Chapter 3

That lattice "in the Chinese manner" was a small yet fatal fore-shadowing of the Chinese Pavilion at Brighton--of that temple, worthy of Pekin, wherein the Royal infant of threescore was wont to enshrine himself, not from the desecrating touch of the world, but even from the eyes of a curious people, who, having paid some millions toward manufacturing the most finished gentleman in Europe, had now and then a wish--an unregarded wish--to look at their expensive handiwork.

What different prognostics have we in the natal day of our present Prince of Wales! What rational hopes from many circumstances that beset him. The Royal infant, we are told, is suckled by a person "named Brough, formerly a _housemaid_ at Esher." From this very fact, will not the Royal child grow up with the consciousness that he owes his nourishment even to the very humblest of the people? Will he not suck in the humanising truth with his very milk?

And then for the Spanish treasure--"hard food for Midas"--that threw its jaundiced glory about the cradle of George the Fourth; what is that to the promise of plenty, augured by the natal day of our present Prince? Comes he not on the ninth of November? Is not his advent glorified by the aromatic clouds of the Lord Mayor's kitchen?--Let every man, woman, and child possess themselves of a _Times_ newspaper of the 10th ult.; for there, in genial companionship with the chronicle of the birth of the Prince, is the luscious history of the Lord Mayor's dinner. We quit Buckingham Palace, our mind full of our dear little Queen, the Royal baby, Prince Albert--(who, as _The Standard_ informs us subsequently, bows "bare-headed" to the populace,)--the Archbishop of Canterbury, Doctor Locock, the Duke of Wellington, and the monthly nurse, and immediately fall upon the civic "general bill of fare,"--the real turtle at the City board.

Oh, men of Paisley--good folks of Bolton--what promise for ye is here! Turkeys, capons, sirloins, asparagus, pheasants, pine-apples, Savoy cakes, Chantilly baskets, mince pies, preserved ginger, brandy cherries, a thousand luscious cakes that "the sense aches at!" What are all these gifts of plenty, but a glad promise that in the time of the "sweetest young Prince," that on the birth-day of that Prince just vouchsafed to us, all England will be a large Lord Mayor's table! Will it be possible for Englishmen to dissassociate in their minds the Prince of Wales and the Prince of good Fellows? And whereas the reigns of other potentates are signalised by bloodshed and war, the time of the Prince will be glorified by cooking and good cheer. His drum-sticks will be the drum-sticks of turkeys--his cannon, the popping of corks. In his day, even weavers shall know the taste of geese, and factory-children smack their lips at the gravy of the great sirloin. Join your glasses! brandish your carving-knives! cry welcome to the Prince of Wales! for he comes garnished with all the world's good things. He shall live in the hearts, and (what is more) in the stomachs of his people!

Q.

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PROPER PRECAUTION.

Everybody is talking of the great impropriety that has been practised in keeping gunpowder within the Tower; and the papers are _blowing up_ the authorities with astounding violence for their alleged laxity. "Gunpowder," say the angry journalists, "ought only to be kept where there is no possibility of a spark getting to it."--We suggest the bottom of the Thames, as the only place where, in future, this precious preparation can be securely deposited.

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THE PHYSIOLOGY OF THE LONDON MEDICAL STUDENT.

8.--OF THE EXAMINATION AT APOTHECARIES' HALL.

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THE PRINCE OF WALES.

(_By the Observer's Own Correspondent._)

Knowing the anxiety that will be felt on this subject, though we doubt if the future King can be called _a subject_ at all, we have collected the following exclusive particulars:--

THE PRINCE'S TITLE.

His Royal Highness will for the present go by the title of "Poppet," affectionately conferred upon him by Mrs. Lilly at the moment of his birth. Poppet is a title of very great antiquity, and has from time immemorial been used as a mark of endearment towards a newly-born child in all genteel families. Lovey-Dovey has been spoken of; but it is not likely that His Royal Highness will assume the style and dignity of Lovey-Dovey for a considerable period.

THE PRINCE'S INCOME.

Considerable mistakes have been fallen into by some of our contemporaries on this important subject. What may be the present wishes of His Royal Highness it is impossible for any one to ascertain, for he is able to articulate nothing on this point with his little pipe; but the piper, we know, must be eventually paid. He becomes immediately entitled to all the loose halfpence in his mother's reticule, and sixpence a-week will be at once payable out of his father's estates at Saxe Gotha. The whole of the revenues attached to the Duchy of Cornwall are also his by the mere fact of his birth: but there is a difficulty as to his giving a receipt for the money, if it should be paid to him. It is believed, that on the meeting of Parliament a Bill will pass for granting peg-top money to His Royal Highness, and a lollipop allowance will be among the earliest estimates.

THE PRINCE'S MILITARY RANK.

The Prince of Wales is by birth at the head of all the _Infantry_ in the kingdom, and is Colonel in his own right of a regiment of tin soldiers.

THE PRINCE'S WARDROBE.

The Prince falls at once into all the long frocks that are required, and has an estate tail in six dozen napkins.

THE PRINCE'S EDUCATION.

This important matter will be confined at present to teaching His Royal Highness how to take his pap without spilling it. A professor from the pap-al states will, it is expected, be entrusted with this branch of the royal economy.

THE PRINCE'S WET-NURSE.

Our contemporaries are wrong in stating that the individual to whom the post of wet-nurse has been assigned is nothing but a housemaid. We have full authority to state that she is no maid at all, but a respectable married woman.

THE PRINCE'S HONOURS.

His Royal Highness has not yet been created a Knight of the Garter, though Sir James Clark insisted on his being admitted to the Bath, against which ceremony the infant Prince entered a vociferous protest.

The whole of the above particulars may be relied on as having been furnished from the very highest authority.

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A BARROWKNIGHT.

SIR WILLOUGHBY COTTON, during his visit to the Mansion-House Feast, in a moment of forgetfulness after the song of "Hurrah for the Road," being asked to take wine with the new Lord Mayor, declined the honour in the genuine long-stage phraseology, declaring he had already whacked his fare, and was quite

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MAGISTERIAL AXIOMS.

VIDE POLICE REPORTS.

An Irishman will _swear anything_.--_Mr. Grove_.

A man who wears long hair is _capable of anything_.--_Sir Peter Laurie_.

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THE ROYAL BULLETINS.

The documents lately shown at Buckingham Palace are spurious, and the real ones have been suppressed from party motives, which we shall not allude to. The following are genuine; they relate only to the Prince, the convalescence of Her Majesty being, we are glad to say, so rapid as to require no official notice.

_Half-past Twelve_.

The Prince has sneezed, and it is believed has smiled, though the nurses are unable to pronounce whether the expression of pleasure arose from satisfaction or cholic.

_Quarter past One_.

The Prince has passed a comfortable minute, and is much easier.

_Two O'Clock_.

The Prince is fast asleep, and is more quiet.

_Half-past Two_.

The Prince has been shown to Sir Robert Peel, and was very fretful.

_Three O'Clock_.

Sir Robert Peel has left the Palace, and the Prince is again perfectly composed.

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DEVILLED DRUMSTICKS.

Our own Sir Peter Laurie, upon witnessing the extraordinary performance of little Wieland in _Die Hexen am Rhein_, at the Adelphi Theatre, was so transported with his diabolic agility, that he determined upon endeavouring to arrive at the same perfection of pliability. As a guide for his undertaking, he instantly despatched old Hobler for a folio edition of

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BRANDY AND WATERFORD. (A GO!)

The Marquis of Waterford, upon his recent visit to Devonshire, was much struck with the peculiar notice upon the County Stretchers. Being overtaken by some of their extra-bottled apple-juice, he tested the truth of the statement, and found them literally "licensed to carry _one in cyder_" (_one insider_).

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THE WHEELS OF FORTUNE.

SIR WYNDHAM ANSTRUTHER, whose "Young Rapid" connexion with the _Stage_ is pretty generally known, boasts that his stud was unrivalled for speed, as he managed with his four to "run through" his whole estates in six months, which he thinks a pretty decent proof that his might well be considered

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SEEING NOTHING

COMMISSIONER HARVEY and his old crony, Joe Hume, were talking lately of the wonders which the latter had seen in his travels--"You have been on Mont Blanc," said Whittle. "Certainly," replied the other. "And what did you see there?" "Why really," said Joe, "it is always so wrapped up in a double-milled fog, that there is nothing to be seen from it." "Nothing!" echoed he of the Blues; "I never knew till now why it was called Mount _Blank_." As this was the Commissioner's first attempt at a witticism, we forgive him.

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MORE FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

(FROM OUR OWN ONE.)

A marriage is on the _tapis_ between Mr. John Smith, the distinguished toll-collector at the Marsh Gate, and Miss Julia Belinda Snooks, the lovely and accomplished daughter of the gallant out-pensioner of Greenwich Hospital. Should the wedding take place, the bridegroom will be given away by Mr. Levy, the great toll-contractor; while the blushing bride will be attended to the altar by her mother-in-law, the well-known laundress of Tash-street. The _trousseau_, consisting of a selection from a bankrupt's stock of damaged _de laines_, has been purchased at Lambeth House; and a parasol carefully chosen from a lot of 500, all at one-and-ninepence, will be presented by the happy bridegroom on the morning of the marriage. A cabman has already been spoken to, and a shilling fare has been sketched out for the eventful morning, which is so arranged as to terminate at the toll-house, from which Mr. Smith can only be absent for about an hour, during which time the toll will be taken by an amateur of celebrity.

Among the fashionables at the Bower Saloon, we observed Messrs. Jones and Brown, Mr. J. Jones, Mr. H. Jones, Mr. M. Brown, Mr. K. Brown, and several other distinguished leaders of the _ton_ in Stangate.

There is no truth in the report that Tom Timkins intends resigning his seat at the apple-stall in the New Cut; and the rumours of a successor are therefore premature and indelicate.

The vacant crossing opposite the Victoria has not been offered to Bill Swivel, nor is it intended that any one shall be appointed to the post in the Circus.

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CONS. WORTH CONNING.

Why is the making a _mem._ of the number of a person's residence like a general election?--Because it's done to re-member _the house_.

Why is Count D'Orsay a capital piece of furniture for a kitchen?--Because he's a _good dresser_.

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MORBID SYMPATHY FOR CRIMINALS.

Our contemporary, the _Times_, for the last few days has been very justly deprecating the existing morbid sympathy for criminals. The moment that a man sins against the conventionalities of society he ought certainly to be excluded from all claims upon the sympathy of his fellows. It is very true that even the felon has kindred, parents, wife, children--for whom, and in whom, God has implanted an instinctive love. It is true that the criminal may have been led by the example of aristocratic sinners to disregard the injunctions of revealed religion against the adulterer, the gamester, and the drunkard; and having imitated the "pleasant follies" of the great without possessing the requisite means for such enjoyments, the man of pleasure has degenerated into the man of crime. It is true that the poor and ignorant may have claims upon the wealth and the intelligence of the rich and learned; but are we to pause to inquire whether want may have driven the destitute to theft, or the absence of early instruction have left the physical desires of the offender's nature superior to its moral restrictions.--Certainly not, whilst we have a gallows. There is, however, one difficulty which seems to interfere with a liberal exercise of the rope and the beam. Where are we to find executioners? for if "whoso sheddeth man's blood" be amenable to man, surely Jack Ketch is not to be exempted.

The _Times_ condemns the late Lord Chamberlain for allowing the representation of "Jack Sheppard" and "Madame Laffarge" at the Adelphi; so do we. The _Times_ intimates, that "the newspapers teem with details about everything which such criminals 'as Dick Turpin and Jack Sheppard' say or do; that complete biographies of them are presented to the public; that report after report expatiates upon every refinement and peculiarity in their wickedness," for "the good purpose" of warning the embryo highwayman. We are something more than _duberous_ of this. We can see no difference between the exhibition of the stage and the gloating of the broadsheet; they are both "the agents by which the exploits of the gay highwayman are realised before his eyes, amid a brilliant and evidently sympathising" public. We deprecate both, as tending to excite the weak-minded to gratify "the ambition of this kind of notoriety;"--and yet we say, with the _Times_, there should be "no sympathy for criminals."

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THE MALE DALILAH.

Sir Peter Laurie's aversion to long locks is accounted for by his change of political opinions, he having some time since _cut the W(h)igs_.

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A "PUNCH" TESTIMONIAL.

We are virtuously happy to announce that a meeting has been held at the _Hum_-mums Hotel, Colonel Sibthorp in the chair, for the purpose of presenting to PUNCH some testimonial of public esteem for his exertions in the detection and exposure of fraudulent wits and would-be distinguished characters.