Chapter 3

_House of Commons, Monday Night, June 8_.--I knew DYKE first when (good many years ago now) as DIZZY's whip he hunted in couple with ROWLAND WINN; then always called HART DYKE. Like many other young men he has in interval lost his HART, and now known as Sir WILLIAM DYKE. Curious thing, as SARK reminds me, how absorbent is the name of WILLIAM. Quite probable that before _Black-Eyed Susan's_ friend came prominently on the stage he had some other Christian name, sunk when he was promoted to shadow of yard-arm. Certainly there is an equally eminent man sitting opposite DYKE in House to-night, who like him is "Sir WILLIAM" to the present generation, and was VERNON HARCOURT to an elder one.

DYKE, under whatever name, done excellently well to-night. Holding comparatively minor appointment in Ministry, suddenly finds himself in charge of principal measure of Session. Handicapped, moreover, with recollections of time when he has uncompromisingly declared himself against the very principle he now embodies in Bill, and invites House to add to Statute Book.

That was first hedge for DYKE to take, and he went over in plucky style that threw the scorner off his trail. Didn't live in close communication with DIZZY through six long years for nothing. Not likely to forget what happened in very earliest days of Parliament of 1874, when DIZZY for first time found himself not only in office but in power. During election campaign DIZZY, speaking in the safety of Buckinghamshire, had made some wild statement about easing the chains of Ireland. Simply designed to gain Irish vote; forgotten as soon as spoken. But ROBERT MONTAGU--where, by the way, is ROBERT MONTAGU?--treasured these things up in his heart, and when DIZZY appeared in the House, Leader of triumphant majority, asked him what he was going to do about it?

"It is sometime since the observations referred to were made," said DIZZY, "and--er--a good deal has happened in the interval."

DYKE, recalling and admitting his former statements on Free Education, did not attempt to minimise their import. "But." he said, button-holing House as it were, and treating it quite confidentially, "the fact is we all change our minds." House laughed at this as it had laughed at DIZZY seventeen years ago, and DYKE, absolved and encouraged, went forward with his speech.

Not a brilliant oration in any way; neither exordium nor peroration, and the middle occasionally a little mixed. But a good sensible straightforward speech, and if DYKE had done no more than show that an important Ministerial measure could be explained within limit of an hour, he would not have lived in vain.

_Business done._--Education Bill introduced.

_Tuesday_.--Nothing at first sight in personal appearance of HERBERT THOMAS KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN that suggests a swan. Fancy I have heard something of these birds being addicted to the habit of breaking forth into song when convinced of approaching dissolution. That, I suppose, is how the swan was suggested to the mind when just now, KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN rose from behind Ministers, and began to chant his threnody. Resolution on which Education Bill grafted brought up for report stage; agreed to, and HART DYKE about to bring in his Bill. Then from the back seat rose a sturdy yeoman figure, and a powerful voice was uplifted in denunciation of the Bill and of a Ministry that had betrayed the trust of the Conservative Party. It was, so the swan sang, a step on the road to Socialism. He feared it had come to pass that dangerous measures are more likely to emanate from the Treasury Bench than from the Front Bench opposite.

Liberals roared with delighted laughter and cheers; the Conservatives sat glum and ill-at-ease. OLD MORALITY's white teeth gleamed with a spasmodic smile. As for JOKIM he folded his arms, and bit his lips and frowned.

"What antiquated nonsense this is!" he muttered, "of course Free Education is not a Conservative principle. They all protested against it at the General Election. A year earlier I, who happened at the time to be numbered in the Liberal ranks, put my back against the wall, and, picturing the evils that would befall my country if its institutions were thus demoralised, I said I would die before I would lend a hand to free the schools. But you see, TOBY, _I haven't died_, and that changes the whole situation. Not only enables me to retain my place in Government bringing in Free Education, but permits me, as CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, actually to find the means for carrying out the system. Can't understand a fellow like this KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN sticking to his principles when it becomes expedient to swallow them. He's a disgrace to a family that counts BRABOURNE as its head."

"HUGESSEN's a good fellow," said ISAACSON; "wears well, but is politically a fossil. Now _I'm_ a progressive Conservative, which I think you'll find, TOBY, my boy, to be about the time of day."

_Business done_.--Assisted Education Bill; firmly led up to table by HART DYKE.

_Wednesday_.--Lively fight round Deceased Wife's Sister Bill. Ascot in vain held forth its attractions; supporters of the Bill hoped opponents would go; opponents came down rather expecting HENEAGE's virtue would have given way, and Ascot would have claimed him as its own. But everybody there--MAKINS's men with long list of Amendments warranted to keep things going till half-past five, when progress must be reported, and chance of Bill for present Session lost. MAKINS himself in high oratorical feather. OSBORNE-AP-MORGAN, having made a proposition and subsequently withdrawn it, MAKINS, putting on severest judicial aspect, observed, "It is all very well for the Right Hon. and learned Gentleman to make a legal JONAH of himself and swallow his opinions."

"Bless us all!" cried ROWNTREE, looking on with blank amazement, "MAKINS evidently thinks that JONAH swallowed the whale." Bill seemed to shatter friendships and dissever old alliances. SQUIRE of MALWOOD naturally at home in the fray, but rather startling to find HOME SECRETARY running amuck at CHAMBERLAIN. MATTHEWS in his most hoity-toity mood; quivered with indignation; thumped the table; shook a forensic forefinger at the undesignedly offending JOSEPH, and, generally, went on the rampage. As for HENEAGE, he filled up any little pause in uproar by diving in and moving the Closure. Once, whilst GEDGE was opposing an Amendment hostile to Bill, HENEAGE dashed in with his Closure motion. GEDGE's face a study; mingled surprise, indignation, and ineffable regret mantled his mobile front.

"To think," he said afterwards, "that just when I was coming to HENEAGE's help with an argument founded on profound study and pointed with legal lore, he should suddenly jump up, lower his head, and, as it were, butt me in the stomach with the Closure. It is more than I can at the moment comprehend."

GEDGE so flurried that when Members returned, after Division on Closure, he being, in accordance with the rule, seated and wearing his hat, wanted to argue out the question with COURTNEY.

"I submit, Sir," he said, "that the Hon. Member, in moving the Closure, controverted Rule 186."

The Chairman: "I think the Hon. Member can scarcely have read the Rule."

Mr. GEDGE: "I have read the Rule, Sir. This is what it says--"

Chairman: "Order! Order!" and GEDGE subsided.

Then TOMLINSON fortuitously turning up on Treasury Bench, joined in conversation. But COURTNEY turned upon him with such a thunderous cry of "Order! Order!" that TOMLINSON visibly shrivelled up, and his sentence, like the unfinished window in ALLADIN's Tower, unfinished must remain.

Wrangling went on till a quarter past five, when TALBOT interposed, and with most funereal manner moved to report progress. HENEAGE almost mechanically lowered his head and had started to butt at TALBOT as he had upset GEDGE when he was providentially stopped and convinced that further struggle with obstruction was hopeless. So, Clause I. agreed to, Bill talked out. MAKINS, growing increasingly delightful, protested that a Bill that had been fifty years before the country, was not to be rushed through the House on a Wednesday afternoon. _Argal_, the more familiar the House is with the details of a measure, the more necessary is it to debate it.

_Business done_.--Marriage with a Deceased Wife's Sister. Banns again objected to.

_Saturday_, 1:25 A M.--Land Bill just through report stage. Nothing left now but Third Reading. "Well, KNOX," said WINDBAG SEXTON, "that will be our last opportunity, and we must make the most of it. In meantime I think we've done pretty well. I'm especially pleased with you. You're a boy of great promise. If anything happened to me--a stray tack in the bench, or a pin maliciously directed, and the wind-bag were to collapse--you'd do capitally, till I got it repaired."

WINDBAG JUNIOR blushed. As OLD MORALITY remarks, Ingenuous youth delights in the Approbation of Seasoned Seniority.

_Business done_.--Land at last--I mean Land Purchase Bill through at last.

* * * * *

THE GENERAL OF THE FUTURE.

SCENE--_Tent in rear of a Battle-field. Political Officer in attendance upon Army, waiting for Military assistance._

_Political Officer_ (_impatiently_). Now then, Orderly, have you not been able to secure a General for me?

_Orderly_ (_saluting_). Beg pardon, Sir, but it's so difficult, since they have passed that new Royal Warrant, to know which is which.

_Pol. Off._ (_more impatiently_). Nonsense!--any General Officer will do. _Ord_. Very good, Sir.

[_Exit. Political Officer stamps his foot irritably, when enter First General Officer, hurriedly._

_First Gen. Off._ Well, Sir, how can I assist you?

_Pol. Off._ (_cordially_). Glad to see you, General. Fact is, supposing we arrange a treaty, do you think it would be wise to surrender the fortress on the right side of the river, if we retain the redoubt near the wood as a basis of operations? You see--

_First Gen. Off._ (_interrupting_). Very sorry, but don't know anything about it.

_Pol. Off._ (_annoyed_). But aren't you a General?

_First Gen. Off._ Certainly. General-Surgeon. Ta, ta! [_Exit._

_Pol. Off._ Well of all the--(_Enter Second Gen. Off._) Well, Sir, what is it? Who are you?

_Second Gen. Off._ I am a General Officer, and I was told you required my poor services.

_Pol. Off._ So I do. The fact is, General, supposing we arrange a treaty, do you think it wise for us to surrender the fortress--

_Second Gen. Off._ (_interrupting_). Alas! my dear friend, I fear I can be of no help to you--it is entirely out of my line.

_Pol. Off._ (_annoyed_). But aren't you a General?

_Second Gen. Off._ Certainly. A General-Chaplain. Farewell, dear friend. [_Exit._

_Pol. Off._ Well of all the--(_Enter Third General Officer._) Well, Sir, who and what are you?

_Third Gen. Off._ (_briskly_). A General. Now then, look sharp! No time to lose. Hear you require me. How can I help you?

_Pol. Off._ (_aside_). Ah, this is the sort of man I want! (_Aloud._) Well then, General, we are arranging a treaty, and I want your advice about retaining a fortress on the right of the river--

_Third Gen. Off._ (_interrupting_). Sorry. Can't help! Not my province. Good bye! [_Exit._

_Pol. Off._ (_shouting after him_). But aren't you a General?

_Third Gen. Off._ (_voice heard in the distance_.) Yes. General-Postman!

[_Scene closes in upon political official language unfit for publication._

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MUSICAL NOTES.--_Saturday Afternoon_.--Albert Hall jubilant. M. PLANCON or PLANÇON--the production of the "c" depending on the state of his voice--was encored and "obliged again." So did Madame ALBANI, who was in superb voice. But her accompanist, M. CARRODUS, who had given us one violin _obbligato_, did _not_ obbligato again, and so Madame sang, admirably of course, the ever-welcome "_Home, Sweet Home_." GIULIA RAVOGLI gave her great _Orphéo_ song, and DRURIOLANUS, practising courtly attitudes, as one preparing to receive a German Emperor, smole beamingly on the gratified audience. At The Garden, _Mireille_, revived on Wednesday last, hasn't much life in her, but Miss EAMES charming.

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