in this realm hath been long; Of me cometh great honour. Because that I, Wealth, hath great port, All the world hither doth resort; Therefore I, Wealth, am this realm's comfort, And here I will endure.

_Health._ So I would ye should, and I shall do the same. A4,_v._ Health I am called, and that is my name; If I would not abide here I were to blame, For here I am well cherished. Yet say yourself now, indifferently, And if every man do not love me, Health, as well as Wealth? yes, verily! Thereof I dare be reported.

_Wealth._ Why should they love thee--that would I know-- As well as me? I pray you, show! I am the superior of high and low; No man may compare with me.

_Health._ To show why, I will not be afraid; For, I can bide by that I have said: If wealthy men be very well apaid, Or much they set you by. But of wealth, if they have never so much-- Goods, treasure, and gold--and be called rich, Yet, if they lack health, their pain is such That they were better die. A man to wear gold and be in pain, What joy hath he? None! but would be fain To give all his treasure for health, plain; Or else he were very mad. For, if a man be never so poor, Yet if he have health, that is a treasure; Then, for his living, he may labour, And in his heart be glad.

_Wealth._ I never marked thus much, nor understood That health was such a treasure, and to man so good; Wherefore, I am sorry, and will change my mood: Now, I pray you, forgive me!

_Health._ I will forgive, or else I were to blame; B1,_r._ And I pray you to forgive me the same; I love you heartily, and will praise your name If it please you to keep my company.

_Here entereth_ LIBERTY _with a song_, _and after speaketh._

_Liberty._ Why tarry, sirs! whither are ye going? I see well ye looked not for my coming. Lo! out of sight, out of remembering; Absence is cause of strangeness. What look ye on? wherewhy are ye so strange? From your fellow, Liberty, doth your minds change? In your company I was wont to range; What needs all this business?

_Wealth._ By Liberty, now, I do not set Seeing that Health and I am met, As felloweth together; no man shall let Me for to love him best.

_Lib._ Let me hear what ye do say: Then ye are about to cast me away! How haps this? Marry! then I may Go pick straws and take me rest. I pray you, tell me whom I have offended; If I have made a fau[l]t it shall be amended; With so short warning let me not be voided: I trow yet ye do but jest.

_Health._ Why do ye make this cavillation? We intend to make no alteration; Wealth and I have had communication: He is my friend of old.

_Lib._ What was the matter? I pray you tell! Methinks, I ought to be of counsel; Or else, I promise you, ye do not well: With you I should behold. B1,_v._

_Wealth._ The matter is done; we are agreed; To reason it more it shall not need. O, brother Health! thou art, indeed, More preciouser than gold.

_Lib._ God's body! how cometh this gear to pass? I am cast out at the cart's arse; The world is nothing as it was For I am here refused.

_Health._ Why be you angry that we do agree? Then are ye not wise; for, if ye love me, I will love him again; so it should be; Or else, I were misadvised.

_Lib._ Then of my love ye set no store; My company, I see well, ye looked not for. Farewell! I will get me out of the door; Yet I am your betters, and so am I called.

_Wealth._ Such presumptuous words will have a fall; Your comparison is but feeble and small: What can ye do? nothing at all As you have reputed!

_Lib._ What were ye both two, were not I? Wretches and caitiffs! look not so high; Think no scorn hardly, For I may be your peer. If Wealth have never so much substance, Lacking Liberty and were in durance, Within a whit--I am in assurance-- Ye would pray me come near. If Health be never so lust and strong, Yet, if Liberty were kept from him long, Then sorrow and care would be his song: It would abate your cheer. B2,_r._ Fie of Wealth, which lacketh Liberty! Fie of Health, and be in captivity! Fie of Riches, and lack good company! Liberty hath no peer!

_Health._ Will ye hear how he doth clatter? What need ye to rehearse all this matter? Ye know that we twain, afore any other, Liberty must needs have still. Liberty on us is glad to wait; Ye stand too far in your own conceit: I wis, Liberty, ye can make no bate To catch us at your will!

_Lib._ Now, there ye lie! I can suffer no longer: Wealth for Liberty doth labour ever; And Health for Liberty is a great store; Therefore, set me not so light.

_Wealth._ Liberty! I pray ye, reason no more! Ye are welcome to us as ye were before; Indeed, of Liberty it is great suitor: Therefore welcome, by this light!

_Lib._ Now, I thank you both, full kindly! Your strange words a little did grieve me; And now, at your commandment, I am ready, And at your own will.

_Here entereth with some jest_ ILL-WILL.

_Ill-Will._ Marry! I am come at the first call: Will, your own man, have me who shall; For I am Will, servant to you all; Ye shall not need to send for me.

_Wealth._ Who is acquainted with this man? He is very homely, and little good he can B2,_v._ To come in here so boldly; then Drive him away quickly!

_Ill-W._ Why, I came not till I was called. Your own Will openly ye named; Then I came apace, lest I should be blamed: Therefore, I pray you, let me bide still.

_[H]eal[th.]_ Whose will, or what will, doth he mean? Thou art not my will, I forsake thee clean; My will and their wills is often seen: Our wills can none ill.

_Ill-W._ Alas, good masters! I can none ill. Yet, by my troth! I am your evil will-- Your will, and your will, and your will; therefore, keep me: I love ye, by God's mother!

_Lib._ This is a strange saying unto me: My will, your will, and his will--this cannot be; For in our wills is great diversity; For one is not like another.

_Ill-W._ Yet, by Christ! your own will I am; The maddest will, and the merriest than. For God's sake! now let me be your man Till ye have better acquaintance.

_Wealth._ I perceive this fellow is kind, And oweth to us good will and mind; Some kinds again then let him find: Let him have some furtherance.

_Ill-W._ By God, sir! and I durst be so bold, Acquaintance of this man claim I would, And kindred, too; if the truth were told We be of one consanguinity.

_Health._ How so? let me hear that, I pray thee heartily!

_Ill-W._ Will and Liberty is of ancestry old: B3,_r._ Without Liberty, Will dare not be bold; And where Will lacketh, Liberty is full cold; Therefore, Will and Liberty must needs be of kin.

_Lib._ Indeed, as he saith, it may well be; For Will ever longeth unto Liberty: Therefore, good friend, welcome to me! I pray you all be good to him. [_And goeth out._

_Wealth._ For your sake he is welcome to us all; Let him come to our place, and then he shall Have succour of us and help withal: And now we will depart.

[_And_ WEALTH _and_ HEALTH _goeth out_.

_Ill-W._ Will ye go hence? I thank ye, masters, with all my heart! I will seek you out, I warrant you! fear not! Now they be gone; I am glad, by Saint Mary! A little while here I purpose to tarry: How to deceive Wealth, Health, and Liberty Now must I devise. For I am a child that is past grace; Ill-Will--I am called that in every place-- Doth much mischief; this is a plain case: Virtue I do utterly despise. But if they wist what I were, Then of my purpose I should be never the near: I will keep my tongue lest that I mar My whole intent and will. But now I marvel, by this day! Where Shrewd Wit is gone astray; Some crafty touch is in his way-- I hear him! peace! stand still!

[_Entereth_ SHREWD WIT _with a song_.

_Dieu vous garde playsaunce!_ On seven or on mumchance, what yonkers dare avance B3,_v._ To play a groat or twain? Lo! here I have in store Two or three groats, and no more; I take great thought, therefore, For to keep it; it is much pain. I come now out of a place Where is a company of small grace: Thieves and whores that spends apace-- They were drunken all the sort. One of their purses I did aspy Out of his sleeve, where it did lie; And one winked on me with his eye: But there began the sport. There False Falsehood, and I, Crafty Wit Got the purse: lo! here I have it. I came my way and let him sit, Smoke and shitten arse together. And if that I had Ill-Will here, With this money we would make good cheer. Gentle brother Will! I pray thee, appear! For thou art in some corner.

_Ill-W._ [_from without._] I would come in, but I am afeard Lest that I be taken by the beard With some catchpoll; I have heard How thou hast stolen a purse.

_Wit._ Thou whoreson! art thou mad? come in, I say!

[ILL-WILL _comes in_.

This is not the first hazard that I have scaped; If I make an hand to deck myself gay, What am I the worse?

_Ill-W._ From thy company I cannot abide; I must needs hold upon thy side: Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit, who can hide? B4,_r._ For they will be together.

_Wit._ Now welcome, Will! and what cheer? By God! I thought for thee a thousand year. Peace! for God's body! who cometh there? Hance Beerpot, a scon router!

[_Entereth_ HANCE _with a Dutch song_.

[_Hance._] Gut, mynen scone rutters, by the moder Got! Ic heist nowne schon, for stave ye nete De qusteke man, iche bie do do? Van the groate bumbarde well ic wete Dartyck dowsant van enheb it mete Ic best de manikin van de keining dangliter De grot keyser kind ic bene his kusketer.

_Ill-W._ Hear ye not drunken Hance, how he begins to prate? The malapert Fleming is a little too checkmate.

_Wit._ Let the knave alone! for his name is War: Such drunken Flemings your company will mar.

_Hance._ Ic best nen einond; ic best in soche; Ye fecte nete vell; ic forstave ye in doche.

_Ill-W._ Com'st here leyt with your gound? stand near! It becomes you better to handle a pot of beer.

_Hance._ Dat maght ic veil dan, ic can skynke frelyck; Tab bers frew; ic bringes brore, begotts nemerick!

_Wit._ The whoreson knave, by the mass! is drunk A winking, for deep his eyen be clean sunk.

_Hance._ Ic forave ye vell ye seg dac ic slepe Nenike, nenike, ic compta hore for an audor cepe.

_Ill-W._ Well coppin, I pray thee, heartily tell us true Wherefore comest thou hither for anything to sue?

_Hance._ Ye icke feger en bumbardere van de koyning wei it be Heb twe skelling de dagh ic con scote de culveryn.

_Wit._ Nay! ye shall walk, a Fleming knave! will ye not see B4,_v._ We have English gunners enow? there is no room empty.

_Hance._ Ic best en bomberde mot ye to me spreken What segge ye? bones! it sal ye yode staen.

_Ill-W._ We speak not to thee; thou art a scon man, But go thy way! they be not here that promote thee can.

_Hance._ Cant ye me a de house dragen van de grot here?

_Wit._ Hance! ye must go to the court, and for Wealth inquire.

_Hance._ What segte ye, Wealth? nenyke he is net hore; Wealth best in Flanders; ic myself brought him dore.

_Ill-W._ Beshrew your whoreson Fleming's heart, therefore! Indeed, as he saith, by war in Flanders there is wealth.

_Hance._ Segt ye dat brower? by the moder Got dan! Gut naught ic mot watt, to sent Cafrin, to mi lamnan store.

[_And goeth out._

_Ill-W._ Is he gone? farewell, Hanijkin Bowse! I pray God give him a hounded drouse; For I trow a knave brought him to house. But now, Brother Wit! We must devose how that we may Be in service with Wealth alway; Let me hear what thou canst do, or say, To help for to contrive it.

_Wit._ For thy pleasure that I shall. This will I do first of all: Flatter and lie, and evermore call Them my good masters still. Then with swearing, lying, and polling, Bribery, theft, and privy picking, Thus I, Shrewd Wit, will ever be doing, I warrant thee, Ill-Will!

_Ill-W._ I can thee thank; this is well devised; And I, Ill-Will, would have every man despised. But now, another thing must be contrived, C1,_r._ Or else all will be nought. There is one they call Good Remedy In this realm; he hath great authority; He is a noble man, and much worthy: Many things he hath wrought. He is called lust, discreet, and indifferent, Willing to fulfil his sovereign's commandment; He is not 'fraid to do right punishment; Therefore of him I am afraid!

_Wit._ So am I, too; this maketh me very sad. Yet, oftentimes, I have been hard bestrad; Now that I am warned of him I am very glad: S[ome crafty wile] for him [shall ye] had.

_Ill-W._ Peace! no mo words; but mum! Methink I hear mast Wealth come. Kneel down and say such devout orison That they may hear us pray. Now, Jesu save Wealth, Health, and Liberty!

[LIBERTY _and_ HEALTH _returneth back_ _with_ WEALTH.

_Wealth._ Sirs! you will have both God's blessing; So are ye worth for your praying; Ye are well disposed, and of good living-- I will love you the better alway.

_Ill-W._ Sir! this do we use every day; For Wealth, Health, and Liberty to pray. This same is my brother to you I [say]: He is an hard honest man!

_Wit._ Forsooth, master! I am his brother; To be your servant was my coming hither; As long as we could be together Ye shall not perish than.

_Health._ To have you both to service I am content. C1,_v._ How say you, Liberty? will you thereto consent? Will and Wit God hath us lent: We may be glad of them.

_Lib._ If we should refuse Will and Wit We were to blame; for they be fit. Therefore, by my will they shall not flit: They be welcome to me.

_Ill-W._ God thank you, masters, all three! Ye shall find us poor, but true we cannot be-- My tongue stumbles, I cry you mercy!-- We will be true, I should say.

_Wealth._ Sirs, go your way home, unto one place! And we will hie us after a-pace; And when we come, we shall set you in case To have a living alway.

_Health._ Then look ye do both truly and just; For we must put you in great trust; All our household guide ye must: Behave you[r]self well.

_Wit._ Masters, fear not! for I have wit enough To beguile myself, and to beguile you; I have beguiled many one, I may say to you: I pray you keep that in counsel.

_Lib._ Beware of that! what doth he say? Beguile us all? yet I charge thee, Nay! Ye shall not beguile us: if I may, I will beware betime.

_Ill-W._ Sir, be not angry! I you pray; The fool wotteth not he doth say; He meaneth that he will be profitable alway, And save you many things.

_Health._ What he meaneth I cannot tell, C2,_r._ But his saying is not well. Depart hence, sirs! by my counsel, And tarry us at our lodging.

_Wit._ Now and it please ye, will ye hear any singing? Therein, I tell you, I am somewhat conning; Ye shall hear and ye list.

_Lib._ Sir! I pray you sing and ye can.

_Ill-W._ Now will I begin like a lusty blood than.

[_They sing and go out._

[_Health._] Sirs! now go your way, of you I am glad As of any servants that ever I had; For these can do both good and bad: We must needs have such men. What were we if we lacked Will? And without Wit we should live ill; Therefore, Will and Wit I will keep still: I promise you I love them.

[_Here cometh_ REMEDY _in and to him saith_--

_Wealth._ Sir! your mastership is heartily welcome; Take your place here above, as it is reason.

_Health._ I pray you pardon us, we know not what ye be; Ye seem a man of honour and of great authority.

_Lib._ Sir! to know wherefore ye come we are desirous.

_Remedy._ I am he that ought for to be well known Of you three specially; and of duty Great pain and business, as for mine own, For you I have taken because I love you heartily; To maintain you is all my desire and faculty; Yet hard it is to do, the people be so variable; And many be so wilful: they will not be reformable.

_Wealth._ Sir! I pray you pardon us of our ignorance now; I see well ye know us better than we do you.

_Rem._ I pardon you for I do know you well, both; C2,_v._ Wealth and Health is your right names: The which England to forbear were very loth. For by Wealth and Health cometh great fames; Many other realms, for our great wealth, shames That they dare not presume, nor they dare not be bold To strive again England, or any right withhold.

_Health._ Sir! ye be welcome; I beseech you show us your name.

_Rem._ Good Remedy, forsooth! I am the same.

_Lib._ If I durst be so bold I would pray you heartily To show us a part of your great authority.

_Rem._ My authority is given to me, most special, To maintain you three in this realm to be: What mine intent is I will tell, but not all, For that were too long to rehearse, of a surety; And I desire you all for to be loving to me, For your own ease, come wealth and profit.

_Wealth._ Good Remedy! then we must desire your aiding; For by Good Remedy cometh all our preferring.

_Rem._ All that I do intend, if ye will thereto agree, And to be reformable for your own ease, It is not the thing that lieth only in me. But my good will, therefore, I will not cease, To have your love and favour; and thereby to please All the world over, and to promote this realm; That you three may prosper--ye perceive what I mean? The chief part of all wealth lieth in great estates: Their substance and lands is right commendable. Prelates of the church is wealthy of riches; Merchants hath merchandise and goods incomparable, Men of law and franklins is wealthy, which is laudable: Thus wealth of riches is divided diverse ways; C3,_r._ And to these many charges come now-a-days.

_Health._ My heart rejoiceth to hear your good reporting; Much are we bound to God which provideth all thing.

_Rem._ Forsooth! here is not half that I could rehearse The benefits of God that He showeth to you, Wealth. Consider Englishmen, how valiant they be and fierce; Of none nations none such when they have their health; No land can do us harm but with falsehood or stealth. Remember what number of men, or artillery, and good ordinance; Specially the grace of God which is our chief furtherance. If there be any that will grudge, surmise, or do Again Wealth, Health, and Liberty, then must I, for the same, Show mine authority and power, for to remedy it, so That none of you shall diminish, nor amiss be tane. I, Good Remedy, therefore, may and will speak without blane For the commonwealth, and health both of the soul and body: That is my office and power; and therefore I have my authority.

_Wealth._ Our Lord continue ye, and we thank you heartily Both for your good instruction, and for your kindness That you intend so well for us, Good Remedy. When we have need, we will desire your goodness.

_Health._ When we be infect in the soul or body, Then will I seek Good Remedy for succour. As yet, I thank God, I have no need greatly; If I have, then will I seek to have your favour.

_Lib._ Sir! now we will depart hence, with your license, For other divers business that we must have together.

_Rem._ Sirs! I am content; now, when ye will depart, To God I commit you; I will not make you tarry. But yet, I pray with all my mind and heart, Take heed! in any wise eschew ill and shrewd company. If a man be never so ...[_original is illegible_] C3,_v._ He shall lose his name, and to some vice they will him tempt; Therefore beware of such people, and from them be exempt.

_Health._ Yes, yes, I warrant you! of such I will beware-- Farewell, Good Remedy, and well to fare!

[_And goeth out._

_Rem._ I pray God be your speed, and preserve you from pain! It is my mind ye should prosper; I would have it so, fain.

[ILL-WILL _and_] WIT _returneth_.

_Ill-W._ Here is none of our acquaintance: We have made too long tarriance-- That will ye say, perchance; And they be gone home, come away apace.

_Wit._ Nay, by God! not so hasty; A little while we will tarry. Good even, sir, to you, marry! Dwell ye in this place?

_Rem._ Nay, good fellow! I dwell not here: Wherefore dost thou that inquire? Holdest thou aught with any here? Speak! be not afraid!

_Ill-W._ By God! I would I had your gown, And were a mile without the town; Thereon I would borrow a crown, It is I that so said.

_Wit._ How, lookest thou on him half a-scorn? I promise you he is a scant gentleman born: What sayest thou in his face?

_Rem._ For somewhat in his face I look; Indeed, his mastership stands a-crook: For false shrews both of you I took, And children that be past grace.

_Ill-W._ I will swear for him, as for these years twenty, That he hath been ever as true as I; Yet sometime he will steal and make a lie. C4,_r._ He is of my alliance.

_Rem._ In good faith, the same think I, That ye be both like, full unthrifty. Sirs! how do ye live? show me quickly, Or I shall put you in durance.

_Wit._ How live we? marry, our meat! Comest thou hither for to threat? So lordly sir Wittam doth speak! From whence doth he come--can ye show?

_Ill-W._ What dost thou ail? Canst thou tell? Hast thou anything with us to mell? By the mass! thy hands doth tickle-- Thou shalt bear me a blow.

_Rem._ You false thieves! I know ye well: I shall let your purpose every deal, Ill-Will and Shrewd Wit, the devil of hell Take ye both, for me!

_Wit._ Marry, thou liest! our names be not so: Call us but Wit and Will--add no more thereto. If thou dost, thou were as good know We shall handle you shrewdly.

_Rem._ Sirs, farewell! here I will no longer abide: For you both, shortly, I will provide That all your false craft shall be outtried, And your subtilty known. [_And goeth out._

_Wit._ To go so soon, the whoreson was wise; Therefore some now I must devise That each man may Wealth, Health, and Liberty despise; Or else he will mar all our matter. Brother wat! let me alone: When they come you shall see me anon; Complain of him unto them, each one, C4,_v._ And put him out of favour.

_Ill-W._ Peace! no mo words, for they come yonder.

[WEALTH, HEALTH, _and_ LIBERTY _cometh in._]