CHAPTER VII.

OF THE SNUB NOSE AND THE CELESTIAL NOSE.

CLASSES V and VI.—The SNUB NOSE and the TURN-UP (_poeticè_ CELESTIAL) NOSE.

The form of the former is sufficiently indicated by its name. The latter is distinguished by its presenting a continuous concavity from the eyes to the tip. It is converse in shape to the Jewish Nose. N.B. It must not be confounded with a Nose which, belonging to one of the other Classes in the upper part, terminates in a slight distention of the tip; for this, so far from prejudicing the character, rather adds to it warmth and activity.

We associate the Snub and the Celestial in nearly the same category, as they both indicate natural weakness; mean, disagreeable disposition; with petty insolence, and divers other characteristics of conscious weakness, which strongly assimilate them (indeed, a true Celestial Nose is only a Snub turned up); while their general poverty of distinctive character makes it almost impossible to distinguish their psychology. Nevertheless, there is a difference between their indications; arising, however, rather from degree than character. The Celestial is, by virtue of its greater length, decidedly preferable to the Snub, as it has all the above unfortunate propensities in a much less degree, and is not without some share of small shrewdness and fox-like common sense; on which, however, it is apt to presume, and is, therefore, a more impudent Nose than the Snub.

It is with considerable distaste and reluctance that we approach the latter divisions of our Classification. _Pœnitet me hujus Nasi._ We wish we had never undertaken to write of these Noses. Having done so, however, we must fulfil our engagement. But the mind shrinks from the thought, that after contemplating the powerful Roman-nosed movers of the world’s destinies, or the refined and elegant Greek-nosed arbiters of art, or the deep and serious-minded thinkers with Cogitative Noses, it must descend to the horrid bathos, the imbecile inanity of the Snub.

Perhaps the reader expects that we are going to be very funny on the subject of these Noses. But we are not;—far from it. A Snub Nose is to us a subject of most melancholy contemplation. We behold in it a proof of the degeneracy of the human race. We feel that such was not the shape of Adam’s Nose; that the original type has been departed from; that the depravity of man’s heart has extended itself to its features, and that, to parody Cowper’s line, purloined, by the bye, from Cowley:

“God made the _Roman_, and man made the _Snub_.”

Fortunately for our hypothesis, and for our feelings, we cannot find a single instance of the existence of either the Celestial or the Snub among celebrated persons, except in those who are illustrious by courtesy rather than by their actions, and whom station, not worth, has made conspicuous. The following are the only instances of the Celestial Nose which our pictorial sources furnish:—

James I. Richard Cromwell. Mary, wife of William III. George I. Kosciusko. Boswell.

The “British Solomon” was unquestionably a witty man, without being a wise one. In a subsequent chapter, we take occasion to observe, that the exhibitions of character in women are, from different causes, diverse from those in men; and that as to the Celestial Nose, a woman so endowed appears more witty than a similarly nosed man, because she can dare to say what his fear of corporeal chastisement would restrain. But kings, by their position, are placed above such fear, and assume by their rank what is granted to a woman for her sex. Hence the impudence of the Celestial may develop itself in a king; and James I was enabled to utter witticisms which he would have prudently kept within his breast had he occupied an inferior station.

There are few individuals of whom more smart things are recorded than of James I; but they are nearly all of a character which none but a chartered libertine—a king, a fool, or a woman—dare utter.

Peculiar circumstances won KOSCIUSKO somewhat of a name, for it was rather from sympathy with his cause than from admiration of his abilities, that it was ever bruited in men’s mouths, or is yet remembered. Had he been gifted with a Roman Nose, that is, had his soul been Roman, energetic, dignified and self-reliant, Poland might have risen again into the rank of nations. But he submitted to crouch beneath the rod of Napoleon, temporizing and treating for benefits for which it was his duty to have fought; and the nation, which looked to him for assistance, was compelled to share his degraded fate, and become the despised tool of an all-grasping despot. He had, however, a share of the Cogitative with the Celestial; and thus affords an instance of an union so rare, that it is only to be regarded as an exception to the rule laid down, that Class III is never associated with V and VI.

BOSWELL, who has attained that sort of eminence which a monkey might secure by mounting itself on the head of an elephant, affords a striking corroboration of all the characteristics attributed to the Snubbo-Celestial Nose. What a contrast between his short, _retroussé_ nose and the profoundly Cogitative and well-developed proboscis of the literary giant on whose broad shoulders he elevated himself, to display his mountebankism, and the self-degradation of which his silly vanity made him unconscious. It was the very excess of his self-esteem which made him unconscious of the kicks and blows which his self-esteem was continually doomed to receive at the hands of his “illustrious friend.” His impudent vanity and blind obtuseness rendered him insensible to the taunts and jeers, the ridicule and contempt, which were lavished upon his imperturbable imbecility. The great moralist tolerated his presence for the sake of his flattery, and the utility of his companionship when no one else would familiarize themselves with the “literary bear.” Habit made his presence essential; and Boswell—rather from natural weakness than studied servility—was too useful a target for the arrows of the cross satirist, to be lightly laid aside by one to whom disputation and contradiction were necessary stimulants.

Every page in Boswell’s biography of Johnson demonstrates the _meanness_ of his disposition and the _weakness_ of his mind, redeemed only by a certain _small shrewdness_ and _fox-like common sense_, very useful to draw out the aphorisms of his patron. His inherent _impudence_ prompted him to thrust himself into the society of the great literary characters of the day, Johnson, Voltaire, Rousseau, &c., where his vanity and self-esteem, coupled with his obtuseness of intellect, sustained him, by rendering him as impervious to their sarcasms and rebuffs, as the hide of the rhinoceros is to the darts which would speedily annihilate a more highly organized and sensitive animal.

Nevertheless, the world owes much to Boswell’s imbecility. His mind was a _tabula rasa_, on which were written down for our edification the sayings of a great sage, pure and unalloyed, but which, if transmitted through a mind of greater capacity, would have lost much of their truthfulness and fidelity.

MURAT presents an instance of an illustrious Snub. But it is notorious that Murat was never anything but a tool in the hands of Napoleon. He was quite incompetent to stand alone. He was a peacock’s feather in the hands of a juggler—veering with the directive motion and breath of the skilful balancer. Where he was laid, there he lay; where he was set up, there he stood. Such men were very needful to Napoleon. They were his best puppet-kings, by which he hoped to govern Europe. Sometimes he made a mistake, as in Bernadotte and his brother Louis; but Murat and Joseph were most skilfully selected to obey his ambitious impulses. Perhaps—as he is said to have chosen able men for their long noses—he selected these for their Snubs. Murat especially rejoiced in a most egregious Snub, and certainly exhibited no mental qualifications to belie the inference to be drawn from that form of Nose.

It is an important and very obvious corroboration of the truth of Nasology, that the noses of children are generally Snub or Celestial. This arises from their minds being unformed, and their characters undeveloped. As they grow up, their minds gradually expand, their characters assume individuality; and, coincident therewith, their Noses acquire the formation expressive of their mental tendencies.

In little children, Snub or Celestial Noses are beautiful, because they are congruous with our ideas of the ductility and gentleness of childhood. A child with a great Roman nose projecting from its rounded cheeks and innocent eyes, would be an ugly child, though every feature were individually perfect, because its nose would bespeak a force and independence of mind which are revolting in a little child.

As we should recoil from a child which endeavoured to entertain us with discourse suitable to a man of mature years, instead of with innocent prattle, so we instinctively dislike in a child the features belonging to manhood. The beautiful harmony which reigns throughout all the works of Nature, is in nothing more manifest than in the congruity between the mind and the features, especially in characterizing infantile and undeveloped minds by infantile and undeveloped features.

For the same reasons that the Snub prevails among children, the same form prevails among savage nations and the uneducated classes of civilized states. The Noses of nations very low in the scale of civilization are for the most part of a very flat and mean formation, of which several instances will be adduced in a subsequent chapter; and the Noses of the uneducated classes in every country exhibit for the most part a greater proportion of Snubs and Celestials than the Noses of the more highly educated portions of the community: and this is more marked when the want of education has subsisted for several successive generations.

From fictitious works, which have raised to celebrity imaginary characters of every mental calibre, innumerable examples might be adduced; for all accurate observers, whether ancient or modern, have—without being professed Nasologists—unconsciously verified our hypothesis, and associated the Nose with character.

The inimitable Dickens, and his equally clever illustrator Cruikshank, both of whom owe their power to their correct observation and delineation of character, afford many well-known examples. Had the hypothesis been founded on Oliver Twist and its illustrations, it could not have been more strikingly substantiated by them, than it is—thus proving that if we err, we err in company with observers of more than common accuracy, and whose observations have been verified by the applauses of all. In that work we have the shrewd penetrative Jew with his Hawk-nose; the mild, but high-minded Oliver Twist, with his fine Greek Nose; the Artful Dodger and his brother-pals with their characteristic Snubs and Celestials. A reference to the plates, and the author’s pen-and-ink portraits, in this and other works, will confirm our right to claim these artists in pen and pencil as Nasologists.

The same remarks would be equally applicable to Hogarth’s illustrations of life in every grade. Observe the important use he makes of the Nose to elevate or degrade his characters. Compare for this purpose the Romano-Greek Nose of the Industrious Apprentice with the Snubbo-Celestial Nose of the Idle Apprentice. Nor does Hogarth fall into the vulgar error of ridiculing rank and station by features; with him features indicate mind only. He used them to exhibit intellect and honesty, or imbecility, vice, and vulgarity, in whatever station. The Distressed Poet in his garret has a more intellectual nose and countenance than the vicious and noble in Marriage à-la mode, or the imbecile fop in the Rake’s Progress.

Raffaelle likewise avails himself of the Nose to give intellectual power and dignity to the Apostles, Peter and John, in contrast with the uneducated beggar whose lameness they miraculously cured at the beautiful gate of the Temple.

Even the distinctive characters of the two Apostles are developed in their Noses; the loving, confiding, gentle John by a Greek Nose, the energetic and fiery Peter by a Roman Nose.

But why multiply instances when every accurate pourtrayer of character furnishes abundant examples?

The only authority which we have consulted on the subject of Noses, is one from whose works we have already quoted. It never can be forgotten that the inimitable Tristram Shandy has slightly touched upon the subject when describing the unhappy catastrophe which, even in his very earliest years, demolished his Nose.

It appears that Mr. Shandy, senior, was a sagacious, an observant, and a learned man. We need not add, therefore, that he was deeply impressed with the importance of his son having a good Nose; and most pathetic was his sorrow when the bridge of it was broken. His own family had suffered through several generations from a defect in the length of an ancestor’s Nose. His great-grandfather, when tendering his hand and heart to the lady who afterwards consented to make him “the happiest of men,” was forced to capitulate to her terms, owing to the brevity of his Nose.

“It is most unconscionable, Madam,” said he, “that you, who have only two thousand pounds to your fortune, should demand from me an allowance of three hundred pounds a year.”

“Because you have no Nose, Sir.”

“’Sdeath! Madam, ’tis a very good Nose.”

“’Tis for all the world like an ace-of-clubs.”

“My great-grandfather was silenced:” and for many years after the Shandy family was burdened with the payment of this large annuity out of a small estate, because his great-grandfather had a Snub Nose. Well might Mr. Shandy (the father of Tristram) say, “that no family, however high, could stand against a succession of short Noses!”

In lack of other instances, we have introduced those of fictitious writers; for they corroborate our views, and serve to thicken other proofs which in this Class do demonstrate thinly. And this necessarily so. For we have determined to refrain from giving examples from our personal acquaintance, and the Snubs have never any of them won such eminence, as to have their names handed down by fame, or their portraits limned for the benefit of posterity. The evidence in these two last Classes is necessarily negative.

Their best proof lies in their want of proofs. They will, however, receive some general illustration when we come to speak of national Noses.

It now only remains to treat of some obstinate Noses which will not come within our classification.

One of these is that curious formation, a compound of Roman, Greek, Cogitative, and Celestial, with the addition of a button at the end, prefixed to the front of my Lord Brougham. We are bound from its situation to admit that it is a Nose, and we must, therefore, treat of it; but it’s a queer one. “Sure such a Nose was never seen.”

It is a most eccentric Nose; it comes within no possible category; it is like no other man’s; it has good points, and bad points, and no point at all. When you think it is going right on for a Roman, it suddenly becomes a Greek; when you have written it down Cogitative, it becomes as sharp as a knife. At first view it seems a Celestial; but Celestial it is not; its Celestiality is not heavenward, but right out into illimitable space, pointing—we know not where. It is a regular Proteus; when you have caught it in one shape, it instantly becomes another. Turn it, and twist it, and view it how, when, or where you will, it is never to be seen twice in the same shape, and all you can say of it is, that it’s a queer one. And such exactly is my Lord Brougham—verily my Lord Brougham, and my Lord Brougham’s Nose have not their likeness in heaven or earth—and the button at the end is the cause of it all.

Thus, though Lord Brougham’s Nose is an exception to our classification, it is not, as has been asserted, an exception to our system. On the contrary, it is manifestly a strong corroboration of it. The only exceptions are those where the _character does not correspond with the Nose_, and of those we have yet to hear.

There is another Nose which is not included in the classification, but which, though not peculiar to _one_ individual, is nevertheless not sufficiently frequent to demand placing there. This we call the Parabolic Nose. It would have been a good Nose if it had gone on as it began; but having from some cause taken an inward curve too soon, its good qualities become nearly nullified. It presents a continued Parabolic curve, where it ought to extend into an angular tip. This sudden abbreviation of course weakens the character, but, as it leaves the good qualities of the upper part still inherent, the character retains good points; but being disabled from reasoning justly on its good intentions, it acquires the character of obstinacy, and of acting from pig-headedness, instead of from rational forethought.

GEORGE III. presents the best-known example of this Nose.

Another striking example occurs in BLANCO WHITE. There were considerable points of identity between their characters.

They were both honest, conscientious men, anxious to find out and pursue the right course, but both were too hasty in jumping to conclusions to form accurate judgments. Blanco White, anxious to embrace truth, led a regular harlequin dance after her all his life, and died in motley. One leg red and the other blue, with a jacket of various colours, and a coxcomb of brilliant self-conceit. His last verdict, after rambling through divers forms of religion and no religion, was, “I am neither Trinitarian, nor Unitarian, nor yet Arian.” First Roman Catholic, then Atheist, then Church of England, then Unitarian, then Arian, then Omniarian, his ardent, hasty mind settled like a butterfly on the first bright flower which fluttered in the breeze, for a time imbibed and luxuriated on its honey, and then flew off to suck the sweets of some other plant. Thus he fluttered on, a varied, anxious, unsettled existence, gathering honey, but making none; and when the colds and storms of winter came, he sank before them.

The instances of the Parabolic Nose are, however, too few among celebrated persons to enable us to supply illustrations probative of the accuracy of our notions of its indications. It is, however, by no means an uncommon Nose, and from personal observation among our cotemporaries, we should say that it is not a very desirable form, as we incline to think that it indicates obstinacy without any great elevation of mind, or deep capacity of reasoning. But it would perhaps, at present, be most prudent not to express decidedly what are its indications, &c. Should we be able to do so at any future time, it will be entitled to stand as Class VII.