Chapter 3

At first all eyes turned to NEWDEGATE's old quarters; but the voice evidently did not proceed thence. Following the sound, Members came upon ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS breaking out in a fresh place. Otherwise, all the same; the flat-toned voice, the imperturbable manner that awaits cessation of storm of obloquy, and then completes interrupted sentence; the conviction that somebody (generally the Government) is acting dishonestly, and needs a watchful eye kept upon him; the information conveyed that the Eye is now turned on--all were there, each identified ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS. Up again and again during preliminary discussion, always shouted at, and ever quietly waiting till noise has subsided, when he finishes the interrupted sentence, and begins another.

_Business done._--In Committee on Small Holdings.

_Tuesday._--Happy circumstance in the history of all Administrations that there is never lacking a friend on their own side to keep them on the right path. RADCLIFFE COOKE suddenly developed tendency towards personally conducting the Government. Hitherto appeared as a docile follower. New state of affairs arose in connection with Breach of Privilege by Cambrian Railway Directors. HICKS-BEACH last night gave notice to take into consideration Special Report of Select Committee charging Directors with Breach of Privilege. BEACH proposed to wait awhile till "the other side" had got up a case or two, to show that if Masters were prone to punish their Servants for giving inconvenient evidence on question of Hours of Labour, the Servants were no better when they had power to inflict

on each other similar punishment. BEACH made his proposal in matter-of-fact way, anticipating general concurrence. But CHANNING objected; GEORGE TREVELYAN did not approve the suggestion; while the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD eagerly seized BEACH's maladroit phrase about "the other side," and made great play with it. Probably BEACH might have disregarded this action from Opposition Benches; but different when RADCLIFFE COOKE rose from Bench immediately behind Ministers, and in severely judicial manner criticised proposed action of President of Board of Trade. BEACH said nothing at moment; after some hours' reflection, announced withdrawal of original proposition and intention of proceeding with indictment of Cambrian Directors without waiting for case of "the other side."

To-day he moved that on Thursday the accused should appear at Bar of House. This on point of being agreed to when COOKE again appeared on scene; with increased impressiveness of manner argued against BEACH's proposal. Prince ARTHUR began to look uneasy; no knowing where this sort of thing would end if it spread. What with SEXTON on one side correcting grammar of Ministerial Resolutions, and RADCLIFFE COOKE on the other amending their procedure, it really seemed time to go to the country. Something like condition of paralysis stealing over Treasury Bench when SPEAKER came to assistance of Ministers, and benignly but effectively pointed out to COOKE that he was one too many, was in fact spoiling the broth. COOKE tried to argue the matter out, but SPEAKER peremptory and Ministers saved from fresh rebuff.

"It's all very well for them arguing round the subject like that," said MACLURE, nervously mopping his forehead. "But it's a very different thing with me, at my age and fighting weight. An Insurance Broker, Director of various Railway and other Companies, formerly Major of the 40th Lancashire Volunteers, a Trustee for three Church livings, and father of a large family, to be brought up on a Breach of Privilege is no slight matter. Indignity is aggravated by the locality. 'The Bar' is the last place in the world where the friends of JOHN WILLIAM MACLURE would think it likely to find him."

_Business done._--In Committee on Small Holdings.

_Thursday Night._--After all, MACLURE didn't have to stand at the Bar to-night, so his feelings were saved a peculiarly painful wrench. But the Chairman of Cambrian Railway held a special meeting at Bar. It was attended by Mr. BAILEY HAWKINS, and Mr. JOHN CONACHER, Manager of the Company. The SERGEANT-AT-ARMS also looked in, bringing the Mace with him.

"Now if they were _really_ going to have anything at the Bar," said MACLURE, looking wistfully on, "a drop of mulled port or anything like that, Mace would come in handy. Suppose ERSKINE would dip it in the jorum and stir the liquor round."

So MACLURE joked, and so, as JULIUS 'ANNIBAL, naturally well-posted up in this epoch of history, reminds me, NERO fiddled whilst Rome burned. Fact is, MACLURE in terrible funk; mental condition shared by his Chairman, Co-director, and the Manager. The latter, resolved to sell his life dearly, brought in his umbrella, which gave him a quite casual hope-I-don't-intrude appearance as he stood at the Bar.

Members at first disposed to regard whole matter as a joke. Cheered MACLURE when he came in at a half trot; laughed when, the Bar pulled out, difficulty arose about making both ends meet.

"That's the Chancellor of the Exchequer's duty," said WILFRID LAWSON; "GOSCHEN ought to go and lend a hand."

Bursts of laughter and buzz of conversation in all parts of the House; general aspect more like appearance at theatre on Boxing Night when audience waits for curtain to rise on new pantomime. Only the SPEAKER grave, even solemn; his voice occasionally rising above merry din with stern cry of "Order! order!"

"Of course, now they're at the Bar they can order what they please," said TANNER. Well the SPEAKER didn't hear him. Later, on eve of final division, he offered another remark in louder tone. SPEAKER thundered down upon him like a tornado, and TANNER quiet for rest of sitting.

HICKS-BEACH's speech gave new and more serious turn to affairs. Concluded with Motion declaring Directors guilty of Breach of Privilege and sentencing them to admonition. But speech itself clearly made out that Directors were blameless; all the bother lying at door of Railway Servant who had been dismissed. Speech, in short, turned its back on Resolution. This riled the Radicals; not to be soothed even by Mr. G. interposing in favourite character as GRAND OLD PACIFICATOR. Storm raged all night; division after division taken; finally, long past midnight, Directors again brought up to the Bar, the worn, almost shrivelled, appearance of CONACHER's umbrella testifying to the mental suffering undergone during the seven hours that had passed since last they stood there.

SPEAKER, with awful mien and in terrible tones, "admonished" them; and so to bed.

_Business done._--Cambrian Directors admonished for Breach of Privilege.

_Tuesday, April 12._--House adjourns to-day for Easter Holidays; good many adjourned after Friday's Sitting; some waited to hear JOKIM bringing in his Budget last night. Few left to-day to wind up the business. HUGHES, gallant Colonel who represents Woolwich, here a few minutes ago. But he's gone too. "Sometimes," he said, with a far-away smile, "they call me 'the Woolwich Infant.' If I am such a very big gun, perhaps the best thing I can do is to go off."

I follow his example.

_Business done._--Adjourned for Easter Holidays.

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THE LEGEND OF THE MUTTON BONE.

(BY OUR NEWLY-MARRIED POETESS.)

When the world is full of flowers and of butterflies at play, I could sit beneath the roses eating chocolates all day; But my heart is very heavy as I ponder with dismay On the Mutton Bone a-lying in the Larder!

For GEORGE has squandered sixpence on a telegram from town, To say that he has come across "that dear old chappie--BROWNE," And to dine with us this evening he means to bring him down-- And the Mutton Bone is lying in the Larder!

I have just been down to see it, and my courage sinks a-new, Though Cook has kindly promised me her very best to do-- Which means that she'll convert into an appetising stew The Mutton Bone a-lying in the Larder.

But I suddenly remember, with a blush of rosy pink, That Cook--alas! is given to the frequent use of drink, And if she once gets muddled up--perhaps she'll never think Of the Mutton Bone a-lying in the Larder!

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As the western sun is gilding all the heather of the moor, Down the basement stairs I'm creeping--till a widely open door Shows me Cook in heavy slumber on her cherished kitchen floor-- And the Mutton Bone is lying in the Larder!

O GEORGE, there'll be no dinner, dear, for you and BROWNE to-day! I picture to myself the pretty words that you will say-- And I seize my guinea bonnet--and I wander far away From the Mutton Bone a-lying in the Larder!

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MOTTO FOR A SOAP CO.--"Nothing like Lather."

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