Part 14

[8] Coe's father, the well-known blacksmith and alderman, now no more.

Whilst we are discussing the subject of hair, we ought not to forget that, according to Lyson's Environs of London,

THE FIRST PRELATE THAT WORE A WIG

was Archbishop Tillotson. In the great dining-room of Lambeth Palace, he says, there are portraits of all the Archbishops, from Laud to the present time, in which may be observed the gradual change of the clerical habit, in the article of wigs. Archbishop Tillotson was the first prelate that wore a wig, which then was not unlike the natural hair, and worn without powder. In 1633, 21 James 1st,

THE OXFORD SCHOLARS WERE PROHIBITED FROM WEARING BOOTS AND SPURS.

"Care was taken," says Wood, "that formalities in public assemblies should be used, which, through negligence, were now, and sometime before, left off. That the wearing of boots and spurs also be prohibited, 'a fashion' (as our Chancellor saith in his letters) rather befitting the liberties of the Inns of Court than the strictness of an academical life, which fashion is not only usurped by the younger sort, but by the Masters of Arts, who preposterously assume that part of the Doctor's formalities which adviseth them to ryde _ad prædicandum Evangelium_, but in these days implying nothing else but _animum deserendi studium_." It was therefore ordered, "that no person that wears a gown wear boots; if a graduate, he was to forfeit 2_s._ 6_d._ for the first time of wearing them, after order was given to the contrary; for the second time 5_s._, and so toties quoties. And if an

UNDERGRADUATE, WHIPPING,

Or other punishment, according to the will of the Vice-Chancellor and Proctors, for every time he wore them." And in 1608, when

ARCHBISHOP BANCROFT

Became Chancellor of Oxford, he decreed amongst other things, "that indecency of attire be left off, and academical habits be used in public assemblies, being now more remissly looked to than in former times. Also, that no occasion of offence be given, long hair was not to be worn; for whereas in the reign of Queen Elizabeth few or none wore their hair longer than their ears (for they that did so were accounted by the graver and elder sort swaggerers and ruffians,) now it was common even among scholars, who were to be examples of modesty, gravity, and decency."

* * * * *

WAKEFIELD'S EPIGRAM ON THE FLYING BARBER OF CAMBRIDGE,

Which his college friend, Dyer, has given in his Supplement, under the head "SERIA LUDO," with the happy, original motto--

With serious truths we mix a little fun, And now and then we treat you with a pun.

The subject of the epigram, he says (the original of which Mr. W. sent to a friend,) "was Mr. Foster, formerly of Cambridge, who, on account of his rapidity in conversation, in walking, and more particularly in the exercise of his profession, was called (by the Cantabs) _the Flying Barber_. He was a great oddity, and gave birth to many a piece of fun in the university:--

Tonsor ego: vultus radendo spumcus albet, Mappa subest, ardet culter, et unda tepet. Quam versat gladium cito dextra, novacula levis, Mox tua tam celeri strinxerit ora manu. Cedite, Romani Tonsores, cedite Graii; Tonsorem regio non habet ulla parem. Imberbes Grantam, barbati accedite Grantam; Illa polit mentes; et polit illa genas.

* * * * *

THE ISTHMUS OF SUEZ.

The men of St. John's College, Cambridge, like every other society in both Oxford and Cambridge, have their _soubriquet_. From what cause they obtained that of "Johnian Hogs" is yet scarcely settled, though much has been written thereon, extant in _The Gradus ad Cant., Facetiæ Cant._, and _The Cambridge Tart_. It proved of some service, however, to a wag of the society (and to them the merit of punning was conceded in the Spectator's time,) in giving him an idea for a name for the elegant one-arched covered bridge which joins the superb Gothic court they have lately added to the fine old college, after the designs of Messrs. Hutchinson and Rickman of Birmingham. The question was discussed at a wine party, and one proposed calling it the "Bridge of Sighs," as it led to most of the tutors' and deans' rooms, from whom issued all _impositions_ (punishments,) &c. "I have it!" exclaimed a wag, his eyes beaming brighter than his sparkling glass--"I have it! Call it the ISTHMUS OF SUEZ!" Id est _The Hog's Isthmus_, from the Latin word _sus_, a sow, which makes _suis_ in the genitive case, and proves our Johnian to be a punster worthy of his school.

* * * * *

YOU ARE TO PRAY AND FIGHT, NOT TO DRINK FOR THE CHURCH.

Mr. Jones, of Welwyn, relates, on the authority of Old Mr. Bunburry, of Brazen-nose College, that Bishop Kennett, when a young man, being one of the Oxford Pro-Proctors, and a very active one, about James the Second's reign, going his rounds one evening, found a company of gownsmen engaged on a _drinking bout_, to whom his then high church principles were notorious (though he afterwards changed them, sided with Bishop Hoadley, and obtained the _soubriquet_ of _weather-cock Kennett_.) When he entered the room, he reprimanded them for keeping such late hours, especially over the bottle, rather than over their studies in their respective colleges, and ordered them to disperse. One in the company, who knew his political turn, addressed him with, "Mr. Proctor, you will, I am sure, excuse us when I say, we were met to _drink prosperity to the church_, to which _you_ can have no objection." "Sir," was his answer, with a solemn air, "we are to _pray_ for the church, and to _fight_ for the church, not to _drink_ for the church." Upon which the company paid their reckoning and dispersed. There is a curious print in the Library of the Antiquarians, of an altar-piece, which the rector of Whitechapel, Dr. Walton, caused to be painted and put up in his church, representing Christ and his twelve apostles eating the passover, wherein Bishop Kennett (the "Traitor Dean," as his siding with Hoadley caused him to be designated) is painted as _Judas_.

* * * * *

SIGNS OF A GOOD APPETITE.

When a late master of Richmond School, Yorkshire, came, a _raw_ lad in his teens, to matriculate at Trinity College, Cambridge, he was invited to dinner by his tutor, and happened to be seated opposite some boiled fowls, which, having just emptied a plate of his _quantum_ of fish, he was requested to _carve_. He accordingly took one on his plate, but not being a _carver_, he leisurely ate the whole of it, _minus_ the bones, not at all disconcerted by the smiles of the other guests: and when the cheese appeared, and his host cut a plateful for him to pass round the table, he coolly set to and eat the whole himself. He, notwithstanding, proved a good scholar, and distinguished himself both in classics and mathematics, is now a canon residentiary of St. Paul's, and a very worthy divine, who has earned his reputation, preferments, and dignities by his merits only.

* * * * *

A COLLEGE QUIZ.

The following effusion of humour was the production of a very pleasant fellow, an Oxford scholar, now no more, who, says Angelo, in his Reminiscences, "was a great favourite among his brother collegians," and a humourist:--"Lost £10 this morning, May 15, 1808, in Peckwater Quadrangle, near No. 6. Any nobleman, gentleman, common student, or commoner, who will, as soon as possible, bring the same back to the afflicted loser, shall, with pleasure, receive _ten guineas_ reward; a suitor shall receive _five_ guineas; and a scout or porter, _one_ guinea. The notes were all Bank of England notes, I only received this morning from my father. My name is ----, and I lodge at ----, facing Tom Gate, where I am anxiously waiting for some kind friend to bring them to me.--_Vivant Rex et Regina_."

* * * * *

SUCKING THE MILK OF BOTH UNIVERSITIES

Is an epithet applied to those members who, after graduating at one proceeds to a like degree at the other. A party one day disputing as to whether Oxford or Cambridge was the more distinguished seat of learning,--"It can't affect me," exclaimed one of them, "for I was educated at both." Upon which a wag observed, "He reminded him of a calf that was suckled by two cows." "How so?" said the other. "Why, it turned out the greatest _calf_ I ever knew," was the retort.

* * * * *

Amongst the musical professors of Cambridge, and not the least, who was organist of King's College also, in the beginning of the eighteenth century, was Dr. Thomas Tudway. He was a notorious wag, and when several of the members of the University of Cambridge expressed their discontent at the paucity of the patronage, and the rigour of the government of the "proud Duke of Somerset," whose statue graces their senate house, he facetiously observed--

"_The Chancellor rides us all without a bit in our mouths._"

LIKE RABELAIS,

In him the passion for punning was strong in death, though less profane. When he laid dangerously ill of the quinsy (of which he soon after died,) his physician, seeing some hope, turned from his patient to Mrs. Tudway, who was weeping in despair at his danger, and observed, "Courage, madam! the Dr. will get up May-hill yet, he has swallowed some nourishment." Upon which Dr. Tudway said, as well as his disease would permit him to articulate, "Don't mind him, my dear: one swallow don't make a summer."

* * * * *

AMBASSADORS OF KING JESUS AT OXFORD.

The Rev. Charles Godwyn, B.D., Fellow of Baliol College, grandson to Dr. Francis G., Bishop of Hereford, in a letter, dated March 14, 1768, printed in Nichols's Anecdotes, says, "a very sad affair has happened" at Oxford. "The principal of Edmund Hall (Dr. George Dixon) has been indiscreet enough to admit into his hall, by the recommendation of Lady Huntingdon, seven London tradesmen, one a tapster, another a barber, &c. They have little or no learning, but all of them have a high opinion of themselves, as being _ambassadors of King Jesus_. One of them, upon that title conferred by himself, has been a preacher. Complaint was made to the Vice-Chancellor, Dr. David Durell (principal of Hertford College,) I believe, by the Bishop of Oxford; and he, in his own right, as Vice-Chancellor, had last week a visitation of the hall. Some of the preaching tradesmen were found so void of learning, that they were expelled from the hall."

* * * * *

A SURPRISING EFFORT OF INTELLECT.

Robert Austin, a Fellow of King's College, Cambridge, was amanuensis to the famous Arabic professor, Wheelock, who employed him in correcting the press of his _Persic Gospels_, the first of the kind ever printed, with a Latin translation and notes. Of this surprising young man, he says, "in the space of two months, not knowing a letter in Arabic or Persic at the beginning, he sent a letter to me in Norfolk, of peculiar passages, so that of his age I never met with the like; and his indefatigable patience, and honesty, or ingenuity, exceed, if possible, his capacity." But his immoderate application brought on a derangement of mind, and he died early in 1654.

* * * * *

JUDGMENT OF PROFESSOR HALLIFAX.

When Queen Elizabeth was questioned on the subject of her faith in the Sacrament, she dexterously avoided giving offence by replying--

"Christ was the word that spake it, He took the bread and brake it, And what his word did make it, That I believe, and take it."

Scarcely less ingenious was the reply of Bishop Hallifax, when Regius Professor of Civil Law at Cambridge, upon Dr. Parr and the Rev. Joseph Smith (both resident at Stanmore) applying to him for his judgment on a literary dispute between them. His response was in the following official language, by which he dexterously avoided the imputation of partiality:--

"_Nolo interponere judicium meum._"

His name reminds me that he married a _Cooke_, the daughter of Dr. William Cooke, Provost of King's College, Cambridge, for whom George the Third had so great a regard, that he extended it to his children. The Bishop and his wife being at Cheltenham when the King was there, and some person asking why his Majesty paid Dr. Hallifax such marked respect, was answered, "Sir, he married a _Cooke_." This being in the presence of

THE CELEBRATED OXONIAN, DEAN TUCKER,

"I, too," he facetiously remarked, "have a claim to his Majesty's attention, for I married _a cook_," alluding to the fact, that his second wife originally held that rank in his domestic establishment.

* * * * *

OH! FOR A DISTICH.

A Pembrokian Cantab, named Penlycross, having written an Essay, a candidate for the Norrisian prize (which it was necessary he should subscribe with a Greek or Latin motto, as well as a sealed letter, enclosing his name, after being for a time at a loss for one,) and having an ominous _presentiment_ of its rejection, he seized his pen and subscribed the following on both:

"Distichon ut poscas nolente, volente, Minerva, Mos sacer? Unde mihi distichon? En perago."

"Without a distich, vain the oration is; Oh! for a distich! Doctor, e'en take this."

* * * * *

SKELETON SERMONS.

The author of the Pursuits of Literature ridicules the epithet "Skeleton Sermons," as "ridiculous and absurd," speaking of those of the Rev. Charles Simeon, M.A. now Senior Fellow of King's College. When, in 1796, that divine published his edition of _Claude's Essay on a Sermon, with an Appendix containing one hundred Skeleton Sermons_, the celebrated Dr. William Cooke, father of the late Regius Professor of Greek, was Provost of King's, and to him, as in duty bound, Mr. Simeon presented a copy. The Provost read it with his natural appearance of a proud and dignified humility, and, struck with the unfortunate and somewhat ludicrous title of _Skeleton Sermons_, "Skeletons! skeletons!" he exclaimed, in his significant way, "Shall these dry bones live?" What would the Provost have thought and said, had he lived to see an edition of them in ten volumes 4to. price ten guineas?

* * * * *

I WISH HE HAD PAID IT FIRST.

The present Vice-Master of Trinity College, Cambridge, being told that one of his pupils, the author of "ALMA MATER," had therein published his bill, coolly replied, "I wish he had paid it first." Another Cantab had--

A MIND TO MAKE TRIAL OF THE STOCKS,

Which unluckily stood in the church-yard, and it happening to be a saint's day, the congregation were at prayers, of which he was ignorant, when he got a friend to put him in. His friend sauntered away, whether wilfully or not I leave my readers to guess, and he was in vain struggling to release himself, when the congregation issued forth, who were not a little _moved_ at his situation. Many laughed, but one, an old woman, compassionately released him. A similar story is told of the celebrated son of Granta,

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE PRATT,

Who had afterwards to try a cause in which the plaintiff had brought his action against a magistrate for falsely imprisoning him in the stocks. The counsel for the defence arguing that the action was a frivolous one, on the ground that the stocks were no punishment, his Lordship beckoned his learned brother to him, and told him, in his ear, that having himself been put in the stocks, he could assure him it was no such slight punishment as he represented, and the plaintiff obtained a verdict against the magistrate in consequence.

* * * * *

HISSING VERSUS MONEY.

Parker says, in his Musical Memoirs, that the Oxford scholars once hissed Madame Mara, conceiving she assumed too much importance in her bearing. No wonder they so treated Signor Samperio, one evening at a concert, attracted, when he came forward to sing, by his "tall, lank figure, sunken eyes, hollow cheeks, and shrill voice;" in fact, they hissed him off before he had half got through his cavatina. The gentleman who acted as steward was deeply moved at his situation, and, going up to Samperio, endeavoured to soothe him. But the signor, not at all hurt, replied, "O, sare, never mind; dey may hissa me as much as dey please, if I getti di money." Another anecdote is told of--

TWO OXFORD SCHOLARS POSING DR. HAYES,

The late musical professor, who was some six feet high, and scarcely inferior in bulk to the famous Essex miller. He had at last so much difficulty in getting in and out of a stage coach, that whenever he went from Oxford to London to conduct the annual performances at St. Paul's, for the benefit of the Sons of the Clergy, which he did for many years _gratis_, his custom was to engage a whole seat to himself, and when once in and seated to remain so till the end of the journey. The fact became known to two Oxford wags, who resolved to _pose_ the Doctor, and to that end engaged the other two inside places, and taking care to be there before him, seated themselves in the opposite corners, one to the right the other to the left, and there the Doctor found them, on arriving to take his place. "How was he to dispose of his _corpus_?" was the query: they had a clear right to their seats, and no alternative seemed left him, as they declined moving, but to place his head in one corner and his feet in the other. At last our Oxonians, having fully enjoyed the _dilemma_ in which they had placed the Doctor, consented to give way, confessed their purpose, and even the Doctor had the good sense to laugh at his own expense.

* * * * *

GROSS INDEED.

When the celebrated Cantab, and editor of _Lucretius_, Gilbert Wakefield, was convicted of a _libel_ before the late Judge _Grose_, who sentenced him to fine and imprisonment, turning from the bar, he said, with the spirit of a Frenchman, it was--"_gross_ indeed." To the same learned Cantab, Dyer attributes the following--

PUN UPON PYE.

Being asked once his opinion of the poetry of _Pye_, the then Poet Laureat, his reply was, that he thought very _handsomely_ of some of Mr. P.'s poems, which he had read. This did not suffice, and he was pressed for his opinion of the Laureat-Ode that had just appeared in the public prints. Not having seen it, he desired his friend to read it to him, and the introductory lines containing something about the _singing of birds_, Wakefield abruptly silenced him with this happy allusion to the Laureat's name, in the following nursery rhymes:--

"And when the pie was opened, The birds began to sing: And was not this a dainty dish To set before a king."

* * * * *

THE CAMBRIDGE FAMILY OF SPINTEXTS

Begun with John Alcock, LL.D., Bishop of Ely, and founder of Jesus College.

"Garrulus hunc quando consumet cunq; loquaces, Si sapiat, vitet, simul atque adoluerit ætas."

In 1483, says Wilson, in his Memorabilia Cantabrigiæ, he preached before the University "_Bonum et blandum sermonem prædicavit, et duravit in horam tertiam et ultra_," which is supposed to be a sermon that was printed in his lifetime, in 1498, by the famous Pynson, entitled, "_Galli Cantus ad Confratres suos Curatos in Synodo, apud Barnwell, 25th September_, 1498," at the head of which is a print of the Bishop preaching to the Clergy, with a cock at each side, and another in the first page. The next most celebrated preacher of this class was

DOCTOR ISAAC BARROW,

The friend, partly tutor, and most learned contemporary of Newton, whom Charles the Second said was an unfair preacher, leaving nothing new to be said by those who followed him. He was once appointed, upon some public occasion, to preach before the Dean and Chapter in Westminster Abbey, and gave them a discourse of nearly four hours in length. During the latter part of it, the congregation became so tired of sitting, that they dropped out, one by one, till scarcely another creature besides the Dean and choristers were left. Courtesy kept the Dean in his place, but soon his patience got the better of his manners,

"Verba per attentam non ibunt Cæsaris aurem,"

and beckoning one of the singing boys, he desired him to go and tell the organist to play him down, which was done. When asked, on descending from the pulpit, if he did not feel exhausted, he replied, "No; only a little tired with standing so long." A third "long-winded preacher" (and they were never admired at either Oxford or Cambridge, where "short and sweet" is preferred) was

DOCTOR SAMUEL PARR.

He delivered his justly celebrated SPITAL SERMON in the accustomed place, Christ-Church, Newgate Street, Easter Tuesday, 1800, before his friend, Harvey Christian Combe, Esq., M.P., the celebrated brewer, then Lord Mayor. "Before the service begun," says one of his friends, "I went into the vestry, and found Dr. Parr seated, with pipes and tobacco placed before him on the table. He evidently felt the importance of the occasion, but felt, at the same time, a confidence in his own powers. When he ascended the pulpit, a profound silence prevailed. The sermon occupied nearly an hour and a quarter in the delivery; and in allusion to its extreme length, it was remarked by a lady, who had been asked her opinion of it, "enough there is, and more than enough"--the first words of its first sentence,--a _bon mot_ he is said to have received with good humour. As he and the Lord Mayor were coming out of the church, the latter, albeit unused to the facetious mode, "Well," said Dr. Parr to him, always anxious for well-merited praise, "how did you like the sermon? Let me have the suffrage of your strong and honest understanding." "Why, Doctor," returned his lordship, "there were four things in your sermon I did _not_ like to hear." "State them," replied Parr, eagerly. "Why, to speak frankly, then," said Combe, "they were the quarters of the church clock, which struck four times before you had finished it." "I once saw, lying in the Chapter Coffee-house," says Dyer, in a letter printed in Parriana, "the Doctor's _Spital Sermon_, with a comical caricature of him, in the pulpit, preaching and smoking at the same time, with _ex fumo dare lucem_ issuing from his mouth."

ANOTHER CLASS OF PREACHERS

At Cambridge, and eke at Oxford, have taken an opposite course, and from their being to be had at all times, have at the former place, obtained the _soubriquet_ "Hack Preachers." In the _Gradus ad Cantabrigiam_, they are described as "the common _exhibitioners_ at St. Mary's, employed in the service of defaulters and absentees. It must be confessed, however," adds this writer, "that these HACKS are good fast _trotters_, as they commonly go over the course in twenty minutes, and sometimes less." Gilbert Wakefield, whom nobody will suspect of forbearance, calls them, in his Memoirs, "a piteous, unedifying tribe." This, however, can scarcely be applied to the ordinary preachers of the present day, and especial care is taken by the heads of the university that the _select_ preachers (one of whom is named for each month during term-time) do not name substitutes themselves. The following poetic _jeu d'esprit_, entitled "_Lines on three of the appointed Preachers of St. Mary's, Cambridge, attacking Calvin_" were no others than the three eminent living divines, Dr. Butler, Dr. Maltby, Bishop of Chichester, and Dr. Herbert Marsh, Bishop of Peterborough:--

"Three Preachers, in three distant counties born, The Church of England's doctrines do adorn: Harsh Calvin's mystic tenets were their mark, Founded in texts perverted, gloomy, dark. _Butler_ in clearness and in force surpassed, _Maltby_ with sweetness spoke of ages past; Whilst _Marsh_ himself, who scarce could further go, With _Criticism's_ fetters bound the foe."

This _punning_ morsel, of some _standing_ in the university, is scarce surpassed by Hood himself:--

THE THREE-HEADED PRIEST.