Chapter 3

A fine speech, equal to the magnificent audience. Even DON'T KEIR-HARDIE took off his cap to listen. JOSEPH never better with his quick sharp thrust, his lunging blow, and his apt tripping up. As usual, best where speech broken in upon with rude interruption. Note the incident when launched upon his peroration, carefully prepared and perilously adventured upon. House not passionately fond of perorations. Will suffer them only from Mr. G. and one or two others. CHAMBERLAIN rarely rises to peroration point. To-night a great occasion. Solemn enough even for peroration. Rising with its swelling tide, he came to ask "the wisest and the most sensible among you to consider the situation." Standing at the moment with face turned to Liberals above Gangway; from Irish camp behind his back rose shouts of ironical cheers and noisy laughter, "Boo-oo!" CHAMBERLAIN stopped perforce, and with scornful gesture of thumb over his shoulder at mob behind, said, "Yes, to the others I do not speak;" then went on and finished his sentence.

"A great day this, for JOSEPH," I said after, to SQUIRE OF MALWOOD.

"Ah," said. THE PERSONAGE, meditatively stroking a chin made for Cabinets. "Yes, he's very important; he reminds me of a story I heard when I was in Scotland. There was a funeral going on in a quiet street in Glasgow. Among the company present was observed a man whom nobody seemed to know, but who was bustling about as if he were in charge of most things. At last the undertaker, jealous of his own position, suggested he had better take a back seat. 'Losh man!' cried the Unknown, his eyes blazing with indignation, 'I'm brither to the corpp.' Dissentient Liberalism is dead; but JOE is brither to the corpp, and we must bear with him a little."

That's all very well; but they haven't done with JOSEPH yet. There may come times of distress and famine when he will be heard of from Egypt.

_Business done_.--The Government's. Wound up by a majority of 40 in turbulent House of 660 Members.

* * * * *

OVIDIUS REMARK.

(_From a confirmed Tea-Drinker, who, suffering from Gout, has been forbidden his favourite beverage_.)

DEAR TOPER,--Alas, no more of "The generous" for some time to come, and, what afflicts me most is, I am cut off from my Tea! "What, no soap! So he died." Substitute "Tea" for "Soap," and there I am. My boy TOMMY, who is at home for the holidays, reminds me of what OVID said at Tomi, not _to_ TOMMY, as they were not contemporaries, "_Nec tecum vivere possum, nec sine te_." For "_te_" read "tea," and that's my case to a T.

[Greek: Thatts Houtis.]

_Goughty Street, Old Portman Square._

* * * * *

LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.--Dear _Mr. Punch_,--And now for another glance at Racing. Next week we have meetings at Stockton and Wolverhampton, and the most important race is the Stockton Handicap, for which I will append my usual poetic selection:--

_STOCKTON HANDICAP SELECTION._

A difficult river to cross, I am told, Is the one that is known as the Styx; But, if rider and horseman be equally bold, You can _do it by aid of "The Pyx"_!

This will rejoice the hearts of my followers, who have been "selectionless" for some weeks, and have therefore been unable to bet, unless they have accepted the absolutely unreliable information given by _all_ the other sporting writers, but never by, yours truly,

LADY GAY. _Nash Hotel, Bournemouth._

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.