CHAPTER IX.

THE PURPOSES AND OBLIGATIONS OF MARRIAGE.

It is a strange world and man is a strange animal. It may appear wonderful that with such passions and powers as he possesses he should be so controllable, that he should become tamed down into a civilized being, and submit to such impositions on his desires, that make him a mere creature of circumstance; and yet from this very submission does he secure to himself the greater amount of joys and delights: so that what he partakes of by tolerance, or call it the unanimous consent of his fellow-men, is absolutely and infinitely more gratifying to him than would be the unrestricted indulgence of his appetites. The world abounds with inexhaustible sources of enjoyment, and man has capacity for all; but were it not for civil and wholesome restraints, it would be one continued brute struggle for possession. For no one circumstance have we more reason to rejoice in our civilization, than for the regulations regarding marriage. It is the basis of a nation’s prosperity and of individual happiness. It gives legal and strong possession of the object of our most earnest wish. It establishes regulation and order, forms ties of relationship, and makes each country one family. A happy marriage is the alpha and omega of every man’s hopes, nor is it less momentous to our companion. There is no pleasure in this life comparable to it where it is unalloyed by physical or mental disqualifications: but alas! how rarely is such a consummation to be found. It is a happy state indeed “when the fountain is blessed, and he rejoiceth with the wife of his youth, and she is to him as the loving hind and the pleasant roe, and he delights in her continually.”[30]

Although this marriage is but a civil contract, it should not be forgotten that if injudiciously made or its obligations be not fulfilled, the most calamitous results oftentimes ensue. Imagine a bargain, made between two persons, in which both parties have assumed more or less disguise or dissimulation towards the other, and which are only discovered when the treaty cannot be annulled. The lady’s dower may be handsome, or the gentleman’s prospects good and his pursuits most thriving; their respective families and connexions may be equally respectable, and neither consort nor husband have reason to regret that part of the arrangement, which the world only sees or hears of. It may be a love match, a match of many years’ making, a match in which the most delicious of all anticipations assumed every likelihood of being realized, and yet which one hour’s possession has destroyed. If the denouement be not so sudden, there may grow up a secret sorrow, a sorrow that has its source, like any other feeling, in some cause, just or evil, by the discovery of some concealed hindrance to mutual love. There may arise some justifiable personal dislike, there may be found to exist some impediment to the full and proper enjoyment of those connubial delights which instinct has taught each party to expect from the other. It is true, and well it is so, that all marriages have not hidden griefs, but that renders not those which have, the more endurable. Marriage mostly is a matter of love, policy, or convenience; it ought no less to be a matter of conscience. The legal right which the ceremony gives to the man, of his wife, which alienates her from the world, which enslaves her to his person and passions, or shuts her for ever out from the indulgence of her own, should not be sought without reflection; for although the law awards its punishment for infidelity which is sure to follow such dissimulation, it is a poor compensation for the mortification and distress which accompanies it. The very proceeding may prove alike that nature, as well as honour, have been outraged. Love is not the parent of sexual desire—it is the offspring; and if that instinctive passion be frustrated or deprived of its just entitlement, love soon loses its name, and goes one knows not whither. Yet there are proper bounds to every thing, an excess is frequently attended with more unhappy results than want.

The end of marriage, then, is to afford the legitimate use of amative enjoyments; to regulate the procreation of children; to ensure succession, and thereby transmit one’s property and identity; to cultivate domestic happiness, and thereby give all an equal incentive to aspire to the same possession; and also to afford protection when so obtained. If any deception be practiced towards each other the culpable party will incur, sooner or later, the rarely failing punishment—disappointment in their pleasures, their domestic anticipations, and their hopes of hereditary succession.

Women have their disqualifications for the marriage bed—many from causes which we have already enumerated, and many from others over which they have no control. Among the latter, absolute fear of the consequences imbibed through early intuition of some disappointed maiden-aunt—some from acquired notions of the immorality of the proceeding—others from personal disrelish—a total absence of desire;[31] and many, although an ungenerous world may be sceptical of the truth hereof, have not the least idea of the difference even of the sexes; at least the use and purposes of that difference. There are ways of preparing females for what they will have to encounter at all periods of life; and no mother should fail to instruct her child, as circumstances demand, of the expectancy of each succeeding era of her coming existence. It is not intended thereby to be urged, that females cannot be too early initiated into the mysteries of matrimonial ceremonies and consequences; but there is a time, and an age, when such intelligence should be conveyed to them, and by no means should they be allowed to form alliances without such knowledge. The reader, I repeat, may possibly express a doubt whether such an event ever did occur;—he may be assured that many such have, and do still occur, and are productive of much distress. Nor is it intended that the physiology of reproduction should form part of the preliminary education of a boarding-school young female; but no woman ought to become a mother without knowing something of the phenomena of conception. It is really astonishing to see the very great ignorance of these matters entertained by woman in general: it may be constructed into a specimen of American modesty: but it occasions many needless fears and anxieties that sometimes prove of serious consequence to a lying-in woman. At the hour of peril, as it is called, how few women, except those in humble life, and who have earnt their little knowledge by dear-bought experience,—have any idea of aiding their fellow-sister at the moment of their affliction: indeed by the ignorance, fear, and impatience they display, they unnecessarily alarm the patient or themselves, and put a whole family into confusion; whereas, by the help of a little information on this subject, they might allay the fears of the timid and assist the weak, and not unfrequently be the instruments whereby the life itself of the infant, or mother, might be saved.

We have before stated, that persons subject to hereditary diseases ought not to become parents, because by so doing they will bring into the world a progeny, whose issue will eventually become extinct. And it is to these persons that we now more particularly address our remarks.

The same laws which regulate the perfection of plants, the growth of corn, the fleetness of the greyhound, and the symmetry of the horse, govern the physical and mental culture of man. In the vegetable kingdom, the agriculturalist is aware that the success of his crops depends upon the condition of what he sows, and the fertility of the soil wherein it is sown. It is precisely the case with the propagation of the human species. The race may be improved, or deteriorated, accordingly as the laws which govern the continuance of mankind are more or less observed.

But we are digressing from the subject of which we intended to speak—that of the transmission of diseases from parent to child. Parents exercise a mighty influence over the physical condition of their offspring,—the general constitution, mental and physical qualities, and even individual peculiarities, being transmitted from sire to son. Premature marriage, and, consequently too early sexual congress, although it may not prove detrimental to the parents, except where its privileges are intemperately exercised, may be, and often is a great disadvantage to the children, they being generally delicate, imperfect, and seldom arriving at maturity. The same results follow, where the parents, or either of them are at the moment of conception in ill-health. And shall the circumstances of early marriage, or a bad state of health, debar the sexes from the satisfaction of the holiest and most ennobling of the passions? Would it not be far more just and moral, then, to make use of a preventive of conception, when from motives of economy, offspring is not desired, or, from the reasons mentioned above, health cannot be given at the same time that life is imparted? The candid reader will have but one answer.

Physicians, generally, when referring to the subject of the transmission of disease, lay it down as a law, that persons so affected should not marry. Here we beg leave to differ from them, and, we think, justly. Consumptive or scrofulous persons certainly should not beget offspring; but we cannot see why they should be prevented from enjoying the pleasures of the married state. It is necessary for the general health of an individual, that the sexual embrace should be occasionally enjoyed—indeed it is an established fact, that many of those women who die unmarried, owe their early death, to a species of consumption, excited by deprivation of the sexual act. We think therefore, that all ought to be married, and that those who cannot produce healthy progeny, should make use of means to prevent conception.

Enough has been said already to remove the maudlin delicacy which some people entertain on the subject of human reproduction, and as it seems to us not out of place, we will say a few words on the subject. Copulation should never be an act of effort. To use a quaint but selfish phrase, “it should only be used when the man listeth.” Much mischief may be done by fruitless endeavours; violent palpitations of the heart may ensue that so quicken the circulation of the blood, and propel it with such violence towards the brain as to induce apoplexy. I have often had the question put as to which was the most fitting season for sexual indulgence. We know that man is omnivorous, and after certain intervals, is capable of reperforming the procreative act. Some hold morning to be the most healthy time, as the body is renovated by the night’s rest, but the lassitude which follows encroaches on the business duties of the day, and it is more probable that so far as the health is concerned, night is the preferable; the quietude and secrecy thereby afforded are additional incentives to love, and the exhaustion of the body is repaired by the several hours sleep that follows. Too frequent indulgence in venereal pleasures are strongly opposed to the procreation of children. Abstemiousness in sexual pleasures is a physical virtue where issue be desirable; and probably the period when conception is most likely to occur, is to refrain from intercourse till a day or two after the female has ceased menstruating. Women may be sterile, but they are rarely impotent. Sterility may depend upon the absence of a uterus, of which many instances are on record. It may depend upon morbid conditions of that organ where it exists; such as excessive debility, frequent floodings, prolapsus or descent of it, eversion or misplacement of it; from a retention of the menstrual secretion, from the presence of leucorrhœa, or the debility induced by a long prevalence of that disorder. Too frequent indulgence in cohabitation, promiscuous intercourse, &c., as with those unfortunates who gain their subsistence by such means, are direct causes of infecundity. To bring this subject to a close, I may observe, that although nature has been apparently thus freaksome in the constitution of mankind, she is amply generous and kind to those who choose to study and observe her laws. She pays no distinction to the past, present, or future. For many of our infirmities we have to thank those who have gone before us, and many are of our own producing, the conjoined consideration ought to induce us to reflect how we are justified in transferring them to those who follow. There are seasons for all enjoyments, and limits set to all; if we infringe those limits, we are answerable for the consequences: there is much happiness in this world and much misery: a skilful pilot will see most of it and live longest in it.

The Instrument which we have brought before the public, for preventing conception, depends for its virtue upon the electric fluid. The public are well acquainted with the common shock of an electrical apparatus; they are probably aware that many physiologists consider electricity analogous to the principle of life itself. They know that lightning is a display of the electric power—that it abounds in all nature, but not in equal intensity. They may possibly have heard of its efficacy in cases of Rheumatism, Palsy, and many other diseases—that its property is to stimulate, and, in excess, to kill. They may be familiar with the terms Magnetism, Galvanism, &c., but, in fact, they all are the effects of one cause, differing only in the intensity of their action, and their mode of development. What is now called electro-magnetism, or magnetic electricity, is merely electricity in a modified form; the result of its application is the same. The public may be told of the extraordinary powers possessed by this fluid in supporting partial life, when it is established in nervous communications. Digestion depends upon the uninterrupted nervous communication between the brain and the stomach; if that is destroyed, digestion ceases; but if electricity or galvanism be applied to the divided ends of the nervous channels, digestion proceeds as before, and for a very considerable time. Its usefulness, therefore, can be fully appreciated when applied through the instrumentality of the nerves, to those organs or structures, that are not sufficiently endued with vital influence. The many hindrances heretofore existing in the employment of electricity, as a preventive, owing to the circumstance of favourable weather being required for its exhibition, and it also being difficult and formidable in its application, are now obviated by the introduction of this instrument. The advantages are, that it can be used at any time, and under all circumstances. It is perfectly safe, and that it is certain, is attested by the fact, that of the large number already sold, not one has been returned, although the purchasers have had the liberty given them of doing so, should the instrument fail in effecting its object.