Chapter 8

unintelligible song to an admiring group of recruits, consisting of six girls with commendable ankles, and several supes of average awkwardness. The song ended the recruits retire, and the_ SERGEANT _sits down to drink with_ ROBERT ARNOLD, _a virtuous locksmith. Enter_ SILAS GARRETT.

SILAS. "I will pretend to be drunk. There is no reason why I should, but still it's a good bit of business." _Staggers and falls on_ ARNOLD.

ARNOLD. "Wretched being! He deserves nothing, and I will therefore give him my last half-crown. Now, SERGEANT, I will enlist. Let us go and sing more unintelligible songs." _They go. Enter_ MRS. ARMITAGE.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "I am starving. My child has eaten nothing for years. Oh, sir, give me something!"

SILAS. "Not I. Go and work. Don't touch me; you look as if you had been riding in a street car." _Rushes away as though pursued by the wicked flea_.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "There is no hope. I will die." _Dies_.

_Enter_ ARNOLD. "Hallo. Do I see a woman? What is the matter, my exhausted friend? Please come to life again!" (_She comes to life_.)

MRS. ARMITAGE. "Neither my child nor I have tasted food for vast and incalculable periods. Help me."

ARNOLD. "I will." (_Helps her home, and rushes out to beg. He successfully strikes a casual supe for five pounds, and remarks_)--"Now she is saved. I will buy a doll for the child. They can make porridge of the internal bran." _He goes for the doll, and_ SILAS _re-enters_.

SILAS. "Here are ARNOLD'S skeleton keys. I will steal them, and rob the man in the opposite house." _Robs him and is pursued by the police_.

_Scene 2d_. MRS. ARMITAGE'S _garret. Enter that interesting and hungry lady_.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "My child is dead; I will die too." (_Dies_.)

_Enter_ ARNOLD. "Here is a doll and other delicacies. Come to life again and eat them." _They come to life and retire to the hall for feasting and revelry. Enter_ SILAS.

SILAS. "The police are after me. There is not a moment to lose. I will therefore stop for an hour and arrange things so as to ensure ARNOLD'S arrest, and will then escape through the scuttle." (_He arranges things and then scuttles away. Enter police, after ten minutes of preliminary howling on the staircase, and discovering_ ARNOLD'S _skeleton keys, arrest him.) Curtain_.

_Everybody in the audience_. "I don't begin to see into the plot yet, but we shall in time."