Part 11

"I'll pay you for everything!" Raymond replied, with no idea what he was saying; and he pushed the girl out of the room and carefully closed the door.

"Well, well! what in the devil's the matter with you, Monsieur Raymond? you look as if you'd had a fright!"

"Ah! my dear friend, I have good reason to!--something has happened--a circumstance--I am in a terrible plight. Wait till I look out of the window; but first be good enough to draw the curtain so that he can't see me."

"Are you going mad, neighbor?"

Raymond did not answer me; he went to the window and looked out, taking care to conceal himself behind the curtain, and putting his head out with the utmost precaution. I saw that he became paler than ever.

"He's there," he said at last.

"Who, pray?"

"Gerville."

"Oh, yes! so he is. But what difference does that make to you?"

"It makes a great difference to me. Don't you know that he is horribly jealous and quite capable of going to terrible lengths?"

"What of it?"

"Understand that he's here on my account. I am sure that he is watching for me; and he has some reason to, for I am with his mistress."

"What! can it possibly be Mademoiselle Agathe whom you chose to transform into a lady with a carriage and livery of her own?"

"What would you have, my dear fellow? I did it in order to disguise her better, to spare her reputation."

"Oh! so far as that goes, you may take my word that she has nothing to fear. Ha! ha! ha! Monsieur Raymond, what you must have are cruel creatures, women of a certain style!"

"You may jest about it later, my friend, but save me now, I implore you; my only hope is in you to extricate me from the frightful position I am in."

"For heaven's sake, explain yourself!"

"Gerville will come into this house, I am perfectly sure. Somebody must have told him that I am here. Be obliging enough to take my place for a moment, and give me yours in this room; I will leave my door open, he will see that I am alone, and his suspicions will vanish."

"But why don't you lock yourself in with your inamorata? he won't break down your door."

"He is quite capable of it! or else he would wait for me on the boulevard; and if I should go out with Agathe, you can judge for yourself what a scandalous scene there would be. Furthermore, we live in the same house, you know; and if he has discovered anything, how shall I ever dare to go home? He's just the man to lie in wait for me on the stairs at night."

"Then why in the devil did you meddle with his mistress?"

"What can you expect? a moment of folly. It was that morning I waited with her on our landing that it took me."

"Ah, yes! the morning you both played the spy on me."

"Oh! great God! he has come in!" cried Raymond, who had glanced out on the boulevard; "save me, my friend--in pity's name! Go--I'll join you later."

Giving me no time to reply, Raymond jammed my hat over my ears, dragged and pushed me out of my private room, and locked himself in. I made no resistance, and without any idea as yet as to what I proposed to do for my neighbor, whose most distinctive quality courage certainly was not, I entered the room where Agathe was. She uttered a cry of surprise when she saw me.

"Mon Dieu! it's Eugène! Is it you? is it really you?"

"Why, to be sure it's I, sacrificing myself to save poor Raymond, who's in such a fright that it will make him ill."

"Ha! ha! ha! I can't get over it!"

"Hush! he's in there; he can hear you laugh, and I fancy that he would take it ill of you just at this moment."

"Really! what do I care for that? Ha! ha! ha! Do you think that I'm in love with Raymond, I should like to know? Oh! he is much too stupid, really! and he tries to play the Lovelace! I couldn't stand it any longer! When I opened the window and saw Gerville on the boulevard, I gave a shriek and stepped back into the room as quick as I could; for I don't want Gerville to see me with Raymond. Not that he's jealous, but he might not like it. Do you know what I did? It came into my head to tell my old idiot that Gerville is fiendishly jealous, and that he had been suspicious of him ever since he learned that we spent two hours together on the landing, and that I was certain that he was on the boulevard for the sole purpose of watching us. The more I said, the more frightened my adorer became, for he has even more affection for his own person than for mine. And when I added that Gerville was quite capable of stabbing him,--ha! ha! the poor man took his hat, and is running still, I fancy. Ha! ha! ha! but it's very kind of him to send me such an agreeable companion. Meanwhile, I would like to know what has become of Gerville; I think that he was just waiting for one of his friends."

"Hush! somebody is coming upstairs. Raymond is opening his door; let's listen. Gerville is speaking."

We put our ears close to the door, which we very softly opened an inch or two, and overheard the following conversation:

"Ah! it's neighbor Raymond."

"Himself, at your service. How are you?"

"Very well. How's this? are you dining alone in a private room?"

"Yes; I have something on my mind, some important business, and I was glad not to be disturbed."

"In that case, I'll leave you. I am waiting for somebody who agreed to meet me on the boulevard here; but he's late, and I am going to dine. Good-day, neighbor; and a good appetite!"

"Your servant!"

Gerville closed the door of Raymond's room and went into another, passing ours as he did so.

"Well, mademoiselle," I said to Agathe, "choose; to which of these gentlemen will you give the preference?"

"Oh! I have a delicious idea!"

"Some crazy scheme, I'll be bound, for you think of no other kind."

"This will be unique. Help me, my dear Eugène, I beg you."

Without another word to me, Agathe began to stride up and down the room; she pushed the chairs about, threw some of them down, and, amid the uproar, cried out from time to time:

"Don't be angry with me, my friend! I assure you that you are mistaken. I give you my word that I haven't seen Raymond; that I don't care for him! Ask Dorsan; he invited me to dinner, because he was expecting a lady."

I began to understand Agathe's plan; she proposed to make Raymond think that Gerville was with us. To second her, I also made noise enough for two, and attempted now and then to imitate Gerville's voice. We stopped at last, tired out by our comedy; Agathe made me a sign which I understood; I left the room, the door of which she locked behind me, and stole on tiptoe into Raymond's, where I found him shivering and half dead with terror in front of a beefsteak with potatoes. I locked the door before approaching him, and put a finger to my lips; we had the aspect of two conspirators. Raymond spoke so low at this time that I could hardly hear him.

"He's in there," I said, pointing to the next room.

"Oh! I know it only too well; I heard him. But how did it happen?"

"We thought he had gone downstairs, and we opened our door; but he was on the watch; he saw Agathe and came in. Then there was a terrible scene, for he suspected that she came here with you; I'm not the one of whom he is jealous."

"Parbleu! I know only too well that it's I. I saw plainly enough just now that he didn't believe what I told him. He had doubts; perhaps he saw us coming along the boulevard."

"That is quite possible; you are so infernally imprudent! When you arrange such a party as this, you should take a cab, and enter the restaurant by the rear door."

"That's so; you are right; we ought to have come in from behind! but I promise you that I'll go out that way."

"He thought at first that I was in your confidence, that I was here solely to help you. In fact, I am exposing myself to some risk in your behalf."

"Ah! my dear Dorsan! never while I live shall I forget what I owe to you!"

"However, things are beginning to calm down. Agathe has succeeded in making him listen to reason; she told him that she came here for no other purpose than to watch him; she's playing the jealous lover now."

"Oh! that's delicious! charming! these women always find a way out of everything!"

"I should prefer to let them dine alone; but he won't listen to it. I left the room on the pretext of ordering dinner."

"It's all ordered, my dear friend; and I shall take good care to pay for it. I don't mean to put you to any expense, when you are sacrificing yourself to help me."

"As you please; I'll give the word to the waitress, and we will dine."

"Go, my noble-hearted friend; tell her to be sure not to mention me."

"Never fear."

"I have but one fear now."

"What's that?"

"Just now, with the idea of giving Agathe a surprise, I amused myself, while her back was turned, by slipping my picture into her reticule."

"Your picture?"

"Yes; I mean one of my silhouettes, you know, which I had pasted on a pink card, with a border of little cupids. If Agathe should happen to drop that when she takes out her handkerchief; or, not knowing what it is, should take it into her head to look at it----"

"Peste! that would make a pretty row! Gerville would surely say then that I was in collusion with you to deceive him."

"Try, my friend, try to prevent Agathe from blowing her nose!"

"I can't promise that, but I'll motion to her to blow it in her napkin; that cannot compromise you."

"That's the very thing."

"Adieu! a longer absence might arouse suspicion."

Once more I left Raymond, who locked himself into his room. I returned to Agathe. The waitress arrived with the dinner; she seemed surprised at the change of cavalier, but two or three words in her ear and a five-franc piece in her hand speedily retained her in our interest. She promised to tell the stout gentleman that there were three in our party, and thereupon she left us, overjoyed to be able to amuse herself at the expense of the man who had upset a tureen of soup on her feet.

"Now, let us dine," said I, taking my seat at the table beside Agathe; "no one can deny that we have earned it. I hardly expected to dine with you, I admit."

"Nor I! but impromptu pleasures are always the best."

"A month ago we had already become reasonable and sedate in our tête-à-têtes."

"I tell you, we did well to part; we are much better pleased to see each other."

"Oh! I know that you are passionately fond of variety."

"No, my friend, not so much of variety as of forbidden fruit; and when I think that Gerville is at our right, Raymond at our left, and that I have succeeded in avoiding the necessity of eating in his company the dinner he ordered--ha! ha! ha!"

"Don't laugh so loud!"

"Oh, yes! that will reassure him, don't you see? he will think that Gerville's in good humor.--Ha! ha! ha! it will bring back his appetite."

Agathe was in the wildest spirits; she was compelled to hold her napkin over her mouth to stifle her outbursts of merriment; the pleasure of deceiving two men at once gave to her face an unfamiliar expression; she had never been so pretty in my eyes, I confess. She teased me, pinched me, caressed me, threw her arms about me. Ah! Mademoiselle Agathe, you were a perfidious creature, but most seductive! Moreover, for several days, I had been making love with my eyes alone, and I felt that it was incumbent on me to make our mystification of Raymond complete.--Ah! my poor neighbor! if you but knew what ardor Agathe showed in mystifying you!

But we heard someone coming upstairs; it was our waitress. That young woman had an abundance of tact and penetration; she turned the knob at least thrice before she opened our door. She brought the first course. I tasted the wine; it was Volnay, first quality. Gad! my neighbor was a connoisseur!

"Oh! you'll have a fine dinner," laughed the girl; "the gentleman didn't forget anything: champagne, dessert, and the _coup de milieu_!"

"Aha! so we're to have the _coup de milieu_!" said Agathe; "we musn't forget that, my friend, do you hear?"

"Never fear.--By the way, my girl, did our neighbor question you?"

"Yes; I told him that madame was dining with two gentlemen; he seems a little easier in his mind."

"That is good."

We did full justice to Raymond's dinner; it was dainty and toothsome. In a quiet moment, I asked Agathe to tell me how it happened that she had come there to dine in a private room with my neighbor, whom she did not like at all.

"I did it to have a better chance to make fun of him," she replied. "Ever since the day we waited on your landing to see your little flower girl, Raymond has been pleased to make love to me. He pesters me with his declarations and his billets-doux, which I receive just to show them to the girls in the shop; and they make a lot of sport for us, for his style's as ridiculous as his person. He had asked me twenty times for an assignation, when I happened to meet him to-day near Porte Saint-Denis. I was just going home; I had been to Gerville's, but didn't find him. Raymond urged me, begged me, to dine with him at a restaurant. I refused at first; but the temptation to make a fool of him, to laugh at his expense, in short, to have some sport, led me to change my mind. Besides, you know what a heedless creature I am. I didn't expect to meet Gerville, for whom I care very little, however. So I accepted, and allowed myself to be conducted to a private room by poor Raymond, who believed that his triumph was assured, whereas I never had the slightest intention of granting him any favors."

"Here's to his health!"

"With all my heart."

"Is this the _coup de milieu_?"

"One moment! how fast you go! we haven't got to it yet. This vol-au-vent is delicious, and so is this filet sauté, with madeira and truffles."

"And this salmi of partridges, also with truffles. Ah! poor Raymond! do you see his game? he ordered truffles in everything!"

The waitress arrived with the rum and the next course.

"Good Lord!" exclaimed Agathe; "truffles with champagne sauce! why, he'll kill us with 'em! What is our neighbor eating?"

"Chicken, with rice, madame."

"Good! that's very nourishing; give him some prunes for dessert; they're an emollient."

The girl left us. We enjoyed the truffles, the chicken, and the crabs, whose claws Agathe wanted to send to Raymond. We did not forget the _coup de milieu_; my companion thought a great deal of that, and so did I. With his dinner _de bonne fortune_, that philandering Raymond had put the devil into us; he evidently thought truffles a necessity in his _parties fines_! But, by sending me to take his place with Agathe, he had allotted me a terrific task!

"Avenge yourself," she kept saying to me, "avenge yourself, Eugène; you know that Raymond is responsible for our having seen your little vestal leave your rooms; you know, too, that he used to make remarks to the people in the house when I came to see you; you know that by his inquisitiveness and chattering he has made trouble between you and several women. Avenge yourself; still avenge yourself!"

What terrible creatures women are when it is a question of vengeance! Agathe still urged me, and yet my spleen was rapidly vanishing. Luckily, the girl brought the dessert. Champagne, fromage à la vanille, biscuits à la rose, gelée au marasquin, and Madame Amphoux's liqueur des Iles. I was lost! Raymond was determined to have my life!

"I would like to know what he's doing now," said Agathe; "just go and speak to him."

I left the room, and she held the door ajar to listen; I coughed gently at Raymond's door, which he instantly opened.

"Well! how far have you got?" he asked.

"Oh! everything is going along nicely, very nicely! we are eating dessert."

"And Gerville?"

"Oh! he's forgotten everything!"

"I was afraid that he would make a scene with Agathe. I thought I heard groans and sighs."

"They were of repentance and love; and then, she still pretends to be jealous; but I see plainly enough that she is thinking only of you."

"Oh! she adores me, my friend; I can't doubt that."

"Your dinner is delicious; you do things very well, Monsieur Raymond."

"Yes, yes; I ordered it for a purpose! I expected to partake of it with her!"

"She knows that you ordered it, and she is just as much obliged to you. I can see in her eyes that she doesn't eat a truffle without thinking of you."

"Dear Agathe! But I hear laughter, it seems to me."

"Yes, that is she. She laughs with her lips, to deceive him; but the fromage fouetté awaits me; adieu, my friend!"

"What! haven't you drunk the champagne yet!"

"Not yet."

"But you look rather heated."

"It's the _coup de milieu_ that gives me that appearance."

"Tell me, had I better go away before or after you?"

"Why, before--that would be the wiser way."

"I'll take a stroll in the garden of the Café Turc, in front of the pavilion that bears a crescent."

"I can see it from here."

"If by any chance Gerville should leave you, or if he should take Agathe away, join me there."

"Agreed."

"I will wait for you, then. Au revoir, my dear neighbor! I beg you to excuse me for giving you so much trouble. What you are doing for me to-day is an act of genuine friendship. I have but one further request to make; keep an eye on my silhouette! motion to Agathe not to touch her handbag. Do this for me, my friend."

"I have done it already."

"No matter; do it again, for my peace of mind."

"I will try; au revoir!"

I returned to Agathe, who laughed till the tears came. I had not as yet thought of mentioning the silhouette to her; that was the bouquet for dessert. My neighbor's profile was pasted on a pink card, and we saw two lines written at the bottom. Poetry of Raymond's composition: that should be a curiosity.

"My profile with these little Loves is surrounded, Since I feel every day, love, for thee love unbounded."

Ingenious, in very truth! worthy of Berthellemot! But as we noticed that one of the little Loves was standing on his nose, we concluded that it should read "I smell," instead of "I feel." Agathe proposed at first to stick my neighbor's likeness on the mirror in our dining room; but she changed her mind. She put it carefully away, intending to have copies made of it, which she proposed to enclose in amorous circulars composed from Raymond's billets-doux, and to send them to all the milliner's apprentices of her acquaintance, taking care to write at the bottom the address of the original of the portrait.

The champagne finished what the stimulating dinner had begun; we were in the mood to say and do all sorts of foolish things. Agathe stuffed herself with sweetmeats and jelly; I drew the corks; the wine foamed and sparkled, and soon passed from our glasses to our lips; we no longer knew what we were saying, but we knew very well what we were doing! Agathe threw aside all restraint; and if Raymond was listening, surely he must have thought that we were fighting.

But the champagne, which effervesces when it is first poured out, will not effervesce again unless it is well shaken, and in due time refuses to effervesce at all. In like manner, readers, the volcanoes which have displayed the greatest activity become extinct! In like manner, readers of the gentler sex, those seductive fires which your lovely eyes emit, and to which you owe so many conquests, will die away. Everything has its day, alas! in nature; everything falls to ruin and decay; everything dies. It is the universal law; for that we are born, and each step in life is a step toward the grave; there is no possibility there of arranging compromises.

"Death hath rigors unexampled; Vainly pray we to her; The cruel creature stuffs her ears And lets us shout at will. The poor man in his thatch-roofed cottage Is subject to her laws; The guard who stands at the Louvre gates Protects not kings from her."

I cannot say how the champagne led me to this quotation; however, I am sure that you will not take it ill of me; these lines are never misplaced, and I would like, indeed, to have been the author of them.

We had become virtuous then, in action at all events. I looked at my watch; almost eight o'clock! The deuce! and my rendezvous. The champagne had not entirely deprived me of memory, but I confess that Agathe was responsible for the loss of a large part of my zeal.

Raymond must have been on the watch at the Café Turc for a long while; as for Gerville, we had seen him leave the house more than an hour before; so that there was nothing to detain us. My companion donned her bonnet and shawl and tried to assume a demure and modest air, which she was unable to master, even by lowering her eyes. I did what I could to maintain a grave demeanor and a steady gait; that infernal champagne always did go to my head! However, we could safely show ourselves on the boulevard; we were only a little giddy.

We left the Méridien, where Raymond had paid for everything. The hostess and waitresses saluted us with smiling faces.

"Is there anything amusing in our looks?" I asked Agathe.

"No; but do you suppose that those people don't divine that we've been making a fool of Raymond? Perhaps they think he's my husband."

"Oh! that would be rather too much!"

"Bah! such things have been seen."

"Here we are at the Café Turc; shall we go in?"

"What for?"

"To relieve Raymond, who's doing sentry duty there."

"Let him stay there; I've no desire to be bored any more with his love; I have had enough of it. Everything has turned out as I wanted; but as such adventures never happen twice, I assure you that he will never inveigle me into a private dining room again."

"Poor Raymond! This _partie fine_ will have been very profitable to him, won't it? But here's the Château d'Eau; someone is waiting for me here, and I must leave you."

"What! already?"

"Our play is ended, my dear girl; we can be of no further assistance to each other; let us not postpone our separation until ennui succeeds pleasure, and the fumes of the champagne have entirely vanished; we shall retain a pleasant memory of this meeting, at all events."

"Adieu, then, my dear Eugène! may we enjoy ourselves as much when we next meet!"

Agathe went her way, and I started to make the circuit of the Château d'Eau.

XVI

THE ROSE WITHOUT THORNS

Six times I had walked around the pond. From time to time I halted in front of the lions, which I contemplated from every point of view; then, for variety's sake, I listened to the plash of the water as it fell into the passage through which it flows back to the canals. All this was most entertaining, no doubt, and still I began to weary of it. The sentinel watched me closely; doubtless he began to look upon me as a suspicious character.

It grew dark, and I was on the point of going away, when I saw coming toward me a woman in a little cap. Was it she at last? I dared not flatter myself that it was; I had been mistaken so many times, for my eyesight is not very good; but she continued to approach me. Yes, it was really she. Caroline accosted me with a smiling face; she was not in her best clothes; but there was a certain daintiness in her costume: her cap was neatly tied, and her hair had been in curl papers all day, I would have sworn; a woman does not take so much pains for a man to whom she does not intend to listen. The girl seemed to me a sly minx enough! But although the champagne had made me even more reckless than usual, I was not inclined to offer my arm to a grisette, in a cap, within the walls of Paris.

"I was beginning to lose all hope of seeing you," I said.

"Why? it's only a quarter past eight, and I can't get away from my shop any earlier."

"Let us go for a stroll in the fields."

"In the fields? oh, no! it's too late. I can't be out later than nine; my aunt would scold me."

"That's a very tiresome aunt of yours. Let us go in somewhere."

"No, I don't want to. Oh! if I should be seen with you!"