Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II. Or, The Rambles and Adventures of Bob Tallyho, Esq., and His Cousin, the Hon. Tom Dashall, Through the Metropolis; Exhibiting a Living Picture of Fashionable Characters, Manners, and Amusements in High and Low Life (1821)

“In London my life is a ring of delight, In frolics I keep up the day and the night; I snooze at the Hummums till twelve, perhaps later, I rattle the bell, and I roar up the Wai...

Hail! venerable pile! with awe I tread The sacred mansion of th' illustrious dead! Where rise, o'er forms now mould'ring into dust, The “storied urn” and “animated West.”-- Bene...

“Blest be the pencil which from death can save The semblance of the virtuous, wise and brave, That youth and emulation still may gaze On those inspiring forms of ancient days, A...

Ye are stars of the night, ye are gems of the morn, Ye are dew-drops whose lustre illumines the thorn; And rayless that night is, that morning unblest, When no beam in your eye,...

IT was a fine moonlight evening, and upon leaving the Globe, they again found themselves in the hurry, bustle, and noise of the world. The glare of the gas-lights, and the rattl...

What shows! and what sights! what a round of delights You'll meet in the gay scene of London; How charming to view” amusements still new, Twenty others you'll find soon as one's...

“Happy the man, who void of cares and strife, In silken or in leathern purse retains A SPLENDID shilling! he nor hears with pain New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale;

“This life is all chequer'd with pleasures and woes That chase one another like waves of the deep, Each billow, as brightly or darkly it flows, Reflecting our eyes as they spark...

........“Mark! He who would cut the knot that does entwine And link two loving hearts in unison, May have man's form; but at his birth, be sure on't, Some devil thrust sweet nat...

“Cataracts of declamation thunder here, There, forests of no meaning spread the page, In which all comprehension wanders, lost, While fields of pleasantry amuse us there With ma...

“----Give me leave to ask a question; Pray, in the King's Bench have you ever been? The Bench! Good Heaven! how shocking a suggestion! Was e'er so saucy a companion seen?

I hate all those pleasures where angling and squaring. And fitting and cutting by rules, And ----- me--dear me, I beg pardon for swearing, All that follow such fashions are fools.

“What various swains our motley walls contain! Fashion from Moorfields, honour from Chick-lane; Bankers from Paper-buildings here resort, Bankrupts from Golden-square and Riches...

With what unequal tempers are we form'd! One day the soul, elate and satisfied, Revels secure, and fondly tells herself The hour of evil can return no more: The next, the spirit...

--298~~~ Exclaimed Dashall, as he advanced from the breakfast table towards the window, when a pleasing and singular street-exhibition presented itself, which had attracted arou...

My son, time was when by necessity, (Nought else could move me to the enterprize,) My steps were urg'd to London's wide domains, I made my will, as prudent friends advis'd;-- Fo...

~47~~THE smiles of a May morning, bedecked with the splendid rays of a rising sun, awakened Tallyho about five o'clock, and being accustomed to rise early in the country, he lef...

All hail to the day of the tutelar Saint, Old George, not the King, but the Prince of brave fellows, And Champion of England, by Providence sent To slay a fierce Dragon as histo...

“Roam where you will, o'er London's wide domains, The mind new source of various feeling gains; Explore the giddy town, its squares, its streets, The 'wildered eye still fresh a...

Observe that lean wretch, how dejected he looks, The while these fat Justices pore o'er their books.-- “Hem, hem,--this here fellow our fortunes would tell,-- He thence at the t...

Chapels, churches, synagogues, distilleries and county banks-- Poets, Jews and gentlemen, apothecaries, mountebanks-- There's Bethlem Hospital, and there the Picture Gallery; An...

London, thy streets abound with incident.-- Dashing along, here roll the vehicles, Splendid, and drawn by highly pamper'd steeds, Of rank and wealth; and intermix'd with these,...

~67~~ “LONDON,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall to his Cousin, “abounds with so much of munificence, that notwithstanding all its intricacies and inconveniences, he who travels throug...

“Look round thee, young Astolpho; here's the place Which men (for being poor) are sent to starve in;-- Rude remedy, I trow, for sore disease. Within these walls, stifled by damp...

“Tho' village delights may charm for a time, With hunting, with cricket, with trap-ball and such, The rambles in London are bang-up and prime, And never can tire or trouble us m...

~~282~~~ The departure of Merrywell left our three friends at perfect liberty, and they were determined to enjoy it as much as possible during Sparkle's visit. The remainder of...

“How wretched those who tasteless live, And say this world no joys can give: Why tempts yon turtle sprawling, Why smoaks the glorious haunch, Are these not joys still calling To...

Houses, churches, mixt together, Streets unpleasant in all weather; Prisons, palaces contiguous, Gates, a bridge--the Thames irriguous; Gaudy things, enough to tempt ye, Showy o...

Gae him strong drink until he wink, That's sinking in despair; And liquor gúid to fire his blúid, That's prest wi' grief and care;-- Then let him boose and deep carouse, Wi' bum...

“Some folks in the streets, by the Lord, made me stare, So comical, droll, is the dress that they wear, For the Gentlemen's waists are atop of their backs, And their large casso...

Winning each heart, and delighting each eye: He looks So neat, and he rows so steadily, The maidens all flock to his boat so readily, And he eyes the young rogues with so charmi...

“......Would you see The Debtors' world, confide yourself to me. Come; safely shall you pass the fatal door, Nor fear it shuts you in, to ope no more. See, frowning grimly o'er...

“See yonder beaux, so delicately gay; And yonder belles, so'deck'd in thin array-- Ah! rather see not what a decent pride Would teach a maiden modestly to hide; The dress so fli...

“Behold the Ring! how strange the group appears Of dirty blackguards, commoners and peers; Jews, who regard not Moses nor his laws, All ranks of Christians eager in the cause. W...

“The music, and the wine, The garlands, the rose odours, and the flowers, The sparkling eyes, and flashing ornaments, The white arms, and the raven hair--the braids And bracelet...

UPON leaving the house, it was quickly discovered that Mortimer was at sea without a rudder or compass, but was still enabled to preserve the true line of beauty, which is said...

“Together let us beat this ample field Try what the open, what the covert yield: The latent tracts, the giddy heights explore Of all who blindly creep, or sightless soar; Eye na...

----Where has Commerce such a mart, So rich, so throng'd, so drained, and so supplied, As London; opulent, enlarged, and still Increasing London? Babylon of old Not more the glo...

“Here fashion and folly still go hand in hand, With the Blades of the East, and the Bucks of the Strand; The Bloods of the Park, and paraders so gay, Who are lounging in Bond St...

“The world its trite opinion holds of those That in a world apart these bars enclose; And thus methinks some sage, whose wisdom frames Old saws anew, complacently exclaims, Debt...

“Place me, thou great Supreme, in that blest state, Unknown to those the silly world call Great, Where all my wants may be with ease supply'd, Yet nought superfluous to pamper p...

Ladies,--the chariot waits;--the toilet now Where erst so many hours were idly spent, Asks of its wonted due the tythe alone;-- Braid then your tresses of luxuriant now, And wra...

Lack a day! what a gay What a wonderful great town! In each street, thousands meet, All parading up and down. Crossing--jostling--strutting--running, Hither--thither--going--com...

What is Bon Ton? Oh d---- me (cries a Buck, Half drunk, ) ask me, my dear, and you're in luck: Bon Ton's to swear, break windows, beat the Watch, Pick up a wench, drink healths,...

That Life is a picture of strange things and ways, A grand exhibition, each hour displays; And for London there's no place can with it compare, 'Tis a jumble of every thing curi...

“I be one of they sailors who think 'tis no lie That for every wherefore there should be a why, That by fortune's strange weather a calm or a squall, Our births, good or bad are...

“Round, round, and round-about, they whiz, they fly, With eager worrying, whirling here and there, They know, nor whence, nor whither, where, nor why. In utter hurry-scurry, goi...

In London, blest with competence. With temper, health, and common sense, None need repine or murmur--nay, All may be happy in their way. E'en the lone dwelling of the poor And s...

“The panting steed the hero's empire feel, Who sits triumphant o'er the flying wheel, And as he guides it through th' admiring throng, With what an air he holds the reins, and s...

In cities, foul example on most minds Begets its likeness. Rank abundance breeds In gross and pamper'd cities sloth and lust, And wantonness and gluttonous excess. In cities, vi...

The charge is prepar'd, the lawyers are met, The judges all rang'd, a terrible show! I go undismay'd, for death is a debt, A debt on demand,--so take what I owe.

“-----Mark the change at very first vacation, She's scarcely known to father or relation. No longer now in vesture neat and tight, Because forsooth she's learn'd to be polite. B...

“All nations boast some men of nobler mind, Their scholars, heroes, benefactors kind: And Britain has her share among the rest, Of men the wisest, boldest and the best: Yet we o...

“Oh the dear pleasures of the velvet plain, The painted Tablets, deal't and deal't again Cards, with what rapture, and the polish'd die The yawning chasm of indolence supply. Th...

“'If in Real Life's chapter you e'er tind a blank, 'Tis yourself and you only you justly can thank; For to him who is willing--there's no need to stand, Since enough may be foun...

I'm amaz'd at the signs As I pass through the town, To see the odd mixture, “A Magpie and Crown,” “The Whale and the Crow.” “The Razor and Hen,” “The Leg and Seven Stars,” “The...

“E'en mighty monarchs may at times unbend, And sink the dull superior in the friend. The jaded scholar his lov'd closet quits, To chat with folks below, and save his wits: Peeps...

“All London is full of vagaries, Of bustle of splendour and show, At every turn the scene varies, Whether near, or still further we go. Each lane has a character in it, Each str...

Triumphant returning at night with the spoil, Like Bachanals, shouting and gay: How sweet with a bottle and song to refresh, And lose the fatigues of the day. With sport, wit, a...

Haste away to Scotland dear, And leave your native home; The Land of Cakes affords good cheer And you've a mind to roam.-- Here splendid sights, and gala nights Are all prepar'd...

~~423~~~ Next morning, while our party were at breakfast, who should make his appearance but Gayfield, whose elasticity of spirits, and volubility of tongue, appeared, if possib...

Ideal enjoyments, 417. A glance at new objects, 418. Street- walking nuisances, 419. Cries of London-Mud-larks, etc., 420. The Monument, 421. London Stone, 422. General Post- Of...

Westminster Abbey, 82. Monuments--Poets' corner, 83. Henry Seventh's chapel, 84. Interesting prospect, 85. Fees exacted for admission, 86. Westminster Hall--Whitehall, 87. Sir R...

The Bonassus, 101. A Knight of the New Order, 102. Medical quacks, 103. Medical (not Tailors') Boards, 105. Superlative modesty, 106. Hard pulling and blowing, 107. Knightly med...

Incident “ad infinitum,” 327. A distressed Poet, 328. Interesting calculations, 329. Ingenuity in puffing, 330. Blacking maker's Lauréat, 331. Miseries of literary pursuits, 332...

The double disappointment, 231. Heading made easy, 232. Exhibition of Engravings, 233. How to cut a dash, 235. Dashing attitude, costume, etc., 236. A Dasher-Street- walking, et...

Entry to Abbott's park, 46. A world within walls, 47. Finding a friend at home, 48. Exterior of the chapel, 49. A finish to education, 50. The walking automaton, 51. The parliam...

The Tower of London, 305. Confusion of titles, 306. Interior of the Trinity House, 307. Rag Fair commerce, 308. Itinerant Jews and Depredators, 309. Lamentable state of the Jews...

A Slap at Slop, 269. A Nondescript, 270. Romanis, 271. Bow steeple-Sir Chris. Wren, 272. The Temple of Apollo, 273. Caricatures, 274. Rich stores of literature, 275. Pulpit orat...

Anticipation, 428. Obligation, 429. Change of subjects, 430 Magasin de Mode, 431. Bell, Warwick Lane, 432. Bull and Mouth Street, 433. Bull and Mouth Inn, 434. Jehu chaff, 435....

A return to the metropolis, 2. Instance of exorbitant charges, 3. Field-marshal Count Bertrand, 4. Lines on the late Napoleon, 5. A mysterious vehicle, 6. The devil in Long Acre...

The centre of attraction, 185. The circulating library, 186. Library wit, 187. Fitting on the cap, 188. Breaking up, 189. Gaming, 190. Hells-Greeks-Black-legs, 191. How to becom...

Newspaper recreations, 210. Value of Newspapers, 211. Power of imagination, 212. Rich bill of fare, 213. Proposed Review of the Arts, 214. Demireps and Cyprians, 215. Dashing ch...

St. George's day, 263. Royalty on the wing, 264. Progress to the levee, 265. An unfortunate apothegm, 266. How to adjust a quarrel, 267. Wisdom in wigs, 268. A classical acquain...

Symptoms of alarm, 351. Parties missing, 352. A strange world, 353. Wanted, and must come, 354. Expectation alive, 355. A cure for melancholy, 356. Real Life a game, 357. The ga...

Early morning amusements, 47. Frightening to death, 48. Improvements of the age, 49. Preparing for a swell, 50. The acmé of barberism, 51. A fine specimen of the art, 52. Duels...

A morning at home, 185. High life, 186. Converting felony into debt, 187. Scene in a madhouse, 188. Apathy of undertakers, 189. A provident undertaker, 190. A bribe rejected, 19...

Preparing for a ramble, 66. A man of the town, 67. Bond Street, 68. A hanger on, 70. A man of science, 71. Dandyism, 72. Dandy heroism, 74. Inebriety reproved, 75. My uncle's ca...

Heterogeneous mass, 129. Attractions of the theatre, 130. Tragedy talk, 131. Authors and actors, 132. Chancery injunctions, 133. Olympic music, 134. Dandy larks and sprees, 135....

Munster simplicity, 317. A visit to an astrologer, 318. A peep into futurity, 319. Treading-mill, 320. An unexpected occurrence, 321. The sage taken in, 322. Statue of ill luck,...

A morning visit, 223. The fine arts, 224. Public exhibitions, 225. Living artists, 226. Horse Guards-- Admiralty, 227. Westminster Bridge, 228. Promenade Rooms, 229. Improvement...

Tattersall's, 160. Friendly dealings, 161. Laudable company, 162. The Sportsman's exchange, 163. An unlimited order, 164. How to ease heavy pockets, 165. Body-snatchers and Bum-...

The tame hare, 298. Ingenuity of man, 299. London sights and shows, 300. Automaton chess player, 301. South sea bubble, 302. New City of London tavern, 303. Moorfields, 304. Epi...

An unexpected visitor, 122. Private accommodations, 123. The hero of Waterloo, 124. “The lungs of the metropolis,” 125. How to cut up a human carcass. 126. Resurrectionists, 127...

Vauxhall Gardens, 334, Various amusements, 335. Sober advice, 336. Fashionable education, 337. University education, 338. Useful law proceedings, 339. How to punish a creditor,...

A dinner party, 109. Complimentary song, 110. Irish posting, 111. Extraordinary robbery, 112. Follies of fashion--ennui, 113. A set-to in a gambling house, 114. A nunnery--the L...

The Harp, Drury Lane, 241. Wards of city of Lushington, 242. The social compact, 243. A popular election, 244. Close of the poll, 245. Oratorical effusions, 246. Harmony and con...

Tothill-fields Bridewell, 20. Perversion of justice, 21. A laudable resolution, 22. Success and disappointment, 23. A story out of the face, 24. A critical situation, 25. A hair...

An early hour in Piccadilly, 164. Cleopatra's needle, 165. A modest waterman, 166. Interesting scenery, 167. Philosophy in humble life, 168. Southwark Bridge, 169. London Bridge...

The Lock-up House, 372. Real Life with John Doe, etc., 373. Every thing done by proxy, 374. Lottery of marriage, 375. Sharp-shooting and skirmishing, 376. A fancy sketch, 377. T...

London munificence, 67. Vauxhall Bridge, 68. Millbank Penitentiary, 69. Metamorphoses of time, 70. Cobourg Theatre, 71. Retrospection, 72. Intellectual progress, 73. Wonders of...

Civic festivity, 209. Guildhall, 210. Council chamber-- Paintings, 211. City public characters, 212. A modern Polyphemus, 213. A classic poet, 214. Rhyming contagious, 215. Smit...

Public Office, Bow Street, 88. Irish generosity, 89. A bit of gig, 90. “I loves fun,” 91. A row with the Charleys, 92. Judicial sagacity, 93. Watch-house scenes, 94. A rummish p...

Jolly boys, 292. Dark-house Lane, 293. A breeze sprung up, 294. Business done in a crack, 295. Billingsgate, 296. Refinements in language, 297. Real Life at Billingsgate, 298. T...

Thieves of habit and necessity, 137. A felicitous meeting, 138. Shopping--Ludicrous anecdote, 139. A tribute of respect, 140. Royal waxworks, Fleet Street, 141. Sir Felix as Mac...

Diversity of opinions, 282. A fresh start, 283. A critique on names, 284. The Cafe Royale, Regent Street, 285. A singular character, 286. Quite inexplicable, 287. Development, 2...

Fancy sports, 392. Road to a fight, 393. New sentimental journey, 394. Travelling chaff, 395. Humours of the road, 396. Lads of the fancy, 397. Centre of attraction, 398. A forc...

Life in St. George's Fields, 34. Chums--Day rules, &c. 35. Hiring a horse--A bolter, 36. Characters of Abbot's priory, 37. Introductory sketch, 38. The flying pieman, 39. Commer...

Fire, confusion and alarm, 148. Snuffy tabbies and boosy kids, 149. A cooler for hot disputes, 150. An overturned Charley, 151. Resurrection rigs, 152. Studies from life, 154. A...

A fashionable introduction, 36. A sparkling subject, 37. The true spur to genius, 38. An agreeable surprise, 39. A serious subject, 40. A pleasant fellow, 41. Lively gossip, 42....

Fresh game sprung, 24. Lord C----e, alias Coal-hole George, 25. Rot at Carlton Palace, 28. Once-a-week man, 29. Sunday promenader, 30. How to raise the wind, 31. Lord Cripplegat...

Port of London, 383. Descriptive entertainment, 384. A rea swell party, 385. An Irish dancing master, 386. Female disaster, 387. Blackwall--East India Docks, 388. Sir Robert Wig...

Promenading reflections, 404. Anticipation, 405. Preliminary observations, 406. Characters in masquerade, 407. Irish sympathy, 408. Whimsicalities of character, 409. Masquerade...

Globe Coffee-house, 258. A humorous sort of fellow, 259. A Punster, 260. Signals and Signs, 261. Disconcerted Professors, 262. A learned Butcher, 263. A successful stratagem, 26...

Frolics of Greenwich fair, 155. Dr. Eady--Wall chalking, 156. Packwood and puffing, 157. Greenwich Hospital, 158. Greenwich pensioners, 159. Veterans at ease, 160. The old commo...

A promenade, 175. Something the matter, 176. Quizzical hits, 177. London friendship, 178. Fashion versus Reason, 179. Dinners of the Ton, 180. Brilliant mob of a ball-room, 181....

An hour in the Sessions House, 177. A piteous tale of distress, 178. Low life, 179. Serious business, 180. A capture, 181. Johnny-raws and green-horns, 182. Decker the prophet,...

An old friend returned, 255. A good object in view, 256. An alarming situation, 257. Choice of professions, 258. Pursuit of fortune, 259. Advantages of law, 260. A curious law c...

A medley of characters, 353. Fashionables, 354. More fashionables, 355. More life in St. Giles's, 356. Reconnoitring--a discovery, 357. Tragedy prevented, 358. Fat, fair, and fo...

A ride, 362. Exceptions to trade rivalship, 363. Effects of superior education, 364. Affectation in names, 365. Portraits of governesses, 366. Road to matrimony, 367. Villainy o...

A change of pursuits, 147. Almack's Rooms, 148. A fancy- dress ball, 149. Selection of partners, 150. Family portraits, 151. A rout and routed, 152. Pleasures of matrimony, 153....

Travelling preparations, 395. Whimsical associations, 396. Antiquity and origin of signs, 397. Signs of altered times, 398. Ludicrous corruptions, 399. A curious metamorphosis,...

Philosophical reflections, 7. A great master, 8. Modern jehuism, 9. A coach race, 10. A wood-nymph, 11. Improvements of the age, 12. An amateur of fashion, 13. Theatrical critic...

An unexpected visitor, 403. Sketches of fashionable life, 404. A Corinthian rout, 405. A Corinthian dinner party, 406. A new picture of real life, 409. More wise men of the East...