Scene X.

By Jove, what festive tints you wear, _chere_ Madame! These _fin-de-siecle_ furbelows of la dame Would scare the very simply dressed _Pere_ ADAM. On you they're charming; But when the fashion spreads to distant quarters, And far across the Channel's choppy waters They glow on England's humble, tasteless daughters, They'll be alarming. Bright blue, gay green, loud lilac, yelling yellow-- Yelling for _criard_, pray forgive a fellow For using words that time has not turned mellow-- Must not be worse made Than in your costumes, gracefully assorted. Think what these tints will be, transposed, distorted, By English laundress, flower-girl, and sported By cook or nursemaid! Our eyes! Oh, save them then with shades or goggles! For reason totters on its throne, which joggles. In choosing tints the Englishwoman boggles; "_Chacun a son gout._" You're always _comme il faut_ from boots to bonnet. For Paris, praised in song, and ode, and sonnet, Is still, as when _les Precieuses_ doated on it, "_Le centre du bon gout._"

* * * * *

"MERRY MARGIT!"--"I was at Margate last July," sang THOMAS BARHAM, when telling of the _Little Vulgar Boy_, and so were we, this July, for the purpose of passing a few happy hours at the renovated Cliftonville Hotel under the government of Mr. HOLLAND, vice-regent for Messrs. GORDON & CO. No need now to quit the shores of England for Antwerp, Rotterdam, or any other of the Rotterdamerung Cycle, as visitors to Margate will, on our own shore, find HOLLAND. In the menu Sauce Hollandaise is avoided, and Politesse Hollandaise is substituted, to the satisfaction of everybody.

"Voila ce que l'on dit de moi Dans la Gazette de Hollande!"

Which couplet the Manageress might sing, as they are words from _The Grand Dutchess_.

* * * * *

THE MAN MAKES THE TAILOR.

(_Fragment from a Seasonable Romance._)

It was towards the close of the London season of 1893 that a man in a strange garb was seen at an early hour in the East End of London. He attracted considerable attention. It was a rough part of the City, still, those who lived there were conventional in their costume. They wore black coats, and there was a certain respectability about their hats. But the man to whom we refer was eccentric in the extreme. His straw hat was worn at the back of his head, his cut-away coat was thrown open, showing a huge, collarless coloured cotton shirt. He had flannel trousers tucked into digger's boots. No one knew whence he came, whither he was going.

"Have you noticed him?" asked the Inspector.

"Yes, Sir," replied the Police Constable, "he's got white hands, so if he belongs to the dangerous classes, he is a smasher, or a forger, or something genteel in that line."

"Well, keep your eye upon him."

"I will, Sir."

And the strange-looking person continued his way. As he walked through the City, the merchants regarded him with surprise, but there were those amongst the stockbrokers who seemed to receive him with recognition.

"I fancy I have seen the Johnnie somewhere before," observed one Member of the House to another. "I am almost sure I know the cut of his suit."

And the man walked on until he reached Knightsbridge. There he was stopped by an elderly, well-dressed, well-to-do individual, who had evidently just come up from the country. The two pedestrians started back when they met face to face.

"What are you doing in that hideous disguise?" asked the senior of the junior.

"It is no disguise, father," was the reply; "it is only the customary get up of a young man of fashion between the hours of nine and eleven when he proposes to walk in the park."

And, with these words, the strange apparition crossed over the road, and entered Rotten Row. And here he was soon lost in a crowd quite as eccentrically garbed as himself.

* * * * *

A WAY THEY HAVE IN THE CITY.

SCENE--_Board-room of a Public Company._ TIME--_A few minutes after the close of a General Meeting._ PRESENT--_Chairman of Directors and Secretary._

_Chairman._ Well, I think I got in all that was wanted?

_Secretary._ Could not have been better, Sir. You had the figures at your fingers' ends.

_Chair. (laughing)._ You mean on a sheet of paper in front of me.

_Sec._ And everyone was satisfied, Sir.

_Chair._ As they should have been, considering my flaming account of the prosperity of the undertaking. By the way, _is_ it flourishing?

_Sec._ Well, Sir, that is scarcely in my department. You must ask the auditors.

_Chair._ Oh, never mind; it is a matter of no importance.

_Sec._ I daresay if you wanted any information, Sir, I could get it for you.

_Chair._ No, thanks, I don't want to increase my work. I am sure I do quite enough for my wretched two or three hundred a year--don't you think so?

_Sec._ Certainly, Sir. You do a great deal more than some Chairmen.

_Chair._ Yes, I suppose I do. Come here once a year, and preside over an Annual Meeting, and draw my fees. What more _can_ I do?

_Sec._ I'm sure I don't know, Sir. A knowledge of the duties of a Chairman of Directors comes scarcely within the scope of my required services.

_Chair._ Quite so; and now I will say Good-bye!

_Sec._ See you again next year, Sir?

_Chair._ Certainly. If I don't sell out in the meantime. And now I must be off. I am due at another meeting, and have to get up the necessary figures in five minutes. Do you think I shall do it in the time?

_Sec._ Certainly, Sir. You managed the task in less here.

[_Scene closes in upon the valuable pair--and the security of the Public._

* * * * *

"FRIENDLY RIFLERY."--"MELLISH has followed his miss with an inner and two bullseyes." Very kind of MELLISH. We hope "his Miss" accepted the two bullseyes. "BOYD and GIBBS got magpies." Whatever sort of pies these may be, it is evident that, with "pies" and "bullseyes," our riflemen are fond of sweets.

* * * * *

* * * * *

THE FRENCH WOLF AND THE SIAMESE LAMB.

_An Old Fable with a New Setting._

A little lamb lived by a flowing stream. A great temptation, when the heat was torrid, To thirsty souls that water's limpid gleam. At least so thought a Wolf, of aspect horrid, Who, having for some time abstained and fasted, Desired to learn how lamb--and water--tasted. He felt with pinching want his paunch was pining, Early he'd lunched, so longed the more for dining. A Cochin China rooster, lank and thin, Or something indigestible from Tonquin, For a big, sharp-set Wolf, are snacks, not meals; So down the sparkling river Lupus steals, Quite uninvited, but intent on forage, Fronting the fleecy flocks with wondrous courage; For whether in the Southdowns, or Siam, By the near Medway, or the far Menam, Your Wolf is most courageous--with your Lamb! With joy the Lamb he spied, then, growling, said, "Sirrah! how dare you thus disturb my drink?" The Lamb, in answer, meekly bowed its head-- "_I_ trouble not the water, Sir, I think, Particularly as I'm sure you'll see It flows--observe the drift--from you to me! You're welcome in the stream to slake your thirst, But, may I just observe, _I was here first!_" "Oh! you chop logic!" cried the angry brute. "I can chop, too:--you've done me other wrong. Young Mutton, best with _me_ not to dispute! You've given me already too much tongue. Are _you_ the home-born boss of all Siam, Of fleet Mekong, and many-creek'd Menam?" Mildly young woolly-face replied, "I _am_!" His optics orientally oblique, Rolling in manner sheepish, soft, and meek. "Oh, _are_ you?" snarled the Wolf. "_We_'ll see about it! 'Twixt Western Wolf and Oriental Lamb Equality is a preposterous flam: Do you--as Tonquin did--presume to doubt it? Fraternity? Well, I'm your elder brother; And Liberty--to you--means nought but bother. See, silly-face?" "Well, no," the Lamb replied, "Such reciprocity seems all one side. Not six o' one and half a dozen o' 'tother!" "Pooh!" snapped the Wolf. "Logic's clear _terra firma_ Is not for Lambkin, but for Wolf or Lion. If you such little games with me should try on, I'd treat you--well, as Bull did little Burmah. I have imperative claims; I'm going to state 'em With lupine brevity in an ultimatum. That--after some two days--must stand as Law; If after that you give me any jaw, My little Mutton--well, beware my maw!"

MORAL.

This truth my simple Fable doth attest, He who has strongest jaw argues the best!

* * * * *

AT DALY'S.--The Comedy _Love in Tandem_ ought to have been in three shorter Acts. Mr. LEWIS excellent, so is Mrs. GILBERT, who has not more than ten words to say, but a lot to act. Spanish widow also good. Mr. BOURCHIER is a marvellous example of the "Walking Gentleman," being perpetually on the move. It is gratifying to see him sit down for even a few seconds. Like the engineer of the penny steamboat in the burlesque of _Kenilworth_, he "has very much to larn"; but this fact need not discourage him, any more than it did Mr. HENRY IRVING, according to Mr. PERCY FITZGERALD'S recently published book of Irvingite Recollections, at the commencement of his career. Miss REHAN is, _par excellence_, the life and soul of the piece; and when there has been, in her absence, a dull moment or two, she re-enters and Rehanimates the whole.

* * * * *

"Swimming has been much neglected in the British Navy," observed Mr. PHILOOLY. "When there's a Parliament in Dublin we'll pass a law that not a sailor shall leave _terra firma_ till he can swim."

* * * * *

* * * * *

THE SCHOPENHAUER BALLADS.

No. I.-THE AQUARIUM OCTOPUS.

The world is full of pretty things That everyone admires, And beauty, even though skin-deep, Is what the world desires. I'm handicapped I feel in life, For very obvious reasons, And yet my family always think I'm lovely in all seasons!

My time is principally passed In caverns under water, My family are mostly sharks, Except a mermaid daughter; She sings her songs and combs her hair To tempt unwary whalers, And when we lure them down below It's bad for those poor sailors.

I cannot say I like the sea, The bottom, top, or middle. It's always asking, night and day, The same confounded riddle: "Why was I made, except to drown The surplus population?" This is the sad sea wave's remark At every sea-side station.

It makes me think about myself-- Octopus too unsightly-- Which are my arms and which my legs I never can tell rightly; I frighten children--old and young-- Without the least intention, I saved a school from drowning once, But that I mustn't mention!

I'm now at the Aquarium, A "side-show" much belauded, My antics, shown three times a day, Are very much applauded; The pay is not extremely large-- A weekly bare subsistence; I take it meekly, for it breaks The boredom of existence.

* * * * *

BALLADE OF EARLSCOURT.

I've really been extremely gay-- I've done most things (I mean, in reason)-- And, though "it is not always _May_," It has been, during my first season. At balls and parties I've had fun; I've listened to Home-Rule disputes; There's only one thing I've not done-- Alas! I've not been down "the Chutes"!

With screams and laughter from the height I saw men splash their nice new suits; It seemed to cause them great delight; But still--I have not shot the Chutes.

I've been to all the good first nights, I've cried at DUSE, laughed at PENLEY, I have seen all the London sights, I've been to Sandown, Lord's, and Henley. At IBSEN I've serenely smiled, While suff'ring torture from new boots; GLADSTONE I've met, and OSCAR WILDE-- But ah! I've not been down the Chutes!

_Envoi._

Prince, one regret I feel on leaving For country air, and flowers, and fruits-- I quit gay London only grieving To think I have not shot the Chutes!

* * * * *

"A deuce of a mess between France and Siam," observed a Bow-window Politician of Clubland. "A deuce of a mess?" repeated the other Bow-window man. "You mean, as far as France is concerned, it's the very DEVELLE!"

* * * * *

WHY ELINOR IS EVER YOUNG.

(_By a Fiance a la Mode._)

["... The women they might have married--the girls whom they danced with when they were youths--have grown too old for our middle-aged suitors."--_Standard._]

I'm just engaged: I'm forty-five-- Our modern prime for wedded blisses. The age _par excellence_ to wive With blooming _fin-de-siecle_ Misses; I'm very happy; so's my Love; I don't regret that long I've tarried;-- And yet I can't help thinking of The damozels I might have married.

Yes; there was JANET, slim and pert; I took her in last night to dinner, And cannot honestly assert That years conspire to make her thinner; Yet once we cooed o'er tea and buns; She quite forgets how on we carried, Nor owns, with undergraduate sons, That _she_ was one I might have married.

And LILIAN, emanation soft, Fair widow of the latter Sixties, Ideal of the faith that oft With earliest homage intermixt is; I used to dream her, oh! so young; She's wrinkled now and bent and arid; It almost desecrates my tongue, But _she_ was one I might have married.

A truce to recollection sore; I'm still considered smart and youthful; And trusting, darling ELINOR Assures me so with passion truthful; In my fond eyes she'll wither ne'er, Because--the fact can scarce be parried-- I shan't survive to see her share The fate of those I might have married!

Mixed.

I'm Charge d'Affaires--"Siam?" _Oui._ Pour England je don't care one "d." Je prig le Mekong, Si je keep it not long-- They call me "Brigand!"--_Je le suis._

* * * * *

MIND YOUR PEASE AND Q.'S.--_Q._ "Why did Sir DONALD CURRIE pair with Sir JOSEPH PEASE?"--No; we are not going to say anything about "PEASE and CURRIE" going together--we scorn getting a rice out of you that way--besides, this dish has been overdone. But the simple answer is, that as Sir DONALD couldn't get any other pair this one was a "_Pease aller_." [We're better now. "Pax!"]

* * * * *

THE RULE OF THE SEA.

(_For the Use of Admirers of the Admiralty._)

_Question._ What is your duty as a sailor in Her Majesty's Fleet?

_Answer._ To carry out the orders of my superiors.

_Q._ If you were told that black was white what would you say?

_A._ That white was black.

_Q._ If you were informed that two and two made five would you believe it?

_A._ Certainly, and insist that those who thought four was the proper answer had been gravely misinformed.

_Q._ Would you believe a captain to be always in the right?

_A._ Yes, from a lieutenant's point of view. Although, of course, I should consider him the weakest of authorities in the presence of an admiral.

_Q._ Would you ever act upon your own responsibility?

_A._ Never; as such a course would be destructive to good discipline.

_Q._ Then, if you were told to perform an impossible man[oe]uvre you would attempt to do it?

_A._ Certainly.

_Q._ Even if you saw that the result must be disaster?

_A._ Yes. I should choose the lesser of two evils.

_Q._ To what two evils do you refer?

_A._ Loss of life by my obedience, and loss of discipline by my disobedience.

_Q._ Which would be the smaller of the two disasters?

_A._ The loss of life.

_Q._ But did not NELSON solve a problem of a somewhat similar character by using his blind eye?

_A._ Yes; but then NELSON was unique.

* * * * *

AN AUSTRALIAN A B C.

A is Australia, the land of their birth. B for BRUCE, BANNERMAN, batsmen of worth. C is young CONINGHAM, more than a learner. D is the Demon, once SPOFFORTH, now TURNER. E the Excitement to see them all play, F is the Four on the ground all the way. G is for GRAHAM, the GIFFENS, and GREGORY, H is a Hit that's maybe in the leg or eye. I is the Interest that's caused in the cricket, J is for JARVIS, who sometimes keeps wicket. K is the Kangaroo, bold and defiant, L is JACK LYONS, who hits like a giant. M is MCLEOD, and was MURDOCH of yore, N are the Nets, where they practice before. O their Opponents, delighted to meet them, P for the People, so ready to greet them. Q is the Question, "How's that"--Out or Not? R is that terror of batsmen--a Rot. S their success, making Englishmen humble, T is for TROTT, and stands also for TRUMBLE. U is the Umpire, to whom they all shout, V is the Voice, in which he cries "Out!" W the Wickets, our land does not lack 'em, X is their Xcellent keeper--friend BLACKHAM. Y is the Yorker, that's fatal to some, And Z shows the ending has really come.

* * * * *

The Great Ferris Wheel at Chicago Exhibition can "complete a revolution in seven minutes." Valuable this in Paris. No military required.

* * * * *

* * * * *

FROM OUR ISLAND SPECIAL.

"I come to Cowes," quoth the German Emperor right merrily, "as the greatest compliment I can pay to JOHN BULL. But where are the Royal carriages and Royal personages to receive me?" Admiral COMMERELL steered himself along the main roads, and played the part of the look-out man to perfection. "Nothing in the offing," he reported to the Emperor. "I hope," returned His Imperial Majesty, with a smile, "that this sort of thing doesn't offing happen." Everybody in convulsions of laughter, which just filled up the time till the appearance on the scene of the Duke of CONNAUGHT on the top of the cabin, in the full uniform of a General of the Horse Marines. "You're too punctual by half a minute," called out the Duke to the Admiral. Then the Admiral piped his eye, and the Royalties lighted cigarettes. "Here are the carriages! step in!" quoth the Duke. "Aha!" cried the Emperor gaily, in his perfect English. "Here is the carriage and the 'oss, so now we shall be borne by the 'oss to _Os-borne_!" Every one in convulsions, and amid roars of laughter the Duke and the Emperor drove off.

* * * * *

CURIOUS CRICKET ANOMALY.

When a batsman has piled up a hundred, or more, Though five twenties he's hit, he has made but "a score."

* * * * *

JUST SUE!

When a smart cove "sues" a sweet girl, for her hand, Then sueing is soft and as sweet as a peach. But e'en sueing comes bitter, you'll all understand, When he bolts, and _she_ sues _him_--"for Breach!" A true suitor may suit her, but, faithless, the brute Deserves what he'll get, a complete change of suit!

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Lords, Monday, July 24._--Haven't heard much of House of Lords this Session. Will take the floor presently, and show Commons how Legislation should be conducted. For weeks and months they've been slaving round Home-Rule Bill. Noble Lords, with fuller experience, and heaven-born aptitude, undertake to polish it off in a week. Meanwhile have had less work than usual to do. Might even have made long Summer holiday. Patriotically insisted upon meeting four times a week, to show, to whom it may concern, that at least they are ready for work.

To-night suddenly blazed forth with amazing vigour. Old friend EVELYN BARING, taking his seat under new style, Lord CROMER, agreeably surprised; House almost full; Opposition in high feather; cheered CADOGAN and the MARKISS with rare enthusiasm.

"I suppose the question is either the Church or the Land?" said CROMER, looking up his Orders of the Day. "Heard in Egypt those were only subjects that made you sit up."

"There's one other," said CARRINGTON, to whom remark was addressed; "though you will say it practically comes to the same thing. It's Mr. G. Anything connected with him ruffles House with sudden storm. Mr. G. made HOUGHTON Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. HOUGHTON a charming fellow; popular in both camps; but being Mr. G.'s selection for the Viceroyalty, we--I mean they--are bound to go for him."

Went for him to-night hammer and tongues. CADOGAN, not usually a peer of bloodthirsty aspect, clenched his teeth with ominous vigour when he discovered HOUGHTON was not present. Had sent him special invitation, he explained. Had even gone so far as to leave to him choice of date for his execution. "And now," cried CADOGAN, glaring round the appalled House, "his Excellency is not here!"

His absence commented on with towering vigour. Lord Lieutenant's procedure, in his dealing with addresses, "dishonest, dishonourable, discreditable to all concerned," said CADOGAN, by way of final shot, intended to sink whole Ministerial Bench.

MARKISS, not to be outdone, denounced Mr. G. as "a despot," and his colleagues in the Government "a well-trained company of mutes." As for something Lord SPENCER had said, MARKISS described it as "a pure invention," which is much politer than Mr. MANTALINI'S way of referring to similar lapse as "a demnition lie." House sat as late as half-past six, and went off home in high good humour. "Quite a long time since we wet our spears," said the MARKISS. "Just as well sometime, dear TOBY, to show you fellows in the Commons what we can do."

_Business done._--In Commons Financial Clause to Home-Rule Bill passed Second Reading.

_House of Commons, Tuesday._--DON'T KEIR HARDIE on again with fresh inquiry as to misadventure to one ARTHUR WALKER on day of Royal Wedding. Mr. WALKER (of London) it appears had difficulty with mounted officer in command of company of troops. Officer says that when ordered to fall back WALKER seized his horse's rein. ARTHUR says "Walker!"; didn't do anything of the sort. That remains in dispute. What is clear is that WALKER got slight scalp wound, inflicted by the warrior's sword. DON'T KEIR HARDIE wants sworn inquiry into case. CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN puts whole case in nutshell. "An accident," he says, "a regrettable accident; entirely owing to fact of the sharp edge of the sword meeting the man's head, instead of the flat edge."

That was all; but WALKER seems to think it was enough. Carried out on a larger scale, before and since Waterloo, similar accidents have had even more direful results. But CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, by voice and manner, succeeded in throwing into explanation an amount of conviction that communicated itself to House, and even quietened DON'T KEIR HARDIE. The choice of the word "meeting" was perhaps most exquisite touch in answer. Without venturing upon assertion, it conveyed impression that responsibility for regrettable occurrence was fully shared by Mr. WALKER. Meeting implies advance from either side. To accomplish the contact, Mr. WALKER'S head must have advanced in the direction of the sword, which at the moment happened to be going the other way, unfortunately with the sharp edge to the front. Hence, between the two, the abrasion of Mr. WALKER'S skull.

CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN did not add another word, but everyone who knows his kindness of heart will understand his unuttered wish that when in future WALKER takes his walks abroad he will be more careful. At least, if his head insists upon meeting swords going the other way, he may be expected to note whether it is the sharp edge or the flat that is out for the day.

_Business done._--Financial Clause Home-Rule Bill in Committee. A long dull night, flashing forth at end in encounter between JOSEPH and his "right hon. friend." Mr. G. in tremendous force and vigour. In its way it was CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN'S story over again, JOSEPH'S blameless head meeting the sharp edge of Mr. G.'s sword. Where difference came in was in circumstance that no one seemed to regard accident as regrettable. On contrary, whilst the Home-Rulers whooped in wild delight, the Opposition crowded the benches to watch the fun.

_Friday_, 1.20 A.M.--If there is in the world at this moment a thoroughly astonished man it is JOHN WILLIAM LOGAN, Member of Parliament for the South (Harborough) division of Leicestershire. Just now LOGAN'S mind is disturbed and his collar ruffled by an incident in the passage of Home-Rule Bill; but he is capable of giving perfectly coherent account of events. At ten o'clock MELLOR rose as usual to set in motion machinery of guillotine. Question at moment before Committee peremptorily put. LOGAN, unguardedly descending from serene atmosphere of side gallery, reached floor of House; was passing between table and Front Opposition Bench towards division lobby when he beheld vision of VICARY GIBBS skipping down gangway steps shouting and waving his arms. LOGAN, a man of philosophical temperament and inquiring mind, halted to watch course of events. Something apparently wrong in the City; things either gone up or gone down; VICARY GIBBS certainly come down; was now seated beside PRINCE ARTHUR, with hat fiercely pressed over brow, excitedly shouting at Chairman. As everybody else was shouting at same moment, Chairman wrung his hands, and spasmodically cried "Order! Order!" LOGAN had presence of mind to note that whilst VICARY in any pause in the storm cried aloud, "Mr. MELLOR, I rise to order," he was sitting down all the time with his hat on.

That was LOGAN'S last collected idea before personal affairs entirely engrossed his attention. HAYES FISHER, in ordinary times mildest-mannered man that ever helped to govern Ireland, took note of LOGAN still standing in passage between Front Bench and table; effect upon him miraculous.

"Yah, LOGAN!" he yelled; "get out. Bah! bah! go to the Bar."

Contagion of fury touched CARSON, who had hitherto been shouting at large. He now turned on LOGAN. "Gag! gag!" he yelled. "Gang of gaggers." Then, in heat of moment, he cried above the uproar, "Gag of gangers."

This too much for LOGAN. Hitherto stood everything; now sat down in contiguity to CARSON. Here is where the surprise came in. Front Opposition Bench not his usual place, but was nearest available seat. His standing up objected to; it was certainly against rules of law and order that prevail in the House of Commons. Very well then, he would sit down. This he did, taking vacant place by CARSON. But, like the bo'sun and the sailor strung up for forty lashes, hit high or hit low he couldn't please them. The scene that followed has no parallel since similar disturbance took place in Dotheboys Hall when _Nicholas Nickleby_ revolted and "took it out" of _Squeers_. HAYES FISHER leaning over clutched LOGAN by the back of the neck and thrust him forth. ASHMEAD-BARTLETT, seeing opportunity of winning his knightly spurs, firmly fixed his eyeglass, and felt for LOGAN in the front.

That the table and front Opposition Bench were not "steepled" in LOGAN'S gore, as were the forms and benches at Dotheboy's Hall in that of _Fanny Squeers's_ Pa, was due to diversion raised from another quarter. Irish members below Gangway, seeing the scrimmage, and noting CARSON had something to do with it, moved down in body with wild "whirroo!" SAUNDERSON, providentially in his place, sprang up and advanced to intercept the rolling flood. CREAN being on crest of advancing wave found his face, by what CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN would describe as a "regrettable accident." in contact with the Colonel's fist. Moreover, it was the knuckly end, scarcely less hurtful than the sharp edge of the sword which laid WALKER (of London) low. CREAN drew back, but only _pour mieux reculer_, as they say in Cork. Whilst the Colonel was standing in the attitude of pacific impartiality he later described to the SPEAKER, CREAN dealt him an uncommonly nasty one on the chops; the thud distinctly heard amid the Babel of cries in the miniature Donnybrook below Gangway. Amid moving, struggling mass, SAUNDERSON'S white waistcoat flashed to and fro like flag of truce, to which, alas! there was no response. What became of LOGAN in this crisis not quite clear. Fancy I saw WALROND extricating him from the embraces of FANNY-SQUEERS-ASHMEAD-BARTLETT. Mr. G. looked on with troubled face from Treasury Bench. BARTLEY standing up on edge of scrimmage, pointed accusatory forefinger at him, was saying something, probably opprobrious but at the moment inaudible.

"So like BARTLEY to go to root of matter," said GEORGE RUSSELL, who surveyed scene from sanctuary of Speaker's chair. "Others might accuse JOSEPH of being responsible for disturbance by likening his old colleague and chief to iniquitous King HEROD at the epoch when the worms were waiting to make an end of him. VICARY GIBBS and good Conservatives generally are sure it was TAY PAY'S retort of 'JUDAS! JUDAS!' that dropped the fat into the fire. Only BARTLEY has cool judgment and presence of mind to point the moral of the moving scene. A striking figure in the inextricable _melee._ When his statue is added to that of great Parliamentarians in St. Stephen's Hall, the sculptor should seize this attitude."

_Business done._--Home-Rule Bill through Committee; but first a real taste of Donnybrook.

_Friday Night._--House a little languid after excitement of last night. Attendance small; subject at morning sitting, Scotch Education; at night, Agriculture. Dr. HUNTER thinks it would be nice to have Committee of Inquiry into origin and progress of last night's row. Nobody else takes that view; general impression is, we'd better forget it as soon as possible.

_Business done._--TREVELYAN explains Scotch Education Vote.

* * * * *

THE ANGEL (IN THE HOUSE)'S ADVOCATE.--Mr. WOODALL.

* * * * *

Transcriber's Note:

Page 49: 'gateau' corrected to gateau'. The paper was much applauded, and GATTO _prends le gateau_.

Page 51: "it's" corrected to "its". (... so that its impulse Be humorous not malevolent;)

Page 57: 'responsility' corrected to 'responsibility' (Would you ever act upon your own responsibility?)