Part 28
"Advt.--DOG AND DUCK SPA AND BATH, St. Georges Fields.--J. Hedger respectfully informs the Public, that the Gardens of the above Spa are open for the reception of those who wish to drink the Waters on the spot, at the usual terms of 3d. each person. The general salubrity of this Spa is well known: and its happy medicinal effects in Scorbutic, Scrophulous, and eruptive Complaints: as well as in the Gravel, and several other Disorders, have been long and incontestibly established. It will be sent to any part of the town in bottles, corked and sealed at the pump, on receiving orders as above. The Bath and Bowling Green are also open to Subscribers."--(_Times, May 26, 1795._)
The _Mr. Brothers_ mentioned in the following paragraph had been a Lieutenant in the Navy--and held most extravagantly visionary religious views--he pretended to have revelations from the Deity, and set up as a Prophet. He was imprisoned in 1794 for fear he should create some political disturbance.
"Many persons were yesterday not a little terrified by _St. Paul's_ clock striking 10 three times within an hour, expecting every moment, that Mr. _Brothers's_ prophecy was about to be fulfilled, which had appointed some dreadful calamity to befal the City of London before the 4th day of June instant."--(_Times, June 4, 1795._)
In the next paragraph, we must bear in mind the difference in the value of the Currency then and now.
"It is with infinite pleasure we hear, that the Bishops in their respective dioceses, in conjunction with the opulent pluralists and other beneficed Clergy, are advancing the stipends, and making contributions, for their necessitous Curates, in these times of scarcity. A liberality (or rather an act of justice) which most probably originated with the Bishop of London, who declared in his Charge to the Clergy of his dioceses, as long since as the year 1790, that he would licence no Curate to a single church under £50, nor to two under £70 per an."--(_Times, Aug. 13, 1795._)
* * * * *
"That practical bulls are not confined to Ireland, take the following specimen: A tradesman of this city, out of charity, took a French boy into his family, who was sent out one evening in a great hurry for butter. His haste threw him into the kennel, butter and all. This was an unfortunate mishap: the dirt he could scrape off, but that partial adhesion of water to grease could not so easily be removed. At last he hit upon an experiment: The maid was bawling out for the butter--'Well, well,' quoth _Jaques_, 'you shall have it quickly. I had the misfortune to wet it, and have just hung it up on a string, before the great stove--it will be dry in a moment, for it dripped before I came away.'"--(_Times, Aug. 21, 1795._)
* * * * *
"What would our forefathers have thought to see a board with this inscription:--'_With the nicest taste, and by men most exquisite for their professional abilities_' over a _Barber's shop_?"--(_Times, Aug. 21, 1795._)
* * * * *
"EPIGRAM. In utramque paratus.
"How shall we Dr. Drawl obey, His different counsel keep: Whose _Text_ advises 'Watch and pray,' Whose _Sermon_ bids you 'Sleep.'"
--(_Times, Aug. 27, 1795._)
* * * * *
"In an advertisement addressed to a young lady who has eloped, she is _most earnestly_ requested to return to her most _disconsolate parents_: but it is added, that if she does not choose to come herself, she is most particularly desired to send the key of the _tea chest_!"--(_Times, Sept. 4, 1795._)
* * * * *
"The grand match of Cricket, for one thousand guineas, between Kent and All England, was some days since terminated at Dandelion,[21] in favour of Kent."--(_Times, Sept. 15, 1795._)
[Footnote 21: Dent de Lion, Margate.]
* * * * *
"A Clergyman in Essex, who had long _farmed_ his _tythes_ alternately among his parishioners, began at last to suspect that the rogues endeavoured to keep the income of his _small_ living still _less_, and so determined, this year at least, to take his _tythes in kind_. To '_Cheat the Parson_' is one of the oldest jokes in the history of agriculture, and stands on the same authority with the _wittier malevolence_ of _distressing_ him. These gentlemen, determined not to be behindhand with their predecessors: and, in the last harvest, sent to the Parson to take away his _hay_ the moment it was cut down, alleging, that as soon as it was cut into _swathes_, it was no longer grass, and that he might _turn it, and cook it, himself_. Rather than 'go to law' the Parson submitted, and took his next Sunday's text on _brotherly kindness_, beginning thus--'Brotherly kindness may be divided into _three_ parts--domestic affection--social love--and charity: from all which proper inferences may be drawn for instruction. Thus brethren, I give you a sermon in _swathes_--you may turn it, and cook it, yourselves.' The plan succeeded; his parishioners doubled the income, acknowledging it even then less than it should be: and thus, what _justice_, and _law_, might have kept from him for years, was given up to a _clerical joke_."--(_Times, Sept. 19, 1795._)
* * * * *
"A curious circumstance occurred here (Brighton) yesterday. Sir John Lade, for a trifling wager, undertook to carry Lord Cholmondely, on _his back_, from opposite the Pavilion, twice round the Steine. Several ladies attended to be spectators of this extraordinary feat of the dwarf carrying a giant. When his Lordship declared himself ready, Sir John desired him to _strip_. 'Strip!' exclaimed the other: 'why surely you promised to carry me in my clothes!' 'By no means,' replied the Baronet. 'I engaged to carry _you_, but not an inch of clothes. So therefore, my Lord, make ready, and let us not _disappoint_ the ladies.' After much laughable altercation, it was at length decided that Sir John had won his wager, the Peer declining to exhibit _in puris naturalibus_."--(_Times, Oct. 2, 1795._)
What would the writer of the following have thought if he could only have seen Girton and other cognate female Colleges?
"Nobody can doubt of the use and advantage of Boarding-Schools in an immense capital like this. When a Tradesman's daughter is taught to jump a dance, to play a tune, and spit French, she is fit for any thing--but a wife."--(_Times, Oct. 17, 1795._)
* * * * *
"An amiable great lady, though very accomplished in the English language, now and then makes some innocent mistakes. She lately asked Lady Jersey if her child would not like _new_ milk?"--(_Times, Nov. 23, 1795._)
* * * * *
"A Gentleman lamenting the robbery committed at Mr. Erskine's house last week, after enquiring the particulars, said, he 'hoped none of the Family were alarmed?' 'No,' replied Mr. E., 'but I wish _they had_.'"--(_Times, Dec. 23, 1795._)
* * * * *
"The name of _Merchant of London_ will be as common in London as in France. A fellow who keeps a caricature shop in Oxford-Road, has the impudence to write in large characters against his house, _Caricature Merchant_.
"We think the Magistrates are deficient in their duty, when they permit such a number of obscene prints to be exposed in their windows. It is well known that some of them have likewise rooms in their houses, where they expose those prints to debauch the rising generation, and have agents at the public seminaries, where they introduce them among the boys."--(_Times, Dec. 25, 1795._)
* * * * *
"The Confectioners begin to tremble from the fear that there will not be frost enough to enable them to lay in a stock of ice sufficient for the consumption of the ensuing summer. Ice is become so much a necessary of life in this climate, that the Island has not always produced a sufficient quantity for the supply of the inhabitants, and many vessels sent to Norway have returned freighted with this new luxury. How would Queen Elizabeth's Maids of Honour have stared at iced oranges after a hot dinner? They would probably have given them the same emphatical appellation with a late English Admiral--_painted snow balls_."--(_Times, Jan. 22, 1796._)
* * * * *
"The vast estate of the Duke of Portland, in Marybone, cost his ancestors, about 100 years ago, but £9000; and the estate of Mr. Berners, (all the streets about the Middlesex Hospital) now £6000 a year, were in the year 1730, at a rental of £330 a year."--(_Times, Jan. 25, 1796._)
* * * * *
"The Balls at Southampton are exceedingly lively, and well-attended. The young Ladies are particularly favourable to a German Dance, called _the Volse_: for squeezing, hugging, &c., it is excellent in its kind, and more than one Lady has actually fainted in the middle of it."--(_Times, Feb. 19, 1796._)
* * * * *
"Thirteen thousand, five hundred vessels, freighted with property, to the value of between 60, and 70, millions sterling, sailed from, and arrived at, the port of London, in the course of a year."--(_Times, Aug. 29, 1796._)
* * * * *
"Campus Nautica may be sailor-latin for a pleasant exhibition, though not quite concordical. A sailor at Oxford some time ago, wished to prove the whole University to be sailor-like, and he managed it in this way. 'The Gownsmen are _Puppes_, the Tradesmen are _Naves_, and the women are _nautoe_.' What though the puns don't quite spell, they are not less true for all that."--(_Times, Feb. 29, 1796._)
* * * * *
"Lately died, in Scotland, _James Anderson_, a well-known itinerant tinker, at the astonishing age of 114, after carrying his budget since his 14th year."--(_Times, March 12, 1796._)
* * * * *
"We learn from Chester, that the Grand Jury at Conway Assizes found an Indictment against the Bishop of Bangor, his Agent, Chaplain, and two other Divines, for a riot; and also another Bill against the Bishop for an assault!!!"--(_Times, April 5, 1796._)
* * * * *
"There was a Bank Note came into the Bank the other day, the interest of which, calculated from the time it had been in circulation, amounted to more than £4300."--(_Times, April 26, 1796._)
* * * * *
"Mrs. Mills had fourteen rooms open at her famous Rout and Supper, in Piccadilly, the other night. The bill for green-peas was seventy-five pounds."--(_Times, May 18, 1796._)
* * * * *
"At one of Lady B----'s elegant Entertainments at Ham-Common, amongst other amusements provided for her refined company, were a pig with a soaped-tail and a smock-race. A Great Number of young women were collected by curiosity, but none of them could be prevailed upon to contend for the last prize. They declared ingenuously, that they only came for curiosity, as they thought her Ladyship and her Company were to run for it."--(_Times, June 29, 1796._)
* * * * *
"'I should like to be an _emigré_,' said Mr. V----n the other day. 'Why so?' answered a gentleman present. 'Because,' he replied, 'the emigrants are the only people in town who know how to amuse themselves.'
"And surely nothing can exceed the refined elegance of the balls given by some of the emigrated Ladies, where the widows of twenty guillotined poor souls, trip the merry country-dance with all the swiftness of a fairy. We must, however, observe that these eminent dancers disdain the name of _emigrées_, and call themselves _Americaines_, from the property they possess in the West Indies, in order to avoid the reproach of thus squandering the superfluities of their incomes, which would be better employed in comforting so many unfortunate families, driven from their own country."--(_Times, Aug. 1, 1796._)
* * * * *
"A DAY AT MARGATE.
"Rose at seven; went to Sayer's Bathing House, set my name down on the slate: took a walk on the Pier. Came back and waited a quarter of an hour, then bathed. Not a little delighted with the idea of realising in some degree _la theorie des sentimens agreables_ by dipping in the same ocean with the sea nymphs from the City. Returned to my lodgings to dress for breakfast. Finding nobody in the Coffee-room, went back to the Pier, arrived at the happy moment, just as a hoy was vomiting out its sick: witnessed, as Peter Paragraph says, the Queen of France abuse, like a drab of Drury, one of the passengers. The case seemed a strong one, and well made out on the part of the Lady, but produced, as far as I saw, no conviction.
"Went to breakfast at Benson's, having first called at the Post-Office, and found _not sorted_ on the door: eat my shilling's worth, one buttered roll, one dry toasted, and one cold ditto: heard who had won, or lost, at whist, and billiards, the night before; read the newspapers, and wrote a letter. Went over the way to Silver's library, who at my request gave me the choice of three rides, observing, that I might take a little of each by going round by Kingsgate, the North Foreland, and Broadstairs to Ramsgate, then crossing over to the Camp, and figuring in by Dandelion. 'What a charming General' (said I) 'spoilt in a Toyman. How you understand tactics, Mr. Silver!' 'Used to it all my life, Sir,' (said he with a pleasing flippancy) 'plan rides for the company daily all over the Island.' Set out with the _carte du pays_ in my pocket: visited all the places in it, and finished with the cricket match, and the place of the public breakfast. Heard a lady say she had won two lotteries, and saw _Tom Lord_ run without winning a notch. Went to the ordinary in the gardens at 6s. 6d. a head, for cold chicken, and roast lamb, with a haunch of venison given by a Noble Lord, who, very kindly, having helped himself to the first slice, sent it on. The heat on the cricket ground was intense. I was sorry I did not bring my white hat: but a remedy was at hand, as I learnt afterwards, if I had been ingenious enough to have tied a white handkerchief round the crown of my black one. Having finished my second breakfast, I rode home to dine at Margate. The green where the breakfast was, was much cooler than the burning cricket field, having the advantage of being shaded by the trees in the garden at its back; but I found I was out of luck, as there was no dancing, and, indeed, at the public breakfast, it sometimes happens, that the wagtails, and the yellow-hammers from the Capital are so numerous, and frisky, that the humming birds, the cockatoos, and the birds of Paradise of the higher order won't always hop with them. Got back to Margate on my pony, for which I was to pay 18d. a side, and thought as I rode along on the sands, where I should dine. The boarding houses were all open to me, on paying for a week, or one guinea. This was a great temptation: but having been offered a party at the Bowling green, on Prospect Place, I conceived this to be a better thing, on account of the humours of the loaded pigeon, and the fun of the canting machine, and the fireworks at night. I accordingly rode to my lodgings to dress, and went immediately to dinner. After dinner proceeded to the libraries, where the raffling lists were filling fast: was induced to throw in my shillings at Silver's and Were's: from thence passed on to Wood's, Surflen's, and Garner's. At Surflen's heard music, and several favourite glees: from thence to the playhouse, where I was invited to the rehearsal of a new piece, which was to be full of good things, if it had been suffered to be represented. It was now time to go to supper: I accordingly returned to the Coffee House, and from thence to the Billiard Room, where there was a violent cry of swindler, black-legs, and pickpocket, at which Mrs. Benson interfered, whilst her husband walked coolly up and down the Piazza, not venturing to intrude. The obnoxious person being turned out, and order restored, I retired at one o'clock in the morning.
EPHEMERIS."
--(_Times, Oct. 2, 1795._)
Fancy seeing an advertisement like the following, in the _Times_ nowadays:--
Advt.
"A MARE'S to be SOLD, About six years old, That's warranted perfectly sound: Her height's fourteen hands, And an inch as she stands, And will trot freely all the way round. The Mare's to be seen Any time that's between The hours of twelve, and of three, At the Inn called One Bell, In the Strand they will tell, Price twenty-five Guineas and three."
--(_Times, June 17, 1796._)
* * * * *
"RAMSGATE. (Extract of a letter.)
"Our early season has already begun, and those who are fond of cheap lodgings, have made their appearance _hirundine primâ_. I assure you, we have City Misses here at this moment, each of whom, in the vain idea of rising 'A new born Goddess from the Sea' sowces into salt water every morning. Our company is of the _greater_ sort. We have Mrs. Deputy _Plumb_, with her naked daughters, who have scarce more cloathing than a _fig_ leaf on them, and imitate their great grand-dame Eve in much more even than that. Then we have Mrs. _Pop_ from Whitechapel. She came down in state in her own job-coach, which was loaded so full with _unredeemed_ Articles for family wear, that her dear _pledges_ of domestic Love, her daughters, who are the very _duplicate_ of herself, in delicacy and beauty, were forced to come in the Hoy. But she vows it is so shocking to her feelings, that they never shall ride down _no more_ in that nasty sort of water conveyance, though she should spend upon their luxury and elegance _ten_, out of that _thirty per cent._, which she grinds from the necessitous miseries of hard-earned industry. Then we have three learned Ladies, who, after the great fatigues of novel-writing in the winter, have retired hither to display themselves to the vast pleasure, and edification, of some ancient enamoratus, who would not yield to Old Q himself in pretensions to gallantry. In truth, we begin to look gaily, early as it is: and I would that the salt-water, for the benefit of the _Pops_, and the _Plumbs_, who frequent our watering places, could as easily wash away the mud of vulgarity, and affectation, from their hearts, as it does the _rouge_ from their faces."--(_Times, July 8, 1796._)
* * * * *
"BRIGHTON.--The Prince and Princess of Wales's arrival has been talked of much in London; but as yet we have no signs of it here. The Duke and Duchess of Marlborough pass their time in a very retired manner indeed. His Grace walked for some time yesterday evening upon the _Steyne_; the company consisted chiefly of opulent Jews, needy fortune hunters, broken-down Cyprians, fishermen's daughters, and several fat city-dowdies, from the environs of Norton Folgate. Her Grace commands the Play on Friday evening, which will be her _first appearance_ in public here for this season. The Officers of the Blues are the _great dashers_ of the place: they associate with no one but their own Corps. The most of them keep their blood-horses, their curricles, and their girls. At one o'clock they appear on the parade, to hear the word of command given to the Subaltern Guard: afterwards they toss off their _goes_ of brandy, dine about five, and come about eight to the Theatre, _Vivent L'Amour et Bacchus_."--(_Times, July 13, 1796._)
* * * * *
"Yesterday a curious cricket match was played at Montpelier Gardens, between 11 of the Greenwich Pensioners, wanting an arm each, against the same number of their fellow sufferers with each a wooden leg. Not fewer than 5000 people were assembled on the occasion, who were highly entertained with the exertions of the old veterans of the ocean, who never acted against their most inveterate enemy with more energy, each party striving to quit the field victorious. The evening coming on, the contest could not be decided, but it was so much in favour of the Timber toes, as never to be recovered by the dint of Arms."--(_Times, Aug. 10, 1796._)
* * * * *
"On Wednesday morning the 11 men with one arm, and 11 men with but one leg, were brought by three Greenwich stages engaged for that purpose, to the new Cricket Ground, the back of the Montpelier Tea Gardens, Walworth, when the match was played out, and the men, with one leg, beat the one arms, by 103 runnings. After the match was finished, the eleven one-legged men ran a race of 100 yards distance, for 20 Guineas, and the first three had prizes."--(_Times, Aug. 12, 1796._)
* * * * *
"A new embankment of the River, on the Middlesex shore, from Westminster to Chelsea, is just commencing, to prevent the encroachments which are making almost daily."--(_Times, Aug. 20, 1776._)
* * * * *
"On Tuesday morning, a young whale came up the River as far as Rotherhithe, and was killed near Execution Dock after having overset two boats. It measured 19 feet in length."--(_Times, Aug. 25, 1796._)
* * * * *
"This day, the Publicans in the Metropolis, and its vicinity, have, conformable to an agreement amongst themselves, withdrawn from the Public the accommodation of finding them Pewter Pots, agreeable to a long established custom, which will, of course, occasion great inconvenience to workmen of every description, who are employed in raising buildings, repairing houses, &c.; as well as lodgers, and, even, to many respectable families. The profits upon Porter, for a length of time, have been very considerable, which proves itself beyond a doubt, by their acknowledging, in a Bill left at the houses of their customers, that they, collectively, sustain a loss, annually, of; £100,000 per annum, in Pots, which, by no means, could have been afforded, were not their returns somewhat enormous. Under that idea, it is presumed, having availed themselves of an opportunity, no longer to be liable to losses of that kind, in future, they will, as a recompence to the Public, make a reduction in price of the necessary article of Porter."--(_Times, Sept. 2, 1796._)
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