CHAPTER IX.

WASHINGTON’S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ON THE PLANET MARS

All of the telegraph people residing on the planet Mars had gathered around in the grand stand to get a front view in the tournament which was scheduled to come off February 22, Washington’s birthday. There was no crowding or elbowing or pushing, as there was a place for everyone, and everybody was in his place.

A gigantic sounder was in the middle of the arena specially arranged so all could hear, and many good-natured jokes were told on this instrument while waiting for the big event to take place.

All ex-members of the profession were there and there were no goats or black sheep, and only joy and happiness prevailed. It did one’s soul good to see the forms and faces of the old linemen and battery men who were in the assemblage, all of whom were on the alert for line or battery trouble, just as they were erstwhile on Earth, and all seemed anxious to do something to make the tournament an affair never to be forgotten. They included such old-time linemen as George Melton, Harry Collins, Joe Keenan, Tom Dushane, John Crouch, Tommy Calahan, Delos Rich, Jimmy Brush and many others well known in their day.

At this juncture a great noise was heard across the river Styxx--the name is spelled with a double “x” on Mars. Shots from fowling pieces, small pistols, hurrahing and cheering of all kinds were distinguished behind a column of dust which, presently clearing away, disclosed to view an immense army of regulars and irregulars, some clad in uniform, bearing rifles, but mostly composed of a uniformed delegation bearing weapons of a more ancient date.

Fifes and drums were playing, adding inspiration to the scene. A herald appeared before the grand stand and announced that this being Washington’s birthday it was only immensely proper to pay the respects to that great personage, inasmuch as he was coming with his Continental troops to celebrate the day and participate in the tournament.

Just then the first column of General Washington’s army swung into line, bivouacking on the green sward fronting the grand stand. A long list of generals and presidents arrived in carriages, but Thomas Jefferson, with true Jeffersonian simplicity, appeared mounted on a milk white steed.

“First in war, first in peace,” began Abraham Lincoln, addressing the “Father” of his country, but he was interrupted by General Washington, who extended his hand, remarking “And I will shake hands with him who is first in the hearts of his countrymen.” Mr. Lincoln agreed to share that honor with his illustrious patron and friend, and the cannons belched forth the regulation presidential salute.

A little hatchet with a cherry handle was suspended from General Washington’s belt, a little after the style in which the Scotchman wears his paint brush.

Many old British generals were present but not in line. Marquis De Lafayette, smiling and full of bonhomme, went up and down the line, shaking hands with the presidents and soldiers alike.

The bulletin board on the planet Mars is on the azure sky and an electric pen propelled by wireless telegraph copies off in red ink, not unlike tongues of fire, indelibly all items of news.

George Washington and his heroes were reading the latest bulletins from the big war, and as they read a look of deep concern covered the faces of all. “I don’t like this late news,” said the general, “but I know my country is in safe hands and that President Wilson will be backed by congress in everything he may want to undertake. But this is not war, it is barbarism.”

“We fought like gentlemen,” ejaculated Lord Cornwall, and General Washington doffed his hat to acknowledge the compliment.

“It will be all right to delay giving any advice to President Wilson until he really needs it,” continued Gen. Washington, “but I wish to inform him that he has a mighty army up here in Mars who will appear at the proper time to lend aid and assistance to his efforts.”

“Come, my illustrious predecessor, come with me and after a little speech-making we will partake of the hospitality of the Pleiades Club.” Thus spoke Abraham Lincoln as he took the arm of George Washington for a stroll around the grand stand.

“I was very much interested in telegraphy and telegraph operators during my career at the White House,” Mr. Lincoln continued, “and I wish to introduce you to some of those I met and who will, no doubt, take part in this tournament, now about to take place.”

“We had nothing but ‘wig-wagging’ from the tops of high hills and some signal fires during my time,” said General Washington, “and this new invention by my dear friend, Professor Morse, came to serve his country in good stead, and I will be delighted to meet all your old telegraph friends.”

The two presidents then met the following old-timers who were in the United States’ service during the Civil War: H. A. Bogardus, W. K. Applebaugh, S. M. Brown, Madison Buell, W. W. Burhans, M. J. Childs, Eli Cole, C. D. Hammond, J. D. Truax, Isaac McMichael, J. La Bonte, G. H. Peck, W. B. Somerville, L. B. Spellman, O. K. Newton, F. A. Nash, Geo. Purdon, and many others.

President Fred Catlin of the telegraphers’ tournament decided it would be more patriotic to devote the day to entertaining the great presidents and generals in a different way and let the harder part of the programme come along later, and his views were accepted.

The members of the United States Military Corps were everywhere introducing and being introduced, Fred Loomis, George Baxter and Marion H. Kerner being particularly happy.

General Grant was surrounded by a throng of admirers. He proved himself not very strong on the “send,” but a most cheerful listener.

“When I was with Grant,” began Fred Loomis.

“When were you with Grant?” queried George Baxter.

“Oh, that is just in the song,” was the laughing reply, and even General Grant smiled as he remembered about the tramp “who was with Grant” just ten years before the war.

No attempt was made to give an exhibition of fast sending or receiving, as the United States Military Corps were too busy in showing attention to former officers, with whom now, however, they hob-nobbed like college chums.

It was a glorious day, filled with enthusiasm, glowing speeches and patriotic sentiment.

General Washington’s old body-guard, “Sam,” was on hand and he took much delight in relating the oft-repeated story how he approached Mr. Washington one day, doffing his hat at the same time.

To everyone’s surprise, General Washington immediately took off his own head-gear.

“How is it that you take off your hat to a colored man?” was asked by the English ambassador.

“Because he took off his hat to me, and I will not permit even a negro to outdo me in politeness,” replied the general, and the little incident became historical.