SCENE III.--_In the Hall, in which is a temporary theatre; all the

Modern Celebrities are seated on rows of chairs, chattering, flirting, and discussing Insomnia and the New Criticism. Behind the scenes the Ghosts are disputing as to which shall recite first, the order of precedence depending entirely on the question as to which is the most completely defunct. Finally_, ERNEST MALTRAVERS _and_ TOM JONES _go on together, and the Curtain goes up_.

_Ernest Maltravers_ (_musingly, in a low yet ringing voice, in which Pride struggles with Emotion_). Let us learn, from yon dinner-table, o'er which brooded the spirits of the Novelists of all time, to lift ourselves on the wings of Romanticism back to Bombastic and Primeval Prose. (_Breaks off suddenly. Aside, to_ TOM JONES.) I cannot go on like this. We ought to have had a _scenario_.

_Tom Jones_ (_suppressing laughter, aside_). Why, thou foolish scoundrel, is there not one in front? How else could be seated there so many fair ladies and gallant gentlemen?

_Ernest Maltravers_ (_aside_). In the contemplation of your idiocy, I curb with difficulty the impulse that leads me to crush the life from your bosom. Know, Ignorant One, that a _scenario_ is not the same thing as an auditorium.

[TOM JONES _is about to attack him with fine old English violence, when the curtain suddenly falls. The entertainment is interrupted. The audience appear at once amused and shocked._ DORIAN_ takes out his little vinaigrette exquisitely set with turquoises, cymophanes, amethysts, and tourmalines, and offers it to the_ Subaltern, _who, evidently unaware of its use, pockets it._

_Subaltern._ You got that out of a cracker, didn't you? I'll take it Home. For the kids.

[_The entr'acte is growing so prolonged that the_ Secretary _goes behind the scenes to know the cause of the delay. He finds all confusion. The party has been increased by the presence of_ Mr. STEAD'S Spook JULIA, _who, having half an hour to spare, has come to protest against the "indignity" as she calls it, of fine old crusted Ghosts being expected to perform to a lot of mere modern myths. She speaks with such eloquence that she persuades them, one and all, to leave without finishing their performance and entirely without ceremony. Nothing the_ Secretary _can say has any effect, and they all vanish, leaving "not a wrack behind," except, a slate pencil JULIA has dropped in her excitement_.

_Sir Lyon_ (_after hearing the news_). Shameful! Never again will I have a Ghost in this house. This is what comes of treating them as equals! I'll--I'll--I'll write to the Psychical Society!

[_Scene closes as all the guests crowd round him and ask him to drink the health of Modern Fiction and--The New Year._

* * * * *

MAY AND DECEMBER.

[Brighton is now represented by two of the youngest members in the House.... Mr. GLADSTONE intends to spend Christmas at Brighton.]

Just now, when the weather seems May in December, They've sent up from Brighton another young member, Two juvenile gentlemen sit for the town, Their ages united just two-thirds would be Of that of the statesman who often goes down To seek renewed youth by the murmuring sea-- Mr. G.

Two Tories--meek May fighting sturdy December Their foe is an old hand these lads should remember. They'll probably sit most judiciously dumb, Or only object like the murmuring sea. To the House, sent from Brighton, the youngest have come; From the House, down at Brighton, the oldest will be-- Mr. G.

* * * * *

A SEASONABLE VADE MECUM.

(_By Ker Mudgeon, Senior._)

_Question._ What is the most satisfactory motto for Christmas?

_Answer._ That it "comes but once a year."

_Q._ Then it is as well to take a gloomy view of the season?

_A._ That is the only reasonable aspect in the face of a pile of "Christmas bills."

_Q._ What are Christmas cards?

_A._ Advertisements of existence sent to enemies as well as friends.

_Q._ What is a plum pudding?

_A._ Indigestion in the concrete.

_Q._ And a mince pie?

_A._ An excuse for a glass of brandy or a glass of any other equally potent liquid.

_Q._ Does old-fashioned English Christmas fare benefit anyone?

_A._ Yes; doctors and chemists.

_Q._ Why does an elderly person go the pantomime?

_A._ Because he likes it just as much as a schoolboy.

_Q._ What reason does he give for his visits to Drury Lane, the Lyceum, or the Crystal Palace?

_A._ That he visits those places of entertainment for the sake of the children.

_Q._ But if he is an old bachelor?

_A._ He declares that he likes to see the delight of other people's children.

_Q._ What is the _spécialité_ of a Christmas family party?

_A._ Row all round.

_Q._ What are the regulation wishes of Yule-tide?

_A._ A Happy Christmas and a Prosperous New Year.

_Q._ And the probable result?

_A._ The attainment of neither.

* * * * *

CROSSED IN LOVE.--A wedding-present cheque.

* * * * *

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

"Sir," said a wisely deferential friend of the Baron's, approaching the Baronial arm-chair wherein sat His Super-Excellency regaling himself in truly Regal-Cole-ian fashion, "Sir, I present to your notice a book entitled _In Search of a Climate_." "With such a title," quoth the Baron, in poetic humour, "it should have been dedicated to His Grace of Canterbury. Would not this distich well favour the title-page? Listen:--

"'In Search of a Climate,' | From CHARLES B. NOTTAGE, This to the Primate! | Who lives in a cottage."

"W. A.," or "The Wisely Appreciative," went into wisely appreciative ecstasies. "Baron," he presently resumed, "you will be graciously pleased to read it." "I will recline on my sofa," returned the Baron, "and, in that position, do my level best." So saying, His Super-Excellency suited the action to the word, and, waving his hand in token that he was not to be disturbed for the space of some forty winks or more, he bent his head in silent study o'er the somewhat bulky volume. "One of the most interesting and instructive chapters in this excellently elaborated book of reference," said the Baron, some time afterwards--"a book full of 'wise saws and modern instances'--is that headed 'Religion and Rum,' whence it appears that, whatever form of worship the Natives from time to time might adopt, it always included the cult of spirits in some form or other. The title of this chapter," observed the Baron, judicially, "instead of 'Religion and Rum,' should rather have been 'Rum Religions, or Spirituous Influences.' Towards the close of the book the author still seems to be _In Search of a Climate_. But what sort of a climate does he seek? One to suit everybody? Why, like the distinguished individual who was 'terribly disappointed with the Atlantic,' there are people, quoted as testimony above proof by Mr. NOTTAGE, of the Cottage, who were 'all terribly disappointed with the climate of Santa Barbara and Los Angeles.' Well, then," quoth the Baron, "try Margate and Ramsgate." The book, attractively got up, is published by the firm whose name always recalls to the Baron's verse-atile mind that delightful poem set to dulcet music yclept "_Soft and Low, Soft and Low_," only that the names are SAMP-SON Low, Low & Co., which, set to the same strain, will "do as well." "And," quoth the Baron, suddenly inspired, "what a series of songs for Publishers and Bookbinders might be written! For example, _'My Mother bids me bind my books!' 'I am inter-leaving thee in sorrow.' Cum multis aliis suggestionibus!_ But this is _délassement_. Let our toast be, 'Our noble Shelves!'--'our noble Book-shelves!'" explains the Baron, gaily; and so back to the Brown Study where, as Baron BROWN BEARD, he disposes of the various heads in his department, and signs himself, THE JUST AND GENEROUS BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

* * * * *

MRS. RAM says no wonder people are blown out at Christmas, as they do fill themselves with so many "combustibles."

* * * * *

* * * * *

"THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT."

(_Passages from a Political "Christmas Carol" of the Period descriptive of a slumbering Stateman's Yule-Tide Dream._)

Awaking in the middle of a prodigiously sonorous snore, and sitting up on what seemed to be a nightmare-like blend of the Treasury Bench and his own bed, to get his thoughts together, SADSTONE (like _Scrooge_) had no occasion to be told that Big Ben was again upon the stroke of Twelve.

Now, being prepared for almost anything--from J-SS-E C-LL-NGS to a Vote of Censure--he was not by any means prepared for Nothing! Consequently, when the bell boomed its twelfth stroke, and nothing appeared, or happened--not even a nightmare in the shape of T-MMY B-WL-S, or a Motion for Adjournment--he was taken with a fit of the shivers.

At last he began to think that the source and centre of the ghostly light which seemed to gleam on him from nowhere in particular, might be in the adjoining room, his own private Downing Street _sanctum_. Thence indeed, on further tracing it, it seemed to shine. This idea taking full possession of his mind, he got up softly, and shuffled in his slippers to the door.

The moment SADSTONE'S hand was on the lock, a strange voice called him by his name, and bade him enter. He obeyed.

It was his own room. There was no doubt about that. But it had undergone a surprising transformation. The walls and ceiling were so hung with shamrock green and shillelagh branches that it looked a perfect Grove of Blarney. A lurid blaze, like a blue-tongued snapdragon flare, went hissing up the chimney, revealing in weird glimpses on the heated hearth and chimney tiles spectral figures of impish design and menacing gesture. Heaped up on the floor, to form a kind of throne, were Blue Books, abortive Bills, scrolls on which were inscribed endless questions and unnumbered amendments; bundles of party papers and political pamphlets; pallid sucking-pigs that seemed to demand rather opportune interment than human digestion; long wreaths of sausage-like shackles; resurrection pies of indigestible crust and full of offal scraps and tainted "block ornaments"; pudding-shaped bombs; barrels of explosives and fulminants; red hot (political) "chestnuts" of the most hackneyed partisan sort; Dead-Sea apples of the dustiest kind, savouring of sand and strife; fiery looking Ulster oranges; belated (parliamentary) pairs, and seething bowls of raw and vitriolic party spirit, that made the chamber dim, dank, and malodorous with their heady steam. In uneasy state upon this extraordinary conglomerate couch or throne, there sat an ogreish giant of pantomimic size and bogeyishly menacing expression, portentous to see; who bore a smokily-flaring torch, in shape not unlike an Anarch's beacon or Fury's bale-fire, and held it up, high up, to shed its lurid light on SADSTONE, as he came peeping round the door.

"Come in!" exclaimed the Ghoul-Ghost. "Come in, and know me better, (G. O.) Man!"

SADSTONE entered timidly, and hung his head before the Spirit. He was hardly the dogged SADSTONE he had been, and the Spirit's eyes were so glowering and ungenial, he did not like to meet them.

"I am the Spirit of Christmas Present," said the apparition. "Look upon me!"

SADSTONE sorrowfully did so. It was clothed in one simple emerald-green robe or mantle, bordered with buff fur of the dull tint dear to the old Scotch Whig. This garment hung so loosely on the figure that its capacious breast was bare, as if disdaining to be warded or concealed by any artifice. On its head it wore no other covering than a wreath of shamrock, set here and there with a thistle. Its dull black curls were long and elf-like and weird; weird as its frowning face, its staring eye, its clenched hand, its raucous voice, its despotic demeanour, and its gloomy air. Girded round its middle was an antique scabbard, holding a huge two-handed sword; the blade, ready to leap from its sheath, seemed a most unsuitable and unseasonable adjunct to what mankind has been wont to regard as the gentle and genial Spirit of Peace and Goodwill.

"You have never seen the like of _Me_ before!" exclaimed the Spirit.

"_Ne-e-ver!_" SADSTONE made answer to it, in accents stammering somewhat, yet most emphatic.

* * * * *

DISTORTED MERCY.

You're wand'ring in Mahatma-land, and counting astral sheep? And gathering wool that never grew, a Brownie-led _Bo-peep_, Or, possibly, pursuant of an Ego playing truant. And lost amid the labyrinth of dim hypnotic sleep?

For all I know, you're musing in this meditative trance On modern and sublunar joys, as dinner, dress, and dance! Or is it _toothache_ merely that--well, makes you stare so queerly? (Somehow I ne'er _can_ draw the line 'twixt bathos and romance!)

If thus I seem inquisitive, don't kill me with a frown! Though times are hard, in vulgar phrase, I'll plank my money down! Your train of thought to share (if you'll accept a penny-tariff), I tender, with my compliments, the coin that's called a "brown"!

* * * * *

PRODIGIOUS!

TO MR. PUNCH,--Sir,--I appeal to you. Ought scientific papers to be allowed to publish incitements to bloodshed and anarchy? I have just read in one an enthusiastic commendation of "an agitator working at 280 revolutions per minute." This agitator is, it appears, closely connected with an "annihilator." It is true that the annihilator is a smoke-annihilator, and the agitator is part of its machinery; but who knows what influence may be exerted upon weak minds at such a time as this by the use of these awful terms? Is the Home Secretary asleep?

Yours, A PATRIOT.

* * * * *

MYSTERIOUS.--In _Sala's Journal_ for December 13 the advertisement of the Christmas Number announces that "arrangements have been made for publishing the Portraits of the Contributors at the commencement of their respective articles. This, it is believed, will prove a very interesting feature." No doubt. But _which_ "feature," and _whose_ "feature," and to which contributor will "the very interesting feature" in the portrait belong? They cannot surely have only one feature among them! Among the special contributors, each of course with distinctive features, are Sir AUGUSTUS HARRIS, Mr. SUTHERLAND EDWARDS, Mr. ARTHUR À BECKETT, and Mr. DAVENPORT ADAMS. Excellent company each, with most interesting features. But which feature is to be taken as representing the lot? "Nose?" Well, there's point in that. "Cheek?" Ahem! Will it be "All their eye?" Evidently the only way of satisfying curiosity is to purchase a copy of _S. J.'s_ Christmas Number.

* * * * *

SEASONABLE RIDDLE.--When does a turkey look a goose?--When quite by himself he has to face a party of twenty-four.

* * * * *

CHRISTMAS HAMPERS.

_For the Czar._--Alliances--French and Triple.

_For the Kaiser._--"The Great Revenge."

_For the King of Italy._--The Military Estimates.

_For the King of Greece._--The Adjustment of the National Revenue.

_For the President of the French Republic._--The Legacy of CARNOT the First.

_For the President of the United States._--Protected Free Trade.

_For the Sultan._--The Khedive.

_For the Khedive._--The Sultan.

_For the Premier._--His followers.

_For the Foreign Secretary._--His colleagues.

_For the Chancellor of the Exchequer._--The coming Budget.

_For the Home Secretary._--Trafalgar Square.

_For the Colonial Secretary._--South Africa.

_For the Postmaster-General._--Cards for Christmas and the New Year.

_For the War Office._--The Admiralty.

_For the Admiralty._--The War Office.

_For the Theatre-Managers._--The Clerk of the Weather.

_For the Music-Hall Proprietors._--The London County Council.

_For the London Public._--The Paving Contractors.

_For the Bar._--The Solicitors.

_For the Solicitors._--Reluctant Litigants.

_For the Stockbrokers._--The State of the City.

_For the Poor._--The Condition of the Money Market.

_And for the World in general and Britons in particular._--The Influenza.

* * * * *

THE KISS THAT COSTS.

[A fair plaintiff, who brought a breach of promise action worth under ordinary circumstances at least £1000, had to be content with £100 because she had in the meantime been kissed by a new suitor.]

The gorse is out in kissing time, And that is always--so the saw. But know from henceforth (and this rhyme) This does not follow in the Law. For she, who, jilted by her swain, Brings him to Court, and braves the laughter, Must--if she longs for gold--refrain From kissing Number Two--till after!

* * * * *

A Little Girl's Christmas Story.

Polly! | Folly! Holly! | (Gobbles!) Jolly! | Colly Dolly! | (Wobbles!)

* * * * *

OUR BARTERERS.--SIDEBOARD.--I have a magnificent-looking article, made of unseasoned deal, coloured to resemble walnut. As great care has been taken to imitate a really first-class piece of furniture by a good maker, it is hoped that the fact that the wood is certain to split and warp, that the drawers jam, that the keyholes are dummies, and that the whole is a piece of cunning shoddy, will escape the attention of the average purchasing idiot. What offers?

* * * * *

TO PICKWICKIAN STUDENTS.--Of what class of persons is it recorded in _Pickwick_ that "their looks are not prepossessing and their manners are peculiar"?

* * * * *

THE CRY OF THE CIVIC TURTLE.

'Twas the voice of the Turtle, I heard him complain, "You would wake me! Be off!! Let me slumber again! Your 'Royal Commission on Unification' Be ----!" something that seemed to convey commination. "_I_ shan't 'tender evidence'--hang it, not I!-- Why I, as a separate body, should die! I've power, prosperity, plumpness, and pelf; If you want an 'Amalgam'--why, mix it yourself!"

* * * * *

Feminine Saturnalia.

[Miss KLUMPKE has just achieved a great triumph with a learned treatise on the Rings of Saturn.]

Oh! maiden, learned, wise, you can To froward woman prove a pattern, You pay your due respect to Man By writing up the Rings--of Saturn!

* * * * *

NEW PRANDIAL PROVERBS.--What's underdone can't be helped. A bird in a pie is worth two in a dish. Apollinaris (or any other) water in time saves wine. The early guest gets it hot. It is never too late to dine.

* * * * *

A TRUTH IN SEASON.--What would Christmas be without the Cracker? Messrs. G. SPARAGNAPANE have their reply ready with their "Cracker Skirt-Dancer" and their "May Blossom" (so nice in December), which is a pleasant souvenir of _The_ Wedding. Of course, all these crackers will "go off" well!

* * * * *

ADAPTED, 64

Ad Fratrem, 3

Adventures of Picklock Holes (The), 69, 76, 85, 100, 168, 213, 289, 301

Advertiser's Appeal, 270

Afternoon Party (An), 13

"After the Ball" in Paris, 297

After the Call, 243

Alexander and Diogenes, 162

Anacreontics for All, 273

Angels, 186

Another Scene at the Play, 64

Argentina, 226

Arriet on Labour, 88

"Art of 'Savoy Fare'" (The), 204

At Covent Garden last Thursday, 37

At the Sea-Side Church Parade, 73

At the Shaftesbury, 123

At the World's Water-Show, 40

Australian A B C (An), 57

Australia the (without) Golden, 94

BABES on the Treasury Bench (The), 255

Balfour's Boon, 101

Ballad (A), 262

"Ballade Joyeuse," 106

Ballade of Earlscourt, 57

Ballade of Lost Repartees, 142

Ballad of Departed Pippins (The), 41

Ball versus Ball, 297

Bank Holiday Beauty, 292

Behemoth and the Lion, 182

Belfry of Bruges Overlooked (The), 274

Bicycle built for Two (A), 258

Birds of Pray, 219

Bishop Bobadil, 166

Bitter Cry of the Broken-Voiced Chorister, 37

Black Shadow (The), 210

Blue Belles of Scotland (The), 298

Bobo, 178

Bogus Manager's Vade Mecum (The), 237

"Book that Failed" (The), 123

Brick-à-Brac, 195

Bright and Beautiful Working Man, 192

British Athletes Vade Mecum (The), 82

Brown Study in Autumn Tints (A), 109

Burden of Burdon Sanderson, 142

Business, 246

"But that's another Story," 225

CABMAN'S Guide to Politeness, 209, 225

Carr-Actors at "The Comedy," 185

Cause and Effect, 245

Central Hall of the Law Courts (The), 217

Champion Shaver (The), 282

Chance for the Briefless (A), 274

Change of Partners (A), 279

Christmas Hampers, 310

City Horse (The), 190

Closure at Home (The), 61

Coal and Wood, 257

Cockney on a Great Collection (A), 252

Connected with the Press, 77

Conversation-Book for Candidates, 258

Conversion à la Mode, 121

Cophetua, L.C.C., 113

County Council's Progressive Programme (The), 300

Cream of the Cream, 219

Cricket across the Channel, 61

Cricket Congratulations, 70

Croquet, 87

Crowning the Edifice, 153

Cry of the Civic Turtle (The), 310

Cure-ious! 99

DALY Dream (A), 180

Damon out of Date, 205

Dance till Dawn, 16

Danger! 85

Dark Continent in Two Lights (The), 226

Decayed Industry (A), 82

Deptford hath its Darling, 273

"Devil's Advocate" (The), 51

Diary à la Russe (A), 193

Directors' Vade Mecum (The), 49

Distorted Mercy, 309

Ditty of the Dog-Days (A), 17

Diver (The), 98

Double Entente, 228

Drama College, 192

Dr. Dulcamara Up to Date, 218

Dream-Book for Would-be Travellers, 65

Ducal Doings, 292

"Due South," 137, 145, 157, 169

EFFEMINACY of the Age, 97

1893; or, the Government Guillotine, 2

Englishman in Paris (The), 77

Essence of Parliament, 11, 22, 34, 46, 58, 70, 82, 94, 106, 118, 130, 142, 154, 226, 238, 250, 262, 274, 286, 298, 302

European Crisis Averted! 273

Examination Paper for Ladies, 45

Expostulation (An), 216

FABIUS Fin-de-Siècle, 225

Fallen Art (A), 25

"Fantastic" Action (A), 192

Farewell! 190

Fashionable Intelligence, 51

Father William, 18

Feminine Triumph (A), 277

"Flibbertigibbet," 261

Fool with a Gun (The), 159

"Forlorn Hope" (The), 150

Fragments from a Franco-Russian Phrase-Book, 197

French Flag (The), 228

French Wolf and the Siamese Lamb (The), 54

From Colchester, 111

From Grave to Gay, 89

From Our Island Special, 58

From Professor Muddle, 34

Future of Home Rule (The), 245

GAME of Chance (A), 285

Gingham-Grabber (The), 237

Going to the Country, 120

Golden Memories, 141

Good Luck to it! 253

"Good Sir John!", 166

Great African Lion-Tamer (The), 230

HANDY Boy (The), 246

"Hark! I hear the Sound of Coaches!", 255

Haunted! 101

Health-Seeker's Vade Mecum (The), 1

Height of Comfort (The), 241

"Here's to the Client," 63

Her Sailor Hat, 101

Highland "Caddie," 122

Highly Probable, 282

"History (nearly) repeats itself," 261

History Repeats Itself, 154

Home Rails, 243

How to Write a Cheap Christmas Number, 265

"Hymen Hymenæe!" 6

IDEAL Conversation (The), 159

Ideal Drama (The), 202

In Black and White, 225

Inquiry (An), 233

Intelligence à l'Americaine, 10

JOHN Bull's Naval Vade Mecum, 118

John Tyndall, 277

Jolly Young Watermaids (The), 156

Just Cause, 25

KISS that Costs (The), 310

LATEST Autumn Fashion (The), 228

Latest Crisis (The), 61

Latest Parisian Romance (The), 33

Law and Justice v. Duty "done," 286

Lawyer's Chortle (A), 205

Lay of the "Ancient" (The), 101

Lays of Modern Home, 33

Lesson for Labour (A), 138

Letter Home (A), 183

Letters for the Silly Season, 111

Letters to Abstractions, 97

Life (and Death) in South America, 158

Lines on (and off) an Italian Mule, 141

Little Bill-ee, 114

Little Master Minority, 198

Little Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe, 86

Lobengula's Letter-Bag, 257

London Pest (A), 25

London School-Board Vade Mecum (The), 165

Lord Chancellor's Song (The), 289

Lost Smell (The), 274

Love and Law, 142

Love's Labour's Lost, 86

"L'Union fait la--Farce!", 186

MAGIC and Manufactures, 245

Making them Useful, 90

Man in the South (The), 129

Man Makes the Tailor (The), 53

March in November, 234

"Masterly Inactivity," 174

Mature Charms, 261

May and December, 305

Meeting of the Anti-Biographers, 105

Message from the Sea (A), 294

Misnomer, 228

Misty Crystal (A), 214

Moan of a Theatre-Manager (The), 41

Moan of the Minor Poet (The), 42

Modern Medusa (The), 270

Modern Nymph's Reply to the Passionate Shepherd (The), 16

Mot by a Member, 222

Mr. Punch's Appeal--to Coal-Owners, Miners, and all whom it may Concern, 170

Mrs. Nickleby in the Chair, 30

Murch Praised, 277

Muscular Education, 37

Music and Law, 293

Music for the Multitude, 49

"My Cummerbund," 153

My Gardeneress, 93

My Landlord, 193

My Pretty June, at a Later Season, 189

Mystified, 216

My Tenant, 193

NAME! Name! 226

Names for Other Names, 174

Nautical Economy, 285

N.B.! 214

New King Coal, 74

New King Coal Corrected, 118

New Lights for Old, 273

New Version, 273

New Year's Eve at Latterday Hall, 304

Ninth of November (The), 238

Noble Organ-grinder (The), 217

No Raison d'être! 216

Not a Fair Exchange, 177

Note by our own Philosopher, 207

Novel Show (A), 121

"OBERLAND" Route (The), 221

Ode de Knill--and Co., 25

Ode of Odours (An), 292

Old "Adelphi Triumph" (An), 117

Old and New School for Scandal, 249

Old Man's Musings (An), 10

One of the Maxims of Civilisation, 261

"One-Horse" Householder, 89

1,000,000 A.D., 250

Only Fancy! 93

Operatic Notes, 5, 17

Ornithological Outburst (An), 257

Orator "Pour Rire" (An), 21

Our Barterers, 294, 310

Our Booking-Office, 9, 52, 154, 198, 209, 237, 249, 253, 265, 285, 293, 305

Our Opera, 25

"Over the Hills and Far Away!", 126

"PAINLESS Dentistry," 133

Palinode, 258

"Paper of the Day after To-morrow" (The), 229

"Pas Même Académecien!" 162

"Pictures from 'Punch,'" 177

"Piece and War!" at Drury Lane, 149

Playing the Deuce at the Haymarket, 161

"Play is not the Thing" (The), 22

Plea for Pleading's (A), 277

Poison in the Pump, 281

Police Phrase-Book (The), 16

Politics in South America, 125

Popular Songs re-sung, 73, 241

Precept and Practice, 213

Preparing for Christmas, 226

Prince Alexander of Battenberg, 253

Profession of Journalism (The), 222

Prophetic Diary of the L. C. C., 16

Proprietors' Vade Mecum (The), 46

Punch's "God-Speed" to the Pole Seekers, 22

Q. E. D., 238

Queer Cards, 246

Queer English, 34

Queer Queries, 36, 37, 135, 240

Question of Tint (A), 217

"Quiet Pipe" (A), 122

Quoth Dunraven, Nevermore! 192

RATHER Familiar! 255

"Ready, Aye Ready!", 110

Reign of Ringlets (The), 158

Repartees for the Railway, 202

"Resh'prosh'ty," 222

Rex Lobengula, 243

Rhodes to ----? 225

Riflemen--"Form!" 165

Rippin', 171

Robert at Gildhall, 75

Robert at the Manshun House, 17

Robert on the Coming Sho, 221

Robert's Puzzel, 261

Rosebery to the Rescue! 15

"Rule, Britannia!", 234

Rule of the Sea (The), 57

Rules of the Rude (The), 177

"SAIL! a Sail!" (A), 78

Saint Izaak and his Votaries, 62

Schopenhauer Ballads (The), 57, 77

Seasonable, 37, 234

Seasonable Reflection, 297

Seasonable Sayings, 298

Seasonable Sonnet, 277

Seasonable Vade Mecum (A), 305

Seeing the Royal Wedding Presents, 28

Self-Help, 205

Sax Scotch Pipers (The), 195

Shakspeare in London, 264

Shooting the Chutes, 73

"Single-Handed Run" (A), 267

Sir Aquarius to the Rescue! 146

Skinners and Skinned, 5

"Social Test-Words," 121

Song of the Autumn Session (The), 217

Song of the Session (The), 3

Song of the Shopkeeper (The), 29

Sonnet, 111

Spirit of Christmas Present (The), 306

Star-Gazing, 183

Still Wilder Ideas, 94

Stormy Petrel (The), 66

Stout Singer's Smile (The), 286

Striker's Vade Mecum (The), 121

Strike-ing Suggestion (A), 228

Study in Brown (A), 309

Study in Press-Land (A), 149

Sub Judice, 3

Surgeon-Major Parke, 138

Sympathy, 42

TALE of the Alhambra (A), 9

Tea and Twaddle, 106

"Tears, idle Tears!", 264

Testimonial Manqué (A), 4

Then and Now, 157

Three Georges (The), 3

Three Jovial Huntsmen (The), 134

Three Tartars (The), 141

Three V's (The), 210

Through the Lock, 42

To a Droshky-Driver, 41

To a Fine Woman, 66

To a Lady, 253

To a Lost Friend, 201

To a Parisienne, 53

To a Swiss Barometer, 64

To a Young Friend, aged Seven, 189

To Bobby, 297

To Doctor Falbe, 141

To "Hans Breitmann," 192

To Hebe, 229

To Marjorie, 273

Too Kind by Half, 39

To the French Oarsmen, 5

To the Sea, 229

Tour that never was (The), 75

Triolet, 269

Trip-lets, 277

True French Politeness, 114

Trumps for Tramps, 87

Trying her Strength, 102

Turkish Occupation; or, Visions in Smoke (A), 26

Turpin and Trains, 147

Timon on Bimetallism, 65

"'Twas in Trafalgar"'s Theatre, 293

Two Pots, The, 75

Two Views of Victory, 233

Tyranny of the Unsuitable (The), 269

ULSTERICAL Impromptu (An), 228

Under the Rose, 112, 124, 136, 148, 160, 172, 184, 196, 208, 220, 232, 244, 256, 268, 280

Under the Roose, 1

Union is (Logical) Weakness, 221

University Intelligence, 277

Upon Julia's Mother, 190

"Usual Channel," (The), 90

"VARIETY! Va-ri-e-ty!", 279

Vision of Royalty (A), 27

Visit to Borderland (A), 52

"Voces Stellarum," 48

Voice of the Thames (The), 45

Volunteers' Vade Mecum (The), 29

WALK in Devon (A), 202, 214

Walking Englishwoman on the Alps, 77

War in South America (The), 181

Way they have in the City (A), 53

"Way they have in the Navy" (The), 41

Wear and Tear in Africa, 9

Weather Wisdom, 269

Were-Wolf (The), 290

Westminster Play (The), 293

What's in a Name? 33

When the "Cat"'s Away, 206

Who is it? 93

Why Elinor is ever Young, 57

Windy Corner at Brighton (A), 297

"Wonder-Kid" (A), 269

Woodman, spare those Trees! 166

Words! Words! Words! 102

Word to the Wise Wheelman (A), 219

YORKSHIRE Victor, 113

You never Wrote, 231

LARGE ENGRAVINGS.

Alexander and Diogenes, 163

"Bicycle built for Two" (A), 259

Black Shadow (The), 211

"Champion Shaver" (The), 283

"Father William," 19

"Forlorn Hope" (The), 151

French Wolf and the Siamese Lamb (The), 55

Handy Boy (The), 247

"Hymen Hymenæe!" 7

Lesson for "Labour" (A), 139

Little Bill-ee! 115

Little Master Minority, 199

"L'Union fait la--Farce!" 187

"Masterly Inactivity," 175

"Message from the Sea" (A), 295

Modern Medusa (The), 271

Mrs. Nickleby in the Chair, 31

"Over the Hills and Far Away!" 127

Poor Victim (The), 91

"Resh'prosh'ty," 223

"Rule, Britannia!" 235

"Sail! a Sail!" (A), 79

Spirit of Christmas Present (The), 307

Stormy Petrel (The), 67

"Through the Lock," 43

Trying her Strength, 103

SMALL ENGRAVINGS.

Agatha and the Wall-paper, 106

"Angels in the House," 47

Apple Woman on Lady Salisbury, 171

'Arry and Foreign Traveller, 12

Authority on the "Buffer State" (An), 64

Bachelor's Reason for Dancing, 29

Baked-Potato Man on the Sands, 166

Balfour and Treasury Babes, 254

Bather trying to regain his Tent, 109

Beater and the Serdlitz Pooder, 257

Bertie "catches a Crab," 51

British Lion and Matabele Behemoth (The), 182

Brown getting out of Stream, 310

Brown helping himself to everything, 138

Brown's Corporation and its Cause, 22

Bulky Bride leaving her Parents, 270

Cabby and Clergyman, 168

Canon's Introduction to a Lady, 210

Chiffonniers on Hampstead Heath, 114

Cleveland's Dance with Free Trade, 278

"Committee Stage of the Home-Rule Bill," 59

Complimenting an After-dinner Speaker, 286

Conjugal Trouble about Christmas Present, 190

Conscientious Hairdresser (A), 34

Corpulent Sportsman's Symptoms, 113

Counsel and Facetious Witness, 233

County Councillor and Acoustics, 298

Critic's Two Reviews (A), 277

"Daily Graphic" Weather Lady, 153

"Devil's Advocate" (The), 50

Dining with the Odds and Ends, 165

Divorce stands Lunch to Bankruptcy, 297

Doctor Dulcamara and Mr. Punch, 218

Doomed Bill (The), 119

"Ears off in Front!" 121

Electric Light in an Old House, 302

Eton Boy and Pater's dear Luncheon, 66

Excited Orchestral Conductor, 285

Farmer Trencherman and the Curate, 169

Father Thames Purified, 95

Festive Babies, 282

Football Match (A), 299

Forgotten his Dress Coat, 25

Friends in Editor's Sanctum, 58

Gamekeeper and Captain's Language, 70

Gate-Boy and Hunting Lady, 207

German Teacher of English (A), 28

Giant Beetle (The), 201

Gladstone's "Long Break," 287

Gladstone the Diver, 98

Going to Cairo for Cheapness, 281

Golf Meeting (A), 191

Government Guillotine (The), 2

"Happy Family" in Fret-Work (The), 71

Harrow Scholar in Good Form, 238

Hawkins and Merton at a Restaurant, 178

Highland Corporal and Photographer, 86

His Ancestor's Portrait, 195

His Sister's Match-Maker, 82

Holiday Dress in the House, 83

Hostess of "Present-Day" Age, 63

Housekeeper and Servants' Sweepstakes, 229

Housemaid's Translation of "Salve," 222

House of Apollo-ticians (A), 143

"House Party" at Christmas, 303

Icicle made for Two (An), 197

Improbable Free Fight in the Lords, 131

Indisposed Yachtsman's Resolutions, 65

Influenzial House of Commons, 275

Inspecting General and Yeoman, 15

Irish Curate and the Doctor, 75

Izaak Walton and his Votaries, 62

"Joey" (Chamberlain) and the Hot Poker, 242

Jones's Delicious Drink, 253

Jones's visit to Prigglesby Manor, 90

Laconic 'Bus-Driver (A), 27

Lady Hypatia and the World at Large, 258

Lady's Story after the Garden Party, 16

Lady Vera flattering an Author, 274

Lika Joko's Hunting Scene, 263

Little Boy and the Martial Cloak, 117

Little Old Woman and her Shoe, 86

Local Hatter and Baronet, 94

Local Mammoth's Neighbours (The), 292

Looking at the Knight's Tomb, 150

Lower Creation (The), 105, 111

Mamma's Vaccination Sleeves, 3

Marian not a fit Servant's Name, 202

Master Bull's Sinking Ships, 110

Master Jack out for Early Hunting, 154

Mr. Punch and Coal-Owner and Miner, 170

Mr. Punch at Edinburgh, 179

Mr. Sinnick's Love for Babies, 246

Mrs. Prickles and "Coals of Fire," 225

Mrs. Ramsbotham and the Graces, 162

Musicians in the Stalls, 159

My Lady and Housemaid's Character, 54

Naughty Boy and his Governess, 186

Nervous Hunting Man and Lady Rider, 262

New King Coal, 74

News from the Law Courts, 237

Not an Ornamental Bishop, 306

Old Adonis and his Bust, 99

Old Gent and Galloping Coach-Team, 81

Old Huntsman's Law Reading, 291

Old Keeper and Red-haired Fisher, 11

"Out for an Otter-Day!" 189

"Out! Her First Ball!" 1

Painter and his Hostess, 78

Papa putting on Mamma's Hair, 198

Parliamentary Bear-Garden (A), 35

Parliamentary Football Match, 266

Parliament by Proxy, 227

People who don't dine out on Sunday, 130

Pheasant Shooting, 203

Philanthropist and Small Boy's Parcel, 226

Piping Satyr (A), 122

Podgers and his Host's Shoes, 147

Police Protection for Pianists, 217

Portrait of Mr. Mince-Pie, 301

Priceless Piece of English Coal (A), 192

Railway Traveller and Dog, 177

Rhodes, the Lion-Tamer, 230

Ringlets again the Fashion, 158

Rivals and the Fair Siamese, 38

Rosebery to the Rescue! 14

Scenes in the City, 239

Scotch Counsel and Old Lady, 118

Scotchman and the Rector, 45

Scottish Political Pipers, 194

Sea-side after Visitors are gone, 135

Seedy Swell's Watch (A), 5

Shadows on the Underground Railway, 181

Shaftesbury Fountain (The), 181

Shy Couple conversing on the Strike, 234

Singing Captain and Ladies, 102

Sir Aquarius and the Water-Snake, 146

Sir Harry on his Rhinoceros, 216

Sir Pompey and the French Baron, 46

Sir Pompey's Acts of Charity, 30

Sleeping Cat o' Nine Tails, 206

Small Boy's Dilemma about Hunting, 267

Smart Set at a Party (A), 6

Snobley and the Sand Ponies, 123

Spelling "Soda-water" with a Syphon, 141

Sporting Farmer and 'Arry at the Hunt, 231

Sportsman who has made a Mare, 243

Spreading Himself Out, 305

Squire and his Steward (A), 245

Stag-Hunting, 215

Stout Lady wanting Wings, 174

Sultan and Khedive Smoking, 26

Tailor's Lobengulous Customer, 250

Telephoning Twins (The), 255

Three Ministerial Huntsmen (The), 134

Tiger and Bear at the Club, 173

Tipsy Gent and Baker's Boy, 53

Tipsy Undergraduate and the Major, 214

Tommy's Ultimatum to his Nurse, 18

Tourist Season (The), 107

Tourist who didn't Shoot Anybody, 219

Trafalgar Square of the Future, 251

Two Golfers, 145

Two Ladies and the Piano, 42

Two Swells in the Rain, 193

Two Unknown Painters, 61

Very Nice to Departing Guests, 294

Vicar's Cook and a Saved Sole, 142

Wandering Minstrel and Sea-side Beauties, 126

Wanting a Table d'Oat Dinner, 205

Week of the Year (The), 23

Were-Wolf of Anarchy (The), 290

Who would be an M.P.? 155

Who would not be an M.P.? 167

Young Lady Making "Dinner Eyes," 39

Young Lady's Jacket Puzzle, 237

Young Muddleigh's Lady Love, 279

Young Sportsman and the Bad Shot, 125

Young Wife and Horse's Weight, 183

Youthful Reprobate and the World, 265

Youth who comes Home late (A), 49

* * * * *

LONDON; BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., LIMITED, WHITEFRIARS.

* * * * *

Transcriber's Note:

Page 306: "SANDSTONE" corrected to "SADSTONE", to fit context of article.

"... to shed its lurid light on SADSTONE, as he came peeping round the door."