Chapter 1

express her feelings by more than a contemptuous glare._

_Uncle Gabriel._ My--ah--love, you didn't hear me. I was saying I've almost prevailed on his Lordship----

_Mrs. Gilwattle_ (_becoming articulate_). His Lordship, indeed! If _that's_ a Lord, I don't wonder you're such a Radical!

_Uncle Gab._ Why--why--what's _come_ to you, JOANNA? My Lord, I hope you'll excuse her--she's a little----

_Mrs. Gil._ Fiddlesticks! You've been made a fool of, GABRIEL! Can't you see for yourself that he's neither the manners nor yet the appearance of a _real_ nobleman--or anything but what he _is_?

_Uncle Gab._ (_dropping_ Lord S.'s _arm_). Eh? If you're not a Lord, Sir, what else _are_ you?

_Lord Strath._ (_wavering between wrath and amusement_). Afraid I can't enlighten you--I'm extremely curious to know myself.

_Mrs. Tid._ (_distractedly_). Oh, Aunt, it wasn't my fault, really! MONTAGUE _would_ have him! And--and we _sent_ round to say he wouldn't be required--we did indeed! Please, _please_ don't tell anybody!

_Mrs. Gil._ (_rigidly_). It is my _duty_ to let everyone here know how disgracefully we have been insulted to-night, MARIA, and might have gone away in ignorance, but for that innocent child--who has done nothing, that _I_ can see, to deserve being shaken like that! _I_'m not going to sit by in silence and see a man passed off as a Lord who is nothing more nor less than one of the assistants out of BLANKLEY'S shop, hired to come and fill a vacant seat! Yes, GABRIEL, if you doubt my word, look at MARIA--and _now_ ask that young man to dine!

[_Profound sensation among the company._

_Uncle Gab._ I--ah--withdraw the invitation, of course--it is cancelled, Sir, cancelled!

_Feminine Murmur._ I had a feeling, the moment he came in, as if--so thankful now I didn't commit myself by so much as--ah, my dear, it all comes from a desire to make a show!--&c., &c.

_Uncle Gab._ It's the bare-faced impudence of coming here on false pretences, that _I_ can't get over. Come, Mr. SHOPWALKER, COUNTERJUMPER, or whatever you really are, what have _you_ got to say for yourself?

_Lord Strath._ Say? Why----

[_He struggles to control his countenance for a moment, until he is convulsed at last by irrepressible laughter._

_All_ (_except the_ TIDMARSHES). He's laughing--positively _laughing_ at Us! The brazenness of it!

_Lord Strath._ (_regaining composure_). I--I'm awfully sorry, but it struck me suddenly as so----After all, the joke is only against myself. (_To himself._) Must try and get my unfortunate hostess out of this fix--not that she deserves it! (_Aloud._) If you will kindly let me explain, I think I can----

_Mr. Tid._ (_suddenly_). Oh, hang explaining! It's all out now, and you'd better leave it there!

_Lord Strath._ I can't, indeed. I must make you all understand that this well-meaning lady with the highly-developed sense of duty has done our host and hostess a grave injustice, besides paying me a compliment I don't deserve. I'm sorry to say I can't claim to be half as useful a member of the community as any of the very obliging and attentive gentlemen in Mr. BLANKLEY'S employment. If I'm anything, I'm a--an Egyptologist, in an amateur sort of way, you know. A--in fact, I'm writing a book on Ancient Egypt.

_The Others._ A _literary_ man! As if _that_ made it any better!

_Lord Strath._ I merely mention it because it led me to write to Mr. CARTOUCHE--whom I happened to hear of as a famous collector--and ask to be allowed to call and inspect his collection. Mr. CARTOUCHE (who lives, I believe, at No. 92, next door) very kindly wrote, giving me leave, and inviting me to dine at the same time, and--I know it was unpardonably careless of me--but somehow I came here instead, and, Mr. and Mrs. TIDMARSH being both too--er--hospitable to undeceive me, I never found my mistake out till too late to put it right, without inconveniencing everybody. That's really all.

[_Uneasy reaction in the company._

_Uncle Gab._ (_pompously_). Ha--hum--no doubt that puts a somewhat different complexion on the case, but it doesn't explain your conduct in calling yourself Lord STRATHFOOZLEUM, or whatever it was.

_Lord Strath._ I think you mean STRATHSPORRAN. I did call myself that, because it happens to be my name.

_Mrs. Tid._ (_passionately_). I don't believe it.... I _can't_. If it is, why did Miss SEATON call you "Mr. CLAYPOLE"?

_Lord Strath._ I beg your pardon--CLAYMORE. Because, when we last met, I was DOUGLAS CLAYMORE, with no prospect whatever, as it seemed then, of being anything else.

_Mrs. Tid._ (_faintly_). Then he really is--_Oh_!

[_She sinks on the couch, crushed._

_Uncle Gab._ Ha, well, my Lord, I'm glad this little misunderstanding is so satisfactorily cleared up, and if I may venture to hope for the honour of your company,--shall we say Friday wee----(Lord S. _looks at him steadily._) Oh, if your Lordship has some better engagement, well and good. Makes no difference to _me_ I assure you. JOANNA, our carriage must be here by now, say good-bye and have done with it! Good-night, MARIA, I'll see you don't expose me to _this_ again!