Chapter 3

THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

(_BEFORE_ MR. COMMISSIONER PUNCH.)

_A SHAREHOLDER IN A GAS COMPANY INTRODUCED._

_The Commissioner_ (_sharply_). Well, Sir, what is it?

_Shareholder_. I have come to complain about the Gas Companies--

_The Com._ I am not surprised. They are generally causing some one or other trouble.

_Shareh._ No, I beg your pardon, Sir, but you misunderstand me. I am interested in the prosperity of Gas Companies--

_The Com._ Then I pity you, for they are certain, sooner or later, to be superseded by the Electric Light.

_Shareh._ Will you allow me to continue? I am annoyed that some one has been complaining in the _Times_ that "A Chief of a Rental Department" (invariably a person of the highest respectability) has a right to the title of "an arbitrary cove!"

_The Com._ No doubt someone (who showed his wisdom in appealing to so powerful a tribunal) gave his reasons?

_Shareh._ Well, yes; he certainly had been served with a demand to pay £1 4s. 10d. within three days, to "prevent the necessity" of the gas supply to his premises being discontinued at a time when he and his family were out of Town, and his house was closed for the recess.

_The Com._ _Primâ facie_, that seems a strong order! And I suppose the complainant wrote to the Gas Company, and got no redress?

_Shareh._ Well, yes. But then, you see, this demand for payment within three days may have been a final notice.

_The Com._ (_drily_). Seems to have been very final indeed! Was there anything on the face of the notice to distinguish it from an ordinary unstamped circular?

_Shareh._ No, I believe not. But, then, possibly, the account had been submitted to him before.

_The Com._ How do you know? Speaking from my own experience, a demand-note is generally left at the house when the master is away, and the Collector does not take the slightest trouble to _collect_ the money. He leaves it to chance whether the money is _sent_ or not. Surely _you_ must know that in your character of a householder?

_Shareh._ Well, yes; I fancy that the collector does sometimes act in a very perfunctory manner.

_The Com._ And that servants frequently are unable to distinguish between the open circular of a Gas Company asking for the settlement of an account, and the open circular of a touting coal merchant asking for custom? And when this happens, both find a home in the dust-hole. Is not that so?

_Shareh._ Well, yes--very likely--but the law is--

_The Com._ (_sternly_). The Law and its name should not be lightly taken in vain. I have seen on a Gas Company's circular the terrors of a statute invoked to secure prompt payment of a few shillings! After all, the Gas Companies (albeit monopolists) are merely traders, and the Public are the customers. If a butcher, a baker, or a candle-stick maker invariably attempted to secure immediate payment by reference on the invoice to the usefulness of the County Court, it is more than possible that that butcher, that baker, or that candle-stick maker, would speedily have to retire from business _viâ_ the Bankruptcy column of _The London Gazette_. Thus Gas Companies, who adopt a like unpleasant tone, are regarded as the natural enemies of the Public generally. You have a grievance--as a shareholder of one of these Associations--but this is not the place to obtain redress. If you want to improve your position, keep your eye upon your _employés_, and teach them the meaning of that well-worn phrase, _Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re!_ You may go!

[_The Witness then retired, with difficulty repressing a painful exhibition of the most acute emotion._]

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NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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