Part 7

O my little JESUS, hidden there for me and offering Thyself for me, teach me to be generous, teach me to love Thee as Thou deservest; help me to lie quietly and unresistingly on the altar. I am not alone. Thou art there, bearing all with me and giving me the necessary strength to bear all for Thee. Help me to sacrifice willingly all my cherished desires and tastes, all my will. Thou didst withhold nothing from me, help me to withhold nothing from Thee. So shall I make Thee some reparation for all the time wasted in the past, for all the sins committed against Thy love; so only can I obey Thy command: "Learn of Me," and make some little return for Thy infinite love.

_Colloquy_ with JESUS and His blessed Mother.

_Resolution._ To offer myself as a victim to-day.

_Spiritual Bouquet._ "Walk in love as Christ also hath loved us, and hath delivered Himself for us, an oblation and a sacrifice to God." (Eph. V. 2).

THE INTERIOR LIFE. (3)

IMPRISONMENT.

"I was in prison and you came to Me." "Lord when did we see Thee ... in prison?"

(St. Matt. XXV. 36, 39).

_1st. Prelude._ Turris Davidica.

_2nd. Prelude._ Grace to visit Him in His prison.

POINT I. DEPENDENCE.

Our blessed Lord's life, during the nine months, was a life of imprisonment. He chose for Himself a position of dependence, helplessness and inability. He Who was the Light of the world chose to live in darkness; He Whom the Heavens cannot contain chose a more cramped position than any prisoner has ever had to endure; He Who was infinite allowed Himself to be confined; He Who was immortal took a mortal body. He endured all the sufferings that helplessness and inability and immobility entail; and we have to keep reminding ourselves that He was fully alive to all His sufferings. We are not making an imaginary picture, but trying to realize what were the actual facts of those nine months. His Mother understood, let us try to do the same. Let us go to the "Tower of David" where Our Lord is kept a prisoner and let us remember that He is there for us. Let us not be amongst those to whom He will have to say sadly: "I was in prison and you did not visit Me." Later on, at the end of His life, He will allow His own people to take Him prisoner and will stand still while they put the chains on His wrists and will allow Himself to be dragged where they wish. Later on still He will choose to be imprisoned in the little Host and to make Himself to the end of time our Prisoner of Love.

Thy imprisonments were all voluntary, my JESUS, they were all suffered out of love and out of love for me. Oh, may these visits that I am paying Thee during the blessed season of Advent result in my imbibing more of the spirit of my imprisoned Master. Mine too is a voluntary imprisonment; I am His captive because I said: I will be His servant, "I will not go out free" (Ex. XXI. 5). I gave up my liberty, preferring to be His prisoner rather than the devil's free man. Naturally He takes me at my word, but oh, sometimes prison-life is very hard to bear! He chains me to a bed of sickness, where I must lie still and see the work I long to do left undone or, what is perhaps harder still, badly done; He gives me great desires and no means of fulfilling them; He fills me with plans and schemes for His glory and then seems to make it impossible for them to be realized; He trains me, as I think, for some particular position and then detains me in another for which it seems to me I have not the least aptitude; He sets limits to my strength; He seems to keep me always in the background; He appears to use everybody else except me for His work; He seems to cramp my efforts and allow me no scope for the talents He has given me.

The Divine Prisoner Himself answers my plaints: My child, all these things only prove that you are My prisoner, that I have taken you at your word and that I do with you as I wish. Your time is not lost any more than Mine was. By doing My Will, however inscrutable it may seem to you, you are doing far more for Me than if you were doing your own. Trust me, be patient, bear and suffer all for Me, Who am a Prisoner for you. I love you to be dependent on Me, I love you to walk by faith, I love you to trust Me, and so I am constantly doing little things to remind you that you are My prisoner. Strive to be a prisoner of love as I am, that is (1) one who is in prison for love of another, (2) one who loves his chains, (3) one whose every act in prison is done to please Me.

POINT II. DARKNESS.

How much darkness adds to the sufferings of prison life! It was a suffering which JESUS living in Mary endured for me; and yet while He, the Light of the world was there, her blessed womb was flooded with light, with the light of Heaven itself.

What light this thought throws on my interior life! The suffering of darkness! It is a suffering which He inflicts upon many of His prisoners of love. "Who is there among you that feareth the Lord, that heareth the voice of His servant, that hath walked in darkness and hath no light? Let him hope in the name of the Lord and lean upon his God." (Is. L. 10). If only I can make myself believe that the darkness is permitted by Him there will be a ray of light at once in the darkness because God is there, "Surely God is in this place." But how can I be sure that the darkness is permitted by Him? If I am living the interior life, if my intention is to please Him in all that I do, and if, however badly I succeed, I never willingly take back that intention, then _I am pleasing God_; and if I am pleasing God, I am one of His own dear children, just as really as was His Son Who did always the things that pleased Him. If I am one of His children I know, for He has told me so, that _nothing_ can happen to me without His knowledge and His permission, yea His arranging. So if I have to walk in darkness rather than in light, if desolation is my spiritual lot and consolation is almost unknown to me, if a veil hides God's face and my continual cry is: "Oh, that I might know and find Him" (Job XXIII. 3), if prayer seems impossible, if I have a distaste, almost a repugnance for all spiritual things, if even Our Lady seems to desert me, if at times I am on the brink of despair, tempted even to think that my soul will be lost, if, in short, darkness, thick darkness has settled down on my soul--what then? "Let him _hope_ in the name of the Lord and lean upon his God." But how can I hope in darkness, how can I lean upon Someone Who is not there? By faith, that is by saying all the time: This darkness is _His_ doing, therefore it is what He wants for me. "I, the Lord create darkness!" That makes all the difference.

Faith, as it always does, lets a streak of light into the darkness; God is there and it is only to make the soul more sure of this that He permits the darkness. If the soul can find and recognize God in the darkness then it knows Him very intimately and this is what God wants--a love so great that it detects the Beloved One at once. Does darkness make any difference to the intercourse of those who love? They rather prefer it, so that all may be shut out except each other. This is what God wants from those whom He is teaching to be interior--He puts them into prison and leaves them in the dark. Are they going to be unhappy, to repine and complain, longing for consolation and all the sweet things with which God fed them when they hardly knew Him? Not if they have faith; and if their faith is strong, they will hardly be able to distinguish desolation from consolation, God's absence from His presence, yea the very darkness itself from the light! For is it not their God who is the cause of all that is happening to them, and is not that enough for those who love? They only want His Will, not their own, and His Will is to keep them in prison and in the dark and so to unite them more closely to Himself Who for their sake faced for nine months the darkness of the womb. In the terrible moments when despair seems so near us, let us hold on to the fact that we _want_ to please God and therefore that we are His children and that He loves us and is arranging everything--this is the little ray of hope in the darkness, the line of light, and in it we read the words: "I give them life everlasting and they shall not perish for ever; and no man shall pluck them out of My Hand." (St. John X. 28).

_Colloquy_ with JESUS, the Light of the world, imprisoned in darkness for me.

_Resolution._ To lean upon my God in times of darkness.

_Spiritual Bouquet._ "I form the light and create darkness." (Is. XLV. 7).

THE INTERIOR LIFE. (4)

HIDDENNESS.

"Verily, Thou art a hidden God, the God of Israel the Saviour."

(Is. XLV. 15).

_1st. Prelude._ JESUS hidden in Mary.

_2nd. Prelude._ Grace so to find Him that I may live the hidden life.

POINT I. "THOU ART A HIDDEN GOD."

He was hidden in the womb of His Mother; all through His life and death on earth, His Divinity was hidden except to a very few; in His Eucharistic life He will hide Himself to the end of time in the little Host. He seemed to love hiding when He was on earth and when He did reveal Himself, it was something like a child playing at hide and seek. He hid Himself from the Samaritan woman till He had heard all her story and then said suddenly: "I am He (the Messias) Who am speaking with thee" (St. John IV. 26). The blind man whom He cured had not the least idea Who He was till JESUS, hearing that he had been reviled and cast out of the Synagogue, went and talked to him about the Son of God and then said in the middle of the conversation: "Thou hast both seen Him, and it is He that talketh with thee" (chap. IX. 37). From Mary Magdalen at the sepulchre He deliberately hid Himself under the form of a gardener that He might have the joy of suddenly surprising her with His presence. Perhaps the most touching story of all is that of the two disciples going to Emmaus; out of His very love for them, He blindfolded them and then made them look for Him, while He put them off the scent by pretending that He knew nothing about all the things that had been happening in Jerusalem; and then when His moment was come "their eyes were opened and they knew Him." (St. Luke XXIV. 31). He treats His children in the same way still, He constantly hides Himself from them, leaves them alone to fight and struggle in desolation, solitude and spiritual darkness, and then sometimes shows by His sudden presence how near He has been all the time.

Let me consider two questions:

1. _How does He hide Himself?_ (1) Behind obstacles that He makes: suffering, desolation, darkness, temptation, scruples, failure (spiritual as well as temporal), uncongenial people and surroundings--all those many forms of the cross which the true disciple knows so well. Let us remember that _He_ is hidden in them, it will make all the difference. (2) Behind obstacles that we ourselves make. This is not so consoling. He has every right to hide Himself from me, but I have no right to make His coming to me difficult by obstacles that I put in His path, and yet how often I do it! Self is the great obstacle. I am taken up with myself, with my own shortcomings and miseries and failures and weaknesses, with my imagination (how it runs away with me, away from Him!) and my fears, my introspection--uselessly looking into myself to see how I am advancing. What are all these but obstacles which keep God at a distance? The soul that attracts Him is the soul that is occupied with Him, not with self.

2. _Why does He hide Himself?_ Why does He deliberately set up obstacles which prevent the soul from seeing Him? Why does a mother hide from her child? Is it not for the joy of seeing it look for her and for the consolation she is going to give it in letting herself be found? It is the same with our God Who hides Himself. He wants to make us look for Him, He wants to increase our love, our desire and our merit, He wants to make us strong in faith and confidence, while acknowledging our helplessness and dependence and nothingness without Him.

POINT II. "YOUR LIFE IS HID WITH CHRIST IN GOD."

Though JESUS was hidden in Mary, He was never hidden from her. This was (1) because Mary never put any obstacle between herself and JESUS--her thoughts were all with Him and never with herself, and (2) because her faith and love and desire were so strong that she at once overcame all obstacles, which He in His love and desire for her merit put in her way as was the case during the three days' loss. JESUS and Mary are the models of my interior life. Like Mary I must try to surmount all obstacles, welcome every sword that pierces, leave self and seek Him. Like JESUS in Mary I must strive to lead a hidden life.

How is it to be done? There is only one way--to have God always before my eyes, and self only there to be sacrificed. If I make this my rule, it will simplify my life and be the quick solution of many problems. Why this _dryness_ in prayer? To bring God to my mind and to give me an opportunity of sacrificing self with its love of spiritual consolation and sensible enjoyment. The very dryness makes me thirst after God: "As the hart panteth after the fountains of water, so my soul panteth after Thee, O God. My soul hath thirsted after the strong living God; when shall I come and appear before the face of God?" (Ps. XLI. 1-3). This is what God wants--to see the soul longing and thirsting for Him. That is why He puts the obstacle of dryness between Himself and the soul, and hides Himself behind it while He watches the soul struggling to forget itself and saying: "O my soul why dost thou disquiet me? Hope thou in God, for I will still give praise to Him" (verse 12). This is how the faithful soul overcomes the obstacles--not by praying to have them removed, but by a firm faith that God is in them. So with temptations--why these terrible temptations, when God could so easily remove them? Because He is the Master and He knows what is best. If the temptations were removed, the soul would soon be wrapped up in self-complacency and self-satisfaction. Temptations properly used keep the soul close to God, it sees God hidden in them and forgetting all about its treacherous self, it turns to Him Who alone can save it from falling, it keeps God only in view and makes the sacrifice of self. The same principle holds good for all the many obstacles behind which God hides. If they are properly used they are no longer obstacles, but stepping-stones by means of which we pass to Him. God everywhere and self nowhere! God everything and self nothing! God, not self, the object of all I do and think and plan! And that not because I can feel Him and see Him and enjoy Him, but because my faith tells me that though hidden _He is there_. This was the principle of Mary's life hidden with her Son. He was the cause, the direct cause, of all her troubles, of all the many swords that pierced her most pure heart, yet never was there a life hidden with Christ as was Mary's and the reason was that she forgot herself and saw JESUS only.

"_Your_ life is hid with Christ in God." Are these words of St. Paul true about me? Let me read the whole verse and then I shall know: "For _you are dead_, and your life is hid with Christ in God." _When_ self is dead, then I shall be able to say _God only_, and till then, God be thanked, I can hide my miserable self in Him and tell Him that I want it to be sacrificed though I so seldom have the courage to do it.

_Colloquy_ with JESUS hidden in Mary.

_Resolution._ To see my hidden God everywhere and self nowhere.

_Spiritual Bouquet._ "Why hidest Thou Thy Face?" (Job XIII. 24).

THE INTERIOR LIFE. (5)

PRAYER.

"Behold I come that I should do Thy Will: O my God, I have desired it, and Thy law in the midst of my heart."

(Ps. XXXIX. 8, 9).

_1st. Prelude._ Vas spirituale. Vas insigne devotionis.

_2nd. Prelude._ Grace to "pray without ceasing." (1 Thess. V. 17).

POINT I. THE SPIRIT OF PRAYER.

Amongst all the lessons that JESUS living in Mary teaches us, that on prayer must ever hold a foremost place. What is Prayer? "The lifting up of the heart and mind to God," the Catechism tells us. To love God, then, and to think about Him is to pray. JESUS lived in Mary uniquely to do the Will of His Father. He and the Father were _one_--one heart, one mind. He took pleasure in all that concerned His Father: "Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." He taught us to pray in the same way, taking our thoughts away from ourselves to our Father, and when we do ask for something for ourselves, letting it be just a short prayer for mercy or for help, acknowledging our weakness and misery and nothingness, while we keep our eyes fixed on our Father--He God, I His creature; He everything, I nothing. "God be merciful to me a sinner," this prayer contains all we need.

O my little JESUS, Who didst think of me in Thy communion with Thy Father, for Thou didst come to do His Will, and His Will was that I should be saved, teach me to think of Thee and to love Thee so much that my life, too, may be one perpetual prayer, that is, that communion with God may be the attitude of my soul.

POINT II. MARY'S SPIRIT OF PRAYER.

She was ever holding colloquies with her God within her, pondering things over in her heart, that is, talking them over with Him from Whom she had no secrets and between Whom and her soul she put no obstacles. Her life was spent with Him; whatever her duties might be, everything was done with Him, that is prayer. If duties or conservation demanded all her attention for a while, did it matter? No, for He was there all the same. He, in her, carried on the blessed converse with His Father; there was never any separation between Mary and the Blessed Fruit of her womb, JESUS. She would come back to Him with all the more joy, and tell Him what she had been doing and saying. Oh, blessed life of union between JESUS and Mary! Teach me, my Mother, what prayer is. Thou didst understand it so well. It was prayer that made thy life interior for thou wast ever communing with Him Who was _within_ thee. "O Mother of the Word, despise not my words."

POINT III. "LEARN OF ME."

When we think of JESUS praying for nine months to His Father, when we think of Mary's nine months' colloquy with JESUS, we begin to think that there is something wrong about our methods of prayer, that they need re-modelling. Let us try to understand something of what His prayer was. We think of Him, and quite rightly, as talking over with His Father all His plans for man's salvation, praying for each individual thing that would be connected with it through all time. We love to think that He prayed particularly for each one of us. But all this was not the _essence_ of His prayer, if it were, we might well be discouraged and feel that we could never copy such a model; our distractions and fatigues, our ignorance and want of memory, to say nothing of our times of dryness and distaste for prayer would make such prayers, except perhaps now and again in times of consolation, impossible for us. Am I to turn away sadly then from Mary this time, saying: It is too hard for me, I cannot copy thy Son here? No, rather let me ask what was the essence of His prayer? What was it which lay behind all? It was the _intention_. And what was that? We have meditated upon it many times: "_Behold I come to do Thy Will, O my God._" The essence of His prayer was: Thy Will be done and I am here to do it. Naturally there are many different ways of doing that Will, and many degrees in the perfection with which it is done; and that is why we are quite safe in picturing to ourselves JESUS in the womb of His Mother forgetting no single detail; or perhaps a truer picture would be a union with His Father so perfect that everything lay open before them both, and that there was no need to talk about what was so evident. Now let me apply all this to myself and I shall find that instead of being discouraging it is most encouraging, instead of making my prayers harder it will make them far easier. What is my intention in my prayers? Is it not to please God and to do His Will? What does my Morning Offering mean, but that the prayers, work and sufferings of the day are all offered to Him? I form then my _intention_ for the day, and as long as I do not deliberately take back that intention, it is there, even if I forget to renew it each morning. Now let me see how this works out in practice. I pay a Visit to our Lord, perhaps I am too tired to think about Him, I may even sleep in His presence; perhaps I am so busy that I find it impossible to keep away distracting thoughts; perhaps I am more taken up with the spiritual book I am reading than with Him--the time is up and I go, thinking, perhaps, what is the good of paying Him a Visit like that? There is great good even in that Visit which all the same might have been so much more perfect. What was my intention in paying it? Certainly to please Him. Then I _have_ pleased Him. It was a pleasure to Him to see me come in and sit with Him, even though I was occupied with my own concerns most of the time. We are too much taken up with asking _how_ we say our prayers, but the important question is _why_ do we say them. To go and sit in His presence, because He is lonely or because I am tired and I would rather sit with Him than with anyone else is _prayer_, even if I say nothing. What God is doing for me is of far more importance to my soul than what I am doing for God; and all the time that I am there, whether I am thinking of Him or not, He is impressing His image on my soul, and this is true, if I am in the state of grace, not only of my stated times of prayer, but of all the day long and the night too. What God wants in our prayers is simplicity. To help us to understand what simplicity is, let us think of a little child with its mother. The mother gives it something to play with or something to do. Is she very much concerned about _what_ the child is doing or _how_ it is doing it? Not at all, that is of no consequence; nothing it does can be of any real _service_ to the mother; but there is something that concerns her very much, and that is whether her child loves her, is happy to be with her, and wants to please her. We are only children and God is more tender than the tenderest mother. It makes very little difference to Him what we are doing while we are with Him or even how we do it (how can our little services make any difference to Him!); but whether or no we love Him, whether or no we care to be with Him, whether or no we want to please Him, these things make all the difference.

_Colloquy_ with JESUS and Mary about prayer.

_Resolution._ To try to live more in the spirit of prayer.

_Spiritual Bouquet._ "Let nothing hinder thee from praying _always_" (Ecclus. XVIII. 22).

THE INTERIOR LIFE. (6)

ZEAL.

"Behold I come that I should do Thy Will. O my God, I have desired it, and Thy law in the midst of my heart."

(Ps. XXXIX. 8, 9).

_1st. Prelude._ JESUS living in and working through Mary.

_2nd. Prelude._ The grace of zeal according to His methods.

There is a very close connection between prayer and zeal; the more perfect the prayer, the greater necessarily will be the zeal. Why? Because prayer is identifying oneself with the mind and Will of God, and doing everything with the unique intention of pleasing Him. What are the Will and pleasure of God? The salvation of the world for which He became incarnate--The closer we unite ourselves to God in prayer, the dearer will His intentions be to us. The best workers are those who pray best, those who enter most deeply into God's Will and plans. When we find our zeal flagging, it would be well to examine ourselves on our spirit of prayer.

POINT I. THE ZEAL OF JESUS LIVING IN MARY.