Chapter 4

Enter Mrs. Mountchessington and Augusta, L. 1 E., dressed for Archery Meeting.

Mrs M No, my dear Augusta, you must be very careful. I don't by any means want you to give up De Boots, his expectations are excellent, but, pray be attentive to this American savage, as I rather think he will prove the better match of the two, if what I hear of Mark Trenchard's property be correct.

Aug [Disdainfully.] Yes, ma.

Mrs M And look more cheerful, my love.

Aug I am so tired, ma, of admiring things I hate.

Mrs. M Yes, my poor love, yet we must all make sacrifices to society. Look at your poor sister, with the appetite.

Aug What am I to be enthusiastic about with that American, Ma?

Mrs M Oh! I hardly know yet, my dear. We must study him. I think if you read up Sam Slick a little, it might be useful, and just dip into Bancroft's History of the United States, or some of Russell's Letters; you should know something of George Washington, of whom the Americans are justly proud.

Aug Here he comes, ma. What a ridiculous figure he looks in that dress, ha! ha!

Mrs M Hush, my dear!

Enter Asa, in Archery Dress.

Aug Oh, Mr. Trenchard, why did you not bring me one of those lovely Indian's dresses of your boundless prairie?

Mrs M Yes, one of those dresses in which you hunt the buffalo.

Aug [Extravagantly.] Yes, in which you hunt the buffalo.

Asa [Imitating.] In which I hunt the buffalo. [Aside.] Buffaloes down in Vermont. [Aloud.] Wal, you see, them dresses are principally the nateral skin, tipped off with paint, and the indians object to parting with them.

Both Ahem! ahem!

Asa The first buffalo I see about here I shall hunt up for you.

Mrs M Oh, you Americans are so clever, and so acute.

Aug Yes, so 'cute.

Asa Yes, we're 'cute, we are; know soft solder when we see it.

Aug [Aside.] Ma, I do believe he's laughing at us.

Mrs M Oh, no, my dear, you are mistaken. Oh! I perceive they are appearing for the archery practice. I suppose we shall see you on the ground, Mr. Trenchard.

Asa Yes, I'll be there like a thousand of brick.

Aug A thousand of brick!

Mrs M Hush, my dear! that is doubtless some elegant American expression. Au revoir, Mr. Trenchard.

Asa Which?

Mrs M Au revoir. [Exit with Augusta, R.]

Asa No, thank you, don't take any before dinner. No use their talking Dutch to me. Wal, I never see an old gal stand fire like that, she's a real old bison bull. I feel all-fired tuckered out riding in those keers. I'd like to have a snooze if I could find a place to lay down in. [Sees curtain on window, L. E.] Oh, this might do! [Pulls curtain, then starts back.] No you don't! One shower bath a day is enough for me. [Cautiously opens them.] No, I guess this is all right, I shall be just as snug in here as in a pew at meeting, or a private box at the Theatre. Hello! somebody's coming. [Goes into recess.]

Enter Dundreary and Buddicombe, L. 1 E.

Bud My lord--

Dun [Business.]

Bud My lord!

Dun [Business.]

Bud Your lordship!! [Louder.]

Dun There, now you've spoiled it.

Bud Spoiled what, my lord?

Dun Spoiled what, my lord; why, a most magnificent sneeze!

Bud I am very sorry, my lord.

Dun Now that I can speak alone with you, tell me about that hair dye. Have you found it?

Bud Not a trace of it, my lord.

Dun If you don't find it, I'll discharge you.

Bud Very well, my lord. [Bows and exits, L. 1 E.]

Dun Very well, my lord! He's gone and lost my hair dye, and my hair turns red to-morrow, and when I ask him to find it for me or I'll discharge him, he says, ``Very well, my lord.'' He's positively idiotic, he is-- Ah! here comes Miss Georgina, that gorgeous creature--that lovely sufferer. [Exit, L. 1 E.]

Asa [Looking out.] What's the price of hair dye? Hallo! he's coming again with that sick girl.

Re-enter Dundreary and Georgina, L. 1 E.

Dun Will you try and strengthen your limbs with a gentle walk in the garden?

Georgina No, thank you, my lord. I'm so delicate. Oh, my lord, it is so painful to walk languidly through life, to be unable, at times, to bear the perfumes of one's favorite flowers. Even those violets you sent me yesterday I was compelled to have removed from my room, the perfume was too strong for me. I'm _so_ delicate.

Dun Yes, Miss Georgina; but they're very strengthening flowers, you know.

Geo Yes, my lord, you are always right.

Dun Do you know I'm getting to be very robust?

Geo Would I could share that fault with you; but I am so delicate.

Dun If you were robust I should not love you as I do. It would deprive you of that charm which enchains me to your lovely side, which--which--

Geo Oh, my lord, my lord! I'm going to faint.

Dun And I'm going to sneeze, you faint while I sneeze.

Geo [Taking his arm.] Oh! my lord.

Dun Do you know what a sneeze is?

Geo No, my lord.

Dun She never sneezed. I'll tell you what a sneeze is. Imagine a very large spider.

Geo [Screams.] Where, my lord?

Dun No, no, I don't mean a real spider, only an imaginary one, a large spider getting up your nose, and all of a sudden, much to his disgust, he discovers he has put his foot in it and can't get it out again.

Geo That must be very distressing.

Dun For the spider, yes, and not very pleasant for the nose.

Geo Oh! my lord, do take me to mamma.

Dun No, you lovely sufferer, let's walk a little more.

Geo I can't my lord, I'm _so_ delicate.

Dun Well, then, exercise, imitate that little hop of mine. [Hops.] It isn't a run, it's a--

Geo What is it?

Dun No, it isn't a what is it. Well, let me suppose I get you an oyster. [Georgina shakes her head.] Oh! then suppose I get you an oyster.

Geo No, my lord, I'm too delicate.

Dun How would you like the left wing of a canary bird?

Geo No, my lord, it's too strong for me.

Dun Let me ask you a widdle--why does a duck go under water? for divers reasons. Now I'll give you another--why does a duck come out of the water? for sundry reasons. No! No! see, you live on suction, you're like that bird with a long bill, they call doctor, no, that's not it, I thought it was a doctor, because it has a long bill--I mean a snipe--yes, you're a lovely snipe. [Exeunt, R.]

Asa [Looking after them.] There goes a load of wooden nutmegs. Hello, here comes somebody else.

Enter Florence, R., with paper.

Flo. [Reads.] ``One who still remembers what he ought long since to have forgotten, wishes to speak with Miss Trenchard.'' Florence scratched out, ``on matters of life and death, near the orel, in the west gallery,'' Written upon a dirty sheet of paper, in a hardly legible hand. What does this mean; it opens like one of Mrs. Radcliffe's romances. Well, here I am, and now for my correspondent.

Enter Murcott, L.

Mur Oh! for one minute's clear head, Miss Florence.

Flo I presume you are the writer of this?

Mur Yes, I am.

Flo You address me as an old acquaintance, but I do not recognize you.

Mur So much the better. So much the better.

Flo I hate mystery, sir; but you see I have come to rendezvous. I must know to whom I am speaking.

Mur As frank as ever. I am Abel Murcott.

Flo Starting back! You?

Mur Do not be ashamed, I have not the strength to injure you, if I had the evil. In this shabby, broken down drunkard you need not fear the madman, who years ago forgot in his frantic passion the gulf that lay between your station and his own. I am harmless except to my self.

Flo Speak on, sir; I hear you.

Mur I need not tell you by what steps I came to this, you don't know, maybe you never knew, what a maddening thing a passion is when it turns against itself. After being expelled from my tutorship in this house, I lost my employment, self respect, hope. I sought to drown recollection and draw courage from drink. It only embittered remembrances, and destroyed the little courage I had left. That I have bread to eat, I owe to Mr. Coyle; he employed me as his clerk. You know he has been with your father this morning. I have come to tell you my errand; are you as brave as you used to be when I knew--

Flo I fear nothing.

Mur I come to tell you of your father's ruin, his utter ruin.

Flo My father's ruin? What? What?

Mur His estates are mortgaged, his creditors clamorous. The Bailiffs will be in Trenchard Manor to-day, disguised as your own servants. This much Mr. Coyle has conceded to your father's respect for appearances.

Flo Then beggary stares him in the face. Poor father, what a sad blow for him. Is that all, sir?

Mur No; the worst remains.

Flo Go on, sir.

Mur Coyle knows your father's weakness and as a means of escape from ruin to the verge of which he has brought him, he has this day proposed for your hand.

Flo Mine!

Mur On consideration of settling on you the Ravensdale Estate.

Flo And my father, how did he listen to such insolence?

Mur You know as well as I do how he would hear such a proposal, at first a torrent of rage, then the strong ebb of selfishness set in, and he consented to listen to the terms, to view them as something to be considered, to consider them.

Flo Good Heavens, can this be true? No, I will not believe it of my father, and from such lips.

Mur You have full right to think this and to say it, but mark your father and Coyle to-day. You will then see if I speak truth or not.

Flo Forgive my distrust, Mr. Murcott.

Mur I am past taking offence or feeling scorn, I have carried more than can be heaped upon me, but I did not come only to give you warning of your danger.

Flo Can you avert it?

Asa (Coming down between them). Wal, stranger that's just the question I was going to ask.

Flo You here, sir, and listening.

Asa Wal, it wasn't purpose, I went in there to take a snooze, I heard you talking and I thought it wouldn't be polite of me not to listen to what you had to say. I'm a rough sort of a customer, and don't know much about the ways of great folks. But I've got a cool head, a stout arm, and a willing heart, and I think I can help you, just as one cousin ought to help another.

Flo Well, I do think you are honest.

Mur Shall I go on?

Flo Yes, we will trust him, go on.

Mur I found the Ravensdale mortgage while rumaging in an old deed box of Coyle's father's, there was a folded paper inside the deed. I took both to Coyle unopened, like a besotted fool that I was. My belief is strong that the paper was the release of the mortgage that the money had been paid off, and the release executed without the seals having been cut from the original mortgage. I have known such things happen.

Asa Have ye, now? Well, if a Yankee lawyer had done such a thing he would have Judge Lynch after him in no time.

Mur You can but find that release, we may unmask this diabolical fiend and save you.

Flo But, surely, a villain of Coyle's stability would have destroyed the paper, the very key-stone of his fraud.

Mur I fear so.

Asa Do you, now, wal, you're wrong, you're both wrong. I guess you ain't either on you done much cyphering human nature. The key stone of their fraud is just the point your mighty cute rascals always leave unsecured. Come along with me, stranger, and we'll just work up this sum a little, two heads are better than one. Yours is a little muddled, but mine's pretty clear, and if I don't circumvent that old sarpint, Coyle--

Flo Well?

Asa Say I am a skunk, that's all, and that's the meanest kind of an animal. [Exit L. 1st E.]

Flo I owe you much, Mr. Murcott, more than I can ever repay.

Mur No, no, no, if you did but know the hope of seeing you has roused all the manhood that drink and misery has left me. God bless you, Miss Florence.

Flo No, you don't call me Florence as you did when I was the truant pupil and you the indulgent tutor. [Offers her hand.]

Mur No, no; for heaven's sake do not call back that time or I shall go mad! mad! mad. [Rushes off, L. 1 E., followed by Florence.]