Chapter 1

endeavouring to grasp the situation_.

_Lord Strath._ (_to himself_). Don't want to make a fuss, but I suppose I ought to do _something_. Good little chap, my host--didn't like to tell me I'd made a mistake; but his wife's a downright vixen. Better make it right with her. (_To_ Mrs. TID.). I--I'm afraid I ought to have found out long before this what an intruder you must consider me; but your husband----.

_Mrs. Tid._ Pray say no more. Mr. TIDMARSH chose to act on his own responsibility, and of course _I_ must put up with the consequences.

_Lord Strath._ (_to himself_). It's hard lines to have to leave MARJORY like this; but this is more than I _can_----(_Aloud._) After that, of course I can only offer to relieve you of my presence as soon as----

_Mrs. Tid._ (_horrified_). Not for _worlds_! I can't have my party broken up _now_. I _insist_ on your staying. I--I have no complaint to make of your conduct--_so far_!

_Lord Strath._ Very kind of you to say so. (_To himself._) Pleasant woman this! But I don't care--I _will_ stay and see this out; it's too late to go in to the CARTOUCHES now, and I won't leave MARJORY till----(_Aloud._) Miss SEATON--MARJORY--I'm in a most awfully difficult position--_do_ let me tell you about it!

_Miss Seaton_ (_penitently_). Oh, Douglas, I--I _know_--I heard.... I'm so sorry--I mean, I'm so _glad_! Please forgive me for treating you as I did!

_Lord Strath._ You _did_ let me have it pretty straight, didn't you, MARJORY? But, of course, you thought me am impudent cad for calmly coming in to dinner uninvited like this--and no wonder!

_Miss Seaton_ (_to herself_). He doesn't know the _worst_--and he shan't, if I can help it! (_Aloud._) It doesn't matter _what_ I thought--I--I don't think it now. And--and--do tell me all you can about yourself!

[_They converse with recovered confidence._

_Uncle Gab._ (_to himself_). For all the notice that stuck-up young swell takes of me, I might be a block of wood! I'll _make_ him listen to me. (_Aloud._) Ahem! My Lord, I've just been telling my niece here the latest scandal in high-life. I daresay your Lordship has heard of that titled but brainless young profligate, the Marquis of MANX?

_Lord Strath._ MANX? Oh, yes--know him well--sort of relation of mine. Never heard a word _against_ him, though!

_Uncle Gab._ (_in confusion_). Oh, I--I beg your Lordship's pardon--I wasn't aware. No doubt I got the name wrong.

_Lord Strath._ Ah--or the facts. Great mistake to repeat these things--don't you think? Generally lies.

[_He resumes his conversation with_ Miss S.

_Uncle Gab._ (_nettled_). It's all very well for you to stand up for your order, my Lord; but it's right I should tell you that the Country doesn't mean to tolerate that den of thieves and land-grabbers--I need hardly say I refer to the House of Lords--_much_ longer! We're determined to sweep them from the face of the earth. I say so, as the--ah--mouthpiece of a large and influential majority of earnest and enlightened Englishmen!

_Lord Strath._ (_to himself_). Fancy the mouthpiece has had quite enough champagne! (_Aloud._) My dear Sir, you can begin sweeping to-morrow, so far as I am concerned. I'm no politician.

_Uncle Gab._ (_warming_). No politician! And yet you sit in the Upper House as one of our hereditary legislators, obstructing the will of the People! Do you mean to tell me there's no incongruity in that!

[_Consternation among the company._

_Lord Strath._ A good deal, I daresay, if I sat there--only I don't--haven't had the honour of being elected at present.

_Mrs. Tid._ (_hastily_). He means he--he has other things to do, Uncle--don't excite yourself so! (_To Lord S. in a whisper._) You're only _exposing_ yourself by talking of what you know nothing about. Surely you know that Peers _aren't_ elected!

_Lord Strath._ I was under the impression they were--in Scotland; but it's not worth arguing about.

_Uncle Gab._ You're evading the point, my Lord. I'm trying to put plain sense----

_Lord Strath._ (_wearily_). I know--but--er--_why_ try? Wouldn't plain nonsense be rather more amusing--at dinner, don't you know?

_Uncle Gab._ (_stormily_). Don't think you're going to ride roughshod over _me_, my Lord! If you think yourself above your company----

_Lord Strath._ I assure you I've no idea what I've said or done to offend you, Sir. It was perfectly unintentional on my part.

_Uncle Gab._ (_relaxing_). In that case, my Lord, no further apology is needed. I--ah--accept the olive-branch!

_Lord Strath._ By all means--if I may trouble you for the olives.

_Uncle Gab._ (_effusively_). With all the pleasure in life, my Lord. And, without withdrawing in any sort or kind from any of my general opinions, I think I express the sentiment of all present when I say how deeply we feel the honour----

_Lord Strath._ (_to himself_). Good Lord--he's going to make a speech now! (_Little_ GWENDOLEN _enters demurely and draws up a chair between his and her mother's_.) Saved, by Jove! Child to the rescue? (_To her._) So you're going to sit next to me, eh? That's right! Now what shall I get you--some of those grapes?

_Gwen._ No, a baby orange with silver paper round it, please. What is it, Miss SEATON? [_She rises and goes to Miss S._

_Miss Seaton_ (_whispering_). Now, darling, be careful--you know what I told you--you mustn't tell tales or repeat things!

_Gwen._ Not even if I'm asked, Miss SEATON?... No?... Would _you_ be displeased? Then I won't. (_Returning to her seat and addressing Lord S. confidentially._) Do you know why I've come to sit next to _you_? Because I want to see how you behave. You aren't just like one of our regular dinner-party guests, _are_ you, you know?

_Lord Strath._ (_humbly_). I'm afraid not, my dear; but you'll be kind to me for all that, won't you?

_Gwen._ (_primly_). Miss SEATON says we should never be unkind to anybody, _whatever_ their position is. And _I_ think you're rather nice. I wish Papa would have you to dine with us often, but perhaps you're expensive?

_Lord Strath._ (_laughing_). I don't know, Miss GWENNIE, I've been feeling uncommonly cheap all the evening!

_Gwen._ (_reflectively_). Mamma always says everything's much cheaper at BLANKLEY'S.

_Mrs. Tid._ (_to_ Uncle GAB.). Growing _such_ a big girl, isn't she? and getting on wonderfully with her lessons. I must get her to recite one of her little pieces for you, Uncle, dear--she does it _so_ prettily!

_Uncle Gab._ Hey, GWEN--I'll bet you one of these sugar-biscuits you don't know who it is you're chatting away so freely to!

_Gwen._ Oh yes, I _do_, Uncle; but I'm being very kind to him, so that he mayn't feel any _different_, you know!

_Uncle Gab._ Upon my word--what will you get into that little noddle of yours _next_, I wonder!

_Gwen._ (_after deliberation_). Preserved ginger, I _think_--I like ginger better than biscuits. (_To_ Lord S.) You can reach it for me.

_Uncle Gab._ Come, come, young lady, where are your manners? _That's_ not the way to speak to that Gentleman. You should say--"Will your Lordship be so very kind as to pass the preserved ginger?"

_Lord Strath._ (_impatiently_). Please _don't_, GWENNIE! I like your own style much the best! [_He helps her to the preserve._

_Uncle Gab._ You mustn't allow the child to take liberties, my Lord. Now, GWEN, suppose you tell me and his Lordship here something you've been learning lately--don't be shy, now!

_Mrs. Tid._ Yes, GWENNIE--tell Uncle a little tale--repeat something to him, come, darling!

_Gwen._ No, I shan't, Mamma!

[_She pegs away stolidly at the preserved ginger._

_Uncle Gab._ Hullo? 'Shan't' to your Mother? _This_ how you bring the child up, MARIA?

_Mrs. Tid._ Not when Mother _asks_ you to, GWEN? And Uncle wanting to hear it so! No? _Why_ won't you?

_Gwen._ Because Miss SEATON told me not to--and I won't, either.

_Uncle Gab._ Hah--Miss SEATON seems the supreme authority here, evidently--better get _her_ permission, MARIA!

_Miss Seaton_ (_distressed_). Indeed. I--I never meant--GWENNIE didn't understand me quite--that is all!

_Gwen._ Oh, Miss SEATON! when you said I wasn't to tell tales or repeat things--you _did_ say so!

_Miss Seaton._ Yes, yes, but that was a different _kind_ of tale altogether, GWENNIE,--you _may_ tell a _fairy_ tale!

_Gwen._ (_obstinately_). If I mayn't tell any kind of story I like, I shan't tell any at all--so _there_!

_Uncle Gab._ Pretty behaviour, upon my word! Children didn't behave like that in _my_ young days, MARIA! I should no more have dared to refuse to tell my elders anything they--but it strikes me you leave her too much with her governess--who, by the bye, has been going on with his Lordship in a manner that well, really _I_ shouldn't have thought----!

_Mrs. Tid._ (_mortified and angry_). I am not at _all_ satisfied with Miss SEATON in _many_ ways, Uncle--you can safely leave her to me!

[_She gives the signal_; Lord STRATH. _opens the door_.

_Lord Strath._ (_to_ Miss SEATON, _as she passes, last but one_). I--I suppose I shall get a word with you upstairs?

_Mrs. Tid._ (_overhearing--to herself_). I'll take good care he doesn't! (_To_ Lord S., _waspishly_.) Let me advise you to be very _careful_!

[Lord STRATH. _closes the door after her, with relief and amazement_.