Part 3

"Thus," said PRINCE ARTHUR, himself not unaffected by the scene, "doth one touch of nature make Chancellors of the Exchequer kin."

_Business done._--Budget brought in.

_Friday Night._--ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS submitted proposal to dock payment of £10,000 annuity to Duke of COBURG. Thinks H.R.H. might, in circumstances, get along nicely without it. SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE agrees. T. H. BOLTONPARTY, on the other hand, gravely differs. Folding his arms as was his wont on eve of Austerlitz, he regards ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS with awful frown. Imperial instincts naturally wounded. "No trifling with the personal revenues of our Royal cousins, whether at home or abroad," said T. H. BOLTONPARTY in the voice of thunder that once reverberated across the shivering chasms of the Alps.

_Business done._--Proposal to cut off Duke of COBURG'S pension negatived by 193 votes against 72.

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TWO WAYS OF DOING IT.

FIRST WAY.

_From the Representative of Her Britannic Majesty's Government to the ---- Minister for Foreign Affairs._

_January_ 1, 18-0.

I have the honour to inform your Excellency that I am instructed by the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs that Her Britannic Majesty's Government has reason to complain of the conduct of the Government of which your Excellency is the representative. I have the honour to say that it will be advisable for your Excellency to urge upon the Government of which your Excellency is the representative the necessity of inquiry into the matter as speedily as possible. I have further the honour to add that it will be gratifying to Her Britannic Majesty's Government if the Government of which your Excellency is a representative will give the matter to which I refer the earliest attention.

_From the Representative, &c., to the ---- Minister, &c._

_January_ 1, 18-1.

I have the honour to call the attention of your Excellency to the long and unsatisfactory correspondence that has passed during the last year between your Excellency as representing the Government of which you are the representative and the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs upon the matter of the despatch I had the honour to forward to your Excellency dated January 1, 18-0. I am directed to have the honour of requesting your Excellency to urge upon the Government of which your Excellency is a representative the necessity of a speedy settlement of the matter in dispute.

_From the Representative, &c., to the ---- Minister, &c._

_January_ 1, 18-2.

I have again the honour to call the attention of your Excellency to, &c. &c.

(_Rather longer than the foregoing one. Then follow two more "from the same to the same" in 18-3 and 18-4. This is the first way._)

SECOND (AND SHORTER) WAY.

_From British Admiral to ---- Minister._

_January_ 1, 18-5, 12 NOON.

If you don't pay up within a quarter of an hour, I will bombard your capital, seize your country, and imprison the Government of which you are the representative.

_From ---- Minister, &c., to British Admiral._

_January_ 1, 18-5, 12.10 P.M.

Don't fire. Have sent money demanded by P.O.O.

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The Predominant Partner.

'Tis to the "New National Party," 'tis clear, That CHAMBERLAIN swears his affiance. The Triple Alliance? Why, no, 'twould appear The third, and predominant partner, is Beer, So let's call it "The _Tipple_ Alliance."

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OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.--To all, and especially to all travellers, on account of its portable size, the Baron begs to recommend a charming novelette written by GUY BOOTHABY, entitled _A Lost Endeavour_, published by DENT of Aldine House. When Mr. GUY BOOTHABY brings out another story equal to this, the Baron will be delighted to draw public attention to it by saying, "Here's another GUY--BOOTHABY."

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AN AWFUL MONSTER RECENTLY LET OUT IN A CHURCH!--A second-hand sermon with eight heads.

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MOTTO FOR THE LORD CHIEF JUSTICE.--"_Quantum snuff._"

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