Part 2

Young ABBAS fares forth to the Sphinx, to the secular Sphinx, that responds To none save the fate-ordered questioner. Look at that stony set face, Which the passing of many an empire, the waning of many a race Hath seen in its stare o'er the sand-wastes! It PENTAOUR beheld in its pride; And now the boy ABBAS, in eager-eyed question, creeps close to the side Of the age-battered Oracle! Hist! All the desert is still as the sky. _Do_ the voices of forty fled centuries sound on the breeze that breathes by? Bear they meanings the Frank would acclaim, or the latter-day Hebrew approve? Those Voices are hard to interpret, that Sphinx is not easy to move. It would speak with the music of MEMNON, in ABBAS's ears, did it say The Frank shall return whence he came, and the Briton betake him away. Yet ISMAIL the shrewd, the unscrupulous, knew what young ABBAS must learn, That a Government strong to subsist, which no blast of intrigue can o'erturn, Is not shapen of shifting Nile sands, broken reeds, which, like Egypt of old, But pierce through the hand that shall rest on them. ABBAS the boy may be bold, With a thoughtless boy-boldness, but is he the Khedive keen ISMAIL foresaw, Of character 'stablished on justice, of force firmly founded on law? Poor boy, eager-eyed, half exultant, he lifts, half inquiry half plaint, His Voice of Appeal to the Sphinx. On the air of the desert how faint Sound his words, "_Is_ it Egypt, O Sphinx, for Egyptians?" There comes no reply, But straight o'er the sands, as of old, staring forth to the weird desert sky, Unmoved, unresponsive, indifferent, gazes that stony face still, Incarnation of calm most colossal, cold patience, immovable will, Looking far beyond time, far above human hope, mere midge-fret of the day, Into--what? There's no mortal who knows, and the Sphinx, if it know, doth not say. 'Tis silent--with silence that means not consent to the youth's wild appeal; Still, still the set face which is stone gazes forth on a sky which is steel!

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THE ONE TOPIC.

_First Man_ (_impressively_). I was in bed for a week.

_Second Man_ (_indifferently_). I was in bed for a fortnight.

_First Man_ (_boastfully_). Ah, but I had most severe pains in my back and head.

_Second Man_ (_contemptuously_). Very likely. I had most severe pains all over me.

_First Man_ (_exultingly_). Well, anyhow, my temperature was 103-1/2°.

_Second Man_ (_crushingly_). Oh, that's nothing! Mine was 107°.

[_Exit in opposite directions._

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THE "HAPPY DESPATCH" FOR THE SWAZIES.--The Convention of 1894, just signed, between Sir H. LOCH and President (D)"OOM" KRUGER.

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BAIL UP!

A Correspondent, who has been reading GRAY'S "Elegy," says there is a reference to the England _v._ Australia match in it. He quotes the line--

"How jocund did they drive their team afield!"

as proving his point. The allusion to "drives," "teams," and "fielding," he remarks, can hardly be misunderstood. And if they could, the following line settles the matter:--

"How bow'd the wood beneath their sturdy stroke!"

_Didn't_ the wood bow and bend when BROWN was in, he asks? Wasn't WARD'S on-drive for five a sturdy stroke? We must refer him to Mr. STODDART for a reply.

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PSALTER AND SALTA.--Aided by the careful arrangement of "contents" (and with regard to "Mr. G.'s" latest publication there are no "non-contents") the reader can easily find any passage in this "Psalter." At this moment there is another "Salta" to which the attention of not a few is directed, and the non-contents or anti-Jabezites know that it is very difficult to get at _him_, or to find a passage out of that Salta for J. B.

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If ever there were a clergyman's name, and title, suggestive of the Militantest of the Church Militant, it is "Canon GORE."

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OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Baron is not aware whether the volume before him, _Japhet in Search of a Father_, is the first of Captain MARRYAT'S works re-issued by MACMILLAN; but the Baron, speaking on behalf of _Mr. Punch_, is indeed delighted to welcome a very old friend, and hopes to see many more of Captain MARRYAT'S able and amusing crew. "If the gallant Captain, R.N., with his true British sailors, cannot command a sale, who can?" asks the Baron, and pauses not for a reply. It is to be hoped that _Midshipman Easy_ is still on board. The Baron anticipates great pleasure from renewing the acquaintance of that gay sea puppy. Quite a _Happy Thought_,--"Why not republish MARRYAT? We will." So all hands to the re-issue, and success to it, quoth the nautical

BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

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GOOD OMEN.--One of the Directors of a New Water Company is Sir SPENCER WELLS. Everyone well knows the genuine value of the Sparkling Wells. Will the worthy Bart., as the Mädchens do at the Elisa Fountain, serve out "the Harefield" (not Hare-aërated) "and Springwell" waters at a much-frequented bar, and be thenceforth known as Sir Dis-pensary WELLS? We wish them all success. "Water, water, everywhere, and plenty fit to drink!"

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TO MRS. KEELEY.

["Some time ago HER MAJESTY inquired after Mrs. KEELEY, and was informed that she was well and in her ninetieth year. The QUEEN expressed a wish to see her, and Colonel COLLINS arranged for Mrs. KEELEY to have the honour of being received at Buckingham Palace yesterday afternoon, when she was presented to HER MAJESTY. The welcome given to the gifted lady, who so wonderfully preserves her health, intelligence, and vivacity, was most graceful and cordial; and the QUEEN was pleased to recall to mind several interesting incidents of the past."--_Daily Telegraph, Thursday, March 7._]

Oh, when I was a little Eton boy, With a heigho! I need not explain, "The KEELEYS" were a wondrous joy, For they _were_ so droll in every play.

But now I am at mid estate, With a heigho! I need not explain, Here's Mrs. KEELEY _tête-à-tête_ With our Gracious Queen VIC-TO-RI-A.

No _Betsy Baker_ ere like you! With a smile, smirk, I need not explain! That rascal, gay _Jack Sheppard_, too, With a "_Nix, my dolly! fake away!_"

I've seen you dance and heard you sing With a sly eye, I need not explain, How well you acted everything In whatever part you chose to play!

That you're about and well we know, With a Hooray! a cheer once again! And may you long continue so, Till the curtain falls and ends the play.

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"Heard in Court."

_Counsel._ Now tell me, while you were standing as you say just in front of the defendant, did anything remarkable strike you?

_Pat._ It did, Sorr.

_Counsel._ And what was that?

_Pat._ His fist.

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THE LAY OF THE BIMETALLIST.

I.

Who is Silver?--what is she, That all our swells commend her? Very tough and bright is she;-- The heavens such grace did lend her, That adopted she might be-- That adopted she might be!

II.

Is she constant as she's fair? Or is she light and heady? Gold might to her arms repair To help him to keep steady; And, being helped, inhabit there-- And, being helped, inhabit there.

III.

Then, if Silver plays mad tricks, Or Gold is always changing, So that none their price can fix, From par to premium ranging-- Let us both together mix!-- Let us both together mix!

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FITTING FINISH.--The Portuguese financial agent wrote last week to the _Times_ to contradict the report as to a "further issue" by his Government of "tobacco bonds." So this ends in smoke.

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A BLUE "TIP" FOR THE UNIVERSITY RACE.--With GAME rowing and HOPE in the bow, the Cambridge Eight this year ought to make a close race of it.

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ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, March 4._--PRINCE ARTHUR still away, dallying with influenza. Recent experience of carefully considered, but not altogether successful effort at leadership by other wing of allied army doesn't make Opposition irrepressibly anxious for more. At least, not just at present. JOKIM shunted off the main line; HICKS-BEACH takes charge of train in temporary absence of regular guard. To-night Ireland coyly comes again to front; JOHN MORLEY brings in still another Land Bill. In such circumstances PRINCE ARTHUR'S absence, always regrettable, becomes peculiarly unfortunate. He knows Ireland thoroughly, and where knowledge fails he supplies the lack with inflexible opinion; which, in an Irish Minister or Ex-Minister, is the next best thing to knowledge.

Happily there is CARSON and ST. JOHN BRODRICK. They represented Front Opposition Bench in Committee on Land Question which sat last year. At one crisis, things not going in Committee exactly as they desired to conduct them, they haughtily rose and left the room. A striking scene, never to be effaced from memory of those who witnessed it. It was, or should have been, like withdrawal of props that sustain mighty masonry. The temple should forthwith have toppled, burying in its ruin the ten or twelve Members who had differed from middle-aged youth. Nothing happened except the Committee went on with its work just as if it were still sustained by presence and counsel of the retiring two. Report was completed in sense of majority, and here was presented to House a Bill founded on its recommendations.

To-night the two props of the Constitution resumed their useful service of sustentation. CARSON, as he mentally struggled with the problem of governing Ireland, unconsciously fell into PRINCE ARTHUR'S early but now abandoned trick of sitting with his feet on the table. Near him, diligently making notes whilst JOHN MORLEY expounded his Bill, sat ST. JOHN BRODRICK. "There," said CARSON who has not forgotten his POPE--

"There ST. JOHN mingles with my friendly bowl The feast of reason and the flow of soul."

The brew thus blended did not prove very exhilarating. Word passed round Opposition benches Land Bill not to be ruthlessly opposed at this stage. With Boanerges RUSSELL approving it on behalf of Ulster farmers, won't do for Unionists to show themselves implacable. So the friendly bowl turns out to be something of the texture of a cup of tea, lukewarm and oversweetened withal. More sad even than compulsory meekness of two statesmen on front bench is depression of SAUNDERSON. The Colonel must needs ramp in on such a question, but is pledged to fight with button on his foil. After this unwonted spectacle House could stand no more; gratefully gave leave to bring in Bill.

_Business done._--Irish Land Bill brought in.

_Tuesday._--Quite like old times to-night. The hum of the B's is heard once more in the land, albeit the thermometer registers ten degrees of frost, and every other Cabinet Minister is down with influenza. It is true BYRNE and BUTCHER have not yet put in appearance; but BARTLEY is here and TOMMY B., and Private HANBURY, who is perhaps more of a wasp than a bee. It is the sunshine of Committee of Supply that has brought them out. Came to the front in discussion round money voted for improvements in arrangements of House of Commons completed in recess. These were undertaken by direction of Select Committee, which thoroughly went into matter. HERBERT GLADSTONE, who has taken to delicate duties of First Commissioner as if he had been born in one of the Parks, devoted much time and personal attention to seeing improvements carried out. Members coming back to labours of new Session found House swept and garnished. New dining-room and large smoking-room; baths and wash-houses, where Parliamentary dirty linen may be renovated.

HERBERT too modest to anticipate vote of thanks for his labours, though almost any other man would in circumstances look for such recognition. Still, if something of that sort had been incidentally done, no one would have been much surprised. So far from any little embarrassment of that kind arising here, HANBURY, in deepest chest notes and most inflated manner, accusing him of undertaking large and costly works without first obtaining sanction of House.

"Most unconstitutional!" cries TOMMY BOWLES, in severest tones.

Ministry gone through long succession of crises since Session opened. Pulled through somehow; but this new unsuspected flank attack seemed irresistibly fatal. The buzzing of the B's was so interminable, 'ANBURY was so hangry, that it seemed there really must be some fire under the smoke. SIDNEY HERBERT chivalrously came to assistance of political adversaries, thanking First Commissioner on behalf of Kitchen Committee for what he had done.

The B's, fearful of consequences of this diversion, hurried on division; if the thing was to be done must be done quickly. Approach of dinner-hour had drawn away Members; critical division unexpected. HANBURY beheld vision of butler in Berkeley Square entering PREMIER'S sick room with basin of beef-tea and the message, "My Lord, the Government's hoff." TOMMY BOWLES began to think what coat he should wear when the QUEEN sent for him. House cleared for division; tellers returning made known that twenty-four had voted with the busy, now belated bees, 173 against, rushing the ministerial majority at a single bound up to 149.

_Business done._--In Committee of Supply.

_Thursday._--Another pleasing night in Committee of Supply. Opportunity favourable for showing how varied, comprehensive, illimitable is knowledge of the Busy B's. On Supplementary Estimates, the business of to-night, variety of topics succeed each other. Private HANBURY at home with every one of them. There is nothing TOMMY BOWLES doesn't know. If there were, BARTLEY would supply omission. Performance a little hampered by accident of GOLDSMID'S being in Chair. Something about JULIAN depressing to high spirits. When he takes Chair and submits vote, he succeeds in some subtle way in investing the proceedings with unmistakable church service associations. He intones the vote, and when, having put the question, he adds, "The Ayes have it," it is exactly as in another place it is remarked, "Here endeth the first lesson."

TOMMY B. doesn't mind that. He would as soon gambol in a church as on the quarter-deck. But it's different with GEORGE CRISTOPHER TROUT BARTLEY, who was brought up respectably, and Private HANBURY is not altogether comfortable.

Besides this, GOLDSMID has a way of spoiling sport unknown under the more benignant sway of MELLOR, whom, every one is sorry to know, is down with influenza. To-night, after three hours' discussion upon amendment to vote for expenses in extradition proceedings against JABEZ BALFOUR, Committee divided; amendment negatived; VICARY GIBBS proposes another amendment on exactly same lines. Had it been put from the Chair, another three hours might have been pleasantly spent repeating what had earlier been said. GOLDSMID positively declined to submit amendment, and before astonished, outraged B's had recovered their breath the main question was put; Committee divided; no chance of returning to subject.

Then he's depressing in other ways. When vote been talked round for an hour, he attempts to put question. Up jumps TOMMY BOWLES.

_Chairman._ "The question is that a sum of----"

_Tommy Bowles._ "Sir JULIAN GOLDSMID."

_Chairman_ (_continuing, without noticing him_). "----£70,000 be granted----"

_Tommy_ (_raising his voice_). "Sir JULIAN!"

_Chairman._ "----to HER MAJESTY to complete the sum of----"

_Tommy_ (_in default of a speaking-trumpet, putting his hand to his mouth_). "Sir JULIAN, I would like to----"

_Chairman_ (_looking round, and throwing into his voice tone of infinite pathetic, despairing reproach_). "Mr. BOWLES!"

Then TOMMY, thus called upon, makes his speech.

_Business done._--Very little in Committee of Supply.

_Friday._--Success attending new device of issuing tickets whereby seats may be appropriated before prayers, naturally leads to further development. Now proposed that replica in wax shall be made of all Members. These stored in crypt. When Member arrives just takes up his wax image, carries it under arm, pops it down on his seat, and is at liberty to wander about at pleasure. Of course, if Member intends to be in his place continuously, won't bring out the wax figger; be in his seat himself. But five times out of six only looks in now and then, and likes to know that his seat is being kept.

New custom will be particularly convenient on Treasury Bench. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD frets at continuous absence of his colleagues during debate. Sometimes goes out to look for them, and stays away long time himself. With wax figgers all this trouble obviated. Treasury Bench always full, either with flesh or figger. If Minister called away, pulls out label, hangs it over figger's neck with legend, "Back in ten minutes," or the like. Whilst convenience of Members thus cared for, satisfaction of strangers in galleries largely increased. No more beggarly array of empty benches. Possibly during dinner-hour there may be noticeable a certain fixed smile on faces along crowded benches; but that better than what we've long been accustomed to.

_Business done._--Busy B's took care that not too many Votes in Supply should be granted.

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A WARM LAMENT.

(_In one of the recent Intervals of Sunshine._)

O passer-by, I prithee hark to me! You wonder, maybe, why my eyelids glisten With clinging dewy teardrops, salt as sea. I'll tell the story of my sadness. Listen!

The Arctic cold we've had so much of late Made every fibre of my body quiver; I struggled hard against relentless fate, Then I decided I would no more shiver.

And that's just it. My grief now knows no bounds; It crushes me; I don't know how to bear it. I bought a new fur coat for fifteen pounds, And now it's got so hot I cannot wear it!

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QUEER QUERIES.--DAMP AND DEPRESSION.--I see that they have discovered a "Marsh Village" near Glastonbury. Would it be of any use to write to the Society of Antiquaries and tell them about _our_ village, and ask them to come and inspect it? I don't think anything could well be much marshier. Even the ducks here suffer badly from rheumatism (which they don't try to suppress). We live all the year round on deep clay, and just at present on charity. The one thing that Soke-in-the-Mire never sees is dust. But it would gladly see the antiquaries, who would impart a much-needed stimulus to local trade, and could be well housed at the village inn, which is kept by my brother-in-law, so I know it to be a good one.

RUSTICUS EXPECTANS.

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