Part 19

Sir _Fran._ Do so, and do'st hear, _Dick_----see if there's e'er a bottle o'th' strong beer that came i'th' coach with us----if there be, clap a toast in it, and bring it up.

Squ. _Rich._ With a little nutmeg and sugar, shawn't I, Feyther?

Sir _Fran._ Ay! ay! as thee and I always drink it for breakfast--Go thy ways!----and I'll fill a pipe i'th' mean while. [_Takes one from a Pocket-Case, and fills it._]

[_Exit Squ. ~Rich~._

Lady _Wrong._ This Boy is always thinking of his belly!

Sir _Fran._ Why my Dear, you may allow him to be a little hungry after his journey.

Lady _Wrong._ Nay, ev'n breed him your own way--He has been cramming in or out of the coach all this day I am sure--I wish my poor Girl could eat a quarter as much.

_Jenny._ O for that I could eat a great deal more, Mamma; but then mayhap, I should grow coarse, like him, and spoil my shape.

Lady _Wrong._ Ay, so thou would'st, my Dear.

_Enter Squire ~Richard~ with a full Tankard._

Squ. _Rich._ Here, Feyther, I ha' browght it----it's well I went as I did; for our _Doll_ had just bak'd a toast, and was going to drink it herself.

Sir _Fran._ Why then, here's to thee, _Dick_!

[_Drinks._

Squ. _Rich._ Thonk yow, Feyther.

Lady _Wrong._ Lord! Sir _Francis_! I wonder you can encourage the Boy to swill so much of that lubberly liquor----it's enough to make him quite stupid.

Squ. _Rich._ Why it never hurts me, Mother; and I sleep like a hawnd after it.

[_Drinks._

Sir _Fran._ I am sure I ha' drunk it these thirty years, and by your leave, Madam, I don't know that I want wit: Ha! ha!

_Jenny._ But you might have had a great deal more, Papa, if you would have been govern'd by my Mother.

Sir _Fran._ Daughter! he that is governed by his Wife, has no wit at all.

_Jenny._ Then I hope I shall marry a fool, Sir; for I love to govern dearly.

Sir _Fran._ You are too pert, child; it don't do well in a young woman.

Lady _Wrong._ Pray, Sir _Francis_, don't snub her; she has a fine growing spirit, and if you check her so, you will make her as dull as her brother there.

Squ. _Rich._ [_After a long draught._] Indeed, Mother, I think my sister is too forward!

_Jenny._ You! you think I'm too forward! sure! Brother Mud! your head's too heavy to think of any thing but your Belly.

Lady _Wrong._ Well said, Miss; he's none of your Master, tho' he is your elder Brother.

Squ. _Rich._ No, nor she shawn't be my Mistress, while she's younger sister!

Sir _Fran._ Well said _Dick_! Shew 'em that stawt liquor makes a stawt heart, Lad!

Squ. _Rich._ So I wull! and I'll drink ageen, for all her!

[_Drinks._

_Enter ~John Moody~._

Sir _Fran._ So _John_! how are the horses!

_John Moody._ Troth, Sir, I ha' noa good opinion o' this tawn, it's made up o' mischief, I think!

Sir _Fran._ What's the matter naw?

_John Moody._ Why I'll tell your Worship----before we were gotten to th' street end, with the coach, here, a great lugger-headed cart, with wheels as thick as a brick wall, laid hawld on't, and has poo'd it aw to bits; crack! went the perch! Down goes the coach! and whang! says the glasses, all to shivers! Marcy upon us! and this be _London_! would we were aw weell in the country ageen!

_Jenny._ What have you to do, to wish us all in the country again, Mr. Lubber? I hope we shall not go into the country again these seven years, Mamma; let twenty coaches be pull'd to pieces.

Sir _Fran._ Hold your tongue, _Jenny_!----Was _Roger_ in no fault, in all this?

_John Moody._ Noa, Sir, nor I, noather----are not yow asheam'd, says _Roger_ to the carter, to do such an unkind thing by strangers? Noa, says he, you Bumkin. Sir, he did the thing on very purpose! and so the folks said that stood by--Very well, says _Roger_, yow shall see what our Meyster will say to ye! Your Meyster? says he; your Meyster may kiss my--and so he clapt his hand just there, and like your Worship. Flesh! I thought they had better breeding in this tawn.

Sir _Fran._ I'll teach this rascal some, I'll warrant him! Odsbud! if I take him in hand, I'll play the Devil with him.

Squ. _Rich._ Ay do, Feyther; have him before the Parliament.

Sir _Fran._ Odsbud! and so I will----I will make him know who I am! Where does he live?

_John Moody._ I believe, in _London_, Sir.

Sir _Fran._ What's the Rascal's name!

_John Moody._ I think I heard somebody call him _Dick_.

Squ. _Rich._ What, my name!

Sir _Fran._ Where did he go?

_John Moody._ Sir, he went home.

Sir _Fran._ Where's that?

_John Moody._ By my troth, Sir, I doan't know! I heard him say he would cross the same street again to-morrow; and if we had a mind to stand in his way, he wou'd pool us over and over again.

Sir _Fran._ Will he so! Odszooks! get me a Constable.

Lady _Wrong._ Pooh! get you a good supper. Come, Sir _Francis_, don't put yourself in a heat for what can't be helpt. Accidents will happen to people that travel abroad to see the world----For my part, I think it's a mercy it was not overturn'd before we were all out on't.

Sir _Fran._ Why ay, that's true again, my Dear.

Lady _Wrong._ Therefore see to-morrow if we can buy one at second-hand, for present use; so bespeak a new one, and then all's easy.

_John Moody._ Why troth, Sir, I doan't think this could have held you above a day longer.

Sir _Fran._ D'ye think so, _John_?

_John Moody._ Why you ha' had it, ever since your Worship were High Sheriff.

Sir _Fran._ Why then go and see what _Doll_ has got us for supper--and come and get off my boots.

[_Exit Sir ~Fran~._

Lady _Wrong._ In the mean time, Miss, do you step to _Handy_, and bid her get me some fresh night-clothes.

[_Exit Lady ~Wrong~._

_Jenny._ Yes, Mamma, and some for myself too.

[_Exit ~Jenny~._

Squ. _Rich._ Ods-flesh! and what mun I do all alone?

I'll e'en seek out where t'other pretty Miss is, And she and I'll go play at cards for kisses.

[_Exit._

+ACT+ III. +SCENE+ I.

+SCENE+, _the Lord_ Townly's _House_.

_Enter Lord ~Townly~, a Servant attending._

Lord _Town._ Who's there!

_Serv._ My Lord.

Lord _Town._ Bid them get dinner----Lady _Grace_, your Servant.

_Enter Lady ~Grace~._

Lady _Grace._ What, is the house up already? My Lady is not drest yet!

Lord _Town._ No matter--it's three o'clock--she may break my rest, but she shall not alter my hours.

Lady _Grace._ Nay, you need not fear that now, for she dines abroad.

Lord _Town._ That, I suppose, is only an excuse for her not being ready yet.

Lady _Grace._ No, upon my word, she is engaged to company.

Lord _Town._ Where, pray?

Lady _Grace._ At my Lady _Revel_'s; and you know they never dine 'till supper-time.

Lord _Town._ No truly----she is one of those orderly Ladies, who never let the sun shine upon any of their vices!----But pr'ythee, Sister, what humour is she in to-day?

Lady _Grace._ O! in tip-top spirits, I can assure you----she won a good deal, last night.

Lord _Town._ I know no difference between her winning or losing, while she continues her course of life.

Lady _Grace._ However she is better in good Humour, than bad.

Lord _Town._ Much alike: When she is in good humour, other people only are the better for it: When in a very ill humour, then, indeed, I seldom fail to have my share of her.

Lady _Grace._ Well, we won't talk of that now----Does any body dine here?

Lord _Town._ _Manly_ promis'd me--by the way, Madam, what do you think of his last conversation?

Lady _Grace._----I am a little at a stand about it.

Lord _Town._ How so?

Lady _Grace._ Why----I don't know how he can ever have any thoughts of me, that could lay down such severe rules upon wives, in my hearing.

Lord _Town._ Did you think his rules unreasonable?

Lady _Grace._ I can't say I did: But he might have had a little more complaisance before me, at least.

Lord _Town._ Complaisance is only a proof of good breeding: But his plainness was a certain proof of his honesty; nay, of his good opinion of you: For he would never have open'd himself so freely, but in confidence that your good sense could not be disobliged at it.

Lady _Grace._ My good opinion of him, Brother, has hitherto been guided by yours: But I have receiv'd a letter this morning that shews him a very different Man from what I thought him.

Lord _Town._ A letter from whom?

Lady _Grace._ That I don't know, but there it is.

[_Gives a Letter._

Lord _Town._ Pray let's see.

[_Reads._

_The Inclos'd, Madam, fell accidentally into my hands; if it no way concerns you, you will only have the trouble of reading this, from your sincere Friend and humble Servant, Unknown_, &c.

Lady _Grace._ And this was the inclos'd.

[_Giving another._

Lord _Town._ [_Reads._] _To ~Charles Manly~, Esq._

_Your manner of living with me of late, convinces me, that I now grow as painful to you, as to myself: but however, though you can love me no longer, I hope you will not let me live worse than I did, before I left an honest Income, for the vain Hopes of being ever Yours._

Myrtilla Dupe.

P. S. _'Tis above four Months since I receiv'd a Shilling from you._

Lady _Grace._ What think you now?

Lord _Town._ I am considering----

Lady _Grace._ You see it's directed to him----

Lord _Town._ That's true! but the Postscript seems to be a reproach, that I think he is not capable of deserving.

Lady _Grace._ But who could have concern enough, to send it to me?

Lord _Town._ I have observed that these sort of letters from unknown friends, generally come from secret enemies.

Lady _Grace._ What would you have me do in it?

Lord _Town._ What I think you ought to do----fairly shew it him, and say I advis'd you to it.

Lady _Grace._ Will not that have a very odd look, from me?

Lord _Town._ Not at all, if you use my name in it: if he is innocent, his impatience to appear so, will discover his regard to you: If he is guilty, it will be your best way of preventing his addresses.

Lady _Grace._ But what pretence have I to put him out of countenance?

Lord _Town._ I can't think there's any fear of that.

Lady _Grace._ Pray what is't you do think then?

Lord _Town._ Why certainly, that it's much more probable, this letter may be all an artifice, than that he is in the least concern'd in it----

_Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ Mr. _Manly_, my Lord.

Lord _Town._ Do you receive him; while I step a minute in to my Lady.

[_Exit ~Lord Townly~._

_Enter ~Manly~._

_Man._ Madam, your most obedient; they told me, my Lord was here.

Lady _Grace._ He will be here presently: He is but just gone in to my sister.

_Man._ So! then my Lady dines with us.

Lady _Grace._ No; she is engag'd.

_Man._ I hope you are not of her party, Madam?

Lady _Grace._ Not till after dinner.

_Man._ And pray how may she have dispos'd of the rest of the day?

Lady _Grace._ Much as usual! she has visits 'till about eight; after that 'till court time, she is to be at Quadrille, at Mrs. _Idle_'s: After the Drawing-room, she takes a short supper with my Lady _Moonlight_. And from thence, they go together to my Lord _Noble_'s Assembly.

_Man._ And are you to do all this with her, Madam?

Lady _Grace._ Only a few of the visits; I would indeed have drawn her to the Play; but I doubt we have so much upon our hands, that it will not be practicable.

_Man._ But how can you forbear all the rest of it?

Lady _Grace._ There's no great merit in forbearing, what one is not charm'd with.

_Man._ And yet I have found that very difficult in my time.

Lady _Grace._ How do you mean?

_Man._ Why, I have pass'd a great deal of my life, in the hurry of the Ladies, though I was generally better pleas'd when I was at quiet without 'em.

Lady _Grace._ What induc'd you, then, to be with them?

_Man._ Idleness, and the Fashion.

Lady _Grace._ No Mistresses in the case?

_Man._ To speak honestly--Yes--being often in the toyshop, there was no forbearing the bawbles.

Lady _Grace._ And of course, I suppose sometimes you were tempted to pay for them, twice as much as they were worth.

_Man._ Why really, where fancy only makes the choice, Madam, no wonder if we are generally bubbled, in those sort of bargains, which I confess has been often my case: For I had constantly some Coquette, or other, upon my hands, whom I could love perhaps just enough to put it in her power to plague me.

Lady _Grace._ And that's a pow'r, I doubt, commonly made use of.

_Man._ The amours of a Coquette, Madam, seldom have any other view. I look upon Them, and Prudes, to be nusances, just alike; tho' they seem very different: The first are always plaguing the Men; and the other are always abusing the Women.

Lady _Grace._ And yet both of them do it for the same vain ends; to establish a false character of being virtuous.

_Man._ Of being chaste, they mean; for they know no other virtue: and, upon the credit of that, they traffick in every thing else that's vicious: They (even against Nature) keep their chastity, only because they find they have more power to do mischief with it, than they could possibly put in practice without it.

Lady _Grace._ Hold! Mr. _Manly_: I am afraid this severe opinion of the sex, is owing to the ill choice you have made of your Mistresses.

_Man._ In a great measure, it may be so: But, Madam, if both these characters are so odious; how vastly valuable is that woman, who has attain'd all they aim at without the aid of the Folly, or Vice of either?

Lady _Grace._ I believe those sort of women to be as scarce, Sir, as the men, that believe there are any such; or that allowing such have virtue enough to deserve them.

_Man._ That _could_ deserve them then----had been a more favourable reflexion!

Lady _Grace._ Nay, I speak only from my little experience: For (I'll be free with you, Mr. _Manly_) I don't know a man in the world, that, in appearance, might better pretend to a woman of the first merit, than yourself: And yet I have a reason in my hand, here, to think you have your failings.

_Man._ I have infinite, Madam; but I am sure, the want of an implicit respect for you, is not among the number----pray what is in your hand, Madam?

Lady _Grace._ Nay, Sir, I have no title to it; for the direction is to you.

[_Gives him a Letter._

_Man._ To me! I don't remember the hand--

[_Reads to himself._

Lady _Grace._ I can't perceive any change of guilt in him! and his surprise seems natural! [_Aside._]----Give me leave to tell you one thing by the way, Mr. _Manly_; That I should never have shewn you this, but that my Brother enjoin'd me to it.

_Man._ I take that to proceed from my Lord's good opinion of me, Madam.

Lady _Grace._ I hope, at least, it will stand as an excuse for my taking this liberty.

_Man._ I never yet saw you do any thing, Madam, that wanted an excuse; and, I hope, you will not give me an instance to the contrary, by refusing the favour I am going to ask you.

Lady _Grace._ I don't believe I shall refuse any, that you think proper to ask.

_Man._ Only this, Madam, to indulge me so far, as to let me know how this letter came into your hands.

Lady _Grace._ Inclos'd to me, in this without a name.

_Man._ If there be no secret in the contents, Madam----

Lady _Grace._ Why----there is an impertinent insinuation in it: But as I know your good sense will think it so too, I will venture to trust you.

_Man._ You oblige me, Madam.

[_He takes the other Letter and reads._

Lady _Grace._ [_Aside._] Now am I in the oddest situation! methinks our conversation grows terribly critical! This must produce something:----O lud! would it were over!

_Man._ Now, Madam, I begin to have some light into the poor project, that is at the bottom of all this.

Lady _Grace._ I have no notion of what could be proposed by it.

_Man._ A little patience, Madam----First, as to the insinuation you mention----

Lady _Grace._ O! what is he going to say now!

[_Aside._

_Man._ Tho' my intimacy with my Lord may have allow'd my visits to have been very frequent here of late; yet, in such a talking town as this, you must not wonder, if a great many of those visits are plac'd to your account: And this taken for granted, I suppose has been told to my Lady _Wronghead_, as a piece of news, since her arrival, not improbably without many more imaginary circumstances.

Lady _Grace._ My Lady _Wronghead_!

_Man._ Ay, Madam, for I am positive this is her hand!

Lady _Grace._ What view could she have in writing it?

_Man._ To interrupt any treaty of marriage, she may have heard I am engaged in: Because if I die without heirs, her Family expects that some part of my estate may return to them again. But, I hope, she is so far mistaken, that if this letter has given you the least uneasiness,----I shall think that the happiest moment of my life.

Lady _Grace._ That does not carry your usual complaisance, Mr. _Manly_.

_Man._ Yes, Madam, because I am sure I can convince you of my innocence.

Lady _Grace._ I am sure I have no right to inquire into it.

_Man._ Suppose you may not, Madam; yet you may very innocently have so much curiosity.

Lady _Grace._ With what an artful gentleness he steals into my opinion? [_Aside._] Well, Sir, I won't pretend to have so little of the Woman, in me, as to want curiosity----But pray, do you suppose then, this _Myrtilla_ is a real, or a fictitious name?

_Man._ Now I recollect, Madam, there is a young woman, in the house, where my Lady _Wronghead_ lodges, that I heard somebody call _Myrtilla_: This letter may be written by her----but how it came directed to me, I confess is a mystery; that before I ever presume to see your Ladyship again, I think myself oblig'd, in Honour to find out.

[_Going._

Lady _Grace._ Mr. _Manly_----you are not going?

_Man._ 'Tis but to the next street, Madam; I shall be back in ten minutes.

Lady _Grace._ Nay! but dinner's just coming up.

_Man._ Madam, I can neither eat, nor rest, till I see an end of this affair!

Lady _Grace._ But this is so odd! why should any silly curiosity of mine drive you away?

_Man._ Since you won't suffer it to be yours, Madam; then it shall be only to satisfy my own curiosity----

[_Exit ~Manly~._

Lady _Grace._ Well----and now, what am I to think of all this? Or suppose an indifferent person had heard every word we have said to one another, what would they have thought on't? Would it have been very absurd to conclude, he is seriously inclined to pass the rest of his life with me?----I hope not----for I am sure, the case is terribly clear on my side! and why may not I, without vanity, suppose my----unaccountable somewhat----has done as much execution upon him?----why----because he never told me so----nay, he has not so much as mentioned the word Love, or ever said one civil thing to my person----well----but he has said a thousand to my good opinion, and has certainly got it----had he spoke first to my person, he had paid a very ill compliment to my understanding----I should have thought him impertinent, and never have troubled my head about him; but as he has manag'd the matter, at least I am sure of one thing; that let his thoughts be what they will, I shall never trouble my head about any other man, as long as I live.

_Enter Mrs. ~Trusty~._

Well, Mrs. _Trusty_, is my sister dress'd yet?

_Trusty._ Yes, Madam, but my Lord has been courting her so, I think, 'till they are both out of humour.

Lady _Grace._ How so?

_Trusty._ Why, it begun, Madam, with his Lordship's desiring her Ladyship to dine at home to-day----upon which my Lady said she could not be ready; upon that, my Lord order'd them to stay the dinner, and then my Lady order'd the coach; then my Lord took her short, and said, he had order'd the coachman to set up: Then my Lady made him a great curt'sy, and said, she would wait 'till his Lordship's horses had din'd, and was mighty pleasant: But for fear of the worst, Madam, she whisper'd me----to get her chair ready.

[_Exit ~Trusty~._

Lady _Grace._ O! here they come; and, by their looks, seem a little unfit for company.

[_Exit Lady ~Grace~._

_Enter Lady ~Townly~, Lord ~Townly~ following._

Lady _Town._ Well! look you, my Lord; I can bear it no longer! nothing still but about my faults, my faults! an agreeable subject truly!

Lord _Town._ Why, Madam, if you won't hear of them; how can I ever hope to see you mend them?

Lady _Town._ Why, I don't intend to mend them----I can't mend them----you know I have try'd to do it an hundred times, and--it hurts me so--I can't bear it!

Lord _Town._ And I, Madam, can't bear this daily licentious abuse of your time and character.

Lady _Town._ Abuse! Astonishing! when the Universe knows, I am never better company, than when I am doing what I have a mind to! But to see this world! that Men can never get over that silly spirit of contradiction----why but last _Thursday_ now----there you wisely amended one of my faults as you call them----you insisted upon my not going to the Masquerade----and pray, what was the consequence! was not I as cross as the Devil, all the night after? was not I forc'd to get company at home! and was not it almost three o'clock in the morning, before I was able to come to myself again? and then the fault is not mended neither,----for next time, I shall only have twice the inclination to go: so that all this mending, and mending, you see, is but dearning an old ruffle, to make it worse than it was before.

Lord _Town._ Well, the manner of womens living, of late, is insupportable; and one way or other----

Lady _Town._ It's to be mended, I suppose! why so it may; but then, my dear Lord, you must give one time----and when things are at worst, you know, they may mend themselves! ha! ha!

Lord _Town._ Madam, I am not in a humour, now, to trifle.

Lady _Town._ Why then, my Lord, one word of fair argument--to talk with you, your own way now----You complain of my late hours, and I of your early ones----so far are we even, you'll allow----but pray which gives us the best figure in the eye of the polite world? my active, spirited three in the Morning, or your dull, drowsy eleven at Night? Now, I think, one has the air of a Woman of Quality, and t'other of a plodding Mechanic, that goes to bed betimes, that he may rise early, to open his shop!----Faugh!

Lord _Town._ Fy, fy, Madam! is this your way of reasoning? 'tis time to wake you then----'tis not your ill hours alone, that disturb me, but as often the ill company that occasion those ill Hours.

Lady _Town._ Sure I don't understand you now, my Lord; what ill company do I keep?

Lord _Town._ Why, at best, women that lose their money, and men that win it! Or, perhaps, men that are voluntary bubbles at one game, in hopes a Lady will give them fair play at another. Then that unavoidable mixture with known rakes, conceal'd thieves, and Sharpers in embroidery----or what, to me, is still more shocking, that herd of familiar chattering crop-ear'd Coxcombs, who are so often like Monkeys, there would be no knowing them asunder, but that their tails hang from their head, and the monkey's grows where it should do.

Lady _Town._ And a Husband must give eminent proof of his sense, that thinks their powder-puffs dangerous.

Lord _Town._ Their being fools, Madam, is not always the Husband's security: Or if it were, fortune, sometimes, gives them advantages might make a thinking woman tremble.

Lady _Town._ What do you mean!

Lord _Town._ That Women, sometimes, lose more than they are able to pay; and if a creditor be a little pressing, the Lady may be reduc'd to try if, instead of gold, the Gentleman will accept of a trinket.

Lady _Town._ My Lord you grow scurrilous; you'll make me hate you. I'll have you to know, I keep company with the politest people in town, and the Assemblies I frequent are full of such.

Lord _Town._ So are the Churches----now and then.

Lady _Town._ My friends frequent them too, at well as the Assemblies.

Lord _Town._ Yes, and would do it oftner, if a groom of the chambers there were allowed to furnish cards to the company.