Chapter 1

digging MARIA's grave in his shirt-sleeves, and thereby revealing that his shirt-front is as false as his heart. He announces that "Nothing can shake him, now, from his pre-determined purpose," and that "the grave gapes for its coming victim."_

_Enter MARIA, disguised in a brown bowler hat and a very tight suit of tweed "dittoes," in which she looks very like the "Male Impersonator" at a Music-hall. The Audience receive her with derision and the recommendation to go and get her hair cut._

_Maria_. Here am I in disguise at the Red Barn. And yet something seems to whisper to me that danger is near. WILLIAM, where, _where_ are you?

_William_ (_coming out of a corner_). 'Ere, MARIA, 'ere! (_Aside._) Now to 'url my victim to an early grave! (_Aloud._) 'Ave you obeyed my instructions and avoided notice?

_Maria_. I have. Whenever I saw anyone approaching, I hid behind a hedge and ducked in the ditch.

_William_ (_with sombre approval_). That was most discreet on your part, MARIA. No one saw you come in, and no one will ever see you go out. Be'old your open grave!

[_After some pleading from MARIA, a desperate struggle takes place--that is, they catch one another's wrists, and walk up and down together. MARIA calls upon her Mother's spirit, whereupon a very youthful Angel is seen floating above the couple._

_The Female S._ (_triumphantly_). Theer now--theer ain't bin no murder yet, and theer's th' Gho-ast sure enough!

_Swain_ (_who is not going to own that he is mistaken_). That ain't naw Gho-ast!

_Female S._ What is it, then?

_Swain._ Why, it's the "De-cep-ti-o Vissus," as was wrote up outside.

[_The Guardian Angel vanishes; WILLIAM _gets a spade, and aims at MARIA, who takes it away, and strikes him; he is then reduced to the pick-axe, but she wrests this from him too, and hits him in the face with it. He pulls her coat off, and her hair down--but she escapes from him a third time--on which he snatches up a pistol, and fires it._

_William_ (_with unreasonable surprise_). Great Evans! What 'ave I done? I, am become a _Murderer_! The shot 'as taken effect! See, she staggers this way! (_Which MARIA does, to die comfortably in WILLIAM's arms_.) I 'ave slain the only woman who ever truly loved me; and I know not whether I loved her most while living, or hate her most now she's dead! (_The Curtain falls, leaving WILLIAM with this nice point still unsolved, and the Audience profoundly unmoved by the tragedy, and evidently longing for more of the Comic Countryman._)