Chapter 4

All things are fair that are not dark; Yet all are dark that are not fair. And the same cat that slays the lark, Itself is often killed by care.--BOHER.

SONOGUN had seen a notice in a railway-carriage. "Beware of card-sharpers" was printed upon it, and it flashed upon him, with the force of a revelation, that it must be meant for him. Once more he made up his mind. He would fly. Fear lent him a spare pair of second-hand wings. He whistled to his dog _Stray_, and having thrown HAECKEL and RENAN out of the window, he flapped twice, and then soared up, _Stray_ following as best he could. It was very dark, and the clouds were threatening. For a long time he avoided them, but at length he fell into a particularly damp one, and would inevitably have been drowned, had not the sagacious _Stray_ brought men to his assistance. And thus SONOGUN, the scoffer, the agnostic, the moody, gloomy, morose, cast-iron, Roman-faced misanthrope, got home. That same evening he changed his clothes and his character, and on the following day married GLADYS.

THE END.

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"QUITE NEW AND ORIGINAL."

The fencing Lecture, entitled, _The Story of Swordsmanship_, seems to have been so great a success, last Wednesday, at the Lyceum, as to have aroused the ire of some Music-hall Managers, who earnestly contend that the Stage of the Theatre, that is, of the Drama _pur et simple_, very pure _et_ very simple, should not be used or misused for the purpose of giving an entertainment, which, though given without scenes, was yet "illustrated with cuts."

It is highly probable that this offensive and defensive subject will be followed by other lectures more, perhaps, in keeping with theatrical tradition. We will not give our authority for this statement, but may intimate that that eminent professor of the P.R. and P.M.N.A.S.D., known within certain circles as _The Slogger_, will, at no very distant date, give at one of our most popular theatres a lecture, the first of a series, on _Pugilism and the Drama_.

Tickets, of course, to be obtained at the Box-office. The subject of the first Lecture will be _Box and Fighting Cocks_.

Among other things the eloquent professor will draw the attention of his audience to what a change in the history of the Stage, nay, perhaps, in the history of the world, would have occurred if to _Box's_ inquiry as to his pugilistic capacity, _Cox_ had replied, "I can!" and had there and then thrown himself, like _Mr. Pickwick_ "into a paralytic attitude," and exclaimed, "Come on!" an invitation which the challenger would have been bound in honour to accept. The Lecturer will practically show how "to make a hit," and give an example from the life of the "early closing movement." The Lecture will be interspersed with songs, such as "_Black Eyes and Blue Eyes_," "_Hand and Glove_," "_Ring! Ring!_" "_The Hymn to Floorer_" a part-song, by four choristers, and "_Me-fist-O's song_" from _Faust_. Perhaps the next Lecture on the some subject will be given at _The Umpire Theatre_.

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AN OLD CRY REVIVED (_unpalatable to the French Painters and Patriots).--"À Berlin! à Berlin!_"

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SHAKSPEARE AND THE UNMUSICAL GLASSES.

Mr. PINERO, in his letter to the _D.T._, complained that, should the Music Halls obtain their wicked way, through the incompetence of the County Council to deal with the matter--(but is not DRURIOLANUS a Counti-Counciliarius, and ready to see justice done to the poor player, author, (and manager alike? Sure-ly!)--then a play at a Hall of Music (they used to be "Caves of Harmony" in THACKERAY's time, and the principal Hall of Music was SAM HALL) will be heard between "a puff at a cigar and a sip from a glass." Well, but what piece can get on without a puff or so? Would not a good cigar during a good piece be on additional "draw?" We have "Smoking Concerts"; why not "Smoking Theatricals"? _But how about the Ladies?_ Years ago there were no smoking-carriages on the Railways. And what nowadays is the proportion of smoking to non-smoking compartments? Very small. The Ladies will decide this question. _But how about the Actors?_ In modern pieces they never lose an opportunity of smoking. Why shouldn't the cigar be introduced into Shakspearian revivals? Anachronism to the winds!--which is a polite way of expressing "Anachronism be blowed!" 'Baccy be blowed too. Sir WALTER RALEIGH would have approved its introduction in Elizabethan days. In _Twelfth Night_ for example, the line, "Help me to some light," is suggestive; so, also, in _Macbeth_--"Give us a light, then"--out comes the cigar. _Titus Andronicus_ might be revived, with a view to inaugurating the innovation, and the line, "Some of you shall smoke," would be the signal for the production of many a cigar-case in point. _Hamlet_ could, perhaps, find some authority for reading the line, "Will you play upon this pipe?" as, "Will you smoke this pipe?" And the other actor would reply, "Certainly--and thank you, my Lord, I have one of my own." Mr. EDWARD TERRY has no objection to _The Churchwarden_ in his theatre, and his Churchwarden drew very well. However, we've had this discussion before. Will it end this time, as it has hitherto done, in smoke? Let us suppose a Shakspearian play under the proposed conditions:--