Part 2

At first the raw Recruit, unused to arms And awkward at his drill, thinking the "manual" The very deuce. Then the bold "Lance," Quick to salute, and glad to have escaped His turn as orderly. And then The Sergeant, full of wrath because His section, squad, or what you will, Misunderstand him, and do fail To grasp the thing he drives at. Then he's a "Sub," and cannot for the world Imagine how on earth they ever did without him, Don't you know.

And after that he's Captain, and at first Wakes up his company, but as the years go on He slackens, and betimes he wonders If it is not time to chuck it, as it were. A Major then, and now bestrides a "gee," Thanking his lucky stars the "double" does No longer make him gasp. Lastly, the Colonel, sporting the bold V.D., Wishing to goodness he had not to put His hand to pocket to such great extent; but dreading, all the same, The time when he must, in the course of things, Retire.

WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.

"I would like to get 'old of some of the gentry as writes to the papers on warlike topics," said "Tiny" to the world at large, "more especially them that takes the Volunteers under their special care. I would unfold me mind to them. Now 'ere's one of 'em as 'olds the opinion that shootin's _everything_, an' 'e quotes the opinion of a furriner who 'as bin through the war an' ses the first thing a soldier needs is to shoot well, an' the next thing is to shoot well, an' the last thing is to shoot well. Now that's all right, but me worthy friend misses the first point, which is that it refers to a _soldier_, an' not a civilian. So 'e jumps off from the wrong place to start with. 'Then,' ses 'e, 'teach 'em to shoot, an' take 'em down to the carefully selected position an' 'ave the distances marked off, an' the Boers 'ave taught us that under these circumstances good rifle shots is a match for trained troops.' Now there's where 'e run's the wrong side of the post. In the fust place this 'ere country ain't the Transvaal, an' what 'ud be first rate out there 'ud be all wrong 'ere; an' in the nex' place, _is_ it just by good shootin' the Boers 'ave done what they 'ave? Don't think I despise shootin', but drivin' comfortable to the range an' gettin' up to the firin' line is two different things.

"I will ask you one question: 'If the King's prize man can only walk ten miles, an' 'e 'as to march twenty, how many bullseyes is 'e likely to make when 'e's fallen out an' lying in the ambulance? For there'll be no goin' down comfortable to a camp that's bin arranged an' catered for months before, an' finding yer tent up an' the tea ready. There'll be no breaking you in soft an' easy, so that at the end of the week too many of you won't fall out on a twenty-five mile field day. The bloomin' foe won't study yer convenience, an' you'll get no notice before'and of the picnic. The Foreign Power that 'as made up its mind for a slap at us will not advertize that it'll 'old a remnant sale in the metropolis on the first of nex' month. Our relations will be most friendly with 'im 'till all of a sudden 'e ses, ''Ere goes for London.' There'll be a navy fight first, an' twill be no ordinary one, for 'e'll lose two ships to our one, cheerfully, if 'e can clear the Channel for a week.

"We 'ope 'e won't manage it, and we don't think 'e will, but _if_ 'e does, it'll be no week's camp then. The orders one day, the assembly nex' mornin' an' the trains waitin'. 'Arf the camp kettles ain't 'ere, Sir.' 'Can't be helped, you'll have to manage as best you can.' 'No room for that baggage. Chuck it out, anywhere.' 'All in? Right away!' Heaven help the man that 'as forgot to stuff his haversack with a ration! Twenty-four hours they'll be before they have a chance of a meal, an' then, Heaven help the corps twice over as 'asn't been used to feeding itself, or that 'asn't give a thought to how to meet an emergency like this! Quartermaster, Captain, or Corporal, anyone as knows his job at the camp kitchen, will be worth his weight in gold then, an' that's only the start.

* * * * *

"Tired an' stale, the lads 'll work like niggers at the trenches, but before they're finished the order will come to get to somewhere without delay, the enemy not 'aving been kind enough to fall in with our plans. No trains this time, the lines being blocked. Twenty miles before nex' mornin', an' all baggage to be left be'ind. The boys will stay in the ranks till they drop, an' where they drop they will stay. The ambulance? That's for the fighting line. 'Ave ye ever seen a stiff field day? An' that's child's play. Lucky the Battalion that can feed its men that night.

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"'We're in reserve, thank God!' they'll cry, though every mother's son is only wishful to fight, an' they'll fall asleep by companies till the section commanders kick 'em to wake up. 'Battalion will advance!' 'Halt!' 'Lie down!' 'Advance!' 'Halt!' 'Lie down!' 'Retire!' 'Halt!' 'You've had an easy day, Colonel. Hold your men in readiness to attack at nightfall.'

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"Mile after mile through the mud. 'What are we going to do, Dick?' 'Spoil their beauty sleep; they've been kept at it two days, and if we----.' 'Stop that talking in the ranks! Close up there! What's that?' 'One of their patrols, Sir.' 'Push on, boys, push on! It's come at last.'

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"'Men, their picquets are on that hill, ready for us. We are going to take it, and hold it to the last man. The Battalion will form for attack.'

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"You'll want _soldiers_ then, gents; an' you must 'ave 'em ready before'and."

THE LOST PATROL.

By the JUNIOR SUBALTERN.

Wonder what we shall do to-day? It seems as if we'd been here for weeks, although this is only the third day; but I suppose one's first camp always seems like that. It _is_ different from anything else; the drill I've done before don't help me a little bit. It's all very well to pass exams an' get _P.S._ after your name in the Army List, but that don't do much good out on a field day, as far as I can see.

Here comes my noble Captain. He's a bit of a slacker, I fancy. Wish he'd buck the men up more in their drill. They were simply awful yesterday, _I_ thought, but he didn't seem to notice it; in fact, I rather imagined he didn't approve of my goin' for 'em in the way I did. By Jove, if I said "Wake up those men," once, I must have said it a hundred times.

"What's that? I'm attached to X Company to-day, as young Jackson is on the sick list? What beastly rot! Why, they're the worst company we've got. Chance for me to wake 'em up? That's all bally fine, but----all right, I'm off." This is a lively look-out. My goodness, they _are_ a lot! and their Captain don't seem up to much either----"Yes, Sir. Very good, Sir. Take No. 1 Section and join the advanced party?" "But--er--I've never----" "Hurry up, for goodness sake, the Adjutant's looking as black as thunder." "Oh, _let_ him."

"What _am_ I to do? Straight along till I come to the cross roads, take the N.E. one, and keep on till I come in touch with the enemy? But----" "Just ready, Sir. I am only asking for final instruc----" "Oh, No. 1 Section, right turn, quick march." Oh, bother, I've forgotten to slope the arms. "Slope arms, there!" By gad, that's a pretty poor start. What _is_ the Adjutant howling about? "That isn't the way to march an advanced guard. Where are my flankers?" "Just going to send them out, Sir." "Where's the section commander? On the sick list? Who is in charge then? Oh, you, Corporal. Have you ever been in an advanced guard before? No? Why--oh, it's your first camp, is it? Any of the men been used to this sort of thing? You don't fancy so. Well, we must do the best we can. Take two men and examine that little wood on the right. I will halt the section at the corner till you rejoin."

Ullo, what does this cyclist want? "Captain Jones says, will I push on at once, as I'm stopping the whole column." "Oh! Forward." Hang me if I see the good of sending out flankers if you can't wait for them to examine anything. "Step out there, men, we're blocking the column." Well, here are the cross roads. Oh, my sainted aunt, _Five_, an' not a blessed sign-post!

"Any of you men know which is the way to Muddiford? No?" I wonder which _is_ the N.E. road. I thought it was all bally rot getting maps and compasses, but I wish to goodness I had now. If there was only a gleam of sunshine it would help, but you can't even guess where the sun is through these clouds. Oh, damn that cyclist! Oh, the Adjutant's swearing like old boots? Well, here goes. "Take the turning down the hill, boys, and push ahead as hard as you can." Thank goodness we seem to have got clear of 'em now, and by the powers, here's a villager.

"I say, is this right for Muddiford?" Why, we are coming away from it! What the dickens am I to do? "Is there a short cut from here?" "Yes! yes! Down that lane, across the common to the wood, straight on till you get to the path, and that will take us right on to the main road long before the rest of the column can get there." Cheap at half-a-crown.

"Fall in there. You shall have a rest when we pick the column up, we're a bit off the track. Yes, yes, over the fields and straight through the wood. Get ahead! What the deuce are you men opening out like that for? You've always been told to spread out when going through a wood? Oh, all right." If they lose themselves it's their look-out. Where is this beastly path? At last! Which way do we go? Oh, er--er, curse it, that fellow didn't tell me. Let's see, we turned to the left and then again, so I think it must be to the right. Well, it can't be helped--here goes.

I daren't own up to the men that I haven't a notion where we are, but I haven't, and that's a fact. How this infernal path does wind about! "What's that, Corporal? Here's a _sort_ of a road? _This_ isn't a main road. Well, the men must have a rest, so----Where's the rest of the section? There aren't more than half of them here. Expect they've gone back the way they came?" I'm beginning to wish _I_ had too.

"Corporal, there's no doubt that we've lost touch with the column. We must work our way along the road till we come across a house and find out where we are; unfortunately, I forgot to bring my map with me." _At last!_ a cottage. The men had better rest while I make a few inquiries. "Oh, you're a stranger in these parts? But, my good woman, is there any place where I can find----The Red Lion? Where's that? Just down the road, where those soldiers are running to?" Well, I'm----!

CAMP DIARIES

No. 1.

Lt.-Col. Sir DIGBY SANDILANDS, M.P.

_Saturday._--Wretched morning. Hunter tells me the barometer is falling again. We really get terribly bad luck with the weather. I know what it will be--we shall get to camp wet through, and find everything absolutely sodden. Wish I had sent Hunter on yesterday to look after things. Lady Sandilands says it's perfectly absurd going on a day like this; suggests that I should go later when everything is straight. Women take the most extraordinary views of one's duty to the country, but really, under the circumstances, I almost wish it were feasible.

Williams has just come up to say that Brown Bess is very lame, shall he get Sultan ready? It is really most annoying: he positively hates the band, while old Bess is as steady as a rock.

Sharpe & Sharpe write me about those mortgages. I really ought to see them. If I caught the express to town I could settle the matter, and then get to the camp about the time the Battalion should arrive. Major Strahan would take charge of them; he rather likes doing it, I fancy. If there's nothing important to see to I think that's what I must do, but it is extremely annoying after looking forward to the week and making all arrangements.

The girls very disappointed; say it's not worth while going to see the Battalion start if I'm not there. Promise them they shall have a wire letting them know the exact time of our return. They say that's not the same thing, as we invariably come back smothered in dust and looking generally disreputable. They seem to regard the whole thing as a mild form of amusement for them. Have arranged everything with the Adjutant. Capital fellow. Really relieves me of no end of little worries.

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_Sunday._--Arrived rather later than I expected last night. Found they had had rather a bad time getting here, but everything seemed all right; hope it is; always like the men to start camp in a good temper. We parade fairly strong, but men not so smart as I should like to see them. I must impress it on the company officers to look after that sort of thing rather more carefully.

Church parade not improved by slight drizzle; but the chaplain very sensibly shortened the service. Quite forgot to provide myself with anything for the collection; asked the Adjutant if he could lend me something; he had only half-a-crown and a sovereign; so--well, I suppose it's for a good cause. Inspected camp this afternoon, seems fairly comfortable. Our mess president tells me he has had a lot of bother with the caterers, but he hopes it will be better in a day or two. I sincerely hope it will.

* * * * *

_Monday._--Passed a terribly bad night. Camp may be a pleasant change for younger men, but it really is a great trial in many ways for commanding officers. I find one misses what are usually termed, I believe, "home comforts." The work to-day is to be confined to sections and the training of the N.C.O.'s. This new drill reads simple enough in the book, but the men don't seem to catch on to it as quickly as they should; but really everything has so changed of late years that one hardly likes to criticize. Spoke to the Adjutant about it; he says they're doing quite as well as he expected. Very irritating order from headquarters to the effect that as we are a manoeuvres camp, officers will not dine in mess dress. A most senseless order; if they allow us mess tents and board floors, and things of that sort, why on earth can't they allow us to dine as gentlemen?

* * * * *

_Tuesday._--Weather improving, am happy to say. To-day's training, I believe, is to be left in the hands of the company commanders; field officers to exercise general supervision. On the whole, not bad, although I doubt if they will be able to carry out my commands as intelligently as I could wish without a tremendous amount of explanation. I must impress upon them the importance of grasping the idea of the commands, at the same time acting on their own initiative, otherwise we shall have endless confusion.

* * * * *

_Wednesday._--Something about living in the open that has a very stimulating effect upon one. Made quite an excellent breakfast. The Adjutant gave a most interesting lecture on outpost work before we started; he mentioned several points that I don't mind confessing had slipped my memory. I feel sure, with a little careful instruction, the efficiency of the Volunteer Force would be enormously increased. Must refer to it in the House on earliest opportunity. Did an attack with the Brigade this afternoon; very disappointing. Up to certain stage everything went well, but, as attack developed, got in some way mixed up with the Blankshires, who were, undoubtedly, far out of their proper line. Had slight argument with their C.O. Dear old chap, of course, but absolutely pig-headed. Would not see my point. G.O.C.'s remarks rather uncalled for, under the circumstances. Had to speak to several of the company officers about letting their men get out of hand. The various Adjutants seem to regard the matter with an amount of levity which I don't altogether approve of. Mess very uproarious to-night; most unnecessarily so in my opinion. Heard afterwards one of the subalterns had given a lecture on "Tactics, as he understood them."

* * * * *

_Thursday._--Inspection to-day. Passed off fairly satisfactorily; faults found of course, but that's inevitable. A weary, worrying business. Every one seems out of temper. Thank goodness, that's over for a year.

_Friday._--Every prospect of a hot day of course, on the one occasion that we should rejoice in a cloudy sky. Hope there will be no trouble with the water-cart. Got the Battalion away early, so could give the men a rest before commencing operations.

Don't quite know what we're intended to be doing or where we're going. Somewhat awkward, as I haven't been able to tell Williams where to meet me with spare horse and a sandwich. Rather a joke (or the reverse) if I had to patronize the water-cart!

Did exceedingly well. Complimented on the way I handled the Battalion in awkward position. Very trying march back, but men stuck to it well. Will back a country Battalion against a town one any time for a stiff day's work, although they may not be so smart. Ordered extra ration of beer, or its equivalent, to be issued to each man. Capital camp fire at night, and some very good choruses. Great pity that just as we have got into our stride, so to speak, we have to break up. Nothing like camp for the men. Wish we could have more of it. Must bring up the question of extended camps in the House.

* * * * *

_Saturday._--Brought Battalion home. Never knew the men march better, and every man looks as hard as nails. The girls say I look years younger. Quite sorry to get back.

No. 2.

Capt. and Adjt. "JERRY" BENSON.

_Saturday._--I don't think I ever felt less inclined to get up in my life. It is simply dreadful to contemplate the fact that for the next week there won't be a moment's peace for me after 5 A.M. And something horrible is sure to happen--either the Sergeant Major will go sick, or the Colonel's wine will be corked, or I shall be asked to explain things.

The Station Master seems unduly flurried for one of his years--says we shall block the whole line if we don't get away soon. Had no idea the railway system of the country was so easily upset. What is the matter with the youth Thompson? Oh, he is in charge of the baggage for the time being. It seems to excite him very much. Fortunately, baggage has a nice little way of turning up in the long run, somehow. I wish they wouldn't ask me what sort of work we shall do in camp; they must think I'm a sort of military encyclopaedia. Frightful scene detraining, Volunteers always remind me of flustered hens on these occasions.

* * * * *

_Sunday._--"Oh those dreadful bugles!" Usual church parade. The Colonel is certain to forget his purse, so I'll take a sovereign for him. His expression when he sees I've nothing less, will be touching. As a spectacle, effect somewhat marred by the presence of a cyclist in violent tweeds.

* * * * *

_Monday._--Really a very amusing day. The struggles of the various Company officers simply fascinating to watch, they have so many ways of doing the same thing. I have never been able to fathom the mind of the Volunteer N.C.O., but I should think he conceives his duty consists of remaining eternally in rear of his men. I asked one what he thought he was placed in charge of a section for, and he answered very truthfully that he didn't know. I think I must get him sent out in charge of a patrol when the Brigadier is about, he will be so pleased. Someone asked me what I thought of the men's drill. I said it was very interesting, and that I'd seen regulars do it quite as badly.

* * * * *

_Tuesday._--Had a most elaborate Brigade drill, which I believe we are not supposed to do, but it afforded me great joy. Everyone else seemed to loathe it. The Colonel got rather worried, which was a nuisance, as I had to keep at his elbow to put him right. I don't think any one really knows what to do, but if you only take long enough about any movement, you generally get a fresh command before you've got absolutely wrong. By some miracle we didn't get quite in a muddle, which was a pity, as the Brigadier would have given everybody the most awful "dirt." Felt quite sorry when it was over. The Colonel uttered a heart-felt "Thank God!"

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