Munchausen XX

Part 7

Chapter 74,562 wordsPublic domain

“First: If thou hast fought because of the princess, turn back at once.

“Second: Thou shalt seek to gain the secret chamber by no unfair means.

“Third: Thou shalt not speak aloud, unless bidden so to do by the princess herself.

“Fourth: Thou shalt not carry any weapon.

“Fifth: Thou shalt not kill anything.

“Sixth: Thou shalt not pluck any leaf, blossom, twig, or limb that is alive.

“Seventh: Thou shalt not leave marks by the aid of which to retrace thy steps.

“Eighth: Thou shalt not depart from the paths on any pretense whatsoever.

“Dost thou agree to these rules?”

“I do,” was my reply.

“Know ye the breaking of any of them will result in thy instant death?”

“I know.”

“Proceed.”

I deposited all my weapons, of which I had a goodly number, on a pile of several hundred others, and stood a moment in contemplation.

Before me were three avenues, so closely lined with trees with such dense foliage the sky was nowhere visible and a deep twilight pervaded beneath them. There was one straight ahead, one to the right, one to the left, each leading at right angle to its neighbor. All were alike, with this difference: that two of them somehow gave me the feeling they had been well traveled, while the third, which was on the right, had been little used.

I chose the one on the right and started forward.

How far I had traveled I do not know, for I had gone at a brisk pace and the way had been so winding and twisting and turning, when there came to my ears the low growl of an eager lion. I hailed the sound with joy, for I was satisfied the road leading to victory would be a very dangerous one and most difficult to travel, and I had gone such a distance without an obstacle I was beginning to be doubtful. The muffled roar of the beast reassured me and I pressed onward.

I came to where the road branched in three directions. I was thankful I possessed a keen ear, for by its aid was I enabled to take the one which led to the lion, and I soon saw him stretched on the ground gnawing a bone which was probably all that was left of some suitor.

The lion raised his head and looked at me long and steadily, as if to say: “What! Another?”

Now, I had heard if a lion meets an unflinching gaze he will take himself off without attempting to injure the gazer. I walked within a few yards and set my glance on his eyes. He seemed slightly astonished after a few minutes, and I persisted. Then his tail began to sway from side to side with great force. His next movement was to fix himself for a spring. Perhaps he had had so much of that gazing business he was used to it; in any event, it was not working like a charm, and I resorted to other tactics.

I must pass that lion, and the path was so narrow his body completely filled it.

I stood my ground and saw his muscles set as his body grew closer and closer to the ground. Then his fibers began to tremble, and I knew the time was near at hand.

With a terrific roar that almost unsettled me, he sprang into the air. I stooped low and ran with great speed, passing under him as he flew to the spot I had just quitted. Nor did I slacken my speed until I reached a river flowing with surging force down a channel fifteen or twenty feet across. Hearing the lion coming, I cast about me, knowing if I could cross the stream the lion would not, for lions hate water, like all the cat tribe.

I repeated the rules so many times as I came along I knew them by heart. “Thou shalt not pluck any leaf, blossom, twig, or limb that is alive,” one of them said.

Now, I saw a dead vine which hung from the top of one of the trees, and which was broken off a few feet from the ground. This last I did not discover until I had made an examination, for the end was hidden in the foliage. The lion was coming with more speed as my tracks were so fresh. I seized the end of the vine firmly in my hands and swung backward and forward until by an extra effort I reached the other side just as the lion reached the spot I had swung from. By carefully gauging the distance I sent the vine back to its hiding place in order that I should leave nothing by which I might retrace my steps, to comply with another of the rules.

I thought I heard an exclamation near by, but could not discern from whence it came. As night was approaching I hastened on in the hope I might find some safe place for the night.

I had proceeded some space by devious paths, keeping to the right when there was a fork in the roads, until I stood at the top of an incline, down which the narrow way went on. About half way to the bottom I saw a huge serpent lying with his great mouth directly toward me, the balance of him meandering among the trees and shrubs on both sides, leaving no possibility of my passing him.

Again I was delighted at this new evidence I was on the right road, and devised a plan by which I circumvented the snake. Since my boyhood experience I had taken great joy in outwitting reptiles, and had been always successful; therefore I had no fear in this case.

As my enemy appeared half asleep, having probably been gorged by other suitors, but not in the manner following, I took that much advantage of him.

The top of the hill was well supplied with large round boulders. I loosened one of them, and it was a prodigious one, and put it in the center of the path. I went for another and another until I had quite a stock of stone cannon balls.

Then I sighted one of them most carefully and sent it spinning down the hill. It went true as a die and entered the serpent’s mouth, holding it firmly, for a moment, to the ground. Then I opened my fusillade in dead earnest, and such a dinner no scaly fiend ever had, for by the time I got to the coffee and cigars he was so full the last few hit against those lodged in his mouth and rolled on harmlessly. His condition must have been indeed awkward, for him, for he now lay as straight as a kite-string in a gale, and he could but emit a hoarse hiss as I passed him by, wishing him success in recovering from his indigestion.

I was now quite positive I heard a suppressed laugh, but could discover no one by peering into the foliage, as I was not permitted to leave the path on any pretense.

I continued my journey and had barely reached the bottom of the incline when there came shooting after me such a torrent of boulders I had to run for it to save my life, and I am quite sure I should have been a goner had the path continued straight; but, to my great joy, I came upon an abrupt turn and lost no time in getting around the happy corner.

The poor snake’s stomach must have troubled him. I fear the effort required to relieve his overcharged condition quite put him out of the running, for I saw and heard no more of him.

I came next to a chasm, several yards in width and exceedingly deep. There was nothing but shrubbery on either side, and it was impossible to scale this or the other side. Neither was it possible for me to jump it, and I am no mean jumper.

There was nothing that could be of any possible assistance but a bare pole. I tried to push this across, but could not manage it. I endeavored to let it fall over, but in length it was a trifle short of the width of the chasm, and I almost lost it.

I had about concluded to camp there for the night, though I shivered when I thought of the serpent and that he might give chase when he had recuperated somewhat. The more I thought of that venom-spitter, the more reluctant was I to remain on that side of the gorge during the whole night, unarmed as I was and unprotected in any way from a thing that could follow me anywhere I might go.

With joy I finally saw a crack in the edge of the rock. I quickly grasped the pole and rammed one end into that, wedging it tightly. This left it in a perpendicular position, and I lost no time mounting to its top. When there it seemed such a short distance across I felt inclined to chance a jump for it; but my sense came to my rescue, and getting a secure grip on the very end of the pole with both hands, I started it to falling across. When I was well under way through the air, I gave my body a twist and lengthened the pole in that manner by my whole length, which brought me sprawling but happily on the other side, the pole tumbling into the stream. Thus I had again left nothing by which I could retrace my steps.

I was mightily well pleased to find a snug house before I had gone half a mile, for I was bent on putting as much space between that snake and myself, for that chasm did not seem such a terrible thing for him to cross when I remembered his horrible length—it would have been no trick at all for him to have spanned it with but a kink or two.

So, as I say, I was delighted at the sight of the habitation.

On the steps sat an old woman, and I paid her a pleasant time of day. She said not a word, but arose and entered the house.

My nose told me there was that within which would quiet the pangs of hunger now giving me much discomfort, and I followed her.

There was a table with one chair at it and she was busy at the fire. I stood by the chair and she looked at me with every kind of astonishment. This confused me so that I sat in the chair and she went on with her cooking.

I could not resist the tempting meal that lay before me, and as she made no protest when I had taken one mouthful, and I eyed her closely as I took it, I took another, and another, until I had finally eaten a hearty meal, and felt nice and smooth and very much pleased with everything.

I arose and gazed about me. She went to a ladder which led to an upper floor, looked up it and then passed out the door. When she returned, which she did after a few minutes, I was in the very same place.

She went to the ladder again, looked up it, and again passed out. When she again returned I was still there. Again she went to the ladder, looked up it a third time, and a third time passed out.

What she meant now began to percolate through my brain. You see, I had eaten so heartily and felt so comfortable my brain had got to sleep before my body had, and I had really not been thinking. But now I went to the ladder and looked up, and was so doing when she again returned to the door, glanced at me and went away.

Then I climbed the ladder and I was almost asleep all over before I could get to it; for there before my very eyes was the softest bed conjurable. So, I do not remember anything more, whether I just tumbled onto the cozy thing and was in slumber before I struck it, or whether I went through the usual routine.

Anyhow, my repose was pleasant, for it was filled with dreams of the beautiful princess I was soon to see, as it seemed to me the difficulties I had already overcome were greater than any that could possibly present themselves. Alas, how mistaken was I!

XX

_I continue my travel, splendidly refreshed by a good night’s sleep. I explain how I escaped from the angry bears and from a host of hungry alligators; how I charmed the deadly vipers, and how I ascended a glistening granite precipice._

WHEN I awoke on the following morning, I descended and found a magnificent repast awaiting me. So bounteous was the supply I was astonished. As I could not tell how long it might be before I would be again so fortunate, I ate heartily, and after thanking the old lady sincerely, as she had refused, silently but positively, any remuneration, I went my way.

I came to a round, clear opening, covered with grass, a meadow, out of which were paths innumerable.

I lay down in such a position I could inspect each path in turn and subjected each to a rigid inspection from that distance. Some were narrow, some wide, some gravel, some sod, some lined with flowers, some rocky, some dry, some wet and marshy, some straight, some crooked, some overhung with foliage, and some on which the sun shone brilliantly.

On one side the hills came sharp down to the meadow. At one place there appeared to be a small cave out of which a stream of water was flowing. As I was very thirsty I thought there must be a spring in the cavern and thither I bent my steps. The stream was of clear, sparkling water, of which I partook freely. There was such a cool air coming from the cave, and as it was becoming quite warm in the sun, I went in to sit down during the heat of the day.

I had sat but a moment when my old spirit of investigation came on me and I sought to learn how far into the earth the cave extended, knowing well I could easily retrace my steps without using any unfair means.

I went in a great distance, and came to a branch. Along one course I thought I could detect a point of light indicating another end to the cave; the other passage was dark.

After a time I discovered that the first was filled with animals. It now occurred to me that in all probability this was the true way to the secret chamber, and the passage occupied by the beasts was the one I should take. So, on I went, quite sure and confident. The snarling and growling of the animals increased in volume as I approached, and when I reached a swell in the tunnel I found this cavern contained a number of large bears, which raised their heads and sniffed the air, evidently scenting me.

How was I to pass them, as pass them I must, was the question I had to answer.

They were ferocious in the extreme, for there were old and young ones, and they were now engaged in quarreling over a very scanty meal which they would undoubtedly take great pleasure in making larger and more fitting to their number and size.

One old surly she-bear had concluded to look up the intruder, and approached me, growling in a very menacing manner. I could not see her all the time, for she would pass to one side or the other of the light, and be in darkness most. This increased my difficulty.

I must not kill her, or any of them; but I must pass them, and would pass them without killing them, for I had matured a plan for so doing.

I dare not use my voice, and it is doubtful I could have frightened them by the use of it. Being very swift of foot I dodged the mother bear who was searching for me, and came up to the snarling, snapping cubs. They suddenly scented me and backed away a short distance from their meal, prior to bounding on me.

This was what I had calculated they would do, and I grasped the opportunity by rushing in and picking up their repast, which consisted of a young deer, though I had feared I would find it to be another suitor.

I backed away and they followed. As they increased their speed I increased mine. I was leading them around the cavern away from the tunnel with the light at the end. When we reached the farther end and started toward the light, I began to run, and just as I got to the entrance to the lighted passage I dropped the deer and fled, while they pounced on their meal with renewed vengeance, the old she-bear alone following. I soon left her behind and reached the sunlight, much to my relief, which, however, was but temporary, for two enormous bears were coming up the path. My flight had been so precipitate, and I was now going at such speed it was impossible for me to stop my progress.

They arose on their hind legs to embrace me, and, being an athlete, I took a flying leap, striking one of them in the stomach with such force as to send it sprawling with a monstrous grunt of disapproval, and I bounded over its prostrate form and disappeared before either could recover from the astonishment that had so suddenly overwhelmed them.

I was so full of desire to complete my undertaking I did not ease up on my pace for many miles, and only did so then because I had arrived at the brink of a terrible precipice, at which the path ended. I stood on the verge and looked into a deep lake one hundred and fifty feet below me. The water was so clear I could see large bodies moving in all directions in it, which turned out to be great crocodiles.

It would have been an easy matter to have taken a header into the water, for I was an expert diver, but how was I to avoid the saurians? That was the problem I set myself to solve, which I did in the following comfortable manner.

The lake was fully half a mile long, and at the foot of the precipice but a few yards wide. Now, I had prodigious strength of arm, and I took advantage of those water cattle by selecting a lot of good-sized stones, which I threw with all my might; and so great was the space traveled by them before they struck, the crocodiles could not swim the space in several minutes.

As the stones began to strike the water they were all excitement, and at once proceeded to learn the cause of the disturbance, and away they went.

When they had all reached the spot, I sprang head first into the water, and rising easily to the surface swam to shore before they had fairly got started back to investigate the new commotion.

While standing on the summit of the rock I had decided which of several paths I should take, the one I had selected being through a grassy bit of country.

Over this I went upwards of a mile, when I found my further progress impeded by a swarm of deadly vipers, which so filled the way I could scarcely see the ground. They were having a very quiet time, but on becoming aware of my presence they set up such a rattling I thought for a moment there was a shower of pebbles falling on the rocks.

Now, being possessed of a very strong pair of boots, which came high on my legs, I could readily have stamped them all to death, but I dare not harm them, and I knew that to attempt to pass them and leave them unhurt was simple suicide. I therefore hit upon the following plan to evade them and continue my way:

As I was passing through the water on my dive I had observed a beautiful colored shell on the bottom of the lake, and had brought it with me. I now looked it over. As the snakes had not yet determined to attack me because I had not disturbed them, I stepped to a large boulder of sandstone near by, and by dint of using it as a grinder I succeeded in wearing away the end of the shell. Then, by the aid of a sharp stone, I bored eight holes in it at proper intervals. When I had done, I put the instrument to my lips and began to play on it, for, as I have stated before, I believe, I am an accomplished musician.

I executed a low, plaintive air at first, which appeared to please my audience and they uncoiled themselves and assumed a less warlike attitude. Then I shortened the time and had them dancing for joy. When I had them thus entranced I cautiously made my way through their numbers and changed to a very slow and heavy measure, and in a very short time had put them all soundly to sleep, in which condition I left them and went onward.

I was now approaching another mountain and was suddenly stopped by an abrupt end to the path. There was no mistaking the fact, the path turned neither to the right nor to the left, but that the way to the secret chamber lay up a perpendicular wall a hundred feet high and as smooth as glass.

This exceeded my wildest imaginings of difficulties. I was completely nonplussed, and I reclined on the ground in absolute discouragement. It was my first real discouragement. Never before had I met an insurmountable barrier between me and my desires; but here seemed to be one, without any shadow of doubt.

And I was decidedly fatigued, for I had come a great distance. I was also positively aware my hearty breakfast had served its usefulness, and my power would soon wane by virtue of hunger.

I saw all my castles in the air tumbling down most miserably. The dear princess was fading in the distance. I was so put out, so tired, and so hungry I must have fallen asleep, for I became conscious suddenly by feeling something cold running over my face. “Snakes” of all sizes were in my mind; but it was but a harmless lizard, though of good size, some two feet long. There were hundreds of them, and how I envied them as they scampered carelessly and, I thought, mockingly over the face of my enemy, the granite precipice. They were hunting a species of large insect which sometimes paused to rest on the rock, at such times a herd endeavoring to effect a capture.

In one of these attacks the insect was wounded, but escaped their tongues, fell at my feet, and died.

My spirits arose, and I quickly secured it, placing it in my pocket for use at the proper time. I found in the grass a lot of dead, pliable roots. Having secured the requisite number of these, I picked up some dried switches and spliced the roots until I had a pole of the desired length.

This brought me to the interesting part of my plan, which I had formed from watching the lizards, bless them!

I then tied the bug to the end of the pole, and by handling my fishing outfit adroitly I enticed a lizard close enough to capture him, and then another, and still another, and yet another, until I had about twenty of them. I was astonished at their strength. As I captured them I tied the tail of one to the neck of another, so I was compelled to hold but one, the last one, and that was enough, as they got stronger each time I added one. At last my team was harnessed, and it was a goodly tandem, the wheel horse being a magnificent specimen, with a tail of sufficient size for me to grasp it firmly in my right hand.

I then held the bug in front of my leader in such a position they could all see it, and after it they all went. I started the insect up the surface of the rock, and they went at such speed they gave my arm quite a wrench when they lifted me off my feet and started up the rock with me dangling. Maybe I did not have the grip of my life on that tail! It is a wonder I did not squeeze it square off.

When I was hanging midway between the top and bottom I really thought it was all over and that they had come to the conclusion the bug wasn’t worth it anyway. I put all my ingenuity into that insect, and made him appear so entrancing that away they went after him, I always keeping him just out of the reach of the leader. But this time I had to give each one a sniff of it, and as I dipped it along in this way I thought my arm would come out, for they literally humped themselves to get it.

As I neared the top I had, of course, to come at it on an angle, as I could not lead them directly over the edge, and so I did, and when they had dragged me over the edge onto some nice green grass, I tell you, I heaved a monstrous sigh of victory.

But I was not out of my trouble. They had the bug, of course, and I had to let go my hold, which was no easy matter. I at length succeeded, and at once unharnessed my good team and let them free, each one going away with my blessing.

But I was too tired to go another step, and was about to lie down on the sweet grass and go to sleep when I saw a house quite similar to the one I had met the night before, and on the steps of which I saw another old lady, in all respects like the one who had cooked my meals at the other house.

She nodded her head in such a way as to turn me round and cause me to look off across the country, and I there saw a most exquisite palace of white marble with a dome of amethyst just then glittering in the rays of the setting sun.

I gazed at her inquiringly, and she nodded her head in a fashion which assured me she understood my glance.

But the scent of food within drove all else out of my mind, and I made bold to enter. I enjoyed a rich repast in every way equal to the one of the night before, after which I ascended the ladder and was soon asleep.

XXI