Part 5

_Ld. Sparkish._ [_to Lady Ans._] Pray, Madam, is Miss _Buxom_ married? I hear, ’tis all over the Town.

_Lady Answ._ My Lord, she’s either married, or worse.

_Col._ If she ben’t marry’d, at least she’s lustily promis’d. But, is it certain, that Sir _John Blunderbuss_ is dead at last?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Yes; or else he’s sadly wrong’d, for they have bury’d him.

_Miss._ Why, if he be dead, he’ll eat no more Bread.

_Col._ But, is he really dead?

_Lady Answ._ Yes, Colonel; as sure as you’re alive——

_Col._ They say, he was an honest Man.

_Lady Answ._ Yes, with good looking to.

[——Miss _feels a Pimple on her Face_.——

_Miss._ Lord! I think my Goodness is coming out. Madam, will your Ladyship please to send me a Patch?

_Neverout._ Miss, if you are a Maid, put your Hand upon your Spot.

_Miss._ ——There——

[_Covering her Face with both her Hands._——

_Lady Smart._ Well, thou art a mad Girl.

[_Gives her a Tap._

_Miss._ Lord, Madam; is that a Blow to give a Child?

[——_Lady_ Smart _lets fall her Handkerchief, and the Colonel stoops for it_.——

_Lady Smart._ Colonel, you shall have a better Office.

_Col._ Oh! Madam, I can’t have a better, than to serve your Ladyship.

_Col._ [_to Lady Sparkish._] Madam, has your Ladyship read the new Play, written by a Lord? it is call’d, _Love in a Hollow Tree_.

_Lady Sparkish._ No, Colonel.

_Col._ Why, then your Ladyship has one Pleasure to come.

[——Miss _sighs_.——

_Neverout._ Pray, Miss, why do you sigh?

_Miss._ To make a Fool ask, and you are the first.

_Neverout._ Why, Miss, I find there is nothing but a Bit and a Blow with you.

_Lady Answ._ Why, you must know, Miss is in Love.

_Miss._ I wish, my Head may never ake till that Day.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Come, Miss, never sigh, but send for him.

——_Lady Smart and Lady Answerall speaking together._] If he be hang’d, he’ll come hopping; and if he be drown’d, he’ll come dropping.

_Miss._ Well, I swear, you’d make one die with laughing.

[——Miss _plays with a Tea-cup, and_ Neverout _plays with another_.——

_Neverout._ Well; I see, one Fool makes many.

_Miss._ And you’re the greatest Fool of any.

_Neverout._ Pray, Miss, will you be so kind to tie this String for me with your fair Hands? it will go all in your Day’s Work.

_Miss._ Marry, come up, indeed; tie it yourself, you have as many Hands as I; your Man’s Man will have a fine Office truly: Come, pray, stand out of my spitting Place.

_Neverout._ Well; but, Miss, don’t be angry.

_Miss._ No; I was never angry in my Life but once, and then nobody car’d for it; so I resolv’d never to be angry again.

_Neverout._ Well; but if you’ll tie it, you shall never know what I’ll do for you.

_Miss._ So I suppose, truly.

_Neverout._ Well; but I’ll make you a fine Present one of these Days.

_Miss._ Ay; when the Devil’s blind; and his Eyes are not sore yet.

_Neverout._ No, Miss; I’ll send it you To-morrow.

_Miss._ Well, well: To-morrow’s a new Day; but I suppose, you mean, Tomorrow-come-never.

_Neverout._ Oh! ’tis the prettiest Thing: I assure you, there came but Two of them over in Three Ships.

_Miss._ Would I could see it, quoth blind _Hugh_. But why did you not bring me a Present of Snuff this Morning?

_Neverout._ Because, Miss, you never ask’d me; and ’tis an ill Dog that’s not worth whistling for.

_Ld. Sparkish._ [_to Lady Answ._] Pray, Madam, how came your Ladyship last _Thursday_ to go to that odious Puppet-show?

_Col._ Why, to be sure, her Ladyship went to see, and to be seen.

_Lady Answ._ You have made a fine Speech, Colonel: Pray, what will you take for your Mouth-piece?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Take that, Colonel: But, pray, Madam, was my Lady _Snuff_ there? They say, she is extremely handsome.

_Lady Smart._ They must not see with my Eyes, that think so.

_Neverout._ She may pass Muster well enough.

_Lady Answ._ Pray, how old do you take her to be?

_Col._ Why, about Five or Six and Twenty.

_Miss._ I swear, she’s no Chicken; she’s on the wrong Side of Thirty, if she be a Day.

_Lady Answ._ Depend upon it, she’ll never see Five and Thirty, and a Bit to spare.

_Col._ Why, they say, she’s one of the chief Toasts in Town.

_Lady Smart._ Ay, when all the rest are out of it.

_Miss._ Well; I wou’dn’t be as sick as she’s proud, for all the World.

_Lady Answ._ She looks, as if Butter wou’dn’t melt in her Mouth; but I warrant, Cheese won’t choak her. I hear, my Lord What-d’ye-call-him is courting her.

_Ld. Sparkish._ What Lord d’ye mean, _Tom_?

_Miss._ Why, my Lord, I suppose, Mr. _Neverout_ means the Lord of the Lord knows what.

_Col._ They say, she dances very fine.

_Lady Answ._ She did; but, I doubt, her Dancing Days are over.

_Col._ I can’t pardon her, for her Rudeness to me.

_Lady Smart._ Well; but you must forget and forgive.

[——Footman _comes in_.——

_Lady Smart._ Did you call _Betty_?

_Footman._ She’s coming, Madam.

_Lady Smart._ Coming! ay, so is _Christmas_.

[——Betty _comes in_.——

_Lady Smart._ Come, get ready my Things. Where has the Wench been these Three Hours?

_Betty._ Madam, I can’t go faster than my Legs will carry me.

_Lady Smart._ Ay, thou hast a Head, and so has a Pin. But, my Lord, all the Town has it, that Miss _Caper_ is to be married to Sir _Peter Giball_; one thing is certain, that she hath promis’d to have him.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, Madam, you know Promises are either broken or kept.

_Lady Answ._ I beg your Pardon, my Lord; Promises and Pye-crust are made to be broken.

_Lady Smart._ Nay, I had it from my Lady _Carry-lye_’s own Mouth. I tell you my Tale, and my Tale’s Author; if it be a Lye, you had it as cheap as I.

_Lady Answ._ She and I had some Words last _Sunday_ at Church; but, I think, I gave her her own.

_Lady Smart._ Her Tongue runs like the Clapper of a Mill; she talks enough for herself and all the Company.

_Neverout._ And yet she simpers like a Firmity-Kettle.

[——Miss _looking in a Glass_.——

_Miss._ Lord, how my Head is drest To-day!

_Col._ Oh, Madam! a good Face needs no Band.

_Miss._ No; and a bad one deserves none.

_Col._ Pray, Miss, where is your old Acquaintance, Mrs. _Wayward_?

_Miss._ Why, where should she be? You must needs know; she’s in her Skin.

_Col._ I can answer that: What if you were as far out as she’s in?——

_Miss._ Well, I promis’d to go this Evening to _Hyde-Park_ on the Water; but, I protest, I’m half afraid.

_Neverout._ Never fear, Miss; you have the old Proverb on your Side, Naught’s ne’er in Danger.

_Col._ Why, Miss, let _Tom Neverout_ wait on you; and then, I warrant, you’ll be as safe as a Thief in a Mill; for you know, he that’s born to be hang’d, will never be drowned.

_Neverout._ Thank you, Colonel, for your good Word; but, faith, if ever I hang, it shall be about a fair Lady’s Neck.

_Lady Smart._ Who’s there? Bid the Children be quiet, and not laugh so loud.

_Lady Answ._ Oh, Madam! let’ em laugh; they’ll ne’er laugh younger.

_Neverout._ Miss, I’ll tell you a Secret, if you’ll promise never to tell it again.

_Miss._ No, to be sure; I’ll tell it to nobody but Friends and Strangers.

_Neverout._ Why, then, there’s some Dirt in my Tea-cup.

_Miss._ Come, come; the more there’s in’t, the more there’s on’t.

_Lady Answ._ Poh! you must eat a Peck of Dirt before you die.

_Col._ Ay, ay; it goes all one way.

_Neverout._ Pray, Miss, What’s a Clock?

_Miss._ Why, you must know, ’tis a Thing like a Bell; and you are a Fool that can’t tell.

_Neverout._ [_to Lady Answ._] Pray, Madam, do you tell me; for I have let my Watch run down.

_Lady Answ._ Why, ’tis half an Hour past Hanging-time.

_Col._ Well; I am like the Butcher, that was looking for his Knife, and had it in his Mouth: I have been searching my Pockets for my Snuff-box, and, egad, here ’tis in my Hand.

_Miss._ If it had been a Bear, it would have bit you, Colonel: Well, I wish, I had such a Snuff-box.

_Neverout._ You’ll be long enough before you wish your Skin full of Eyelet-Holes.

_Col._ Wish in one Hand,——

_Miss._ Out upon you: Lord, what can the Man mean?

_Ld. Sparkish._ This Tea’s very hot.

_Lady Answ._ Why, it came from a hot Place, my Lord.

[——Colonel _spills his Tea_.——

_Lady Smart._ That’s as well done as if I had done it myself.

_Col._ Madam, I find, you live by ill Neighbours; when you are forc’d to praise yourself.

_Lady Smart._ So they pray’d me to tell you.

_Neverout._ Well, I won’t drink a Drop more; if I do, ’twill go down like chopt Hay.

_Miss._ Pray, don’t say No, till you are ask’d.

_Neverout._ Well, what you please, and the rest again.

[——Miss _stooping for a Pin_.——

_Miss._ I have heard ’em say, that a Pin a Day is a Groat a Year. Well, as I hope to be married, forgive me for swearing; I vow, ’tis a Needle.

_Col._ Oh! the wonderful Works of Nature: That a black Hen should have a white Egg!

_Neverout._ What! you have found a Mare’s Nest; and laugh at the Eggs.

_Miss._ Pray, keep your Breath to cool your Porridge.

_Neverout._ Miss, there was a very pleasant Accident last Night in St. _James_’s Park.

_Miss._ [_to Lady Smart._] What was it your Ladyship was going to say just now?

_Neverout._ Well, Miss; tell a Mare a Tale——

_Miss._ I find, you love to hear yourself talk.

_Neverout._ Why, if you won’t hear my Tale, kiss my, _&c._

_Miss._ Out upon you, for a filthy Creeter!

_Neverout._ What, Miss! must I tell you a Story, and find you Ears?

_Ld. Sparkish._ [_to Lady Smart._] Pray, Madam, don’t you think Mrs. _Spendal_ very genteel?

_Lady Smart._ Why, my Lord, I think she was cut out for a Gentlewoman, but she was spoil’d in the Making: She wears her Cloaths, as if they were thrown on her with a Pitch-Fork; and, for the Fashion, I believe they were made in the Reign of Queen _Bess_.

_Neverout._ Well, that’s neither here nor there; for you know, the more careless, the more modish.

_Col._ Well, I’d hold a Wager, there will be a Match between her and _Dick Dolt_; and I believe, I can see as far into a Millstone as another Man.

_Miss._ Colonel, I must beg your Pardon a Thousand Times; but they say, An old Ape has an old Eye.

_Neverout._ Miss, what do you mean! you’ll spoil the Colonel’s Marriage, if you call him old.

_Col._ Not so old, nor yet so cold. You know the rest, Miss.

_Miss._ Manners is a fine Thing, truly.

_Col._ Faith, Miss, depend upon it, I’ll give you as good as you bring: What! if you give a Jest, you must take a Jest.

_Lady Smart._ Well, Mr. _Neverout_, you’ll ne’er have done till you break that Knife; and then the Man won’t take it again.

_Miss._ Why, Madam, Fools will be medling; I wish, he may cut his Fingers; I hope, you can see your own Blood without fainting.

_Neverout._ Why, Miss, you shine this Morning like a —— Barn-door; you’ll never hold out at this Rate; pray, save a little Wit for To-morrow.

_Miss._ Well, you have said your Say; if People will be rude, I have done; my Comfort is, ’twill be all one a thousand Year hence.

_Neverout._ Miss, you have shot your Bolt: I find, you must have the last Word.—Well, I’ll go to the Opera To-night.—No, I can’t neither, for I have some Business—and yet I think I must, for I promis’d to squire the Countess to her Box.

_Miss._ The Countess of _Puddledock_, I suppose.

_Neverout._ Peace, or War, Miss?

_Lady Smart._ Well, Mr. _Neverout_, you’ll never be mad, you are of so many Minds.

[——_As_ Miss _rises, the Chair falls behind her_.——

_Miss._ Well; I shan’t be Lady-Mayoress this Year.

_Neverout._ No, Miss; ’tis worse than that; you won’t be marry’d this Year.

_Miss._ Lord! you make me laugh, tho’ I a’n’t well.

[——Neverout, _as_ Miss _is standing, pulls her suddenly on his Lap_.——

_Neverout._ Now, Colonel, come, sit down on my Lap; more Sacks upon the Mill.

_Miss._ Let me go; ar’n’t you sorry for my Heaviness?

_Neverout._ No, Miss; you are very light; but I don’t say, you are a light Hussy. Pray, take up the Chair for your Pains.

_Miss._ ’Tis but one body’s Labour, you may do it yourself: I wish, you would be quiet, you have more Tricks than a Dancing Bear.

[——Neverout _rises to take up the Chair, and_ Miss _sits in his_.——

_Neverout._ You wou’dn’t be so soon in my Grave, Madam.

_Miss._ Lord! I have torn my Petticoat with your odious Romping; my Rents are coming in; I’m afraid, I shall fall into the Ragman’s Hands.

_Neverout._ I’ll mend it, Miss.

_Miss._ You mend it! go, teach your Grannam to suck Eggs.

_Neverout._ Why, Miss, you are so cross, I could find in my Heart to hate you.

_Miss._ With all my Heart; there will be no Love lost between us.

_Neverout._ But, pray, my Lady _Smart_, does not Miss look as if she could eat me without Salt?

_Miss._ I’ll make you one Day sup Sorrow for this.

_Neverout._ Well, follow your own Way, you’ll live the longer.

_Miss._ See, Madam, how well I have mended it.

_Lady Smart._ ’Tis indifferent, as _Doll_ danc’d.

_Neverout._ ’Twill last as many Nights as Days.

_Miss._ Well, I knew, I should never have your good Word.

_Lady Smart._ My Lord, my Lady _Answerall_ and I was walking in the Park last Night till near Eleven; ’twas a very fine Night.

_Neverout._ Egad so was I; and I’ll tell you a comical Accident; egad, I lost my Under-standing.

_Miss._ I’m glad you had any to lose.

_Lady Smart._ Well, but what do you mean?

_Neverout._ Egad, I kick’d my Foot against a Stone, and tore off the Heel of my Shoe, and was forc’d to limp to a Cobler in the _Pall Mall_, to have it put on. He, he, he.

[_All laugh._

_Col._ Oh! ’twas a delicate Night to run away with another Man’s Wife.

[——Neverout _sneezes_.——

_Miss._ God bless you, if you ha’n’t taken Snuff.

_Neverout._ Why, what if I have, Miss?

_Miss._ Why, then, the Duce take you.

_Neverout._ Miss, I want that Diamond-Ring of yours.

_Miss._ Why, then, Want’s like to be your Master.

[——Neverout _looking at the Ring_.——

_Neverout._ Ay, marry, this is not only but also; where did you get it?

_Miss._ Why, where ’twas to be had; where the Devil got the Friar.

_Neverout._ Well; if I had such a fine Diamond-Ring, I woudn’t stay a Day in _England_: But you know, far-fetch’d and dear-bought is fit for Ladies. I warrant, this cost your Father Twopence half-penny.

[——Miss _sitting between_ Neverout _and the_ Colonel.——

_Miss._ Well; here’s a Rose between Two Nettles.

_Neverout._ No, Madam; with Submission, here’s a Nettle between Two Roses.

[——Colonel _stretching himself_.——

_Lady Smart._ Why, Colonel, you break the King’s Laws; you stretch without a Halter.

_Lady Answ._ Colonel, some Ladies of your Acquaintance have promis’d to breakfast with you, and I am to wait on them; what will you give us?

_Col._ Why, faith, Madam, Batchelors Fare; Bread and Cheese, and Kisses.

_Lady Answ._ Poh! what have you Batchelors to do with your Money, but to treat the Ladies? you have nothing to keep but your own Four Quarters.

_Lady Smart._ My Lord, has Captain _Brag_ the Honour to be related to your Lordship?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Very nearly, Madam; he’s my Cousin-German quite remov’d.

_Lady Answ._ Pray, is he not rich?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Ay, a rich Rogue, Two Shirts and a Rag.

_Col._ Well, however, they say, he has a great Estate, but only the Right Owner keeps him out of it.

_Lady Smart._ What Religion is he of?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, he is an _Anythingarian_.

_Lady Answ._ I believe, he has his Religion to chuse, my Lord.

[——Neverout _scratches his Neck_.——

_Miss._ Fie, Mr. _Neverout_, ar’n’t you asham’d! I beg Pardon for the Expression, but I’m afraid, your Bosom-friends are become your Back-biters.

_Neverout._ Well, Miss, I saw a Flea once on your Pinner, and a L—— is a Man’s Companion, but a Flea is a Dog’s Companion: However, I wish, you would scratch my Neck with your pretty white Hand.

_Miss._ And who would be Fool then? I wou’dn’t touch a Man’s Flesh for the Universe: You have the wrong Sow by the Ear, I assure you! that’s Meat for your Master.

_Neverout._ Miss _Notable_, all Quarrels laid aside, pray, step hither for a Moment.

_Miss._ I’ll wash my Hands, and wait on you, Sir; but, pray, come hither, and try to open this Lock.

_Neverout._ We’ll try what we can do.

_Miss._ We:——What, have you Pigs in your Belly?

_Neverout._ Miss, I assure you, I am very handy at all Things.

_Miss._ Marry, hang them that can’t give themselves a good Word: I believe, you may have an even Hand to throw a L—— in the Fire.

_Col._ Well, I must be plain; here’s a very bad Smell.

_Miss._ Perhaps, Colonel, the Fox is the Finder.

_Neverout._ No, Colonel; ’tis only your Teeth against Rain: But——

_Miss._ Colonel, I find, you would make a very bad poor Man’s Sow.

[——Colonel _coughing_.——

_Col._ I have got a sad Cold.

_Lady Answ._ Ay; ’tis well if one can get any thing these hard Times.

_Miss._ [_to Col._] Choak, Chicken; there’s more a hatching.

_Lady Smart._ Pray, Colonel, how did you get that Cold?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, Madam, I suppose, the Colonel got it, by lying a Bed barefoot.

_Lady Answ._ Why, then, Colonel, you must take it for better for worse, as a Man takes his Wife.

_Col._ Well, Ladies, I apprehend you without a Constable.

_Miss._ Mr. _Neverout_! Mr. _Neverout_! come hither this Moment!

_Lady Smart._ [_imitating her._] Mr. _Neverout_, Mr. _Neverout_! I wish, he were tied to your Girdle.

_Neverout._ What’s the Matter! whose Mare’s dead now?

_Miss._ Take your Labour for your Pains; you may go back again, like a Fool, as you came.

_Neverout._ Well, Miss; if you deceive me a second time, ’tis my Fault.

_Lady Smart._ Colonel, methinks your Coat is too short.

_Col._ It will be long enough before I get another, Madam.

_Miss._ Come, come; the Coat’s a good Coat, and come of good Friends.

_Neverout._ Ladies, you are mistaken in the Stuff; ’tis half Silk.

_Col._ _Tom Neverout_, you are a Fool, and that’s your Fault.

[——_A great Noise below._——

_Lady Smart._ Hey! what a Clattering is here; one would think, Hell was broke loose.

_Miss._ Indeed, Madam, I must take my Leave, for I a’n’t well.

_Lady Smart._ What! you are sick of the Mulligrubs, with eating chopt Hay.

_Miss._ No, indeed, Madam; I’m sick and hungry, more need of a Cook than a Doctor.

_Lady Answ._ Poor Miss, she’s sick as a Cushion, she wants nothing but stuffing.

_Col._ If you are sick, you shall have a Caudle of Calf’s Eggs.

_Neverout._ I can’t find my Gloves.

_Miss._ I saw the Dog running away with some dirty thing awhile ago.

_Col._ Miss, you have got my Handkerchief; pray, let me have it.

_Lady Smart._ No, keep it, Miss; for they say, Possession is Eleven Points of the Law.

_Miss._ Madam, he shall ne’er have it again; ’tis in Hucksters Hands.

_Lady Answ._ What! I see ’tis Raining again.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, then, Madam, we must do, as they do in _Spain_.

_Miss._ Pray, my Lord, how is that?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, Madam, we must let it rain.

[——Miss _whispers Lady_ Smart.——

_Neverout._ There’s no Whispering, but there’s Lying.

_Miss._ Lord! Mr. _Neverout_, you are as pert as a Pearmonger this Morning.

_Neverout._ Indeed, Miss, you are very handsome.

_Miss._ Poh! I know that already; tell me News.

[——_Somebody knocks at the Door._—— Footman _comes in_.

_Footman._ [_to Col._] An please your Honour, there’s a Man below wants to speak to you.

_Col._ Ladies, your Pardon for a Minute.

[Col. _goes out_.

_Lady Smart._ Miss, I sent yesterday to know how you did, but you were gone abroad early.

_Miss._ Why, indeed, Madam, I was hunch’d up in a Hackney-Coach with Three Country Acquaintance, who call’d upon me to take the Air as far as _Highgate_.

_Lady Smart._ And had you a pleasant Airing?

_Miss._ No, Madam; it rain’d all the Time; I was jolted to Death, and the Road was so bad, that I scream’d every Moment, and call’d to the Coachman, Pray, Friend, don’t spill us.

_Neverout._ So, Miss, you were afraid, that Pride wou’d have a Fall.

_Miss._ Mr. _Neverout_, when I want a Fool, I’ll send for you.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Miss, didn’t your Left Ear burn last Night?

_Miss._ Pray, why, my Lord?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Because I was then in some Company where you were extoll’d to the Skies, I assure you.

_Miss._ My Lord, that was more their Goodness, than my Desert.

_Ld. Sparkish._ They said, that you were a complete Beauty.

_Miss._ My Lord, I am as God made me.

_Lady Smart._ The Girl’s well enough, if she had but another Nose.

_Miss._ Oh! Madam, I know I shall always have your good Word; you love to help a lame Dog over the Style.

[——_One knocks._——

_Lady Smart._ Who’s there? you’re on the wrong Side of the Door; come in, if you be fat.

[——Colonel _comes in again_.——

_Ld. Sparkish._ Why, Colonel, you are a Man of great Business.

_Col._ Ay, ay, my Lord, I’m like my Lord Mayor’s Fool; full of Business, and nothing to do.

_Lady Smart._ My Lord, don’t you think the Colonel mightily fall’n away of late?

_Ld. Sparkish._ Ay; fall’n from a Horse-load to a Cart-load.

_Col._ Why, my Lord, egad I am like a Rabbit, fat and lean in Four-and-twenty Hours.

_Lady Smart._ I assure you, the Colonel walks as strait as a Pin.

_Miss._ Yes; he’s a handsome-body’d Man in the Face.

_Neverout._ A handsome Foot and Leg: God-a-mercy Shoe and Stocking!

_Col._ What! Three upon One! that’s foul Play: This wou’d make a Parson swear.

_Neverout._ Why, Miss, what’s the Matter? You look as if you had neither won nor lost.

_Col._ Why, you must know, Miss lives upon Love.

_Miss._ Yes; upon Love and Lumps of the Cupboard.

_Lady Answ._ Ay; they say, Love and Peas-porridge are two dangerous Things; one breaks the Heart, and the other the Belly.

_Miss._ [_imitating Lady_ Answerall’_s Tone._] Very pretty! One breaks the Heart, and the other the Belly.

_Lady Answ._ Have a Care; they say, mocking is catching.

_Miss._ I never heard that.

_Neverout._ Why, then, Miss, you have a Wrinkle——more than ever you had before.

_Miss._ Well; live and learn.

_Neverout._ Ay; and be hang’d, and forget all.

_Miss._ Well, Mr. _Neverout_, take it as you please; but I swear, you are a saucy Jack, to use such Expressions.

_Neverout._ Why, then, Miss, if you go to that, I must tell you, there’s ne’er a Jack but there’s a Jill.

_Miss._ Oh! Mr. _Neverout_; every body knows that you are the Pink of Courtesy.

_Neverout._ And, Miss, all the World allows, that you are the Flower of Civility.

_Lady Smart._ Miss, I hear there was a great deal of Company where you visited last Night: Pray, who were they?

_Miss._ Why, there was old Lady _Forward_, Miss _To-and-again_, Sir _John Ogle_, my Lady _Clapper_, and I, quoth the Dog.

_Col._ Was your Visit long, Miss?

_Miss._ Why, truly, they went all to the Opera; and so poor Pilgarlick came Home alone.

_Neverout._ Alack a day, poor Miss! methinks it grieves me to pity you.

_Miss._ What, you think, you said a fine Thing now; well, if I had a Dog with no more Wit, I would hang him.

_Ld. Smart._ Miss, if it be Manners, may I ask, which is oldest, you or Lady _Scuttle_?

_Miss._ Why, my Lord, when I die for Age, she may quake for Fear.

_Lady Smart._ She’s a very great Gadder abroad.

_Lady Answ._ Lord! she made me follow her last Week through all the Shops like a Tantiny Pig.

_Lady Smart._ I remember, you told me, you had been with her from _Dan_ to _Beersheba_.

[——Colonel _spits_.——

_Col._ Lord! I shall die; I cannot spit from me.

_Miss._ Oh! Mr. _Neverout_, my little Countess has just litter’d; speak me fair, and I’ll set you down for a Puppy.

_Neverout._ Why, Miss, if I speak you fair, perhaps I mayn’t tell Truth.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Ay, but _Tom_, smoke that, she calls you Puppy by Craft.

_Neverout._ Well, Miss, you ride the Fore-horse To-day.

_Miss._ Ay, many a one says well, that thinks ill.

_Neverout._ Fie, Miss! you said that once before; and, you know, Too much of one Thing is good for nothing.

_Miss._ Why, sure, we can’t say a good Thing too often.

_Ld. Sparkish._ Well, so much for that, and Butter for Fish; let us call another Cause: Pray, Madam, does your Ladyship know Mrs. _Nice_?