Part 4

He hath a Soule drownd in a lump of Fleſh, or in a piece of Earth that _Prometheus_ put not half his proportion of Fire into, a thing that hath neither edge of deſire, nor feeling of affection in it, The moſt dangerous creature for confirming an _Atheiſt_, who would ſtraight ſwear, his ſoul were nothing but the bare temperature of his body: He ſleeps as he goes, and his thoughts ſeldom reach an inch further than his eyes; The moſt part of the faculties of his ſoul lye Fallow, or are like the reſtive Jades that no ſpur can drive forwards towards the purſuite of any worthy deſign; one of the moſt unprofitable of all Gods creatures, being as he is, a thing put clean beſides his right uſe, made fitt for the cart & the flail, and by miſchance Entangled amongſt books and papers, a man cannot tel poſſible what he is now good for, ſave to move up and down and fill room, or to ſerve as _Animatum Inſtrumentum_ for others to work withal in baſe Imployments, or to be a foyl for better witts, or to ſerve (as They ſay monſters do) to ſet out the variety of nature, and Ornament of the Univerſe, He is meer nothing of himſelf, neither eates, nor drinkes, nor goes, nor ſpits but by imitation, for al which, he hath ſet forms & faſhions, which he never varies, but ſticks to, with the like plodding conſtancy that a milhors follows his trace, both the muſes and the graces are his hard Miſtriſſes though he daily Invocate them, though he ſacrifize _Hecatombs_, they ſtil look a ſquint, you ſhall note him oft (beſide his dull eye and louting head, and a certain clammie benum’d pace) by a fair diſplai’d beard, a Nightcap and a gown, whoſe very wrincles proclaim him the true genius of formality, but of al others, his diſcours and compoſitions beſt ſpeak him, both of them are much of one ſtuf & faſhion, he ſpeaks juſt what his books or laſt company ſaid unto him without varying one whit & very ſeldom underſtands himſelf, you may know by his diſcourſe where he was laſt, for what he read or heard yeſterday he now diſchargeth his memory or notebook of, not his underſtanding, for it never came there; what he hath he flings abroad at al adventurs without accomodating it to time, place, perſons or occaſions, he commonly loſeth himſelf in his tale, and flutters up and down windles without recovery, and whatſoever next preſents it ſelf, his heavie conceit ſeizeth upon and goeth along with, however _Heterogeneal_ to his matter in hand, his jeſts are either old flead proverbs, or lean-ſtarv’d-hackny-_Apophthegm’s_, or poor verball quips outworn by Servingmen, Tapſters and Milkmaids, even laid aſide by Balladers, He aſſents to all men that bring any ſhadow of reaſon, and you may make him when he ſpeaks moſt Dogmatically, even with one breath, to averr pure contradictions, His Compoſitions differ only _terminorum poſitione_ from Dreams, Nothing but rude heaps of Immaterial-inchoherent droſſie-rubbiſh-ſtuffe, promiſcuouſly thruſt up together, enough to Infuſe dullneſs and Barrenneſs of Conceit into him that is ſo Prodigall of his eares as to give the hearing, enough to make a mans memory Ake with ſuffering ſuch dirtie ſtuffe caſt into it, as unwellcome to any true conceit, as Sluttiſh Morſells or Wallowiſh Potions to a Nice-Stomack which whiles he empties himſelfe of, it ſticks in his Teeth nor can he be Delivered without Sweate and Sighes, and Humms, and Coughs enough to ſhake his Grandams teeth out of her head; Heel ſpitt, and ſcratch, and yawn, and ſtamp, and turn like ſick men from one elbow to another, and Deſerve as much pitty during this torture as men in Fits of Tertian Feavors or ſelfe laſhing Penitentiaries; in a word, Rip him quite aſunder, and examin every ſhred of him, you ſhall finde him to be juſt nothing, but the ſubject of Nothing, the object of contempt, yet ſuch as he is you muſt take him, for there is no hope he ſhould ever become better.

[Decoration]

21.

_An Eſſay of Valour._

I am of opinion that nothing is ſo potent either to procure or merit Love, as Valour, and I am glad I am ſo, for thereby I ſhall do my ſelf much eaſe, becauſe Valour never needs much wit to maintain it: To ſpeak of it in it ſelf, It is a quality which he that hath, ſhall have leaſt need of, so the beſt League between Princes is a mutual fear of each other, it teacheth a man to value his reputation as his life, and chiefly to hold the Lye unſufferable, though being alone, he holds finds no hurt it doth him, It leaves it ſelf to others cenſures, for he that brags of his own valour, diſſwades others from believing it, It feareth a word no more than an Ague, It always makes good the Owner, for though he be generally held a fool, he ſhall ſeldom hear ſo much by word of mouth, and that enlargeth him more than any ſpectacles, for it maketh a little fellow be called a tall man, it yeilds the wall to none but a woman, whoſe weakneſs is her prerogative, or a man ſeconded with a woman as an uſher, which always goes before his betters, It makes a man become the witneſs of his own words, and ſtand to whatever he hath ſaid, and thinketh it a reproach to commit his reviling unto the Law, it furniſheth youth with action, and age with diſcourſe, and both by futures, for a man muſt ever boaſt himſelf in the preſent tenſe, and to come nearer home, nothing drawes a woman like to it; for Valour towards men, is an Emblem of an ability towards women, a good quality ſignifies a better. Nothing is more behooffull for that Sex; for from it they receive protection, and we free from the danger of it: Nothing makes a ſhorter cut for obtaining, for a man of Arms is always void of Ceremony, which is the wall that ſtands between _Pyramus_ and _Thiſbe_, that is, _Man_ and _Woman_, for there is no pride in women but that which rebounds from our own baſeneſſe (as Cowards grow valiant upon thoſe that are more Cowards) ſo that only by our pale aſking we teach them to deny, and by our ſhamefac’dneſs, we put them in minde to be modeſt, whereas indeed it is cunning _Rhetorick_ to perſwade the hearers that they are that already which he would have them to be; This kinde of baſhfulneſs is far from men of Valour, and eſpecially from ſouldiers, for ſuch are ever men (without doubt) forward and confident, loſing no time leaſt they ſhould loſe opportunity, which is the beſt Factor for a Lover, and becauſe they know women are given to diſſemble, they will never believe them when they deny, _Whilome_ before this age of wit, and wearing black, were broke in upon us, there was no way known to win a Lady but by Tylting, Turnying, and riding through Forreſts, in which time theſe ſlender ſtriplings with little legs were held but of ſtrength enough to marry their widows, and even in our days there can be given no reaſon of the Inundation of Servingmen upon their Miſtreſſes, but (only) that uſually they carry their Maſters Weapons, and his Valour: To be accounted handſome, juſt, learned, or well favoured, all this carries no danger with it, but it is to be admitted to the Title of Valiant Acts, at leaſt the adventuring of his mortality, and al women take delight to hold him safe in their arms who hath ’ſcapt thither through many dangers: To ſpeak at once, Man hath a priviledge in Valour; In clothes and good faces we but imitate women, and many of that Sex will not think much (as far as an anſwer goes) to diſſemble wit too. So then theſe neat youths, theſe women in mens apparel are too near a woman to be beloved of her, They be both of a Trade, but be grim of aſpect, and ſuch a one as Glaſs dares take, and ſhe will deſire him for neatneſs and varietie; A ſkar in a mans face is the ſame that a mole in a womans; a Jewel ſet in white to make it ſeem more white, for the ſkar in a man is a mark of honour and no blemiſh, for ’tis a ſkar and a blemiſh too in a Souldier too to be with out one: Now as for al things elſe which are to procure Love, as a good face, wit, good clothes, or a good body, each of them I confeſs may work ſomewhat for want of a better, That is, if _Valour be not their Rivall_; A good face avails nothing if it be in a coward that is baſhfull, the utmoſt of it is to be kiſſ’d, which rather encreaſeth then quencheth appetite; He that ſends her gifts ſends her word alſo, that he is a man of ſmall gifts otherwiſe, for wooing by ſigns and tokens implies the Author dumb; and if _Ovid_ who writ _the Law of Love_, were alive (as he is extant) would allow it as good a diverſity, that gifts ſhould be ſent as gratuities, not as bribes; Wit getteth rather promiſe then Love, Wit is not to be ſeen, and no woman takes advice of any in her loving, but of her own eyes, and her waiting womans; Nay which is worſe, wit is not to be felt, and ſo no good fellow; Wit apply’d to a woman makes her diſſolve (or diſcloſe) her ſimpering, and diſcover her teeth with laughter, and this is ſurely a purge for love; for the beginning of love is a kind of fooliſh melancholy, as for the man that makes his Taylor his Bawd, and hopes to inveagle his Love with ſuch a coloured ſuit, ſurely the ſame deeply hazards the loſs of her favour upon every change of his clothes; So likewiſe for the other, that Courts her ſilently with a good body, let me certifie him that his clothes depend upon the comelyneſſe of the body, and ſo both upon opinion; ſhe that hath been ſeduced by Apparel, let me give her to wit, _that men always put off their clothes before they go to bed_; and let her that hath been enamour’d of her ſervants body, underſtand, _that if ſhe ſaw him in a ſkin of cloth_, that is, in a ſuit made to the pattern of his body, _ſhe would ſee ſlender cauſe to love him ever after_; there are no clothes ſit ſo well in a woman’s eye, as a ſuit of Steel, though not of the faſhion, and no man ſo ſoon ſurpriſeth a womans affections as he that is the ſubject of all whiſperings, and hath always twenty ſtories of his own deeds depending upon him; Miſtake me not, I underſtand not by valour one that never fights but when he is back’d by drink or anger, or hiſſ’d on with beholders, nor one that is deſperate, nor one that takes away a Servingmans weapons when perchance it coſt him his quarters wages, nor yet one that wears a Privy coat of defence and therein is confident, for then ſuch as made Bucklers, would be accounted the _Catalines_ of this Commonwealth—I intend one of an even Reſolution grounded upon reaſon, which is always even, having his power reſtrained by the Law of not doing wrong. But now I remember I am for Valour and therefore I muſt be a man of few words.

Transcriber’s Note

Inconsistent period spelling retained as printed. The original printing used _ß_ occasionally, but inconsistently, in place of _ſſ_: this usage has not been retained.