Part 3

"A communication was received from the guardians of the poor of the parish of St. Pancras, stating that there was an increase in the number of inquests held upon the bodies of persons dying in the workhouse, and that a majority of them were unnecessary; but the guardians were powerless to prevent such inquests being held, and were of opinion that if the fees receivable by the medical officers of the workhouses in the metropolis were abolished, a number of such inquests would no longer be held."

The insinuation against the metropolitan Poor-Law medical officers of a charge of obtaining fees under false pretences, does credit to the shopkeepers in limited lines of business out of whose inner self-consciousness it sprang. Of course the inquests held upon many of the paupers who have died in the St. Pancras Workhouse have been unnecessary. There, not very much more particularly than in other workhouses, can the majority of paupers be supposed to perish from special neglect. Most of them, no doubt, die of mere misery.

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=Victoria and Hahnemann.=

"The QUEEN has been pleased to send a present of game for the patients of the Hospital for Consumption, Brompton."

_Similia similibus._ HER MAJESTY treats, by promoting consumption. But the First of Lady Doctors does not "exhibit" infinitesimal doses. Truly Royal practice of homoeopathy.

* * * * *

THE SOUTH KENSINGTON BAZAAR.

MR. PUNCH has seldom been more disgusted--and that is saying a good deal in these days--than by the low, sordid, Philistine, anticosmopolitan agitation on the subject of the International Exhibitions.

He will endeavour to express himself calmly on the topic, but gives no pledge that he will not be induced to use strong language.

British manufacturers and vendors complain (he hates people that complain of anything) that the Foreigner is unduly and unjustly favoured by the directors of these Exhibitions. "Foreigner!" At the outset, that word is in itself offensive. All mankind are Brothers, more or less. But let that pass.

The Foreigner is allowed to bring to South Kensington whatever wares he pleases, and to exhibit them to the best advantage at handsome stalls, for which he pays no rent. To the Exhibition the British public is invited by every official blandishment--fête, flower-show, and music are among the attractions--and for several months the very best and most opulent portion of society is thus brought to be tempted by the Foreigner's productions.

Furthermore, the Foreigner is allowed to deprive the Exhibition of its character as an Exhibition, and to make it a shop. For he may sell anything which he has brought over (whether it be part of his show, or any other article which it has occurred to him as likely to be acceptable), and the purchaser may take it away at once. This is coarsely described as entirely departing from the theory that it was by the display and comparison of wares that the interests of Art were to be promoted. It is irreverently urged that the accomplished Prince who originally devised those Exhibitions would never have sanctioned their being converted into Shops and Bazaars.

The British manufacturers and vendors condescend to urge that this is not giving them fair play, that the Foreigner is helped in every way to sell his goods, and that the Briton who pays rent for his own shop, and heavy taxes for the support of the State, is rendered all the less able to do so, by reason that custom is drawn away from him in favour of those who pay neither rent nor taxes.

_Mr. Punch_ regrets to find that Leading Men of business take these narrow views, and that the representatives of some of the most eminent firms in England have met under the auspices of the LORD MAYOR, also a man of business, to assert that the system is unjust. It may be thought that when such men deliberately protest against anything, they may be supposed to have good reasons for their protest. But this is a commonplace way of thinking.

Let us try and rise above mere material views, and let the holy and genial rays of the sun of cosmopolitanism warm up our insular hearts. All mankind are Brothers, as has been already observed, and who would grudge his brother anything? Why should the British person be considered in the matter? Talk of his paying taxes--well, he does not like to pay them--and if he is ruined, he will not be called upon to pay them any more. That is a detail beneath contempt. What _Mr. Punch_ is so ashamed of, is the chill and callous British nature, which refuses to recognise the holiness of universal philanthropy, and clings to old-fashioned ideas of a man's duty to his own family and his own nation. The Englishman who could see in the prosperity of the Rue de Rivoli no compensation for the ruin of Regent Street, is so low in the scale of civilisation that we blush to call him countryman.

_Mr. Punch_ has no such sordid feelings, and his noble heart will leap with generous joy to behold the wealthy pouring out their gold on the counter or at the stall of his Foreign Brothers at South Kensington, and if his British Brother is, as he thinks, unfairly used and impoverished, let him find consolation in the thought that we are all the same "flesh and blood." Let him mention this to MR. LOWE'S tax-collector, and it is certain that the latter will, like STERNE'S angel, drop a gentle tear on the charge he was going to make, and blot it out for ever.

* * * * *

* * * * *

PAST AND PRESENT OBSTRUCTION.

WHERE now are the Parsons, with too high a hand Who whilom were wont things to carry? The sole Clergy known to the Law of the Land, With charter to bury and marry, Whose Pluralists lazily fattened, like swine; Their rubicund joles bloomed like roses: They were used so to soak themselves full of port-wine, That it purpled their overgrown noses.

O where and O where are those proud Parsons gone? O where and O where shall we find them, With the waistcoat so full, and the shovel-hat on, As our limners in their days designed them? A sinecure mostly the cure of the souls To which for attention not giving They never feared being called over the coals, They showed forth their fruits of good living.

To the Church they were stanch; they held on with a kind Of a power like horseleeches' of suction, Intolerant, bigoted, narrow, and blind, They but lived to persist in obstruction. They evermore voted for absolute rule, For coercion, restraint, and repression, And exclusion, by tests, from each College and School, They opposed every kind of concession.

Those Parsons of old are no longer seen here; Now no more do they hamper this nation. They are all gone the way of HERR BREITMANN his beer; They have ceased to obstruct education. The Church has grown broad, throwing open each door, Which, the bigot except, each one enters, And we now, in the place of the Parsons of yore, Behold cross-grained and jealous Dissenters.

* * * * *

A CARD.

H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES would convey, through his friend, _Mr. Punch_, warmest thanks to all his loyal and loving fellow-subjects for their sympathy, earnest interest, and kind inquiries. In due time H. R. H. hopes to make public acknowledgment of the national feeling which has been so nobly testified.

Meantime, by advice of his friend above mentioned, H. R. H. signifies that he would be particularly obliged if all Mayors, Beadles, Corporations, Cocked Hats, Town Clerks, Silver Maces, Respected Townsmen, and other Activities would kindly allow him some respite before the flood of Conventional Congratulation is turned on. Might he ask to be allowed the quiet and peace permitted to other convalescents? Would Addressers deign to remember that though he is a Prince, "a man's a man for a' that"? A. E. _Sandringham._ RESPECT THIS! =PUNCH.= _Fleet Street._

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=Portsmouth or Brighton.=

SHALL the Easter Monday Volunteer Review be holden at Brighton or Portsmouth? This question may have been decided in favour of Brighton by the Sovereign, or by the Shilling, which would have done equally well, to determine the choice by a toss-up; and sufficient for that, indeed, would have been "skying a copper." Brighton has downs adapted for the field of military manoeuvres, but so has Portsmouth; and as to either place, whether you regard the neighbourhood or the inhabitants, it is hard to say which is the more downy.

* * * * *

=No Mistake in the Name.=

AS "A Thankoffering from India," a contemporary announces that on account of the recovery of the PRINCE OF WALES, a charitable donation of £200 has been sent to London by MR. COWASJEE JEHANGIER READYMONEY. Anybody would have given MR. READYMONEY credit for having earned his name, and now everybody must see that he well deserves it. Is MR. READYMONEY a Parsee? At any rate, he is the reverse of Parsi-monious.

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* * * * *

=EDUCATIONAL EPIGRAMS.=

I.

ABOUT the Three R's views unite As voices blend in song. For the Fourth R, what some hold right, That all folk else deem wrong.

Of those Fourth R's as yet while none The right R proved can be, To teach them all, therein where one, Why can't good folk agree?

II.

Milk is for babes, wrote one that knew. Sectarian Educators, you Who dogmas teach which Doctors question, Are you not giving babes strong meat, So much too tough for them to eat, The upshot must be indigestion?

* * * * *

AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY.

CAN a man murder his wife? The point seems doubtful, to judge by the common experience of the Courts, and the general tone of public opinion, when a charge for this questionable offence is under consideration or comment. On the whole, it would seem to be desirable that we should cease to use the term "Murder" of Wife-killing, and create a special term for that offence--if offence it can be called. May we suggest either "Wife-icide," or "Spousi-cide," or "Uxori-cide"? It would be the correlative, in cases of feminine life-taking, of "justifiable homicide" in the case of male.

It was very touching to observe the general expression of newspaper sympathy with an individual lately convicted for having pushed a little too far, perhaps, the natural feeling of exasperation and impatience with a wife who may safely be assumed to have been a very aggravating person. "Poor monomaniac," "unfortunate gentleman," and so forth, are terms which testify to the natural tenderness of the public feeling towards one who is subjected to such painful consequences for so venial an act of temporary irritation.

We are glad to see that this touching and well-directed sympathy is confined to this unfortunate victim of a rash impulse. As for the woman who provoked him, we observe only a considerate silence, or the expression of a feeling equivalent to the well-known Cornish verdict--"Sarved her right."

* * * * *

NEWS FROM NAPLES.

MR. PUNCH received a letter stating that in the writer's opinion it might interest _Mr. P.'s_ readers to know the state of the weather in Naples. If there be one thing in the world nobody out of Naples cares one farthing about, _Mr. Punch_ supposes that thing to be mentioned above. But, _respice finem_. On examining the report enclosed by his Correspondent, _Mr. Punch_ discovers that the subject is very interesting indeed. Here is the faithful reprint of an official document supplied to the _Naples Observer_. Emphatically we call the weather in question queer weather. We omit barometers and thermometers, and all that stuff.

STATE OF THE WEATHER IN NAPLES FROM THE 6TH TO THE 12TH JAN. 1872.

+------------------------------- DATE. | OBSERVATIONS. -------+------------------------------- Jan. 6 | Rain and p. m " 7 | Rain right Clouded da_y_. " 8 | Rain rlg_h_t off on day. " 9 | Heag rain thurdestorm rain d. " 10 | Heag rain swig right. " 11 | Clouded day. " 12 | Brig_h_th da_y_. -------+-------------------------------

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=Spiritualism for Sailors.=

MR. VERNON LUSHINGTON, Permanent Secretary to the Admiralty, speaking of that body of naval administrators, doubtless, with knowledge and in sincerity, calls it a "Phantom Board." A Board of Phantoms may be said to be a Board of Ghosts, and such a Board of Admiralty sending British seamen afloat in rotten _Megæras_, is a Board of Ghosts with power to add to their number.

* * * * *

A MODEST DEMAND.

THE season might be milder--it could hardly be more malevolent. But here is mildness:--

A WIDOWER of middle age, of quiet and regular habits, who has three children at boarding school, desires a HOME in the house of an independent Christian widow or single lady, whose object in letting apartments is chiefly society, who would accept merely nominal terms, and where he would be the only lodger. Nice house and servant desirable.--Address, with every particular, &c., &c.

What a charming person must this advertiser be, if we may judge from the high value which he sets on his society! No doubt he has been deluged with replies to his advertisement. What independent lady could possibly decline to offer him the home which he so modestly demands, and to sacrifice her independence by accepting him as lodger, first, and finally as lord, as soon as he inclined to offer her his heart? "Beware of widows, _Sammy!_" said the elder _Mr. Weller_. Beware of widowers, ladies! adds the wiser _Mr. Punch_.

* * * * *

=The Weather and the Paths.=

Foul weather! Come on, my Macintosh And my Boots; we'll never mind it, While the rain the face of the Earth doth wash, Though the dirtier still we find it.

* * * * *

=Freshwomen of the Future.=

IT is proposed to transfer the Ladies' College to Cambridge. This addition, if made, to Alma Mater will, in case of future controversy between disorderly undergraduates and other inhabitants, be obviously an advantage over Town in favour of Gown. For even the Graduates and Dons of the gentler sex will all be Gownswomen.

Transcriber Notes:

Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_.

Passages in bold were indicated by =equal signs=.

Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS.

Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe".

Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of the speakers. Those words were retained as-is.

Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected unless otherwise noted. For instance, a quotation mark is missing in the first main paragraph of "Evenings From Home," and the formatting and spelling of the table under "State of the Weather in Naples from the 6th to the 12th Jan. 1872" is kept as-is.

Illustrations with a single letter in their caption were sometimes used in the original pages to serve as initial capital letters.

On page 51, last part of the poem "The 'Phantom Board'." was moved to page 48 so that the full page illustration "The 'Phantom Board'." would not divide the poem.