Chapter 2

_Mrs. Tid._ (_detaining_ Miss SEATON). I hope you are satisfied with yourself, Miss SEATON? You _ought_ to be, I'm sure--after encouraging my own child to disobey me, and behaving as you did with that most ill-bred and impertinent _impostor_!

_Miss S._ (_indignantly_). He is nothing of the sort! Mrs. TIDMARSH, you--you don't understand! _Please_ let me tell you about him!

_Mrs. Tid._ I have no desire whatever to hear. I am only sorry I ever permitted you to dine at all. It will be a lesson to me another time. And you will be good enough to retire to your own room at once, and remain there till I send for you! [_She passes on._

_Miss Seaton_ (_following_). But I _must_ tell you first what a mistake you are making. _Indeed_ he is not----!

_Mrs. Tid._ I don't care _what_ he is. Another word, Miss SEATON,--and we part! [_She sweeps into the Drawing-room._

_Miss Seaton_ (_outside_). I have done all _I_ can! If I could only hope the worst was over! But it doesn't matter much _now_. I know I shall never see DOUGLAS again!

[_She goes sorrowfully up to her room._

(_End of Scene VII._)

* * * * *

"THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA" AT OXFORD.

The Oxford University Dramatic Society, unlike the Cambridge A. D. C., is compelled by the Authorities to walk only amidst the high peaks and sometimes monotonous solitudes of the legitimate drama. _The Two Gentlemen of Verona_, which was chosen for this term's performance, is, if the truth must be told, an uninteresting stage-play. The story is of the slightest; there is scarcely a genuinely dramatic incident from beginning to end. The audience wearies of a succession of pretty pictures and sentimental soliloquies or dialogues, mouths begin to gape, and the attention wanders. Is this sacrilege? If it be, I must be content to be sacrilegious. But there is scope for careful and graceful acting, and of this the O. U. D. S. took full advantage.

Mr. WHITAKER'S _Valentine_ was a very pleasing performance. He spoke his lines admirably, grouped himself (if the Hibernianism be permissible) excellently, and showed himself in every sense a well-graced actor. Mr. PONSONBY'S _Launce_, too, was capital, carefully thought out and consistently rendered. One or two of the actors in tights seemed unduly conscious of their hands and knees, but, on the whole, the acting was of good average excellence. The Ladies here are real Ladies, not stuffed imitations, as at Cambridge. Mrs. SIM, Mrs. MORRIS, and Miss FARMER, were all good. But the one really brilliant performance was that of _Crab_, the dog, by a wonderful Variety performer from the Theatre Royal, Dogs' Home, Battersea. If this gorgeously ugly, splendidly intelligent, and affectionately versatile animal is sent back at the conclusion of the run of the piece to be asphyxiated at Battersea, I shall never believe in the gratitude or humanity of the O. U. D. S.

ANOTHER GENTLEMAN.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

In the arid life of the book-reviewer there is sometimes found the oasis of opportunity to recommend to a (comparatively) less suffering community a book worth reading. My Baronite has by chance come upon such an one in _Timothy's Quest_, by KATE DOUGLAS WIGGIN. The little volume is apparently an importation, having been printed for the Riverside Press, Cambridge, Mass. It is published in London by GAY AND BIRD, a firm whose name, though it sounds lively, is as unfamiliar as the Author's. Probably from this combination of circumstances, _Timothy's Quest_ has, as far as my Baronite's quest goes, escaped the notice of the English Reviewer. That is his personal loss. The book is an almost perfect idyl, full of humanity, fragrant with the smell of flowers, and the manifold scent of meadows. It tells how _Timothy_, waif and stray in the heart of a great city, escaped from a baby-farm to whose tender cares he had been committed; how, in a clothes-basket, mounted on four wooden wheels, cushioned with a dingy shawl, he wheeled off another waif and stray, a prattling infant; and how, accompanied by a mongrel dog named _Rags_, the party made its way to a distant village, nestling in the lap of green hills with a real river running through it. Here boy and baby--and _Rags_ too--find New England friends, whom it is a privilege for _nous autres_ to know. _Samanthy Ann_ is a real live person, and so is _Jabe Slocum_--a long, loose, knock-kneed, slack-twisted person, of whom Aunt _Hitty Tarbox_ (whom GEORGE ELIOT might have sketched) remarked he would have been "longer yit if he hedn't hed so much turned up fur feet." _Timothy's Quest_ is the best thing of the kind that has reached us from America since _Little Lord Fauntleroy_ crossed the Atlantic.

(_Signed_) "_Nihil obstat_," BARON DE B.-W.

* * * * *

SYNONYM FOR A _CHEMISE DE NUIT_.--"A Nap-sack."

* * * * *

* * * * *

WITH "THE OLD MASTERS."

At Burlington House.--Real treat. No. 6. Portrait of CHARLES DIBDIN, the Nautical Poet and Songster. Painted by Sir WILLIAM BEECHEY, R.A. Appropriate, a "_Beechey Head_."

No. 11. "_Girl Sketching._" By Sir JOSHUA REYNOLDS, P.R.A. Everybody knows that the sun stood still for JOSHUA; here you may see how, for Sir JOSHUA, the daughter stood still.

No. 36. Our old friend, "_A Chat round the Brasero_." By PHILLIP OF SPAIN, _i.e._, JOHN PHILLIP, R.A. It ought to have been called "_A Good Story_." No chatting is going on, but the worthy _padre_ has just told them a story which, like the picture itself, is full of local colour. The _padre_ has given a "Phillip" to the conversation.

No. 43. "_Portrait of an Actor._" By ZOFFANY, R.A. Who is the Actor? The Painter we know; but the Actor--? "_Ars longa, vita brevis_"--and "then is heard no more."

No. 48. Another Portrait of another Actor. By ZOFFANY. Name! Name! Did they both appear for "one night only"--come "like shadows, so depart"?

No. 75. "_Portrait of a Lady_"--an old lady, but such an old lady! By REMBRANDT. What a cap! What a frill! What a pocket-handkerchief! Delighted to see such a specimen of "Old Dutch!" Homely old Dutchess!

No. 78. "_The Fishmonger._" By VAN OSTADE. The fish as fresh to-day as when it was originally bought.

No. 109. Wonderful! VAN DYCK'S "_Burgomaster Triest_." As the eminent critic and punster, JOSEPH VON MÜLLER, observed to VAN DYCK, "DYCK, my boy, thou wilt never paint a better than this _Burgomaster of Triest_ if thou Tri-est ever so!"

Then quoth my companion, "Come to the BLAKE Collection." Ahem! Into the Black-and-White Room. Ugh!... "That way madness lies." No more to-day, thank you.

* * * * *

BEASTLY SUPERIORITY.--(_Konundrum by the "Boxing Kangaroo," on hearing of the "Wrestling Lion."_)--What is tamer than a tame lion? Why, of course, a Lion Tamer.

* * * * *

VALENTINE VERSES.

(_An Apology accompanying a Purse._)

Do you like it? I wonder! Or think you it's stupid To send such a commonplace gift as a Purse? Do you sigh for the tinsel, and gauze, and the Cupid, And the wonderful sentiments written in verse? Well, suppose I had sent them. You'd murmur, "How pretty!" Then not see them again as you put them away. Shall I candidly tell you I thought 'twere a pity Just to send you a gift that would last for a day?

But consider the times and the seasons--how many! When a purse--something in it--will save you from fuss. When you're posting a letter (to me), or a penny You may want for a paper, a tram, or a 'bus. When you've done with the purse, as you carefully lock it, And look with all proper precaution to see That the gold is still there, as it goes in your pocket, Let a thought or two, sweetheart, come straying to me.

I've explained as I could. Do you still go on sighing For the commoner Valentine--tinsel and gauze, With the pictures of wonderful cherubim flying In a reckless defiance of natural laws? If you do--well, forgive me. Don't think me unkind. You Know I'd not treat yourself in so heartless a style, And so let this gift, as you use it, remind you Of one whom you won, my dear, outright, with your smile.

* * * * *

SIR WILLIAM HARCOURT suggests that "Parish Councils will do everything for the distressed Agriculturists." Sir WILLIAM should advertise the remedy out of his Farmercopoeia--"Try Parish's Food for Agricultural Infants in distress."

* * * * *

A MEERY JEST.--Said the AMEER to an English friend, "Yes, I am uncertain of my position. I _Am 'eer_ to-day and gone to-morrow."

* * * * *

* * * * *

_THE_ BECKET, NOT _A_ BECKET.

_BECKET_ has beaten the record. By the way, how the real original THOMAS À BECKET would have beaten _The Record_, if the latter ecclesiastical journal had existed in his time, and had given his Grace of Canterbury some nasty ones in a leading article! But "that is another story." It is some time since HENRY IRVING,--than whom no actor takes more thought, whether as to his author's lines, or to his own lines when "making up,"--has achieved so great and so genuine a success, and a success that will last in the memory of playgoers for many years to come, as he has in placing TENNYSON'S _Becket_ on the stage, and himself playing the part of the great Archbishop. By the side of this ecclesiastic, his _Wolsley_ is, so to speak, nowhere.

In SHAKSPEARE'S time _Becket_ would have been a difficult subject to tackle; as indeed did KING HENRY find him,--an uncommonly difficult subject to tackle. But fortunately for English history in dramatic form, it was left for TENNYSON to treat the incidents of the story with a free hand, poetic touch, and a liberal mind. Once, towards the close of the tragedy, HENRY IRVING, austere, yet pitiful, going "to meet his King," brought to my thoughts _Savonarola_. Grander far than _Savonarola_ was _Thomas Becket_, soldier, priest, and martyr.

Then his tender compassion for the unfortunate _Rosamond_, a most difficult character--nay, a characterless character--for any actress to play! _Becket_ as archbishop and actor, seems to pity her for being so colourless. TENNYSON couldn't do without her, yet he could do very little with her.

Our ELLEN TERRY is a sweet loving gentle figure, clinging to her royal lover with a sort of fond hope that one of these days things in general would turn out all right; but in the meantime she is living always "in a maze." The love-scene (taking place in a marvellously effective stage set) between her and _Henry_ is charming. Poor _Henry_! With _Eleanor_ the Dark and _Rosamond_ the Fair,--whom he was obliged to keep dark,--the life of the monarch, like that of the policeman, was "not a happy one." _Eleanor_ the Queen, as a _divorcée_, was not _Henry's_ wife; but _Rosamond_, if, as is supposed, the King had married her, was his wife and not his mistress. It is just this point that ought to be emphasised, in order to give the right clue to _Eleanor's_ character and conduct in regard to her treatment of _Rosamond_. _Rosamond_ must be right and virtuous; _Eleanor_ wrong and vicious; the King fond, weak, and capricious. To regard the whole story as one of a mere _amour_ is to entirely miss the beauty of the gentle _Rosamond's_ nature. She is at once "gentle and simple."

And herein seems to me to have been the puzzlement in the poet's mind; he was in doubt whether to regard _Henry's_ attachment to _Rosamond_ as only a _liaison_--to represent _Becket_ as so treating it, or to place _Eleanor_ manifestly in the wrong, as being herself _not_ the wife she pretends to be. "Go to a nunnery, go!" is the end of it all. But at that nunnery, it seems, _Fair Rosamond_ remained for some time _permissu superiorum_ as, I suppose, a lady-boarder, not assuming the habit of even a postulant, much less compelled, as a novice, to be shorn of her hair, and so to appear in the final Transformation Scene as "The Fair One _without_ the golden locks." This freedom of action on the part of _Rosamond_ shows what it is to be a postulant in a convent of a Poetically Licensed Order.

The Scene of the Martyrdom, "Becket's crown," is thrillingly impressive. The faithful Monks are well played by Messrs. HAVILAND and BISHOP--a real Bishop on the Stage, among all these representatives of various sees--while Mr. FRANK COOPER is a rough-and-ready _Fitzurse_ leader of the four "King's-men," who, of course, are all Fellows of King's, Cambridge, and probably, therefore, under the ancient statutes, Old Etonians. Master LEO BYRNE, aged eleven or thereabouts, makes quite a big part of little _Geoffrey_, whose affections are divided between Ma, Pa, and his nurse _Margery_ ("with a song"), the latter capitally played and sung by Miss KATE PHILLIPS.

Where all the scenery is good, it is difficult, perhaps to single out one set for especial praise; but my advice is, on no account miss the Second Scene of the Prologue, "on the Battlements of a Castle in Normandy," painted by W. TELBIN. "Rosamond's Bower," by HAWES CRAVEN, is equally perfect in another and of course totally distinct line. To pronounce upon Professor STANFORD'S music when "the play's the thing" is impossible. The _entr'actes_ deserve such special attention as they are not likely to command when the audience is relaxing and refreshing itself.

On the whole, I should be inclined to say that the Lyceum has not had so big a success since _Faust_: a success due to the popularity of the subject represented, and the perfection of its representation. At least so thinks.

THE BUSY B. IN A BOX.

* * * * *

PHILOSOPHIC Sages have generally been careless of their personal appearance. Soap and water has not been their strong point. The exception is DIOGENES, who was seldom out of his tub.

* * * * *

APPROPRIATE DAY FOR A MUSICAL SERVICE IN CHURCH.--"_Sunday within the Octave._"

* * * * *

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday Night, February 6._--"Did you ever destroy your offspring, TOBY?" Rather curious question to ask any fellow. To me particularly startling. There are family traditions that, in accordance with sort of Malthusian doctrine, some of my young relations, my contemporaries in fact, were put out of the way even before their innocent eyes had grown accustomed to the light of a beneficent heaven. Thought at first GEORGE WYNDHAM meant something personal; was really thinking of his own woes.

"That's my speech," he said, showing me with melancholy smile quite a bundle of manuscript. "Worked at it all yesterday, instead of going to church. Read every Blue Book about Uganda; studied the map, and could pass an examination in the matter of its rivers and valleys, its hills and lakes, its various tribes, who are always murdering each other. Prince ARTHUR, you know, asked me to resume Debate at to-night's Sitting. Great opportunity; meant to make most of it; then, when I'm in my place conning my manuscript, Prince ARTHUR gives me up. Mr. G. reads text of PORTAL'S instructions, and shows we've nothing to complain about or to criticise. Rather hard on a young fellow not unduly given to speech-making. Tell you what, TOBY, if you've got three-quarters of an hour to spare, and will come with me into the Lobby, I'll read you my speech."

Much touched at this kindness. Unfortunately had an engagement which prevented my availing myself of it.

KENNAWAY and Alphabet COUTTS in same box as WYNDHAM; get out of it in different fashion. They, also, had prepared speeches, unknowing what turn affairs would take. Weren't going to waste them, so delivered them at length. They had everything but an audience. House could not prevent them reeling off their speeches, but wouldn't stay to listen. Everybody happy all round, and evening agreeably wasted.

_Business done._--More talk round Address.

_Tuesday._--Pretty to see DON'T-KEIR HARDIE just now escorted into House arm-in-arm with CHARLES EDWARD HOWARD VINCENT, C.B., formerly of the Royal Welsh Fusiliers, now Colonel of the Queen's Westminster Volunteers. Some talk of the two Members temporarily changing coats whilst they addressed the House. This was HOWARD VINCENT'S suggestion.

"I fancy, Brother HARDIE," he said, "it would picturesquely emphasise the situation, don't you know, if we thus made community of at least our coats. That's rather a remarkable garment you wear. If I put it on, and you wore mine, then House would see how thoroughly one we are. Do you mind?"

"Well," said HARDIE, dubiously, "there's a good many things in the pockets, and they might get loose if you went mauling round with the coat. So I think, if you don't mind, we'll go in our own duds."

"Oh, as you please," said the Colonel, coldly, a little hurt at this evidence of lack of confidence on part of his new pal.

So DON'T-KEIR HARDIE, moving Amendment to Address, orated in his own clothes, whilst HOWARD VINCENT sat above Gangway near him, and punctuated his speech with persistent cry of "Hear! hear!" A notable figure his friend made. Evidently in the ranks of the Unemployed in the DON'T-KEIR HARDIE household are the comb and brush. Through a mass of black hair, matted on head and chin, DON'T-KEIR looked on House of Commons. The coat HOWARD VINCENT hankered after was rather a jacket, cut short, so as to hide little of the effulgence of his murky mustard-hued trowsers. Pockets alike of trowsers and jacket were bulging with letters and papers. You could see when he stood up to speak that he had just posted a letter to himself, sticking it in his waistcoat pocket, which only half concealed its surface.

"I don't exactly know how it is," said GORST, curiously regarding DON'T-KEIR HARDIE, and his eruption of correspondence, "but our friend, for whom I shall certainly vote, somehow reminds me of _Mrs. Jellaby_. The same earnestness of vague purpose, the same self-devotion to public questions, and the same large correspondence. I wouldn't be surprised, if you had the opportunity of examining our friend's hands, if you found them rather inked than horny. Still, I shall vote for him, and say something, if not exactly in his favour, at least a few words that will puzzle our fellows and rile the Bench opposite."

_Business done._--DON'T-KEIR HARDIE moved Amendment to Address, calling upon Parliament to provide for Unemployed; negatived by 276 votes against 109.

_Wednesday._--"It was a good thing to win the Inverness Burghs," said the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD just now, reflectively stroking his chin. "But it was not all gain. FINLAY worth a good deal to us. In moments of profoundest depression he acted upon Mr. G. with remarkable tonic effect. Often when we sat on other side, things going bad, and Mr. G. has seemed a little dull, he has accidentally turned round, and caught sight of FINLAY, sitting, as you will remember he did, just behind us. In a moment our revered Chief was another man. His eye flashed, colour came back to his face, every nerve vibrated: Mr. G. was himself again. On the whole, I fancy FINLAY was worth more to us than the two votes on a Division, for which we have bartered him."

Much in what the SQUIRE says. It turned out this afternoon he did not mourn as one who has no hope, FINLAY gone, but JESSE COLLINGS remains. Has in degree, the same physical and mental effect on Mr. G. that FINLAY had. This afternoon Mr. G. sitting on Treasury Bench, apparently waiting for Division. Debate on JESSE COLLINGS'S Amendment to Address flickering out. HENRY FOWLER, in vigorous speech, had replied for Government. EDWARD STANHOPE said a few words; nothing to be done but to take Division. Whilst STANHOPE speaking, Mr. G. turned round to see how forces were mustered. Accidentally his eye fell on benevolent visage of JESSE COLLINGS, just then lit up with smile of genial satisfaction at compliment paid him by personal reference in STANHOPE'S speech. In an instant Mr. G.'s visage and attitude altered. The spell had worked, and to surprise of House he followed STANHOPE, falling straightway upon the unsuspecting JESSE, treating him, as GRANDOLPH, an amused and interested spectator of the scene, observed, "with all the vigorous familiarity Pantaloon is accustomed to meet with at Christmastide."

_Business done._--Mr. G. "goes for" JESSE COLLINGS.

_Friday_, 2 A.M.--Long time since I saw Liberals in such fighting trim as at this moment. Been at it all night discussing REDMOND'S motion for release of Dynamitards. ASQUITH made speech that has confirmed and improved his Parliamentary position. At quarter to one this morning Division taken, giving thumping majority, 316, to Government. When figures announced, Ulster Member moved Adjournment of Debate. Wants to talk about release of Gweedore prisoners.

"Right you are," said SQUIRE OF MALWOOD; "Twelve o'Clock Rule suspended; we can sit all night. Fire away!"

Prince ARTHUR, forgetful of many cheerful nights he has sat up hearing the chimes in company with TIM HEALY, protested against this as tyrannical proceeding. Irish Members massed below Gangway howled with delight. Their turn come now. Long they groaned under Prince ARTHUR'S iron heel. Now they've got _him_ down, and dance round him with shouts of exultation and Homeric bursts of laughter. Hardly can his voice be heard above the din; but he pegs along, finally turning his back on jubilant mob below Gangway; addresses himself to SPEAKER, edging in a sentence amid comparative pauses in uproar. PRINCE ARTHUR protests he will not yield to force; Liberals opposite, cheered by news from Walsall, following fast on heels of triumph at Halifax, laugh and scoff. Mr. G. safely packed off to bed; the SQUIRE and his brother officers on Front Bench evidently ready to make a night of it. TIM HEALY, radiant with this rare and rosy reflection of the good old times, observes it is "an excellent hour of the evening to begin fresh work."

More hubbub; House divides, showing Government in possession of majority of 80. Renewed tumult when they come back from the Lobby. JESSE COLLINGS rising, with intent to implore House to remember its dignity, is met with such swift, sudden, rampant roar of "Rat! Rat!" that after ineffectual contest, he subsides. Another Division; Government majority gone up one. Fresh Motion made for Adjournment; Members tightening their belts for all-night sitting, when SQUIRE OF MALWOOD unexpectedly gives in. "Go on! go on!" excited Liberals cry.

"No," said the dignified Old Roman, throwing an imaginary toga over substantial shoulder. "No? they have done enough to make their position clear before the country. Let them go to bed." So at 2:20 A.M. they went.

_Business done._--Blowing great guns.

_Friday Night._--A flash in the pan at the opening of the Sitting, when PRINCE ARTHUR, meaning to smite at the unoffending figure of the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, hit Mr. G. He explained, and apologised; thereafter, a long, dull night.

DAVITT took his seat, amid loud cheers from both sides. A curious episode in his history, honourable both to him and House. A real good man DAVITT, with all the modesty of sterling merit. Still, inclined to be argumentative. Had scarcely taken his seat, when he came up to me, and said, "It's very well for you, _Toby_, to be M.P. for Barks; but I'm M.P. for Tenpence. Yes, that's the precise sum it cost me to win my seat."

New Members come, and old ones depart. Everybody sorry to hear of the death of LOUIS JENNINGS, a fine-natured, high-souled man, of brilliant intellect and wide culture. In later Sessions has been handicapped by the cruel illness that carried him off whilst in his prime. But he made his mark at Westminster as he had done in New York, India, and Printing House Square.

_Business done._--Still talking round Address.

* * * * *

* * * * *

THE LEGAL INFANT'S GUIDE TO KNOWLEDGE.

CONCERNING THE STOCK EXCHANGE.

_Question._ What is the Stock Exchange?

_Answer._ The best English substitute for Monte Carlo.

_Q._ Has it any rivals?

_A._ Certainly; the Turf and the Card-room.

_Q._ In your opinion, is the Stock Exchange preferable to the alternatives you have mentioned?

_A._ It is, as it is more business-like, and consequently more respectable.

_Q._ Has politics anything to do with speculation at Capel Court?

_A._ To a certain extent; but a good unscrupulous untruth is better than the tottering of kingdoms.

_Q._ Is the dissemination of false news permissible?

_A._ Only by operators for the rise or fall.

_Q._ What is a flutter?

_A._ The performance of a financial operation with the assistance of a tossed-up halfpenny.

_Q._ When is it advisable to indulge in a flutter?

_A._ At the moment when your credit is greater than your balance at the Banker's.

_Q._ What is a balance?

_A._ An unknown quantity--to the impecunious.

_Q._ Is it necessary for the impecunious to suffer want?

_A._ Not if the lack of funds is concealed from the tradespeople.

_Q._ Ought not a (legal) infant to pay his debts?

_A._ Only at the instigation of a County-Court Judge, or if they happen to be debts of honour.

_Q._ What is a debt of honour?

_A._ Usually the outcome of a discreditable transaction.

_Q._ Is the nonpayment of a tradesman dishonourable?

_A._ No, for such a payment is not a "necessary." Payment only becomes a "necessary" when you bet with a man of your own order.

_Q._ Is it possible to do without money?

_A._ Yes, when you can live upon your acquaintances.

_Q._ From your last answers it would appear that money seems sometimes capable of being treated with levity. Can you give me an instance when cash is not a light subject?

_A._ Yes when it is under weight, and is, consequently, refused at your Banker's.

_Q._ What is the best method of obtaining the full value of a light sovereign?

_A._ By obtaining in return for it change in silver from a friend.

_Q._ Is silver of the same value as gold?

_A._ No, silver is a token; and in the instance to which I have referred, it would be a token of confidence.

_Q._ Would this transaction be amusing?

_A._ Yes, to everyone but the friend.

* * * * *

Time-Work versus Piece-Work!

(_By John Bull, Employer of Labour._)

Payment of Members? Well, well, _I_ don't mind, If Members who're worthy of payment I find. But _then_ all this quarrelsome cackle must cease-- If my M.P.'s I pay--like my Smiths--_by the piece_, I may yet get good work; but 'twere folly, nay, crime, To pay seven hundred praters for wasting my _time_!

* * * * *

A MAN WHO MAY BE SAID TO "KNOW THE ROPES."--M. BLONDIN.

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

* * * * *

Transcriber's Note--typographical errors fixed:

exit changed to exits at the end of "A Candid Friend" corrected a misplaced quotation mark in "Mary-Anner" added a missing apostrophe in "Mary-Anner" added a missing period in "The Man from Blankley's"