CHAPTER IX.

_CONVENT LIFE AT LLANTHONY._

I was looking forward to taking the black veil, but somehow the Mother had made a firm resolve to keep me, if possible, from taking this step. I may be permitted to write a few words about the present Lady Prioress of Llanthony. This lady took novice vows with me in 1869. She gained a great reputation for sanctity by an assumed air of humility, and by performing innumerable voluntary penances and antics, which put her less saintly sisters to much discomfort and disgust. I recollect her once sitting next to me in the refectory at dinner, when I saw a roasted maggot on her plate, which made me feel quite ill. I signed to her, fearing she would eat it unperceived, whereupon she at once took it upon her fork, salted it, and put it into her mouth, looking the very picture of goodness. She would of her own free will throw herself down on the floor, and meekly kiss everybody’s feet, beg their prayers, and thank them for bearing with her, saying she was not worthy to be amongst us, etc. This continued until we were all perfectly sick of her, as we knew quite well by her other words and actions that she considered herself the best in the house. Sometimes she would bang her head purposely against the wall; in fact, she copied every saint, whose life she happened to be reading at the time, in his or her foolish actions, whilst if they did anything sensible, she left it out. St. Mary Magdalene of Piazzi, was her special favourite. Sister Wereburgh once planted a rotten cucumber, to see if our Lord would make it grow into a plant, which, of course, He did not, though she quite thought He would. This was in imitation of a St. Teresa, who, we read, once gave a rotten cucumber to one of her novices in order to test her obedience, desiring her to plant it in the garden. The novice obeyed without a question, when, in reward for her perfect obedience, a plant sprang from it, and bore fruit. This is one of the miracles recorded in the life of Saint Teresa. Sister Wereburgh would obtain leave to go without her dinner, and fast till tea-time, very often, but was desired to have some lunch, which would consist of dry bread. The Mother Superior at that time never asked her what lunch she had, but at last some of us found out that she had a good helping of bread and butter, and a good-sized cup of hot cocoa. She was housekeeper then, and thus had no difficulty in taking what she wanted. Thus she really had more than we did at dinner, which often consisted of two small sardines, three or four small potatoes, and half a slice of bread, thinly cut, and some water. As I do not wish to appear in the least vindictive, I will not now add more about this sister. She was the cause of distress to more persons than myself, though she managed to keep herself in favour with Father Ignatius, and became quite his model nun.

I will now tell my readers more of my experiences at Llanthony. I cannot say Father Ignatius gave us a very warm welcome to our new convent. In the first place, I remember well how dreadfully he frightened me by telling us that the place was haunted by evil spirits, as well as good. We were told by Ignatius that he had watched a whole procession of devils cross the church, while they were at matins. The brothers, we were assured, had often seen them about the house. One brother at the monastery declared that he had felt their hot breath on his cheek. This brother was a life-vowed monk, though only about twenty-one years of age. He ran away and came back so many times, that at last he said, “To prevent myself from ever returning, I shall get married,” which he fulfilled by marrying an opera girl. I was told that afterwards he became a billiard-marker.

The Novice-mistress came into our room one day, saying:

“I have seen him.”

“Seen whom?” we asked.

“The devil,” she replied.

I was really frightened by the tales of the devils who inhabited the cloister; and to add to my terror, Father Ignatius and the Novice-mistress told me:

“Sister Agnes is SURE to see him.”

I used to go about night and day, making the sign of the cross, praying to our Lord, the blessed Virgin, and to our holy Father St. Benedict, not to let me see anything, either good or evil. Sometimes I did not hear the call for the night office, and would only awake at the sound of the bell. This necessitated my going down a long dark passage alone, and returning alone to and from the church; besides, I had to stay in the church alone after matins and lauds, to recite the whole of the Lamentations of Jeremiah, as a penance for not rising when called. Not hearing was no excuse; and if we only remained in bed thirty seconds after being called, and attempted to leave the church with the others, the Novice-mistress would make signs for the sister who failed to rise, to stop and perform her penance. It used to take me a long time to do my penance, as I kept leaving off to watch for a devil.

There is supposed to be a miraculous light over the “altar,” which was pointed out to us on the first day of our arrival at Llanthony. I looked for a long time, but failed to see anything but the sunshine. At last the reverend Father said:

“Do you see it, Sister Agnes?”

I replied, “No, dear Father, I do not see anything but cobwebs and sunshine.”

I must not omit to write on a very distressing subject, and that is the ill-treatment I received from the Lady Prioress. After I had been about a week at Llanthony, she sent for me. On coming into her presence I knelt at her feet, and she gave me the hem of her dress to kiss. It should be remembered that we were not usually allowed to speak to the Superior without first prostrating our faces to the ground, and kissing the hem of her “holy habit.”[12] But I had better give the very words of the rule: “To receive the words of our Superior, humbly kneeling, with eyes fixed on the ground.” Should we break this rule, the order was “to receive any penance our Superior liked to inflict.” My Superior on this occasion said, “Sister Agnes, you often say you wish to submit to me.” I replied, “Yes, dear Mother.” On which she said, “Hold your tongue, and listen to me, for now I am going to prove you; and the first thing, before I say any more, I must ask you to take off your _scapular_, for you are not fit to wear it.” You, my readers, must please understand that to give up the scapular was a terrible disgrace, and it quite cut any sister off from many privileges which are highly prized, such as communion and recreation. She now imposed a severe penance upon me. I had to become _a door-mat_; that is, I had to lie prostrate in front of the church door, so that nuns, girls, monks, and boys should walk over me, and I was not allowed to get up until the last one had entered the church. I did not mind the nuns and girls treading upon me, but my nature did recoil from lying down for men to walk over me. They themselves hesitated a moment, and then deliberately walked over me. They were under obedience, and had they refused, would have incurred punishment. This penance was to last seven times a day for a week. The next penance she imposed was to make me lie prostrate on my face in front of my stall for a week during the night office, which lasts from 2 a.m. to 3.45 a.m. Then a third penance I had to undergo was to be deprived of my breakfast, and thus to go without food till 12.30 p.m.; and when I was permitted to eat, I remember I had to take my plate and kneel before each sister, and beg food from each in turn. Though they afforded me a generous supply, I was often too ill to partake of it. After enduring two days’ fasting in this fashion, the Novice-mistress begged that I might have a cup of tea, and a piece of bread at 9 a.m. She told me I must eat this, or I should become seriously