Part 3

FRANKFORT.--Had no end of a good time over here, at the Chess Congress. Played all the cracks, and beat 'em all! You mayn't have heard of this in the newspapers, because, for reasons which would not be of any general interest, I felt bound to _enter under a false name_. BLACKBURNE said he'd "never seen such gambits as mine." ZUKERTORT was so irritated at my beating him three times running, that he actually exclaimed, "Gambit all!"--Excuse the force of the expression; perhaps he thought he was in the Lobby of the House of Commons.--"I'll never play that fellow again as long as I live!" You'll see from this that, though the games weren't drawn, some of the competitors were.

There were two Russian chess-players present. I played one, got him on to a dispute about the Afghan frontier, and adroitly took his Queen off the board when he wasn't looking. He seemed surprised, but I assured him it was all right, and scored an easy win.

Herr HARMONIST _might have_ beaten me, but as it was a very hot day, I proposed playing under a tree in the hotel-garden. Then I purposely took a long time over each move. The worthy Teuton became thirsty. Lager beer began to flow. It flowed so much that after five hours the Herr didn't know the difference between Bishop and Pawn! That was _my_ move. Of course he was badly beaten.

Only time _I_ was beaten was one game with BLACKBURNE. He offered to play me blind-fold; I took the opportunity, while he was thinking over his plan of campaign, to relieve him of his watch and purse, and was just going to pull off his boots when he called "Check-mate!" However, I think I got the best of the encounter on the whole. I call it (in private) the "rook gambit."

I ended up by a marvellous _tour de force_. I played every one of the competitors--twenty-one in all--at the same time, and beat the entire number of them! The Frenchman retired from the contest, _simply because he was piqued at my superior skill_. He said--most unfairly--my proceedings were "not above board;" also said he objected on principle to a game with a King and Queen it. Would you believe it, but professional jealousy actually prevented my being declared the Chess Champion! Never mind! Got my board (and lodging) gratis. Had high jinks, and free drinks, at the Frankfort _pawn_-shop--see the joke? You'll hear of me at the next International Chess Congress, without fail.

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SUMMER BOATING SONG.

SUN on the slumbrous meadows, Sun on the sleeping trees; Massy and deep the shadows Stirred by no vagrant breeze. Rhythmical in the riggers, Oars with a steady shock Tell how we work like niggers For a cool in the plashy lock.

And it's oh, for the neck of the camel, The ostrich, snake, giraffe! And what if to-morrow I am ill, To-day it is mine to quaff.

Bother my rates and taxes! Crown me the mantling bowl; The world has gone off its axis, It's nothing but Life and Soul. To-day, like the books of the Sibyl, Is waningly dearer still, As the sunset echoes wibble From a cloud-clean saffron hill.

Calm is the solemn surface Of waters that woo the skies, And tenderly calm is her face Who gazes with larger eyes At the deepening purple above her, While over her, small and white, There leans, like a courtly lover, The sweetness of all the night.

All day in the sun we boated, How can I tell how far? For years in the sun we floated, For ages that yellow star Behind the poplar has trembled, And down to the wine-dark deep, While softer day dissembled The Midsummer call to sleep.

And it's oh, for the neck of the camel, The ostrich, snake, giraffe, What though to-morrow I _am_ ill, To-night I am fain to quaff.

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NOT QUITE ON THE SQUARE.--The Story of the Round Table.

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ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Lords, Monday Night, July 25._--Peers received important accession of strength to-night. Gentleman long known in Commons as "Old Mother HUBBARD" been translated, and will henceforward be known to history as Lord ADDINGTON. His early impression was that he should have been CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. Admiration for DIZZY, and respect for STAFFORD NORTHCOTE; but always thought they were out of place at the Treasury whilst he sat below the Gangway, fain to be content with criticising their schemes. Markiss didn't really know what to do with him. Couldn't appoint him CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER in succession to GRANDOLPH. Yet HUBBARD felt he must have something. Markiss, thinking it over one day, recalled the fact that HUBBARD had absolutely safe seat in City.

"Good," he said. "Let's make him a Peer."

So here he is to-night, swaggering up floor of House of Lords, with little ambulatory swing of coat-tails, familiar for generations in House of Commons. Markiss looks on, pleased with fulfilment of his happy thought.

"Nice old gentleman," he remarked, _sotto voce_. "Prosy when he starts, and always something of a bore. But he'll do for the House of Lords. Moreover, have now finally shut him up. Figures are his forte, Finance his foible. Finance is the only subject that may not be discussed in House of Lords. So, where HUBBARD was voluble, ADDINGTON must be dumb."

Great muster on Opposition Benches in House of Commons. Conservatives not yet back from festivities in the Solent. Old Morality depressed with consciousness that it will be impossible for him to move the Closure. ARTHUR BALFOUR quite conciliatory in manner. Progress accordingly comparatively rapid and altogether peaceful. At outset, threatened encounter between SEXTON and JOHNSTON. SEXTON made inquiry as to whether any chance of City Charter being granted to Belfast? JOHNSTON jumped up with cry of "Stop thief!" On the Fourteenth of June--(didn't mention hour, but precise as to day)--he had put similar question, and had, he said, been waiting ever since for answer. Detected in SEXTON'S movement attempt to secure monopoly of popularity. Not going to stand that. House only laughed, and incident went no further.

Later, to intense delight of Parnellites, HARTINGTON and CHAMBERLAIN differed on point raised in Irish Land Bill and voted in opposite lobbies. "Beginning of the End," said JOSEPH GILLIS humorously clawing at TIM HEALY.

_Business done._--Irish Land Bill in Committee.

_Tuesday_, 3 A.M.--Late enough to be here. Would have been later still but for the presence of mind of the SPEAKER. Hour ago STUART, running in with pile of papers moved Second Reading of Bill to legalise Langworthy and other marriages celebrated at Antwerp by one POTTS. Debate followed, TOMLINSON moving adjournment. House divided, 75 for adjournment and five-and-seventy against. Everything now depended on the SPEAKER. If he gave casting vote against adjournment, might go on merrily far into morning. SPEAKER took another course. Quite time to go home. So supported adjournment, and rest of business speedily wound up.

_Tuesday Evening._--CHARLIE BERESFORD about House to-night in unusually limp condition. Avoided Treasury Bench. Wouldn't even enter House. "Only come down," says he, "to signal postmaster to hand over letters." Rumour gathers that CHARLES has had difficulty with his colleagues. Perhaps feels remorse about Crimes Bill, or can't stomach Land Bill. However it be, it is confidently whispered that he has resigned. All the Naval Captains on Conservative side make a point of loitering about Treasury Bench, and, if possible, exchange a word with Old Morality. If there is vacancy at Admiralty, will want a substitute. No harm in reminding him of the existence of one or two.

Presently made clear that it is for domestic, not political, reasons that CHARLIE has resigned. Seems that when at Review on Saturday, he, being on Queen's Yacht, filled up idle five minutes by signalling to his wife on another ship. This grave breach of etiquette shakes naval force of Great Britain to centre. Can be atoned for only by offender sacrificing his professional position and prospects. So CHARLIE sends in his resignation, and BRITANNIA, dissolved in tears, weeps over her errant son. Procedure of course only formal. Can't spare gallant and capable sailor like this on account of breach of etiquette.

_Business done._--Land Bill in Committee.

_Thursday Night._--TIM on the rampage. SAUNDERSON set him agog at Question time, by rubbing him down wrong way. But it was BALFOUR who completed work. As TIM frankly admits, cannot sit opposite BALFOUR, smirking on Treasury Bench, without losing control of himself.

"I know it's wrong, TOBY," he said to me after, in the Lobby, "but there is only one way to prevent it. I must quit the House, and go out for a walk on Terrace. To see BALFOUR sitting over there on the small of his back, sneering whilst we are trying to do our best for Ireland, is too much for me."

Having had back put up by BALFOUR, Conservatives below Gangway opposite completed transformation of TIM from peaceable citizen into an infuriate. HENNIKER HEATON, charging himself only half postage, sent frequent irritating messages across floor of House. TIM made show of taking off coat, turning up sleeves, and harrying HENNIKER. Chairman interposed with threat of "Naming." TIM defied him, but presently gave in, and withdrew offensive remarks.

Seemed all over now. DE LISLE proposed to offer few observations. Smartly rapped on head by COURTNEY, and resumed seat. Then Division. Whilst House cleared, DE LISLE took opportunity to have little conversation with COURTNEY. TIM watched him with lowering eyes. The Division takes about ten minutes. Supposing he and DE LISLE were to pair, go on the Terrace, and have it out? Happy Thought. Suggest it to DE LISLE. Swooped down on him while talking to COURTNEY in chair, and plainly propounded proposition.

"Come out!" he said, in blood-curdling whisper. "Come out, if you are a man. If you interrupt me again, I'll break your neck."

This conclusive, but as argumentative process not recognised in House. DE LISLE went out by a door other than that affected by TIM. Chairman said nothing, but as soon as Members returned from Division Lobby sent for SPEAKER, and reported circumstances to him. So TIM was suspended. Now partially anticipating the Recess. House practically empty. To-night filled up for this scene. After it was over, Benches cleared again, there being nothing more interesting than business to the fore.

_Business done._--Committee on Land Bill.

_Friday._--_Captain Bunsby_ appeared in House to-night. Took familiar and graceful form of RICHARD TEMPLE. Some one questioned him as to what would London School Board do if the Pensions Bill promoted by it did not pass this Session? Would they terminate engagements for purpose of compelling their servants to come within provisions of Bill?

"Sir," said Sir RICHARD, casting killing glance at Ladies' Gallery, "whether the Board shall see fit to exercise their power is a question which no man can answer; and, if so be, wherefore? Why, Sir, because the Board will never form a decision on contingencies which have not yet arisen."

House delighted. Roared with laughter.

"When found, make a note of for _Tit Bits_," said NEWNES; and he did.

Land Bill in Committee again. Getting terribly dull, though wakes up now and then when HARCOURT interposes. Tremendous scene at Half-past Two this morning, when Old Morality rebuked him. O. M. accused HARCOURT of making charge against Ministerialists.

"I don't know what charge I have made," said HARCOURT; "but I am prepared to maintain all I have said."

That, of course, settled matter, and Members went home.

_Business done._--Land Bill in Committee.

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GROUSE PROSPECTS.

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