Part 11

For, hear ye, sirrah! our great, grand lady mother, Noble Dame Respublica, she and none other-- Of the offals, the refuse, the rags, the parings; The baggage, the trash, the fragments, the sharings; The odd ends, the crumbs, the driblets, the chippings; The patches, the pieces, the broklets, the drippings; The flittance, the scrapings, the wild wai[f]s and strays; The skimmings, the gubbings of booties and preys; The gleanings, the casualties, the blind escheats; The forging of forfeit[s], the scape of extreats; Th' excess, the waste, the spoils, the superfluities; The windfalls, the shreddings, the fleecings, the petty fees; With a thousand things more, which she may right well lack-- Would fill all these same purses that hang at my back. Yea! and ten times as many more bags as these, Which should be but a flea-biting for her to lese; That, if I may have the grace and hap to blind her, I doubt not, a sweet lady I shall find her. To her it were nothing; yet, many a small maketh a great; And all things would help me whatever I may geat: Full little know men the great need that I am in. Do not I spend daily of that that I do win? Then, age cometh on; and what is a little gold To keep a man by drede that is feeble and old? No man, therefore, blame me though I would have more: The world waxeth hard, and store, (they say), is no sore. Now, the chance of thieves, in good hour be it spoken-- Out, alas! I fear I left my coffer open. I am surely undone! alas! where be my kays? It is gone, that I have sweat for all my live-days! Woe worth all whoreson thieves, and such covetous knaves! That, for their winding sheet, would scrape men out of their graves!

[_Exeat._

ACTUS PRIMI, SCENA SECUNDA.

ADULATION. INSOLENCE. OPPRESSION.

_Intrant Canta[n]tes._

_Adulation._ Oh, noble Insolence! if I could sing as well, I would look in heaven among angels to dwell.

_Insolence._ Sing! now, do I sing but as other many do?

_Adul._ Yes, an angel's voice ye have, to hearken unto.

_Insol._ Yea! but what availeth that to high dignity?

_Oppression._ By His arms! not a whit, as far as I can see!

_Insol._ Or, what helpeth that thing to set a man aloft?

_Oppr._ By His wounds! not a straw; so have I told you oft.

_Adul._ No! but ye are one of such goodly personage, Of such wit and beauty, and of sage parentage, So excellent in all points of every art--

_Insol._ Indeed, God and nature in me have done their part--

_Adul._ That, if ye will put yourself forward to the most, Ye may, throughout the whole land, rule all the roste-- How say you, Oppression? is it not even so?

_Oppr._ Thou sayest sooth, Adulation! so might I go: If he were disposed to take the charge in hand, I warrant him a chive to rule all the whole land.

_Adul._ So, Master Insolence! ye hear Oppression?

_Insol._ I thank both him and thee, good Adulation! And long have I dreamed of such an enterprise; But how, or where to begin, I cannot devise.

_Oppr._ Wherefore serve friends, but your enterprise to allow?

_Adul._ And then must you support them, as they must maintain you.

_Oppr._ And, wherefore do friends serve, but to set you in?

_Adul._ Ye shall have all my help whenever ye begin.

_Insol._ But we may, herein, nothing attempt, in no wise, Without the counsel of our founder, Avarice.

_Adul._ He must direct all this gear by his holy ghost.

_Oppr_. For he knoweth what is to be done in each coast; He knoweth where, and how that money is to be had-- And, yonder he cometh! methinketh more than half mad!

[_Intrat_ AVARICE.

ACTUS PRIMI, SCENA TERTIA.

AVARICE. INSOLENCE. OPPRESSION. ADULATION.

_Avarice._ It was a fair grace that I was not undone clean; Yet my key was safe locked under mine locks, I ween. But e'en, as against such a thing my heart will throb, I found knaves about my house, ready me to rob. There was such tooting, such looking, and such prying; Such hearkening, such stalking, such watching, such spying. "What would ye, my masters?" "We look after a cat." "What make ye hereabout?" "We have smelled a rat." Now, a weal on such noses! thought I, by and by, That so quickly can scent where hidden gold doth lie. But had I not come when I did, without all fails, I think they had digged up my walls with their nails!

_Insol._ Let us speak to him, and break his chafing talk.

_Avar._ Such greediness of money among men doth walk That, have it they will, either by hook or by crook!

_Oppr._ Let us call to him that he may this way look.

_Avar._ Whether by right, or by wrong, in faith! some care not: Therefore, catch that catch may, hardely, and spare not!

_Adul._ All hail our founder and chief, Master Avarice!

_Avar._ The devil is a knave, an I catch not a flyce.

_Adul._ When ye see your time, look this way, your friends upon!

_Avar._ I doubt not to scamble and rake as well as one.

_Adul._ Here be that would fain be disciples of your art.

_Avar._ I will not be behind to get a child's part.

_Adul._ Now, if ye have done, I pray you look this way back.

_Avar._ Who buzzeth in mine ear so? what? ye saucy Jack!

_Adul._ Are ye yet at leisure, with your good friends to talk?

_Avar._ What, clawest thou mine elbow, pratling merchant? walk! Ye flatterabundus, you! you flearing clawback, you! You the-crow-is-white, you! you the-swan-is-black, you! You John-hold-my-staff, you! you what-is-the-clock, you! You _ait-aio_ you! you _negat-nego_ you!

_Adul._ I marvel you speak to me in such fashion.

_Avar._ Why troublest thou me then in my contemplation?

_Adul._ I came of right good love, not minding you to let.

_Avar._ Thou ne'er camest to any man of good love yet.

_Adul._ And these men's minds it was I should so do.

_Avar._ As false wretches as thine own self, and falser too!

_Insol and Oppr._ We have been loving to you, and faithful alway.

_Avar._ For your own profits, then; and not mine, I daresay; And e'en, veray! you three it was, and others none, That would have robbed me, not yet half an hour gone.

_Insol._, _Oppr._, _Adul._ We never robbed any man, later or rather.

_Avar._ Yes, many a time and oft, your own very father.

_Oppr._ And to you have we borne hearty favours alway.

_Avar._ And, I warrant you hanged for your labours one day.

_Oppr._, _Adul._ And, as our god, we have alway honoured you.

_Avar._ And, e'en as your god, I have aye succoured you.

_Oppr._ We call you our founder, by All Holy Hallows!

_Avar._ Founder me no found'ring; but beware the gallows!

_Insol._ I pray you leave these words, and talk friendly at last.

_Avar._ Content! at your request, my fame is now well past; And, in faith! what saith our friend, Adulation?

_Adul._ I wonder at your rough communication, That ye would to me use words of such vehemence.

_Avar._ Faith, man! I spake but even to prove your patience, That if thou hadst grunted or stormed thereat.

_Adul._ Nay! few times do I use such loud manner as that.

_Avar._ Come! shake hands! for ever we two be at one.

_Adul._ As for grudge in me, there shall never remain none.

_Avar._ Now, Master Insolence! to your ghostly purpose!

_Insol._ We accorded a matter to you to disclose.

_Avar._ I understand all your agreement and accord; For, I laid in your bosoms when ye spake the word; And I like well the advice of Oppression, And eke of Flattery, for your progression.

_Insol._ If there were matter whereon to work, I care not.

_Avar._ Ye shall have matter enough; be doing, spare not!

_Insol._ What! to come to honour and wealth for us all three?

_Avar._ Ah then! ye could be content to leave out me!

_Insol._ No! for I know ye can, for yourself well provide.

_Avar._ Yea! that I can; and for twenty hundred beside.

_Adul._ Oh, would Christ, good founder! ye would that thing open.

_Avar._ Bones, knave! wilt thou have it ere it can be spoken?

_Oppr._ For the passion of God! tell it us with all speed!

_Avar._ By the cross, not a word! here is haste made indeed.

_Insol._ Yes, good, sweet Avarice! dispatch, and tell at once!

_Avar._ Nay then, cut my throat! ye are fellows for the nonce-- Will ye have a matter before it can be told? If ye will have me tell it, ye shall your tongues hold. Whist! silence! not a word! Mum! let your clatter cease! Are ye with child to hear, and cannot hold your peace? So sir! now Respublica, the lady of estate, Ye know, now lately, is left almost desolate. Her wealth is decayed; her comfort clean ago; And she at her wit's end what for to say or do. Fain would she have succour, and easement of her grief; And highly advance them that would promise relief; Such as would warrant her spirits to revive Might mount to high estate, and be most sure to thrive.

_Insol._ So!

_Adul._ Well said!

_Oppr._ Ha!

_Avar._ What is this hum, ha, hum?

_Insol._ On forth!

_Adul._ Go too!

_Oppr._ Tell on!

_Avar._ Body of me!

_Adul._ Mum!

_Avar._ What say ye?

_Insol._ Haik!

_Adul._ Tuff!

_Oppr._ Hem!

_Avar._ Who haiken, tuffa, hum--what say ye?

_Oppr._ Nothing!

_Insol._ Not a word?

_Avar._ Nor you, neither?

_Adul._ Mum!

_Avar._ Did ye speak or not?

_Insol._ No!

_Oppr._ No!

_Adul._ No!

_Avar._ Nor yet do not?

_Insol._ No!

_Oppr._ No!

_Adul._ No!

[_Oppr._ No!

_Insol._ No!

_Adul._ No!

_Avar._ That, that, that! that, that, that! Sir, I intend Dame Respublica t'assail; And, so to creep in to be of her counsel; I hope well to bring her in such a paradise That herself shall sue me to have my service; Then shall I have time and power to bring in you three.

_Oppr._ Do this out of hand, founder! and first, speak for me; Bring me in credit that my hands be in the pie: An I get not elbow room among them, let me lie.

_Avar._ Nay! see an Oppression, this eager elf, Be not since more covetous than covetous self! Soft! be not so hasty, I pray you, Sir! soft awhile! You will over the hedge ere ye come at the stile.

_Oppr._ I would fain be shouldering and rumbling among them.

_Avar._ Nay! I will help javels as shall wrong them.

_Adul._ I pray you, good founder! let not me be the last.

_Avar._ Thou shalt be well placed where to thrive very fast.

_Adul._ I thank you, Master Avarice! with all my heart.

_Avar._ And when thou art in place, see thou play well thy part. When ye claw her elbow, remember your best friend; And let my commendations be ever at one end.

_Adul._ I warrant you!

_Insol._ And what! shall [I] be left clean out?

_Avar._ No, sir! ye shall be chief to bring all things about; Ye shall among us have the chief pre-eminence; And we to you, as it were, owe obedience: Ye shall be our leader, our captain, and our guide; Then must ye look aloft, with hands under the side. I shall tell Respublica ye can best govern: Be not ye, then, squeamish to take in hand the stern. Then shall we assist you, as friends of perfect trust, To do and to undo, and command what ye lust, And, when you have all at your own will and pleasure, Part of your livings to your friends ye may measure; And punish the proudest of them that will resist.

_Oppr._ He that once winceth shall feel the weight of my fist.

_Adul._ Yea! we must all hold and cleave together like burrs.

_Avar._ Yea! see ye three hang and draw together like furze.

_Oppr._ And so shall we be sure to get store of money Sweeter than sugar!

_Avar._ Sweeter than any honey!

_Insol._ Very well spoken! this gear will right well accord.

_Adul._ Did not I say ye were worthy to be a lord?

_Avar._ I will make Insolence a lord of high estate.

_Insol._ And I will take upon me well, both early and late.

_Oppr._ But, Insolence! when ye come to the encroaching of lands, Ye may not take all alone into your hands; I will look to have part of goods, lands, and plate.

_Insol._ Ye shall have enough, each body after his rate.

_Adul._ I must have part, too; ye must not have all alone.

_Insol._ Thou shalt be laden till thy shoulders shall crack and groan.

_Adul._ I pray you, let me have a good lordship or two.

_Insol._ Respublica shall feed thee till thou wilt say, ho!

_Adul._ And I must have good manor places, two or three.

_Insol._ But the chief and best lordship must remain to me.

_Oppr._ Mass! and I will look to be served of the best; Or else some folk, somewhere, shall sit but in small rest.

_Insol._ I must have castles and towns in every shire.

_Adul._ And I, change of houses--one here, and another there.

_Insol._ And I must have pastures, and townships, and woods.

_Oppr._ And I must needs have store of gold and other goods.

_Insol._ And I must have change of farms, and pastures for sheep; With daily revenues my lusty port for to keep.

_Avar._ I would have a bone here, rather than a groat, To make these snarling curs gnaw out each other's throat! Here! be eager, whelps! lo! to it Boy! box him Ball! Poor I may pick straws; these hungry dogs will snatch all.

_Oppr._ Each man snatch for himself; by gosse! I will be sped.

_Avar._ Lack who lack shall: Oppression will be corn fed! Is not Dame Respublica sure of good handling When these whelps, ere they have it, fall thus to scambling? And me, their chief founder, they have e'en since forgot.

_Insol._ Thou shalt have gold and silver enough to thy lot: Respublica hath enough to fill all our laps.

_Adul._ Then, I pray you, sir! let our founder have some scraps!

_Avar._ Scr[a]ps? ye doltish lout! feed you your founder with scraps? If you were well served your head would have some raps.

_Adul._ I spake of good will.

_Insol._ Nay, fight not, good Avarice!

_Oppr._ What any of us getteth, thou hast the chief price.

_Avar._ Then, whatever ye do, ye will remember me?

_Insol. Oppr. Adul._ Yea!

_Avar._ Well, so do then; and I forgive you all three.

_Insol._ But, when do we enter, every man his charge?

_Avar._ As soon as I can spy Respublica at large I will board her; and, I trow, so win her favour That she shall hire me, and pay well for my labour. Then will I commend the virtues of you three That she shall pray and wish under our rule to be; Therefore, from this hour, be ye all in readiness!

_Oppr._ Doubt not of us! thou seest all our grediness.

_Insol._ If it be at midnight, I come at the first call.

[_They go forward, one after other._

_Adul._ Do but whistle for me, and I come forth withal.

_Avar._ That is well spoken; I love such a toward twig.

[_He whistleth._

_Adul._ I come, founder!

_Avar._ That is mine own good spaniel, Rig-- And come on! back again, all three! come back again!

_Insol._ Our founder calleth us back.

_Oppr._ Return then, amain.

ACTUS PRIMI, SCENA QUARTA.

AVARICE. ADULATION. INSOLENCE. OPPRESSION.

_Avar._ Come on, sirs, all three! And first to you, best be trust: What, is your brainpan stuffed withal? wool or sawdust?

_Adul._ Why so?

_Avar._ What is your name?

_Adul._ Flattery!

_Avar._ E'en so, just!

_Adul._ Yea! or else Adulation, if you so lust: Either name is well known to many a body.

_Avar._ An honest mome! ah, ye dolt! ye lout! ye noddy! Shall Respublica hear your commendation By the name of Flattery or Adulation? Or, when ye commend me to her, will ye say this: Forsooth! his name is Avarice or Covetise? And you, that should have wit, is't your discretion Bluntly to go forth, and be called Oppression? And you, Insolence! do ye think it would well frame If ye were presented to her under that name?

_Insol._ I thought nothing thereupon, by my halidom!

_Oppr._ My mind was another way, by my christendom!

_Adul._ That thing was le[a]st part of my thought, by Saint Denis!

_Avar._ No marry! your minds were all on your halfpenny. But, my masters! I must on mine honesty pass, And not run on 'head, like a brute beast or an ass. For is not Oppression eachwhere sore hated? And is not Flattery openly rebated? And am not I, Avarice, still cried out upon?

_Adul._ Yes! I could have told you that, a great while agone; But I would not displease you.

_Avar._ And you, Insolence! I have heard you ill-spoken of a great way hence.

_Adul._ In my conscience! the devil himself doth love you.

_Avar._ But changing your ill-name, fewer shall reprove you-- As I, mine ownself, where my name is known Am right sore assailed, to be overthrown. But doing, as I will now, counterfeit my name, I speed all my purposes, and yet escape blame.

_Insol._ Let us then have new names, each man, without delay.

_Avar._ Else will some of you make hanging stuff one day.

_Oppr._ Thou must new christen us.

_Insol._ First, what shall my name be?

_Avar._ Faith, sir! your name shall be Mounsire Authority.

_Oppr._ And, for me, what is your determination?

_Avar._ Marry, sir! ye shall be called Reformation.

_Adul._ Now, I pray you, devise for me an honest name.

_Avar._ Thou art such a beast, I cannot, for very shame!

_Adul._ If ye think good, let me be called Policy.

_Avar._ Policy--a rope ye shall! nay, Hypocrisy!

_Adul._ Fie! that were as slanderous a name a[s] Flattery.

_Avar._ And I keep for myself the name of Policy. But, if I devise for thee, wilt thou not shame me?

_Adul._ Nay! I will make thee proud of me; or, else, blame me!

_Avar._ Well, then, for this time, thy name shall be Honesty.

_Adul._ I thank you, Avarice! Honesty, Honesty!

_Avar._ Avarice, ye whoreson! Policy, I tell thee!

_Adul._ I thank you, Policy! Honesty, Honesty! How say you, Insolence? I am now Honesty.

_Avar._ We shall at length have a knave of you, Honesty! Said not I, he should be called Mounseer Authority?

_Adul._ Oh, friend Oppression! Honesty, Honesty!

_Avar._ Oppression? ha! is the devil in thy brain? Take heed! or, in faith! ye are Flattery again. Policy! Reformation! Authority!

_Adul._ Hypocrisy! Defamation! and Authority!

_Avar._ Hypocrisy? ha! Hypocrisy? ye dull ass!

_Adul._ Thou named'st Hypocrisy even now, by the Mass!

_Avar._ Policy, I said; Policy! knave Policy! Now say as I said.

_Adul._ Policy, knave! Policy!

_Avar._ And what callest thou him here?

_Adul._ Defamation!

_Avar._ I told thee he should be called Reformation.

_Adul._ Very well!

_Avar._ What is he now?

_Adul._ Deformation!

[_A line is probably lost._

_Avar._ Was ever the like ass born, in all nations?

_Adul._ A pestle on him, he comes of the Asians.

_Avar._ Come on! ye shall learn to solfe Reformation! Sing on now: _Re_.

_Adul._ _Re._

_Avar._ _Refor._

_Adul._ _Reformation._

_Avar._ Policy, Reformation, Authority!

_Adul._ Policy, Reformation, and Honesty!

_Avar._ In faith, ye ass! if your tongue make any mo trips, Ye shall both be Flattery and have on the lips. And now, Mounsire Authority! against, I you call; Ye must have other garments; and so must ye all-- Ye must, for the season, counterfeit gravity.

_Insol. and Oppr._ Yes! what else?

_Adul._ And I must counterfeit honesty.

_Avar._ And I must turn my gown in and out, I ween; For these gaping purses may in no wise be seen. I will turn it e'en here--come help me, Honesty!

_Adul._ Here, at hand!

_Avar._ Why, how now? play the knave, Honesty! Help! what doest thou now?

_Adul._ I counterfeit Honesty.

_Avar._ Why, then, come thou! help me, my friend Oppression! What help call you that?

_Oppr._ Fit for your discretion!

_Avar._ Oh, I should have said: help, sir Reformation!

_Oppr._ Yea, marry, sir! that is my nomination.

_Avar._ And when you are [in] your robe, keep it afore close.

_Oppr._ I pray you, Master Policy! for what purpose?

_Avar._ All folk will take you, if they peep under your gown, For the veriest caitiff in country or town. Now, go! and when I call, see that ye ready be!

_Insol._ I will.

_Oppr._ And I will.

_Adul._ And so will I, Honesty!

[_Exeant._

_Avar._ Well, now will I depart hence, also, for a space; And, to bourd Respublica, wait a time of grace. Wherever I find her a time convenient, I shall say and do that may be expedient!

[_Exeat_ AVARICE.

ACTUS SECUNDI, SCENA PRIMA.

[RESPUBLICA.]

_Resp._ Lord! what earthly thing is permanent or stable? Or, what is all this world but a lump mutable? Who would have thought that I, from so florent estate, Could have been brought so base as I am made of late? But, as the waving seas do flow and ebb by course, So all things else do change to better and to worse. Great cities and their fame, in time, do fade and pass; Now is a champion field where noble Troy was. Where is the great Empire of the Medes and Persians? Where be th' old conquests of the puissant Grecians? Where Babylon? where Athens? where Corinth so wide? Are they not consumed with all their pomp and pride? What is the cause hereof? man's wit cannot discuss; But, of long continuance, the thing is found thus. Yet, by all experience, thus much is well seen: That, in commonweals, while good governors have been, All thing hath prospered; and, where such men do lack, Commonweals decay, and all things do go back. What marvel then, if I, wanting a perfect stay, From most flourishing wealth be fallen in decay? But, like as by default, quick ruin doth befall, So may good government at once recover all.

[_Intrat_ AVAR[ICE] _cogitabundus et ludibundus_.

ACTUS SECUNDI, SCENA SECUNDA.

AVARICIA. RESPUBLICA.

_Avar._ Alas, my sweet bags! how lank and empty ye be; But, in faith and troth, sirs! the fault is not in me.

_Resp._ Well, my help and comfort, oh Lord! must come from Thee.

_Avar._ And my sweet purses here, I pray you all, see, see! How the little fool[s] gasp and gape for gromwell-seed!

_Resp._ If it be Thy will, Lord! send some redress with speed.

_Avar._ But, in faith, good sweet fools! it shall cost me a fall. But I will shortly fill you, and stop your mouths all.

_Resp._ Oh, that it were my hap, on friendly friends to light!

_Avar._ Ha, ha! who is that same, that speaketh yonder in sight? Who is't? Respublica? yea, by the Mary mass!

_Resp._ Then might I be again as well as ere I was.

_Avar._ Hide up these pipes! now, I pray God she be blind; I am half afraid lest she have an eye behind. We must now change our copy: oh, Lord! how I fray, Lest she saw my toys, and heard what I did say!

_Resp._ Is there no good man that on me will have mercy?

_Avar._ Remember now: my name is Master Policy: All thing, I tell you, must now go by Policy.

_Resp._ Hark! methink I hear the name of Policy.

_Avar._ Who calleth Conscience? here am I, Policy!

_Resp._ I pray you come to me, if you be Policy!

_Avar._ Yea, forsooth! yea, forsooth! my name is Policy.

_Resp._ I am sore decayed through default of Policy.

_Avar._ Yea, most noble Respublica! I know that well; And do more lament it than any tongue can tell. For, an if good Policy had had you in hand, Ye had now been the wealthiest in any land: But good Policy hath long been put to exile.