Part 4

The next, and in fact the most excusable of the triumvirate confederacy against smoking and snuff-taking, the former more particularly, that now calls for our attention, are the gentlemen of weak palates. These, first caught by the look of the thing, from perceiving the mild serenity ever attendant upon a smoker, and marking the sententious discourse of wisdom flowing like honey from his lips, have essayed the practice, without effect. At length, finding their nerves could never sustain the delightful fumes, without certain inward admonitions, that were not to be neglected or trifled with, they gave up all thoughts of that, which seemed to make so many happy. Now, nothing is more common in metaphysics, than to know that when a fancy or love is not returned by the object of affection, it generally turns into as great a hatred. Nothing, therefore, is more easily exemplified than the violence of the dislike expressed by this order of 'tobacco's foemen.' Although the efforts of the above, with the exception of an occasional treatise against the pernicious effects of tobacco from the medical department, are confined to oral discussion of the subject; the genial herb has enemies of a more aspiring and determined cast. These parties are not contented with throwing their antipathies on the sympathy of their own friends, but they must even occasionally cast them upon the public in the awful form of a printed sheet. Some of these, though written in a very grave style, are really amusing, and we shall note a couple of them, among many other originals before us, in proof. The first of these is the celebrated Counterblaste by King James the First, written apparently in all the rancour of prejudice, and occupying rather a curious place among his learned works. The second is a tract (published in 1824) entitled, "An Appeal to Humanity, in behalf of the Brethren of the Heathen World: particularly addressed to Snuff-takers and Tobacco-smokers in all Christian Lands.--Second Edition."

The application and tendency of this most facetious of pamphlets is, neither more nor less, than to induce the world at large to abstain from tobacco and snuff-taking altogether, and bestow the money formerly applied for that purpose, to the promotion of the missionary society to convert our 'heathen brethren.'

Such is the benevolent object of this barbarian himself--for what else can we, in the indignation that almost overwhelms us at his audacious attempt, call him. When we reflect but for a moment, if he succeeded by the powerful and charitable arguments he uses, the national wealth, powers, and consequences of the kingdom would be undermined. For what, we say, were Englishmen without tobacco?--no more than a Turk without his opium, a Frenchman without his snuff, or any man without an agreeable stimulant to the mind. Had he now only sought to deprive us of a meal in the day, our dinner even, for instance, we could have borne patiently with him; but to seek,--to conceive,--to attempt, banishing one of the most soothing,--sympathising, and truest friends from the mansions of John Bull, is an atrocity we scarcely can credit; did not the identical barbarous proposition glare us in the face in good long-primer. Write of the heathen, indeed! he wants converting himself to a just and proper sense of the darkness in which he walks, or rather we should say, writes, when he could conceive such an enormity. However, after thus premising, we shall allow him an opportunity of speaking for himself.

In the first instance, he states, that he had long seriously thought, that the abuse of tobacco in every form is altogether inconsistent with the grand rule of the inspired volume--"Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." (I Cor. x. 31.)

After stating what truly astonishing large sums of money are annually expended in tobacco and snuff, he details the following anecdote.

"Travelling some time ago in a stage-coach, an elderly lady and a gentleman sat opposite to me. It was not long before the old gentleman pulled out his snuff-box, and, giving it a tap with his finger as the manner is, asked the lady if she would take a pinch; but she declined. As the lady particularly eyed me, I could scarcely refrain from smiling.--(_most facetious!_) 'Perhaps, ma'am, you do not decline taking a pinch, because you think there is any sin in snuff-taking?' 'Oh no. I do take snuff: do YOU think there is sin in it, Sir?' 'Yes ma'am,' said I, 'I think in _some cases_ it is sinful,' (_as cases are in italics we should feel happy to know whether they are of tin or composition he alludes to, but to proceed_.) At this, the lady expressed great surprise (_as well she might_) and would not be satisfied, unless I would assign some reason for thinking that snuff-taking was sinful. At length, for she teazed me, I said to her, 'Pray ma'am, (_cannot he drop the field-preacher and write Madam_) how much in the week may you spend in snuff?' 'Perhaps 7_d._' 'And how many years have you been in the habit of taking snuff?' 'Well, I suppose,' she replied, 'upwards of forty years.' 'Seven-pence a week, you say,--that is something more than thirty shillings in the year,--and if you have taken snuff at this rate for forty years, the same will amount to more than 60_l._' 'You surprise me,--you must be mistaken, Sir.' 'No, Ma'am,' said I, 'I am not mistaken. It amounts to more than 60_l._ without the interest (_profound calculation!_) Now, do you think that God will reward you for taking snuff?' 'Reward me for taking snuff!' said she, 'No, Sir, I do not expect that.' 'But suppose, instead of spending this 60_l._ in snuff, you had spent it in feeding the hungry, clothing the naked;'"--we really can follow these opinions no further, as we have more than one old maiden lady within our ken, that would have actually _fainted_ outright at such a want of modesty.

Trusting our reader will bear with us, we shall notice a little more of this self-created minister's appeal in favour of the heathens, who, doubtless, if favoured with the knowledge, could not but feel highly indebted for the exertions of so powerful an advocate in their cause. At the same time we strongly suspect, from the love he has of showing his knowledge of the tables of pence, that the writer was formerly an officiating deputy in a huckster's or chandler's shop, until seduced by the influence of the "spirit that moves" for a nobler call of action. The following is another specimen of his _figurative_ powers.

"A few days ago, I mentioned the above anecdote in the house of a farmer. 'Why,' said the farmer, 'I could never have thought that 7_d._ a week would have come to so much.--Do you know my wife and I can assure you, that awhile back, we smoked an ounce a day.' 'An ounce a day,' said I, (_the echo!_) 'What is tobacco an ounce?' (_ignoramus!--we thought he knew not the value of what he attempts to depreciate_). 'Four-pence,' said he. 'Four-pence an ounce, and an ounce in the day, that is 2_s._ 4_d._ per week, and 52 weeks in the year will be the sum of 6_l._ and 4_d._ annually.--O Sir!--I am very sorry for you.'"--(_kind hearted soul!_)

Pursuing his system, apparently, of poking his head into the affairs of country farmers, he gives us another trite anecdote, too rich a _morceau_ to be passed in silence; since it so admirably serves to shew the estimation the pipe is held in by the true representatives of John Bull.

"Since I commenced writing of this, I had occasion to call upon a respectable farmer, who is a member of your society--(_we smell a rat_)--and a leader I suppose, greatly esteemed by his neighbours, who certainly have the best opportunity of knowing him as a truly pious, and useful man. Almost immediately after we were seated, he called for his pipe (for some people cannot be cheerful or make a wise bargain--_symptoms of the shop_)--unless their heads are enveloped in smoke. 'Now, Sir,' said he, 'can you smoke any, will you have a pipe?' 'No, Sir,' said I, 'I never smoked a pipe in all my life;'--(_miserable man! this he says doubtless by way of shewing his Christian self-denial_). 'I have for a long time considered it sinful, and therefore I never smoke.' 'Sinful,' said he, laughing--(_jolly fellow!_)--'how can it be sinful?' 'Because,' said I, 'it wastes our power of doing good. Did you never consider that.' Upon this his wife who was sitting by, pleasantly observed, 'Our John is a terrible smoker'--(_worthy man!_)--'For goodness sake don't make him believe that it is sinful to smoke. If he can't get his pipe, we shall have no peace: he'll be quite out of temper.' 'Nay,' said I, 'surely not out of temper.' 'Yes, for sure, out of temper enough,--quite peevish and fretful.' 'Now,' said John, 'how thou talks my dear.' 'Talk! why is it not true? Thou wants it first thing in the morning--then again at breakfast time--then again at noon, and then again at night--just as it happens. Why, I'll warrant you (turning to me) he has seven or eight pipes in a day, and sometimes more,'--(_sensible man!_)--'Perhaps,' said I, 'he's sick, and smokes for his health.' 'Nay, nay, sick, bless him! he's none sick, he has got a habit of it you see, and so he thinks he wants it. Oh, he must have his pipe--he can't do without his pipe--sin in it! nay, surely it cannot be sinful.' (_He concludes with his favorite computation_). Upon inquiry, I found, that though the only smoker in the family, yet at a moderate reckoning, he contrives to consume about 5_l._ worth of tobacco every year."

This would, doubtless, have been better employed in the hands of the good promoter of the Missionaries, of whom we now take our leave; and to whom, we wish no further punishment for his cruel attempt at seeking to banish the cheerful companionship of the pipe from mansions of peace, than being compelled to the smoking of a pipe of the oldest shag himself.

In reference to King James' Counterblaste, although, from its antiquity, as well as the rank and learning of the author, it occupies a serious claim upon our attention, yet, upon the whole, it may be termed nearly as ridiculous as the foregoing, although not in its application. It, indeed, fully bears the stamp of those antipathies that, once conceived, the monarch was seldom or never known to waive. This is more singular, as they were formed against a plant, received into the greatest favour and esteem among all ranks, and, as a medicine, was in far greater request than it is even now. Facts like these plainly establish, that James' dislike, however acquired, proceeded from prejudice and _prejudice_ alone.

In the first paragraph, he tells us, that it was first introduced into England from the Indians, who used it as an antidote against "a filthy disease, whereunto these barbarous people (as all people know) are very much subject."

After bestowing a volley of abuse upon smoking, not of the most elegant description, he refers to the acquiring of the fashion that certainly generally applies in all things now, as well as it did in his own times.

"Do we not daily see, that a man can no sooner bring ouer from beyond the seas any new forme of apparell, but that he cannot be thought a man of spirit that would not presently imitate the same? and so, from hand to hand it spreads, till it be practised by all; not from any commodity that is in it, but only because it is come to be the fashion."

Of the popularity of smoking in his time, he says himself, "You are not able to ride, or walk, the journey of a Jew's Sabbath, but you must have a reekie cole brought you from the next poor-house, to kindle your tobacco with?"

"It is become in place of a care, a point of good fellowship, and hee that will refuse to take _a pipe_ of tobacco among his fellowes, though by his owne election he would rather not feel the savor of the stinke, is accounted peevish and no good company; even as they do tippling in the COLD Eastern countreys."

Of the consequences then often attending the habit of smoking, he observes, "Now how you are by this custome disabled in your goods, let the gentry of this land beare witness; some of them bestowing THREE, some FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS A YEERE upon this precious stinke, which I am sure might be bestowed upon far better vses."

Than the assertion of the above individual enormous expenditure, nothing perhaps is better calculated to display James's exaggeration, which actually here can only be considered hyperbolical. The idea, the bare possibility, is scarcely conceivable for a moment, that in those days, three hundred pounds, at least equal to nine hundred of our present money, was ever laid out by a single individual in smoking; excepting, indeed, perhaps, as a very rare and singular occurrence. King James concludes his Counterblaste in the following piece of declamation.

"Have you not reason then to be ashamed, and to forbeare this filthie noveltie so basely grounded, so foolishly received, and so grossly mistaken, in the right use thereof? In your abuse thereof, sinning against God, harming yourselves both in persons and goods, and raking also thereby, the markes and vanities vpon you: by the custome thereof, making yourselves to be wondered at by all forreinne civill nations, and by all strangers that come among you, to be scorned and contemned: a custome loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmefull to the braine, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomlesse."

What a pity it is, James never smoked; instead of this long tirade against the most cheerful of all pastimes, we should have had an eulogy, glowing with the warmth and feeling of truth from the head and heart. From the very gall perceivable at times, one could easily know he was an utter stranger to the gentle sympathy of a pipe. He ridicules and condemns that, which, like many others, he knows not, and therefore cannot appreciate. Had he but put the pipe fairly upon its trial, and found it guilty of the mischiefs ascribed to it, then could we have excused him; but to conceive ideas not founded upon truth and justice and the welfare of the kingdom he was called upon to govern, and to act upon those ideas, by the framing of arbitrary laws, repressing the tastes of the nation at large, raises in its remembrance an indignation in our mind, that takes repeated whiffs of our 'German' to quell.

Now the truly immense extent of the benefits Europe is indebted to for the introduction of the tobacco-plant, is by no means generally known. For the instruction of our _fellow_ creatures--we say instruction, because probably our numerous readers may never have met with them before,--we shall proceed to enlighten the world upon the subject. If we look backward to the earlier periods of History, what barbarous and savage manners do we not mark characterizing the people and the times. Rapine and murder stalking hand in hand among them, and scarce at all repressed by laws, divine or human. Now mark, sweet readers, especially if true lovers of the invaluable herb, whose praises we are about singing! Mark what "great effects from little causes spring." No sooner did tobacco make its appearance and get into notice and use, than the passions of all men wooing its soothing influence, gradually began to receive a change. As it got more generally diffused, its influence might almost be termed magical; the sword, in a great degree, was exchanged for the quill, the wine-cup for the coffee-cup (thence its use in Turkey always with smoking), and letters began to flourish--the first grand step towards that civilization I shall prove it was gradually destined to effect in the world. Doubtless, like many other great writers, who open out a new light to the world, we shall have enough of sceptics, as opponents, to contend with; but we are sanguine from the facts we shall clearly establish, that far more is to be attributed to the powers of tobacco, than millions dream of.

In the first place, it is too well known to admit of much doubt, that tobacco, whether smoked or taken as snuff, exercises a very considerable power upon the mind, more especially when taken in considerable quantities. When such is the case, the faculties are refined and exalted to a degree of spirited buoyancy, that forms a strange and pleasing contrast to the usual unstimulated lethargic state of the mind. We can only compare it, though in a much milder, and more inoffensive degree, to the species of delirium the Turks so vividly describe, when labouring under the effects of opium. The intellectual senses, more particularly that part of them forming the imagination, become so much more powerful and pervading, that its conceptions receive a warmth and strength of colouring they never can, under common excitement.

Now tobacco, as we have recorded, was first brought to England in the reign of Elizabeth, who greatly patronized it among the nobles and poorer orders, by whom it came speedily into general use. Most mighty herb!--the effects of thy worship were soon visible, for where do we find a reign so great and glorious either for victories by land and sea, or the distinguished talent and genius, whether in the camp or cabinet, it fostered at home. Then was it, that Shakespeare--the magnificent Shakespeare, (blest and honored was the reign in which he drew life) burst forth like a star destined to excite the astonishment of the world he came to throw the effulgent light of his genius upon. He was a smoker.

Then, to sketch forth the gigantic march of intellect, in the ages of which we write, came forth those luminaries of the world; Hobbes, the parent of Locke's philosophy, the profound philosopher Lord Bacon, the most illustrious mathematician and philosopher, Sir Isaac Newton, and the singularly talented metaphysician Locke, each and all of whom were celebrated for their devotion to the soothing and stimulating powers of a pipe! It is related of Hobbes, who was one of the most profound thinkers of his time, that as soon as the dinner was over, he used to retire to his study and had his candle with _ten or twelve_ pipes of tobacco laid by him; then shutting the door he fell to smoking, thinking and writing for several hours together. Locke and Bacon smoked much for recreation; the latter of whom probably was indebted to the practice for the preservation of his life in the plague of 1665, from whose contagious influence in London he sought safety in the country and his pipe.

Now, to what, we should like to know, are to be attributed the mighty and successful efforts of these wonderful men, who may justly be considered the founders of modern civilization and literature, but the all--the far pervading fumes of the sovereign tobacco-leaf they worshipped with such devotion. To its exhilarating influence and invigorating aid, exciting the imagination to realms of undiscovered beauties, are we indebted for those works that shall live, while time is,--the wonder of this and all future ages.

Are we singular in our opinion? Mark, learn, and inwardly digest, ye unbelievers, what the learned Dr. Raphael Thorious says on the subject:--

"Of cheering bowls I mean to sing the praise, And of the herb that can the poet's fancy raise; Aid me, O! father Phoebus I invoke, Fill me a pipe (boy) of that fragrant smoke, That I may drink the God into my brain; And so enabled, write a noble strain. For nothing great or high can come from thence, Where that blest plant denies its influence."

Smile on, ye critics; but let us ask ye, if those works that have so strong a claim to our respect, would ever have come into existence had there been no tobacco, to rarify and stimulate the mind. No!--must be your candid answer, if only in verification of the old saying, '_No pipe, no Parr_.' Then, what mighty blessings are we not indebted for to the much-aspersed, calumniated, and insulted herb. Nor is the fact of its consequence in regard to these first great discoverers in science, the only proofs that exist of its reputation; successive generations, under the weed's cheering auspices, have but continued what they so ably began.