Part 17

Lord _Town._ Dear _Manly_! yours----I was thinking to send to you.

_Man._ Then, I am glad I am here, my Lord----Lady _Grace_, I kiss your hands!----What, only you two! How many visits may a man make, before he falls into such unfashionable company? A brother and sister soberly sitting at home, when the whole town is a gadding! I question if there is so particular a _tête à tête_, again, in the whole parish of St. _James_'s.

Lady _Grace._ Fy! fy! Mr. _Manly_; how censorious you are!

_Man._ I had not made the reflexion, Madam, but that I saw you an exception to it--Where's my lady?

Lord _Town._ That I believe is impossible to guess.

_Man._ Then I won't try, my Lord----

Lord _Town._ But 'tis probable I may hear of her by that time I am four or five hours in bed.

_Man._ Now, if that were my case, I believe I should----But I beg pardon, my Lord.

Lord _Town._ Indeed, Sir, you shall not: You will oblige me, if you speak out; for it was upon this head, I wanted to see you.

_Man._ Why, then, my Lord, since you oblige me to proceed----if that were my case----I believe I should certainly sleep in another house.

Lady _Grace._ How do you mean?

_Man._ Only a compliment, Madam.

Lady _Grace._ A compliment!

_Man._ Yes, Madam, in rather turning myself out of doors than her.

Lady _Grace._ Don't you think that would be going too far?

_Man._ I don't know but it might, Madam; for in strict justice, I think she ought rather to go than I.

Lady _Grace._ This is new doctrine, Mr. _Manly_.

_Man._ As old, Madam, as _Love_, _Honour_, and _Obey_! When a woman will stop at nothing that's wrong, why should a man balance any thing that's right.

Lady _Grace._ Bless me, but this is fomenting things--

_Man._ Fomentations, Madam, are sometimes necessary to dispel rumours; tho' I don't directly advise my Lord to do this----This is only what, upon the same provocation, I would do myself.

Lady _Grace._ Ay! ay! You would do! Batchelors wives, indeed, are finely governed.

_Man._ If the married mens were as well----I am apt to think we should not see so many mutual plagues taking the air, in separate coaches!

Lady _Grace._ Well! but suppose it was your own case; would you part with a wife because she now and then stays out, in the best company?

Lord _Town._ Well said, Lady _Grace_! come, stand up for the privilege of your sex! This is like to be a warm debate! I shall edify.

_Man._ Madam, I think a wife, after midnight, has no occasion to be in better company than her husband; and that frequent unreasonable hours make the best company----the worst company she can fall into.

Lady _Grace._ But if people of condition are to keep company with one another; how is it possible to be done unless one conforms to their hours?

_Man._ I can't find that any woman's good breeding obliges her to conform to other people's vices.

Lord _Town._ I doubt, child, we are got a little on the wrong side of the question.

Lady _Grace._ Why so, my Lord? I can't think the case so bad, as Mr. _Manly_ states it----People of quality are not ty'd down to the rules of those, who have their fortunes to make.

_Man._ No people, Madam, are above being ty'd down to some rules, that have fortunes to lose.

Lady _Grace._ Pooh! I'm sure, if you were to take my side of the argument, you would be able to say something more for it.

Lord _Town._ Well, what say you to that, _Manly_?

_Man._ Why, 'troth, my Lord, I have something to say.

Lady _Grace._ Ay! that I would be glad to hear, now!

Lord _Town._ Out with it!

_Man._ Then in one word, this, my Lord, I have often thought that the mis-conduct of my Lady has, in a great measure, been owing to your Lordship's treatment of her.

Lady _Grace._ Bless me!

Lord _Town._ My treatment!

_Man._ Ay, my Lord, you so idoliz'd her before marriage, that you even indulg'd her like a mistress, after it; In short, you continued the lover, when you should have taken up the husband.

Lady _Grace._ O frightful! this is worse than t'other! can a husband love a wife too well!

_Man._ As easy, Madam, as a wife may love her husband too little.

Lord _Town._ So! you two are never like to agree, I find.

Lady _Grace._ Don't be positive, brother;----I am afraid we are both of a mind already. [_Aside._] And do you, at this rate, ever intend to be married, Mr. _Manly_?

_Man._ Never, Madam; 'till I can meet a woman that likes my doctrine.

Lady _Grace._ 'Tis pity but your mistress should hear it.

_Man._ Pity me, Madam, when I marry the woman that won't hear it.

Lady _Grace._ I think, at least, he can't say that's me.

[_Aside._

_Man._ And so, my Lord, by giving her more power than was needful, she has none where she wants it; having such entire possession of you, she is not mistress of herself! And, mercy on us! how many fine womens heads have been turn'd upon the same occasion!

Lord _Town._ O _Manly_! 'tis too true! there's the source of my disquiet! she knows and has abused her power: Nay, I am still so weak (with shame I speak it) 'tis not an hour ago, that in the midst of my impatience--I gave her another bill for five hundred to throw away.

_Man._ Well----my Lord! to let you see I am sometimes upon the side of good nature, I won't absolutely blame you; for the greater your indulgence, the more you have to reproach her with.

Lady _Grace._ Ay, Mr. _Manly_! here now, I begin to come in with you: Who knows, my Lord, you may have a good account of your kindness!

_Man._ That, I am afraid, we had not best depend upon: But since you have had so much patience, my Lord, even go on with it a day or two more; and upon her Ladyship's next sally, be a little rounder in your expostulation; if that don't work--drop her some cool hints of a determin'd reformation, and leave her----to breakfast upon 'em.

Lord _Town._ You are perfectly right! how valuable is a friend, in our anxiety!

_Man._ Therefore to divert that, my Lord, I beg for the present, we may call another cause.

Lady _Grace._ Ay, for goodness sake let's have done with this.

Lord _Town._ With all my heart.

Lady _Grace._ Have you no news abroad, Mr. _Manly_?

_Man._ _A propos_----I have some, Madam; and I believe, my Lord, as extraordinary in its kind----

Lord _Town._ Pray let's have it.

_Man._ Do you know that your country neighbour, and my wise kinsman, Sir _Francis Wronghead_, is coming to town with his whole family?

Lord _Town._ The fool! what can be his business here?

_Man._ Oh! of the last importance, I'll assure you--No less than the business of the nation.

Lord _Town._ Explain!

_Man._ He has carried his election----against Sir _John Worthland_.

Lord _Town._ The Deuce! what! for----for----

_Man._ The famous borough of _Guzzledown_!

Lord _Town._ A proper representative, indeed.

Lady _Grace._ Pray, Mr. _Manly_, don't I know him?

_Man._ You have din'd with him, Madam, when I was last down with my Lord, at _Bellmont_.

Lady _Grace._ Was not that he that got a little merry before dinner, and overset the tea-table, in making his compliments to my Lady?

_Man._ The same.

Lady _Grace._ Pray what are his circumstances? I know but very little of him.

_Man._ Then he is worth your knowing, I can tell you, Madam. His estate, if clear, I believe, might be a good two thousand pounds a year: Though as it was left him, saddled with two jointures, and two weighty mortgages upon it, there is no saying what it is----But that he might be sure never to mend it, he married a profuse young hussy, for love, without a penny of money! Thus having, like his brave ancestors, provided heirs for the family (for his dove breeds like a tame pigeon) he now finds children and interest-money make such a bawling about his ears, that at last he has taken the friendly advice of his kinsman, the good Lord _Danglecourt_, to run his estate two thousand pounds more in debt, to put the whole management of what's left into _Paul Pillage_'s hands, that he may be at leisure himself to retrieve his affairs by being a parliament-man.

Lord _Town._ A most admirable scheme, indeed!

_Man._ And with this politic prospect, he's now upon his journey to _London_----

Lord _Town._ What can it end in?

_Man._ Pooh! a journey into the country again.

Lord _Town._ And do you think he'll stir, 'till his money's gone? or at least 'till the session is over?

_Man._ If my intelligence is right, my Lord, he won't sit long enough to give his vote for a turnpike.

Lord _Town._ How so?

_Man._ O! a bitter business! he had scarce a vote, in the whole town, beside the returning officer: Sir _John_ will certainly have it heard at the bar of the house, and send him about his business again.

Lord _Town._ Then he has made a fine business of it indeed.

_Man._ Which, as far as my little interest will go, shall be done in as few days as possible.

Lady _Grace._ But why would you ruin the poor gentleman's fortune, Mr. _Manly_?

_Man._ No, Madam, I would only spoil his project, to save his fortune.

Lady _Grace._ How are you concern'd enough, to do either?

_Man._ Why, I have some obligations to the family, Madam: I enjoy at this time a pretty estate, which Sir _Francis_ was heir at law to: But----by his being a booby, the last will of an obstinate old uncle gave it to me.

_Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ [_To ~Man~._] Sir, here's one of your servants from your house, desires to speak with you.

_Man._ Will you give him leave to come in, my Lord?

Lord _Town._ Sir----the ceremony's of your own making.

_Enter ~Manly~'s Servant._

_Man._ Well, _James_! what's the matter now?

_James._ Sir, here's _John Moody_'s just come to town; he says Sir _Francis_, and all the family, will be here to-night, and is in a great hurry to speak with you.

_Man._ Where is he?

_James._ At our house, Sir: He has been gaping and stumping about the streets, in his dirty boots, and asking every one he meets if they can tell him where he may have a good lodging for a parliament man, 'till he can hire a handsome whole house for himself and family, for the winter.

_Man._ I am afraid, my Lord, I must wait upon Mr. _Moody_.

Lord _Town._ Pr'ythee! let's have him here: he will divert us.

_Man._ O my Lord! he's such a cub! Not but he's so near common sense, that he passes for a wit in the family.

Lady _Grace._ I beg of all things we may have him: I am in love with Nature, let her dress be never so homely.

_Man._ Then desire him to come hither, _James_.

[_Exit ~James~._

Lady _Grace._ Pray what may be Mr. _Moody_'s post?

_Man._ Oh! his _Maître d' Hôtel_, his butler, his bailiff, his hind, his huntsman; and sometimes----his companion.

Lord _Town._ It runs in my head, that the moment this Knight has set him down in the house, he will get up, to give them the earliest proof of what importance he is to the public, in his own country.

_Man._ Yes, and when they have heard him, he will find, that his utmost importance stands valued at----sometimes being invited to dinner.

Lady _Grace._ And her Ladyship will make as considerable a figure, in her sphere too.

_Man._ That you may depend upon; for (if I don't mistake) she has ten times more of the jade in her, than she yet knows of; and she will so improve in this rich soil, in a month, that she will visit all the ladies that will let her into their houses; and run in debt to all the shopkeepers that will let her into their books: In short, before her important spouse has made five pounds by his eloquence at _Westminster_, she will have lost five hundred at dice and _Quadrille_, in the parish of St. _James_'s.

Lord _Town._ So that, by that time he is declared unduly elected, a swarm of duns will be ready for their money; and his worship----will be ready for a jail.

_Man._ Yes, yes, that I reckon will close the account of this hopeful journey to _London_----But see, here comes the fore-horse of the team!

_Enter John ~Moody~._

Oh! Honest _John_!

_John Moody._ Ad's waunds and heart, Measter _Manly_! I'm glad I ha' fun ye. Lawd! lawd! give me a buss! Why that's friendly naw! Flesh! I thought we should never ha' got hither! Well! and how d'ye do, Measter?----Good lack! I beg pardon for my bauldness----I did not see 'at his Honour was here.

Lord _Town._ Mr. _Moody_, your servant; I am glad to see you in _London_. I hope all the family is well.

_John Moody._ Thanks be praised your honour, they are in pretty good heart; thof' we have had a power of crosses upo' the road.

Lady _Grace._ I hope my Lady has had no hurt, Mr. _Moody_.

_John Moody._ Noa, an't please your Ladyship, she was never in better humour: There's money enough stirring now.

_Man._ What has been the matter, _John_?

_John Moody._ Why, we came up in such a hurry, you mun think, that our tackle was not so tight as it should be.

_Man._ Come, tell us all----Pray how do they travel?

_John Moody._ Why, i'the awld coach, Measter, and 'cause my lady loves to do things handsom, to be sure, she would have a couple of cart-horses clapt to th' four old geldings, that neighbours might see she went up to _London_ in her coach and six! And so _Giles Joulter_, the ploughman, rides postillion!

_Man._ Very well! the journey sets out as it should do. [_Aside._] What, do they bring all the children with them too?

_John Moody._ Noa, noa, only the younk squoire, and Miss _Jenny_. The other foive are all out at board, at half a crown a head, a week, with _Joan Growse_ at _Smoke-Dunghill_ farm.

_Man._ Good again! a right _English_ academy for younger children!

_John Moody._ Anon, Sir.

[_Not understanding him._

Lady _Grace._ Poor souls! What will become of 'em?

_John Moody._ Nay, nay, for that matter, Madam, they are in very good hands: _Joan_ loves 'em as thof' they were all her own: For she was wet-nurse to every mother's babe of 'um----Ay, ay, they'll ne'er want for a full belly there!

Lady _Grace._ What simplicity!

_Man._ The Lud 'a mercy on all good folks! what work will these people make!

[_Holding up his hands._

Lord _Town._ And when do you expect him here, _John_?

_John Moody._ Why we were in hopes to ha' come yesterday, an' it had no' been, that th' owld wheaze-belly horse tir'd: And then we were so cruelly loaden, that the two fore wheels came crash! down at once, in _Waggon-Rut Lane_, and there we lost four hours 'fore we could set things to rights again.

_Man._ So they bring all their baggage with the coach then?

_John Moody._ Ay, ay, and good store on't there is----Why my lady's geer alone were as much as fill'd four portmantel trunks, besides the great deal-box, that heavy _Ralph_ and the monkey sit upon behind.

Lord _Town_, Lady _Grace_, and _Man._ Ha! ha, ha!

Lady _Grace._ Well, Mr. _Moody_, and pray how many are they within the coach?

_John Moody._ Why there's my Lady and his Worship; and the younk squoire, and Miss _Jenny_, and the fat lap-dog, and my lady's maid, Mrs. _Handy_, and _Doll Tripe_ the cook, that's all----Only _Doll_ puked a little with riding backward, so they hoisted her into the coach-box--and then her stomach was easy.

Lady _Grace._ Oh! I see 'em! I see 'em go by me. Ah! ha!

[_Laughing._

_John Mood._ Then you mun think, measter, there was some stowage for the belly, as well as th' back too; such cargoes of plumb-cake, and baskets of tongues, and biscuits and cheese, and cold boil'd beef----And then in case of sickness, bottles of cherry-brandy, plague-water, sack, tent and strong-beer so plenty as made th' owld coach crack again! Mercy upon them! and send 'em all well to town, I say.

_Man._ Ay! And well out on't again, _John_.

_John Mood._ Ods bud! measter, you're a wise mon; and for that matter, so am I--Whoam's whoam, I say: I'm sure we got but little good, e'er sin' we turn'd our backs on't. Nothing but mischief! Some Devil's trick or other plagued us, aw th' dey lung! Crack goes one thing: Bawnce! goes another. Woa, says _Roger_----Then souse! we are all set fast in a slough, Whaw! cries Miss! Scream go the maids! and bawl! just as thof' they were stuck! and so, mercy on us! this was the trade from morning to night. But my Lady was in such a murrain haste to be here, that set out she would, thof' I told her it was _Childermas_ day.

_Man._ These ladies, these ladies, _John_----

_John Mood._ Ah, measter, I ha' seen a little of 'em; and I find that the best----when she's mended, won't ha' much goodness to spare.

Lord _Town._ Well said, _John_. Ha! ha!

_Man._ I hope at least that you and your good woman agree still.

_John Mood._ Ay! ay! much of a muchness. _Bridget_ sticks to me: Tho' as for her goodness--why, she was willing to come to _London_ too----But hawld a bit! Noa, noa, says I, there may be mischief enough done without you.

_Man._ Why that was bravely spoken, _John_, and like a man.

_John Mood._ Ah, weast heart, were Measter but hawf the Mon that I am----Ods wookers! thof' he'll speak stawtly too sometimes----But then he conno' hawld it----no! he conno' hawld it.

Lord _Town._ Lady _Grace_.

_Man._ Ha! ha! ha!

_John Mood._ Ods flesh! But I mun hye me whoam! th' Coach will be coming every hour naw----but Measter charg'd me to find your Worship out; for he has hugey business with you; and will certainly wait upon you, by that time he can put on a clean neckcloth.

_Man._ O _John_! I'll wait upon him.

_John Mood._ Why you wonno' be so kind, wull ye?

_Man._ If you'll tell me where you lodge.

_John Mood._ Just i'th' street next to where your Worship dwells, the sign of the _Golden Ball_----It's Gold all over; where they sell ribbands and flappits, and other sort of geer for Gentlewomen.

_Man._ A Milliner's?

_John Mood._ Ay, ay, one Mrs. _Motherly_: Waunds! she has a couple of clever girls there stitching i'th' foreroom.

_Man._ Yes, yes, she's a woman of good business, no doubt on't----Who recommended that house to you, _John_?

_John Mood._ The greatest good fortune in the world, sure! For as I was gaping about streets, who should look out of the window there, but the fine Gentleman, that was always riding by our Coach side, at _York_ Races----Count----_Basset_; ay, that's he.

_Man._ _Basset_? Oh, I remember; I know him by sight.

_John Mood._ Well! to be sure, as civil a Gentleman, to see to----

_Man._ As any sharper in town.

[_Aside._

_John Mood._ At York, he us'd to breakfast with my Lady every morning.

_Man._ Yes, yes, and I suppose her Ladyship will return his compliment here in town.

[_Aside._

_John Mood._ Well, Measter----

Lord _Town._ My Service to Sir _Francis_ and my Lady, _John_.

Lady _Grace._ And mine, pray Mr. _Moody_.

_John Mood._ Ay, your honors, they'll be proud on't, I dare say.

_Man._ I'll bring my compliments myself: So, honest _John_----

_John Mood._ Dear Measter _Manly_! the goodness of goodness bless and preserve you.

[_Exit ~John Moody~._

Lord _Town._ What a natural creature 'tis!

Lady _Grace._ Well! I can't but think _John_, in a wet afternoon in the country, must be very good company.

Lord _Town._ O! the _Tramontane_! If this were known at half the _quadrille_-tables in town, they would lay down their cards to laugh at you.

Lady _Grace._ And the minute they took them up again they would do the same at the losers----But to let you see, that I think good company may sometimes want cards to keep them together: what think you if we three sat soberly down, to kill an hour at _Ombre_?

_Man._ I shall be too hard for you, Madam.

Lady _Grace._ No matter! I shall have as much advantage of my Lord, as you have of me.

Lord _Town._ Say you so, Madam? Have at you then! Here! get the _ombre_-table, and cards.

[_Exit Lord ~Townly~._

Lady _Grace._ Come, Mr. _Manly_----I know you don't forgive me now!

_Man._ I don't know whether I ought to forgive your thinking so, Madam. Where do you imagine I could pass my time so agreeably?

Lady _Grace._ I'm sorry my Lord is not here to take share of the compliment----But he'll wonder what's become of us!

_Man._ I'll follow in a moment, Madam----

[_Exit ~Lady Grace~._

It must be so----she sees I love her----yet with what unoffending decency she avoids an explanation! How amiable is every hour of her conduct? What a vile opinion have I had of the whole sex, for these ten years past, which this sensible creature has recovered in less than one? Such a companion, sure, might compensate all the irksome disappointments, that pride, folly and falshood ever gave me!

Could women regulate, like her, their lives, What _Halcyon_ days were in the gift of wives! Vain rovers, then, might envy what they hate; And only fools would mock the married state.

[_Exit._

+ACT+ II. +SCENE+ I.

+SCENE+, _Mrs._ Motherly's _House_.

_Enter Count ~Basset~ and Mrs. ~Motherly~._

Count _Bas._ I tell you there is not such a family in _England_, for you! do you think I would have gone out of your lodgings for any body, that was not sure to make you easy for the winter?

_Moth._ Nay, I see nothing against it, Sir, but the gentleman's being a parliament man: and when people may, as it were, think one impertinent, or be out of humour, you know, when a body comes to ask for one's own----

Count _Bas._ Psha! Pr'ythee never trouble thy head--His pay is as good as the bank!----Why, he has above two thousand a year!

_Moth._ Alas-a-day! that's nothing: Your people of ten thousand a year, have ten thousand things to do with it.

Count _Bas._ Nay, if you are afraid of being out of your money; what do you think of going a little with me, Mrs. _Motherly_?

_Moth._ As how?

Count _Bas._ Why I have a game in my head, in which, if you'll croup me, that is, help me to play it, you shall go five hundred to nothing.

_Moth._ Say you so?----Why then, I go, Sir----and now pray let's see your game.

Count _Bas._ Look you, in one word my cards lie thus--When I was down this summer at _York_, I happened to lodge in the same house with this Knight's lady, that's now coming to lodge with you.

_Moth._ Did you so, Sir?

Count _Bas._ And sometimes had the honour to breakfast, and pass an idle hour with her----

_Moth._ Very good; and here I suppose you would have the impudence to sup, and be busy with her.

Count _Bas._ Psha! pr'ythee hear me!

_Moth._ Is this your game? I would not give sixpence for it! What, you have a passion for her pin-money----no, no, country ladies are not so flush of it.

Count _Bas._ Nay, if you won't have patience----

_Moth._ One had need of a great deal, I am sure, to hear you talk at this rate! Is this your way of making my poor _Myrtilla_ easy?

Count _Bas._ Death! I shall do it still, if the woman will but let me speak----

_Moth._ Had not you a letter from her this morning?

Count _Bas._ I have it here in my pocket--this is it.

[_Shews it, and puts it up again._

_Moth._ Ay, but I don't find you have made any answer to it.

Count _Bas._ How the devil can I, if you won't hear me!

_Moth._ What! hear you talk of another woman?

Count _Bas._ O lud! O lud! I tell you, I'll make her fortune----'Ounds! I'll marry her.

_Moth._ A likely matter! if you would not do it when she was a maid, your stomach is not so sharp set now, I presume.

Count _Bas._ Hey day! why your blood begins to turn, my dear! the devil! you did not think I proposed to marry her myself!

_Moth._ If you don't, who the devil do you think will marry her?

Count _Bas._ Why, a fool----

_Moth._ Humph! there may be sense in that----

Count _Bas._ Very good----One for t'other then; if I can help her to a husband, why should not you come into my scheme of helping me to a wife?

_Moth._ Your pardon, Sir! ay! ay! in an honourable affair, you know you may command me----but pray where is this blessed wife and husband to be had?

Count _Bas._ Now have a little patience----You must know then, this country Knight, and his lady, bring up, in the coach with them, their eldest son and a daughter, to teach them to----wash their faces, and turn their toes out.

_Moth._ Good!