Chapter 3

Now I want to say a few plain words about the relations of masters and men to each other. In these days of unhappy differences between them, days of constant strikes and lock-outs, it is surely not out of place to say a few words in the interests of peace. There have no doubt been faults on the side of the masters, and no doubt faults too on that of the men. All alike are human, and as such are open to make mistakes, and very often the mistakes they make are difficult to correct. There is no doubt that the old spirit of familiar intercourse between masters and men has passed away. Days when the master was indeed a father to his people, and when all his workmen loved him, and honoured him as such. Those days and that spirit have gone from amongst us. In the country among the farmers we have a different class of men altogether. In towns the employers of labour are different too. The labouring class have changed and are changing still. Working men in the country change their work much oftener than they used to. But there are certain golden rules which, if carefully followed in spite of all changes, may still be of use to masters and men. And, first, there is the grand old rule of "give and take" (the bear and forbear of scripture); without this no society can hold together, no two classes can live together in unity. Masters must always give their men the benefit of a doubt in all cases, and the men on their part must always be ready to acknowledge that their master wishes to act justly and fairly towards them.

Another golden rule is always to be ready to receive and gratefully acknowledge kindness. And this too applies quite as much to the master as to his men. The man who, passing by his master's hayfield, finds that cattle have got in and drives them out, does his master service. And the master who knowing of it does not acknowledge the service, deserves most richly to lose his crop. And the man who in time of sickness receives from his master wine or other necessaries, and does not gratefully thank him for the same, deserves to lose his place for his ingratitude.

I have spoken in another chapter of civil speaking. Nowhere is it more needful than in the dealings of masters and men. If a master speaks uncivilly, or harshly, or unkindly to his men, how dare he expect that they will care to speak civilly in return? And if the men do not speak civilly to their master, it is certain he won't care to hold much conversation with them. But, above all, if you would know the right and proper relations between masters and men, you can't find it better put than in the Bible. There, either in the dealings of Christ with His Apostles, or in the epistles of St. Paul and St. James (notably in the sixth chapter of Ephesians), you will find a fit example for you to copy in your daily life. St. Paul warns the Ephesians against eye service. And is there any more necessary caution than that in these days. Men are so apt--we are all so apt--to slur over our work, to do it carelessly, that we need to be cautioned that all work is hallowed, and is done to the Lord. And the masters too will find a word for them. They are warned against threatening their servants, or speaking harshly to them, for they too have a Master in heaven, Who will one day be their Judge.

If you are a master, an employer of labour, then remember that poor folks have their troubles. They may not be your troubles, and you may not understand them; but oh, do speak kindly and, if you can, feelingly. There are some poor fellows working on our English farms and in our large warehouses who have never known what a kind word meant; whose earliest recollections carry them back to an ill-tempered mother, or a drunken father, and to them a kind word would be a comfort indeed.

And if you have to toil, reader, in the sweat of your brow for your daily bread, remember that your master has his troubles too. Failing crops or losses in business tell upon his purse, and sometimes on his temper, and then perhaps he may speak harshly. But it will soon be over; all the work, all the angry words, all the sorrow, and the great Master Himself shall enter the harvest-field, and the golden sheaves shall bow before Him, as they did in Joseph's dream, "for that harvest is the end of the world, and the reapers are the angels."

*FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS.*

"Oh! never bear malice, 'twill poison the breast, The storm is all over, then, there let it rest. The hot word of rage has been truly unkind, But the sting of deep sorrow may linger behind. 'Twere better to yield than for ever be foes, One look of compassion strikes harder than blows; 'Tis human to injure--to wound--or to threat, But oh! 'tis divine to forgive and forget." _J. Burbidge._

In that beautiful prayer which our blessed Lord left to His disciples, we have amongst other petitions, one especially directed to the forgiveness of sin. We ask God to forgive us what we have done amiss against Him, and call Him to witness that we forgive our brother who has sinned against us. "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us." You see it is as much as saying to God, that we _don't_ want Him to forgive us, _unless_ He sees that we have freely forgiven any who may have sinned against us. Now it is very much easier, is it not, to speak an angry word, or to think an unkind thought of anyone who has offended us? It may be they have not even _sinned_ against us. Perhaps they have said something about us which in our hearts we know to be quite true, only we don't want the neighbours to know it, and so we pretend it is false; and we pretend to think we have been injured, and that we have something to forgive. And many of us I fear go farther still and refuse to bestow forgiveness at all. I have known forgiveness withheld from people for the smallest reasons. A family have not received the pew in church they wanted, or their name has been omitted by mistake from a dinner list, or they were forgotten in a Christmas charity, or something of the kind. And for such trifles as these they blame the clergyman generally, forgetting that his parish work may have taken up his time, and so the mistake may have arisen. And yet these people are nothing loth to kneel before their Father in Heaven, and with this unforgiven trespass on their hearts they pray, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us."

Perhaps you may say, "I don't see that it matters much to people whether I forgive them or not. I am but a poor man, and my love or my hatred can't make much difference to them." But reader, I answer, whether your friend be rich or poor, if he be a true friend, it will always make the greatest difference to him, if he have done you hurt, whether he have your forgiveness or no. And more than this, it matters very much indeed to Him who has said, "If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive you your trespasses." And just think what an awful feeling it would be for you, if you heard that a person with whom you had a quarrel, had died suddenly, and carried the sense of his unforgiven trespass into the world to come.

A short time ago in the South of England there lived two friends. They were always together; they loved each other, and could not bear to be apart. For a long while, the greater part of a lifetime, this friendship continued, and as they were both religious men, their friendship was blessed and strengthened by Almighty God. But after a while it pleased God to try their love for each other, and like the dead fly in the ointment, or the worm at the root of Jonah's gourd, he sent a slight cause of disagreement between them. So slight a matter was it that it was difficult to say which of the two was to blame, but it was sufficient to come between them. And so little by little a coldness arose, each being too proud to say he was in the wrong, until the coldness ripened into anger, and so they separated. For some years they lived apart, hearing nothing of each other, until one morning when one of them was reading the newspaper, he found the report of his friend's death. So sudden and unexpected was it that it took him quite by surprise, and he never recovered the shock. Night and day he kept thinking of years gone by, when they were firm friends, and then he would remember the evil day when their disagreement took place, and then came death!

Reader, if you have been living, or are living in enmity with anyone, go _at once_ and ask their pardon, or if necessary grant it. So shall you pray with some hope of acceptance the oft-repeated words, and show not only with your lips, but in your life, that you really mean what you say when you pray, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us."

"Then forgive and forget!--'tis a rule of such worth, That 'twould scatter rich blessings all over the earth; Turn deserts to gardens of beauty and peace, And bid half the storms of contention to cease. As we act to ourselves, we should act to another, And look on each man that we meet as a brother, In hope that when nature lays claim to her debt, Our God will in mercy forgive and forget."

*HARD WORK.*

"Work is sweet, for God hath blest Honest work with quiet rest-- Rest below, and rest above, In the mansions of His love, When the work of life is done, When the battle's fought and won.

Working ere the day is gone, Working till your work is done: Not the work that pain imparts, But the work of honest hearts; Working till your spirits rest With the spirits of the blest." _Anon._

I have spoken so often in these passages already on the subject of work, that but little remains to be said. And yet there are so many kinds of work, and hard work too, that we can do on earth, that it seems as though we could never get to the end of them. There are, for instance, home work, warfare work, praying work, and a great many other kinds of work, of which it would take too long to speak now. Of some of these I have spoken already in this book, but I want to say a few words about _warfare work_ in this chapter.

Warfare work is perhaps the hardest kind of work of all, because it is work of the spirit. It is a work that must be always going on, while we live here; so long as Satan lives to tempt man to sin, man must war against it. In the sixth chapter of S. John we read in the 28th verse, "Jesus said unto them, this is the work of God that ye believe on Him, whom He hath sent." It is no easy thing to believe; nay, it is very hard to believe simply in Jesus Christ; and yet in the above passage He Himself speaks of it as the work of all others, which is to be done for God. When our hearts get crusted over with sin and selfishness, it is no easy matter to take again the heart of a little child and simply believe our Father's word; and yet this is needful work for His children.

But besides this inner struggle, there is another that affects more our outward life. All have a besetting sin to fight against--drunkenness, lust, or such like. Very different, however, are the ways in which this warfare is waged. Some struggle because they can't help it, and are like "the dumb driven cattle"; others are so feeble that they soon

"By the roadside fall and perish, Weary with the march of life."

Others try to conceal, even from themselves, that they have a conflict to maintain. It is the Christian only, who going forth in the strength of Another, can hope to work joyfully and successfully.

And now having said thus much about warfare work, let me add a few words about everyday labour, by giving a few hints to those who may be doing hard work. First, then, _be punctual_. Time is a gift from God. And if we choose to mislay our own portion, we have no right to take that of those around us. Just look, for instance, at a case which happens almost daily. A man starts to go on a long journey. Say, if you will, he is going to Manchester. His train is so timed, that he reckons it will arrive in London half-an-hour before the departure of the Manchester train. In that half-hour, he will have to collect his luggage, and cross London. The train arrives in London ten minutes late, the man misses the train for Manchester by five minutes. It may make a difference to him, all through his life, that he missed that train. And so you see the need of punctuality. Secondly, _be thorough_. "Whatsoever thine hand findeth to do, do it _with thy might_." Do not try and do more than you are able; but what you do, do well. It is better to do one thing well, than half-a-dozen badly. There is nothing too small to be done thoroughly--no work so unimportant, that you can say, "It doesn't matter _how_ I do it." And this thorough spirit, you will find, will prevent your delaying doing your work. You won't wish to put off till to-morrow what can be done to-day.

Thirdly, _be straightforward_; never mind anybody seeing _how_ you work. Never do evil that good may come. The devil has so much power over the mind of man that he will readily suggest the evil, but he will keep back the good which might follow. The Christian's road is the straight road, where none can lose their way. Any duty that has to be done secretly is not duty at all, but a sham! The truths that must be made pleasant by worldly methods will lose their truthfulness, and fail of their effect.

Fourthly, _be patient_; God doesn't care about your success, He looks upon the unwearied arm, the patient heart. If you measure your work by that of others you will grow impatient, for in many cases they may seem to do much more, and to succeed much better than you. Be patient when your employer speaks sharply to you. It may not be deserved; it may be he blames you where he should blame someone else; never mind, be patient. "If ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest, for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil[#]."

[#] S. Luke vi. 35.

Lastly, reader, _be spiritually minded_. Never let work of any kind interfere with the worship of God. Remember, He is your Father and your Friend, as well as "the great Work-master." If we are to work hard in our earthly business, it must, if it is to prosper, be softened and mingled with our heavenly work; that so "passing through things temporal we finally lose not the things eternal."

And then after work comes rest! The body, so worn with sickness, so faint with toil, so weary with fatigue, will enjoy its rest. Nor will it rest merely in the green "sleeping-place," which has been beautifully called "God's acre," beside the quiet river, or by the ancient church; but it shall rise to take an active part in the great hereafter of the sons of God. And who shall dare describe to us the rest of the troubled spirit in the Father's house? Who shall tell us of its wanderings, its joys, its occupations? It is enough for us to know that "there remaineth a rest to the people of God[#]." A rest we cannot understand, we must not seek to know, until that day, when we shall find ourselves in that heavenly presence, "where the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest[#]."

[#] Heb. iv. 9.

[#] Job iii. 17.

*COURTSHIP.*

"Still in the pure espousal Of Christian man and maid: The Holy Three are with us, The threefold grace is said.

For dower of blessed children, For love and faith's sweet sake, For high mysterious union, Which nought on earth may break." _Keble._

As this book is intended especially for young men, it would manifestly be incomplete if I were to avoid any subjects upon which young men were likely to need assistance. And so now I propose to say a few plain words upon courtship. I know that this is what is called a delicate subject, and I know too that any words from a stranger upon this subject must be both carefully and thoughtfully spoken, if they are to find acceptance. Now courtship, like almost everything else, is open to abuse; and, like very nearly everything else too, it very often is abused. It is often made a pretext for impure conversation and indecent liberties. Have you any right to expect that any marriage, however suitable the match may be in other ways, if it follows such a courtship as this, will be blessed by the Almighty, and happy in the end?

Courtship is almost as old as the world. It is the same in all countries, wherever man is found there courtship exists, in some form or other. But though courtship is a necessary step to married life, yet it is by no means necessary that it should be made an excuse for indulging in impure and filthy conversation. Young men and young women should remember that wherever they are, and whatever they may be doing, whether it be work or amusement, they have a duty to perform as Christians which must come before all other duties whatsoever. I know it is hard for young men, living in country villages, and continually indulging in what is called "free talk," to keep such guard over their lips, as to prevent anything passing but what is strictly pure and right. But it must be done; for, as I said just now, if the marriage is to have God's blessing, (and what marriage can be really happy without it?) then the courtship must be free from sin.

Many young men, again, think it no harm to keep company with a young woman--to walk with her, as they say--without ever having any serious thoughts of marrying her at all. Now, this again, is wrong--all wrong. It is one of the links in the devil's chain, with which he seeks to bind the souls for whom Christ died. It is one of the many ways by which he tries to draw souls into his net by teaching them to do wrong, all the while pretending that there is no harm. Therefore, my advice is, don't keep company with any young woman you do not mean to marry in the end.

And now one word upon the choice of a wife, for this is most important. I do not think a man can be too careful in this respect if he wishes to have a happy home. And this is one of the great benefits of courtship--it enables a man to get an insight into the character of her whom he intends to make his wife. Now, of course, there are always many things which must be left to the man to choose for himself; and different people will choose very differently. But there are, I think, certain qualities which, if they were to be found oftener in wives, would completely change the tone of many of our English homes. Such qualities are good-temper, cleanliness, cheerfulness, patience, contentment, and love. I might name many more, but I have no time to speak of them now. But though at first sight it may seem strange, the qualities which I have named above are those we most rarely meet with.

But, above all things, it is essential that a man should have a godly wife, first for his own sake, then for his children's. One who will look upon prosperity as the gift of a kind Father, Who thinks of the happiness of His children; and upon adversity, if it come, as part of a necessary discipline, sent by the same loving Friend. Then the man may confidently and hopefully take such an one to be his wedded wife, "to love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other[#]," keep himself only unto her, so long as both shall live. And then when the weary days of sickness, or the solemn hour of dying shall come to him, the wife will be there to nurse the sick, or close the dying eyes, and to whisper words of comfort to the departing soul.

[#] Marriage Service.

*MARRIAGE.*

"Husband dear, 'twas your loving hand Showed the way to that better land, Oh! how often you cheered me then; 'Things will be better, dear wife, again.'

Hand in hand, when life was May, Hand in hand now our hair is grey, Shadow and sun for every one, As the years roll on.

Hand in hand, when the long night-tide Gently covers us, side by side, We will trust, though we know not when, God will be with us for ever then!"

Before entering on this great and solemn step in life, every man should read through the service in the Prayer Book for the solemnization of matrimony. Therein you will see with what awe and reverence it is spoken of, as a thing "not to be undertaken lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God[#]."

[#] Marriage Service.

You will find that it was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort of the man and woman, that they ought each to receive from each other both in prosperity and adversity. Each man and woman is solemnly reminded of "the dreadful day of judgment," when "the secrets of all hearts will be disclosed[#]." Could any words be more solemn, or full of warning? And yet how many enter upon marriage with but little thought of the solemn vow they then take before God. And this, I think, is quite sufficient to account for the unhappy results of so many marriages; for the bitterness and quarrels between husband and wife, and the frequent applications for divorce. I have already spoken of how careful you ought to be in making choice of a wife during the days of courtship. Many men are taken with a pretty face, or a fine dress, or a bright, cheery manner; but unless there is a good, honest, God-fearing heart underneath, you may be sure you will not be happy with her when trials and troubles come, as come they surely must into the lives of each of us.

[#] Marriage Service.

Now let me earnestly beg of you to think of what you are going to promise in the Marriage Service. You take each other, as those words so beautifully express it, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish," _until death parts you_. Remember this--marriage is not merely a passing engagement you can enter into for a short time and give up when you like. It is not like courtship. No, it is lifelong. Some, alas! do not look upon it as binding. But never allow yourself to forget how God looks upon such a sin; and the Bible tells us that the most terrible judgment awaits those who have broken their marriage vow. God's laws are written in the Bible, and no Act of Parliament can change them. The Bible must be the Christian's rule of life, and its precepts he must follow.

Let yours, then, be _a Christian marriage_--one on which you may trust God's blessing will rest. Try throughout your life to fulfil what you then promise, and to make your wife a good, true, and loving husband. Be good-tempered and forbearing with her. When troubles come, try and share them bravely together; so that she who has helped to bear your burden, when the troubles are past, may also be "a helper of your joy." Your wife has often much to put up with--home cares, troubles with the little ones, delicate health, a hard struggle, perhaps, "to make both ends meet;" therefore, when you come home after your day's work, always have a kind word ready for her. Do not keep an undue share of your wages for yourself, for amusement, or for drink, but share it with her, giving her enough to make her home and the children comfortable. In short, learn to take your rule of life straight from God's Holy Word, where it is written, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ[#]."

[#] Gal. vi. 2.