Chapter 4

I will confess that it took a little time--say four chapters or so--for the peculiar charm of _Simple Simon_ (LANE) to take hold upon me. It is not, I quite honestly think, that I object to being laughed at. Goodness knows we ordinary folk get enough of that nowadays at the hands of these clever young satiricals; and most of us have enough common honesty to appreciate our tormentors. It is that, just for a time, I was troubled with a genuine doubt whether Mr. A. NEIL LYONS was not becoming too satirical to be sincere, and allowing his gift for facetiousness to betray him. The device of inventing a simple-minded young enthusiast, and making him ask perpetual questions to the undoing of all those who accept blindly the beliefs which Mr. LYONS is out to ridicule--well, there was nothing specially enlivening in that. Briefly, young _Simon Honeyball_ in his parents' home threatened to weary me. But later, when he had migrated with his money and his extraordinary collection of _proteges_ to Silverside, E., and there set up his preposterous household, and become a Guardian (with what devastating municipal results you may guess!) I found myself the grateful admirer of both _Simon_ and his creator. Mr. LYONS' sympathetic drawing of certain odd London characters is a thing that I have often admired; he has no better portraits in his gallery than these of the quaint objects of _Simon's_ Silverside hospitality. Specially did I like _Margaret_, the wholly ungrateful young woman whom he had befriended, and the trenchant speech with which she expressed her resulting opinion of his sagacity. She and others are also depicted in some very attractive drawings which illustrate (for once the right word) a book that, while perhaps not for every reader (parents please take note), will certainly delight those who can appreciate it.

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Lean, clean, brown Englishmen bear the stamp of the Public Schools upon them and have made England what she is. Smug-faced missionaries grow fat on the spoils they have collected from smug-faced church-and-chapel-goers at home. Labour Members are in the pay of Germany and frequent infamous flats in the West-End. Liberal Cabinet Ministers--sometimes, more shame to them, of decent birth--wince consciously when reminded of the taint of their association with plebeian colleagues. These things, and many more of equal moment, I have learnt from Mr. STANLEY PORTAL HYATT, who in _The Way of the Cardines_ (WERNER LAURIE) describes how _Sir Gerald_, of that famous family, captured, with reckless profusion of local blood, the independent island of Katu. Katu is in the Malay Archipelago. Of vital importance as a key to the Eastern trade route it is eagerly sought after by Germany, and to Germany's protection, after _Sir Gerald's_ exploit, a pusillanimous and almost more than Liberal English Government basely ceded it. But what could you expect when _Sir Joseph Darkin_, smug-faced hypocrite (I am sorry, but almost everybody in this book except the _Cardines_ had a smug face), was a member of our Cabinet? Were it not that Mr. HYATT writes with a distinct sense of style and some power of narrative, I should boldly label _The Way of the Cardines_ as one of the most amazingly humorous books I have read for a long time. In the circumstances my amusement was mingled with a certain amount of respectful sorrow. _Sir Gerald Cardine_ took morphia tablets freely; on the essence of what strange herb Mr. STANLEY PORTAL HYATT had been browsing before he began to write _The Way of the Cardines_ I simply dare not think. I should recommend readers to mitigate the crudity of his opinions, as I did, by softening the C of _Sir Gerald's_ perpetually reiterated surname all through. The story sounds even more beautiful so. And I like to think that, when the hour of England's need comes, a Sir Pilchard of the historic house, and reared in some famous school, will not be found wanting.

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A WORLD'S WORKER.

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OUR GALLANT BISHOPS.

"The Bishop of Barrow-in-Furness rendered timely assistance yesterday in an accident which occurred in the main street of Carlisle. Part of the harness of a heavily-laden cart broke, and the horse was becoming restive, when the Bishop, who was passing, prevented further danger by buckling up the girth while the carter held up the cart shafts, which would otherwise have fallen to the ground."--_Morning Post._

A lesser man would have pinched the carter's cap.

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MR. BALFOUR'S GIFFORD LECTURES.

"As everything is illusory, we had better make our illusions as pleasant as possible. 'That,' he said, 'has been my view.'"--_Times._

"As everything was necessarily illusory, we had better make our illusions as pleasant as possible. (Laughter.) That had never been his view. (Applause.)"--_Westminster Gazette._

Which of these reports is right must remain a matter of philosophic doubt unless Mr. BALFOUR can clear it up.

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"At once, respectable Youth, for small milk round; a good milker; dive in."--_Advt. in "Liverpool Echo."_

What is the good of a Pure Milk Bill if this sort of thing goes on?