Part 2

O WILLIAM the Daring! O ROBERT the Rash! Though deaf to remonstrance, to caution give ear, Ere high-pressure boiler burst up with a crash, And blow aloft Stoker and hoist Engineer.

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SAD ALTERATION.

THE Dramatist has led us to think that "Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast," but the "Heavenly Maid" is not so "young" as she was when CONGREVE wrote, and increasing years seem to have changed her mood and spoiled her temper. What other conclusion can we come to, when we find in an article on "Music" in one of the newspapers, in some comments on the performance of a young lady on the piano at a Monday Popular Concert, the disquieting statement that she "left her mark as usual on the audience, the music, and the piano"? It is some little relief to find the writer adding that "this last was more than once punished severely;" as it is a fair inference to draw, that whatever the sufferings of the piano may have been, the music, and, which is far more important, the audience, escaped with only one assault.

The Managers of the Monday Concerts should consider, before it is too late, whether they are not endangering the well-deserved popularity of their agreeable entertainments, by allowing performances which would seem to have rather too striking an effect upon the hearers.

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=Nocens Absolvitur.=

THE _South London News_ makes rather an unkind suggestion. Thieves enter tradesmen's shops, under pretence of selling something. The _News_ thinks that people who would be exempt from such visits should "keep watch, and, on opportunity, hand the victims over to the police." This may be fair in South London, wherever that is, but in Fleet Street we do not dispense that kind of justice.

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A HINT TO L. AND B. RAILWAY.

THE Real "Nine Hours' Movement"--to Brighton and back for Half-a-Crown.

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FRESH. NOT TIGHT.

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VINDICTIVE TEUTONS.

THERE is a good deal of talk in France about revenge to be taken one of these days upon the Germans for having repelled and beaten their invaders. In the meanwhile, according to the _Post_, those barbarous Germans are trying to revenge themselves, in their heavy way, on the enemies who have been twitting them with stealing clocks and watches, by an--

"IMPORTANT RESTORATION OF SPECIE.--_The Courier de Meurthe et Moselle_ announces that the six millions of francs which had fallen into the hands of the German troops after the capitulation of Strasburg, and belonging to the Bank of France, are about to be restored to that establishment through its branch bank at Nancy."

This, of course, is a practical sarcasm at the expense of a nation represented by some of its orators and statesmen as having been aggrieved by being forced to restore pictures and works of Art which the First NAPOLEON and his gangs in uniform had pillaged from their neighbours. It is obviously meant to suggest an odious comparison between those who make restitution of even lawful plunder in hard cash, and those others who grumble because of having been compelled to replace Art-treasures actually stolen, and that in some cases from friends. This is clumsy German satire to be sure, but it tumbles down pretty heavily for all that on the heads of them that shouted "À Berlin!"

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=Sporting News.=

THE lovers of manly British sports will be glad to know that there is a chance of seeing another good fight, or so, before the law is altered. A rattling mill is to come off in the north of the West Riding. POWELL, the well-known Cambridge Slogger, is matched against HOLDEN, of the above parts, who has not fought in public, but is known in the Chapel districts as a determined cove. As this will be nearly the last of the real old English fights, much interest is excited. The white chokers are with POWELL, and HOLDEN is backed by the humbler humboxes. Both men will do all they know, and a clinking good contest may be expected.

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=NEGATIVE KNOWLEDGE.=

WE never knew a cabman with an eyeglass, or a chimneysweep with spectacles.

We never knew a lady buy a bargain at a shop sale, and not afterwards regret it.

We never knew a man propose the toast of the evening, without his wishing that it had not been placed in abler hands.

We never knew a waiter in a hurry, at a chop-house, who did not say that he was "Coming, Sir!" when really he was going.

We never lost a game to a professional at billiards, without hearing him assign his triumph chiefly to his flukes.

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TO THE STATE COACHMAN.

(_Suggested by a Passage in the new Q. R._)

"CANNING did not know that tadpoles Turn to frogs." Each fool explodes: But that Queller of the Yelpers Knew that patriots turn to toads.

GLADSTONE goes in for omniscience; Does the team obey the bit As when PAM'S whip stung with banter, Or when CANNING'S cut with wit?

WILLIAM! _Punch_, who likes you, counsels-- Mix some humour with your zeal, Making humbugs think is hopeless: Be content to make them _feel_.

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=No Misnomer.=

A CORRESPONDENT of the _Times_, whose note is headed "Civil Service Grammar," writes a remonstrance because he has seen a Government Cart going about inscribed "Her Majesty's Stationary Office." He is evidently under a misconception as to what office is meant, for what man who reflects on the progress of the new Law Courts, the new National Gallery, the new Natural History Museum, the Wellington Monument, &c., can doubt for a moment that "Her Majesty's Stationary Office" is the Office of Works and Public buildings?

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IN ANGELÆ HONOREM.

"A Meeting was held in the Hall of Columbia Market, on Monday evening, SIR THOMAS DAKIN in the Chair, to consider what testimonial of public respect and gratitude should be offered to BARONESS BURDETT COUTTS."--_Daily News._

SWEET names there are that carry sweet natures in their sound; Whose ring, like hallowed bells of old, seems to shed blessing round: Such a name of good omen, FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE, is thine; And hers, our ANGELA'S, for all in want and woe that pine.

The QUEEN has made her noble; but ere that rank was given, She had donned robe and coronet of the peerage made in Heaven: Baptised in purer honour than from earthly fountain flows, Raised to a prouder Upper House than our proud island knows.

The loftiest of that peerage are of lowliest mood and will; And this their proudest lordship, Love's service to fulfil: Chief Stewards and High Almoners of the goods Heaven bestows-- 'Tis theirs to see that Charity in Wisdom's channels flows.

For e'en that stream, ill-guided, can poison goodly ground-- For health, sow fever broadcast, for blessing, blight, around: 'Tis not enough its waters to loose with lib'ral mind; If Reason lends not eyes to Love, Love strays--for he is blind.

This _she_ has known, our ANGELA, for whom men ask, e'en now, "Fit tribute of our gratitude where shall we pay, and how?" If blessings clothed in substance, prayers made palpable, could be, When had Kaiser, King, or Conqueror, such monument as she?

But what can gold, or silver, or bronze, or marble, pay Of the unsummed debt of gratitude owed her this many a day? What record, parchment-blazoned, closed in golden casket rare, Can with her love, in England's heart, for preciousness compare?

If we needs must find her symbol, then carve and set on high A heavy-laden camel going through the needle's eye; Gold-burdened, by a gentle yet firm hand wisely driven,-- Our ANGELA'S, that on it rides, riches and all, to Heaven!

Or if a painted record be by the occasion claimed, Paint up Bethesda's Pool, and round, the sick, the halt, and maimed, Waiting until our ANGELA through Earth's afflicted go To stir wealth's healing waters, that await her hand to flow.

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PIG-AND-BARGAIN-DRIVING.

THE _Eastern Morning News_--what a pretty name--why not the _Dawn_?--hath a prosaic item: this:--

WANTED, a GROOM and Coachman, and to assist the Gardener. Wages, 18s. per week to commence with, to be advanced 1s. per year for every year he remains. Must understand horses and pigs, and be able to drive one, or a pair.

We do not think the wages too high. A celebrated Oxford Don, who could make Greek verses as fast as mill-wheels strike, yet who was not so ready with ordinary English, beheld, from the top of a coach, a drover striving to guide some pigs along the road. Wishing to be conversational, the Don observed to his neighbour, "A difficult Animal to drive is a Pig--one man--a good many--very." Here, observe, were the materials for a pleasing remark, but they needed arrangement. He was right, however. Pigs are difficult to drive, and the Yorkshire advertiser who wants a man able to drive one pig, or a pair, is right in offering him the above noble rise in wage. Correspondents will abstain from vulgar suggestions about a pig and a "hog"--we don't understand them.

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"YOUR BONNET TO ITS RIGHT USE."

"LET me use my _biretta_," Says CARDINAL CULLEN, "To fan Ireland's school-lamp, That burns smoky and sullen."

"No," says England, "your motives 'Twere cruel to doubt,-- But what if your rev'rence Should put the lamp out?"

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LONDON GOLD DIGGINGS.

DEAR Old England! well may one exclaim, on reading in the _Daily News_ a statement such as this:--

"VALUE OF LAND IN LOMBARD STREET.--A piece of land adjoining the Lombard Exchange, in Lombard Street, has been sold for £9000, or about £19 4s. 6d. per foot super."

It used to be affirmed that London streets were paved with gold, and, by the side of the above, the story hardly seems beyond one's power of credulity. Land worth nineteen pounds per foot must be wellnigh as good as gold to its fortunate possessor, and the man who owned an acre of it would hardly need to emigrate to any other diggings. Assuredly, to any _Fortunatus_ who owns much land in Lombard Street, London may be looked on as the true Tom Tiddler's Ground.

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=The New Judge.=

_Mr. Punch_ hears that LORD CHIEF JUSTICE COCKBURN (one of our most accomplished Latin writers) intimated to the CHANCELLOR that the appointment of the new Judge for the Queen's Bench was a _Sine Quainon_.

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=WANTED--SIMPLICITY.=

MR. PUNCH,

Is the English language a thing to be ashamed of? I put the question, because in a weekly literary journal, printed and published in London in the mother tongue, I have just read, not without some rubbing of eyes and much mental bewilderment, the following singular announcement:--

"INSTITUTION OF CIVIL ENGINEERS.--The EMPEROR OF BRÉSIL was elected an Honorary Member."

I have never heard that Brazil has become a French possession, and I am positive that the Institution of Civil Engineers is not in Paris, but in Great George Street, Westminster. Why, then, Brésil? Crack this Brazil-nut for

Yours, unaffectedly, JNO. SMITH.

P.S.--Can fish talk? I ask this second question, after seeing that another periodical publication contains an article with the heading, "Perch Prattle."

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=We Can't See It.=

OF all the odd kinds of consolation under affliction, the last suggestion seems to _Mr. Punch_ the oddest. We are mourning the demise of the no-horned Infant Hippopotamus in the Regent's Park, and we are told to be cheerful, for a two-horned Infant Rhinoceros has gone to Madrid. The doctrine of compensations was never pushed much further, even in a Scotch sermon.

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=Platonic Politics.=