Part 3

_Friday._--Not heard much lately of HENNIKER-HEATON. Compared with what my dear old friend RAIKES used to suffer from this quarter, ARNOLD MORLEY'S withers are unwrung. "You've not given up the crusade, have you?" I asked HENNIKER, meeting him in the Lobby just now.

"No," he said; "I do not mean to rest till not only I get Ocean Penny Postage, but have introduced at home a smaller but much-needed reform. Custom here at Christmas is, as I daresay you know, to give postman present. That I hold to be a criminal reversal of natural course of events. It's the Post-Office should give its customers a Christmas-box, as in some places doth the grocer and eke the milkman. This tax upon the general public on behalf of a department of the State is another evidence of the grasping disposition of St. Martin's-le-Grand. I'll be up and at 'em again soon. Fact is, of late I've had my own troubles. Have mentioned them in letter to _Times_, so don't mind talking to you on a subject that has brought me from unknown admirers many expressions of sympathy, the comfort of which has, it is true, been somewhat lessened by the fact that postage was unpaid. It's this Australian Bank business. You know the proud motto of that great Colony beyond the Sea, 'Advance, Australia!' Well, having lived there sometime, I thought it only polite to fall in with the suggestion. I advanced Australia a good deal of money in the way of purchase of bank stock, which has melted away like snow on the river. CURRAN'S in the same box: but we shall get over this, and you may bet a shilling postage-stamp to a halfpenny newspaper-cover we'll Advance Australia no more."

_Business done._--Entered last compartment Home-Rule Bill.

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"VOCES STELLARUM."

A great crowd of theatrical astronomers and star-gazers assembled at the Lyceum Observatory last Saturday night for the purpose of watching the movements of the brilliant Lyceum group. HENRY IRVING of the first magnitude, ELLEN TERRY one of the brightest of the astral bodies, and the Mars-like TERRIS, with the other lesser brilliancies, all of whom we shall be unable to reckon as among the "Fixed Stars" until next Spring, when they shall have returned from their American tour. Enthusiastic reception from all parts of the House of IRVING-BECKET'S parting address, which he delivered, standing before the Curtain, in his monk's habit (one of the old "Orders," "not admitted after seven"), and wearing the _pallium_, which is the special and peculiar "property" of the Lyceum See. _Mr. Punch_ wishes them "_Bon voyage_," and many happy "returns" after every performance, ending with the happiest return of all, their reappearance at the Lyceum.

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CONS. FOR THE CHAIR.

_On very Old Models._

_Q._ Why should a MELLOR put on a "considering cap"?--_A._ To keep his head cool. _Q._ When is a "Chair" not a "Chair"?--_A._ When it is "sat upon." _Q._ When does the Closure a Premier surprise?--_A._ When he finds the "Noes" above the "Ayes." _Q._ Where was PEEL when he put the SEXTON out?--_A._ In a passion. _Q._ Why does an angry Party "cross" the House?--_A._ To get on the other side.

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An Unpleasant Paradox.

That "great conflagration" at "Simmery Axe" Brings woe to the burthened with Rate and Tax, For it tells him that Rating must still go higher-- He must "raise the Wind" to keep down the Fire!

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GOOD LEGAL SECURITIES.--De-Benchers of Lincoln's Inn.

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Transcriber's Note:

Sundry missing or damaged punctuation has been repaired.

Page 41: 'everthing' corrected to 'everything' ... "You may be sure the Chief has his own reasons for everything."

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