Chapter 87

Of course her wedding is the one pageant in which the girl is the central figure--the admired of all beholders. It is quite natural for her to wish it to be beautiful, to look lovely herself, and not to go empty-handed to her husband. But no sensible girl will have a grand wedding if its cost will put her father in debt. If Mary's music lessons must be intermitted, or John's entrance into college postponed because of her trousseau and her wedding, she should assume some of the sacrifice herself and be content with a more modest outfit and a simple ceremony. Thousands of thoughtless girls leave their families to recover slowly from the financial strain of their wedding. It is selfish and inconsiderate for a girl to say, "You will never have to do it again for me," or "I shall be no further expense to you." That may be true, but it is no justification.

Nor is it permissible for the bridegroom to furnish any part of the bride's trousseau. If she is poor, and is to marry into wealth, good taste and public opinion counsel her to confine her wedding preparations to what she or her family can pay for. Let her make ready a simple wedding dress and going-away gown, or be married in the latter, and take with her to her new home only her under linen and the treasured keepsakes of her maiden days. As soon as she is wife, her husband may lavish silks and laces and furs upon her, but not before.

The Bride's Privileges.--It is the province of the bride to name the wedding day, subject of course to the insistence of her fiance, who will urge an early date. She decides whether her wedding shall be formal or informal, at church or at home. She chooses the clergyman who shall perform the ceremony, the bridegroom notifying him of her desire. Her family issues--and pays for--the wedding invitations and announcement cards. It is customary to ask the bridegroom to make out a list of those of his relatives and friends to whom he wishes these sent. The bride names her attendants, decides upon their number and if a bridal procession is contemplated, consults with them as to their gowns and the accessories. Here she is in duty bound to consider the expense to be incurred by those invited to take part in the affair, unless she is prepared to pay for their gowns herself; this however is seldom done. If she desires her attendants to wear some particular adornment which will be of no use to them afterwards, as a fancy muff or boa, she should pay for it herself. She may endeavor to arrange with her dressmaker to make their gowns if she can obtain a reduction on account of their being made alike, or the large order placed. To be invited to serve as bridesmaid is often an expensive compliment, as it usually involves a new gown and hat, the latter always being worn at a church wedding.

If the bride decides to have but one attendant, the latter is usually styled her maid-of-honor, and may be her sister or her most intimate friend. If she has more than one maid she should include the bridegroom's sister, if he has one. If a matron-of-honor is to participate, she should be a friend or sister of the bride who has been recently wedded. The bridesmaids are chosen from her unmarried friends.

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Who Pays?--The question is often asked, "Who pays, for" this, that or the other item.

The bridegroom provides the marriage certificate, the wedding ring, pays the clergyman, and for the carriage in which he drives away with the bride. He sends a gift and the bouquet to the bride; usually gives gifts of jewelry to the bridesmaids and the best man, and often includes the ushers.

The bride's family pays for the wedding cards, pays the florist and the caterer, the expense of opening the church and the service of the sexton; the music, carriages for the bridal party, in short, the bills are for the family to pay. Where a wedding is very elaborate, the details are sometimes turned over to a "manager," who sees to everything, and receives a fat fee for his services.

The Wedding Gown.--Choice of a wedding gown depends upon the style of the wedding. At a church wedding it is as handsome as the bride can afford. Any girl is excusable for wishing her wedding to be "an occasion," and her bridal attire as beautiful as possible. White is suitable, and there are so many fabrics in that color that all purses can be accommodated. The gown may be of satin, crepe de chine, messaline, lace or chiffon, or of simple white organdie; all are appropriate for a church wedding. With any of these a veil should be worn. Two and a half yards of tulle will be sufficient; other accessories are white kid gloves, white slippers and white silk hose, if white is worn. White is suitable for the most elaborate church wedding and for the simplest ceremony at home. The gown is made en train, as a rule; always so for a church wedding, and always with high neck and long sleeves.

A bride may elect to be married in a traveling dress. For this some pretty light color, as light gray, champagne, tan or biscuit color is chosen. A hat must be worn with such a costume, and for a young bride is by preference trimmed with flowers. It is correct to carry flowers--not a shower bouquet, however--with such a gown, which is to be changed for a plainer one for actual travel. For this dark blue, brown, or gray are suitable colors; gloves match, and the hat is inconspicuously trimmed. It is the bride's greatest desire not to look "just married."

Later Wear of the Wedding Gown.--The wedding gown is worn at the more formal of the post-nuptial entertainments. The trousseau should include an evening dress and wrap. For the former, black lace, chiffon cloth or net will prove the most serviceable, and almost universally becoming. A traveling gown, a handsome suit for visiting, receptions, etc., a pretty gown for receiving at home, and several house gowns will be needed. Kimonas, bath-robes, dressing-jackets, are included in the less ornamental parts of the trousseau.

A girl often invites her intimate friends to inspect her wedding finery, rejoicing in their admiration. The privilege of such a view is highly valued.

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Bridal Flowers.--Orange flowers are reserved for the bride, and she never wears any other in her hair, at least no other that are artificial. She may carry any flowers, she prefers; the florists make all seasons alike. Often an order is given months in advance for the bride's favorite flower to grace her wedding, and the florist forces it to bloom at the appointed time. White roses and carnations can be had at almost any season; sweet peas, white lilacs, lilies of the valley, are less easy to procure. The "shower bouquet" has many narrow white satin ribbons falling from it to the foot of the skirt, and knotted at intervals round flower sprays.

The rarest of bridal flowers are the orchids, so costly that only the rich may have them, though a few orchids, two or three, are sometimes put with lilies of the valley, or Roman hyacinths, intermixed with stephanotis or stevia, for the bridal bouquet. Bridesmaids may carry large clusters of flowers tied with ribbons, the flowers suiting their costumes. Or, if they all wear white, American Beauties may be chosen. The usual preference is for flowers in more delicate hues.

The Widow's Bridal Attire.--A widow does not wear white at her second wedding, nor a veil, nor does she have bridesmaids. Her usual choice is to be married in a handsome traveling gown of some light color, wearing hat and gloves to match. The material may be silk or broadcloth for a church wedding. She wears her wedding ring up to the day of her second marriage. Though she may have no bridesmaids she may have a matron-of-honor, some married friend, who wears a street or reception dress, with suitable hat and gloves.

A woman who has entered her fourth decade does not, as a rule, wear white when married.

It is no longer customary for a woman to go into semi-retirement preceding her marriage. She does not parade herself; no lady would do that, but she accepts invitations and appears at all the fetes planned for her up to the wedding day. As a result, she is often very tired and fagged before the event.

The Man's Wedding Garments.--One of the most frequent inquiries made of the editors of women's departments in magazines relates to the proper attire for the bridegroom. "When is it correct to wear a dress suit?" and "What should the bridegroom wear at a day wedding?"

"The dress suit," so called, is the man's evening clothes. Naturally, then, he will not don his evening attire until evening--after or for a six o'clock dinner,' This should dispose of the question of "the dress suit." For a man to wear evening clothes at a noon wedding would be as absurd as for a woman to appear in a ball dress at that hour.

For a day wedding a man wears a black frock coat and gray trousers; his waistcoat may match the coat or be of white duck or marseilles, white shirt with standing collar, and tie of the fashionable cut in pearl gray or soft white silk. Pearl-colored kid gloves are worn, and a silk hat. The overcoat is black. A boutonniere of white flowers is usually worn.

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The above is the correct dress for best man and ushers at a day wedding, in church or at home.

For a formal evening wedding, full evening dress is worn by bridegroom, best man and ushers. The suit is of fine black worsted, silk faced as to the coat. The waistcoat may be of the same material, or white duck or marseilles may be worn. A fine white linen shirt with standing collar, and pearl or white enamel studs, white lawn tie, white or pearl-gray kid gloves stitched in the same color, and patent leather pumps complete the attire. A black overcoat, single breasted, and silk hat are the additions for out-of-door wear.

The Bride's Mother.--The bride's mother wears a handsome reception dress. Black with much jet and lace, pearl gray, mauve and lavender are favorite colors for her. White gloves are worn. Mourning attire should never be seen at a wedding. If the bride's mother, or any of the family, are in mourning, it must be laid aside for the occasion. Black may be worn, but it must be lightened with white lace, jet, or other accessories that will take it out of the conventional garb of grief. Guests of course gown themselves handsomely.

THE FORMAL CHURCH WEDDING.

Let us suppose that the church has been decorated with flower and palms, arranged by experienced hands to form a background for the bridal party. The seats for the respective families have been roped off with wide white satin ribbons; those on the right for the bridegroom's family, those of the left for the bride's. The bridegroom and the best man are with the clergyman in the vestry; the bridesmaids have assembled at the bride's house, and have entered their carriages; the relatives, including the bride's mother, and guests are in their seats. The carriages containing the bridesmaids precede that of the bride to the church; they alight and await her in the vestibule. The bride, accompanied by her father, arrives. The bridal procession is quickly formed, the vestibule doors having been closed by the ushers on the arrival of the wedding party. At the signal the organ breaks into the familiar strains of the wedding march; the clergyman, followed by the groom and best man, enter from the vestry, and stand on the chancel step facing the guests, awaiting the bride, the bridegroom being slightly, in advance.

The ushers, walking two and two, lead the way up the aisle; the bridesmaids follow at a distance of ten or twelve feet, also walking in pairs; then comes the maid-of-honor, walking alone. She is followed by the bride, leaning on the arm of her father or nearest male relative. At the chancel the ushers separate to right and left, remaining below the chancel step; the bridesmaids separate in the same manner, but ascend the chancel step. The maid-of-honor places herself at the left of the place left for the bride, in readiness to hold her bouquet and remove her glove. The bridegroom descends the chancel step, meeting the bride. The two place themselves before the clergyman, the bride standing on the bridegroom's left; the best man stands at the right of the bridegroom a step or two in the rear.

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The Bride's Father.--The place of the bride's father is at the left somewhat in the rear. As the clergyman asks: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" he steps forward and places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, who in turn places it in that of the bridegroom. The father steps aside, and as the bridal procession forms to retire after the ceremony, he joins his wife and escorts her from the church.

At the proper moment the maid-of-honor removes the bride's glove and takes her bouquet. The best man gives the ring to the bride, who passes it to the clergyman; the latter gives it to the bridegroom, who places it on the bride's finger, holding it there while repeating the formula, "With this ring I thee wed," etc. The significance of this transfer is the forming of a circle, to indicate the endlessness of the contract.

Another Form.--A form sometimes introduced is for the bridal party to stand below the chancel while the clergyman reads the service up to and including the sentence, "If any man can show just cause," etc. After the customary moment's pause, there being no unseemly interruption, the party ascends the chancel step and the ceremony proceeds.

The order of the procession after the ceremony is this: The just married pair lead the way, the wife taking her husband's arm; the maid-of-honor follows; then the bridesmaids, after them the ushers. Such is the conduct of a church wedding, a thousand times repeated. The ceremony is often rehearsed a night or two previous to the event, to make sure each will be familiar with his or her part.

The Best Man's Duties.--The best man has charge of the ring. At the conclusion of the ceremony he disappears into the vestry, where he places the wedding fee, enclosed in an envelope, in the clergyman's hands. He then hastens to his carriage and is driven to the house, where he assists in the reception of the guests, and takes the maid-of-honor or the bridesmaid to luncheon. Or he may escort the maid-of-honor from the church.

The best man also sees to it that the agitated bridegroom's clothes are in order, packs his suitcase, orders the baggage to be called for, buys the tickets for the wedding journey and sees that they are in the bridegroom's possession, and orders the carriage in which the newly wedded pair drive to the station. He takes as many of the details of the affair as possible off his friend's mind and hands, and stands by manfully to the last. The best man should fully acquaint himself with the duties of his position before assuming it The sexton of the church takes the groom's hat from the vestry to the vestibule, and hands it to him at the door.

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Duties of Ushers.--An usher escorts each lady to her seat, giving her his arm. The guests should stand during the ceremony, rising as the procession enters, and remaining in their seats until it has retired. The ushers often pass ribbons along their seats, not removing them until the bridal party and the relatives have left the church. Having seen the bridal party to their carriages, the ushers return to escort the relatives to theirs, and then hasten to the house, where they meet the guests on arrival and escort them, severally, to the receiving party. The bride's mother welcomes them first; they are then presented to the newly married pair. The bride offers her hand; the guest wishes her much happiness, congratulates the bridegroom, shaking hands the while, greets the maid-of-honor and the bridesmaids with a smile and bow, and passes on, making way for the next.

The Wedding Reception.--The wedding reception follows the ceremony, guests coming at once from church to the house. There should be no undue haste in presenting one's self; the party requires a little time to arrange itself in proper order for receiving. At a day wedding reception women lay aside wraps, retaining their hats. At an evening reception they remove both, and wear full dress.

After greeting the bride and groom, as indicated in the preceding paragraph, the refreshment room is sought. If the reception is a large one, a buffet or "stand-up" repast is often served, though it is more desirable to provide small tables seating four people. If these are not furnished the men may assist the ladies, though the service should be adequate. No tea, coffee, or chocolate is poured at the table.

Refreshments.--The refreshments may be simple or elaborate. The table is laid in the dining-room, and decorated with flowers. On it are the refreshments, and plenty of napkins, plates and silver, in piles. Bouillon, creamed oysters or oyster patties; salads, cold salmon or lobster with mayonnaise dressing, ices and cake are suitable. Usually one hot dish is passed. Or one may serve a salad, ice cream and cake, with punch. If wine is offered it is always champagne.

The wedding cake, neatly packed in white boxes bearing the monogram of the bride and groom and tied with white satin ribbon, is arranged on a table in the hall, and each departing guest takes a box. Wedding cake is no longer sent.

Going Away.--When the last guest has been greeted, the bridal party may be served with refreshments. Their supper is laid in a private room, and they are seated, a most welcome rest after the fatigue of the ceremony and the reception. The bride then retires to change to her traveling dress; the bridegroom, who has had his valise sent to the house in the morning, retires for the same purpose. The maid-of-honor accompanies the bride; the best man assists the groom, and packs his suit worn during the ceremony, either to be taken with him or to be sent to his home.

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At the time agreed upon the bridegroom awaits the bride at the head of the stairs. Adieus to the family are said in the bride's room and should be brief. The bridesmaids and ushers are awaiting the departure in the hall. Half way down the stairs the bride throws her bouquet. The bridesmaid who catches it will be married next, according to the old superstition. The bride and groom enter their carriage amid a shower of rice or confetti, the carriage door bangs; the caterer has removed the debris of the feast; the maids have restored the house to its wonted order and the wedding is over--all except paying the bills.

Guests at a wedding do not remain until the departure of the bride. They congratulate, partake of refreshments, chat a few minutes with friends, and depart.

At a church wedding it is customary--and usually necessary to keep out the uninvited--to enclose small cards which are presented at the church door to ensure admittance. If the reception is large, the same thing is sometimes done as a measure of protection.

Calls after Wedding.--It is expected that the guests at a wedding breakfast or reception will call on the mother of the bride within three weeks after the marriage, and upon the bride on one of her "At Home" days, or soon after her return from the wedding journey, if no days are specified.

Cards bearing the date of the bride's "At Home" days, or "At Home after"--a certain date, are enclosed with the announcement cards, or the date named on the card. If sent they must be ready to mail immediately after the wedding.

THE HOME WEDDING.

While the home wedding is modeled in its essentials along the lines of the church wedding, much less formality is observed. The invitations to the church wedding are always in the third person and engraved. Those for the home wedding, though often following the same formula, may be informal notes in the first person, written by the bride's mother.

Correct Attire.--It is sometimes supposed that a bride married at home may not wear a veil nor be "given away." On the contrary, if she wears white she may with perfect propriety wear a veil, and the Episcopal marriage ceremony always, and nearly all other forms of the service include the giving away, as implying parental sanction and consent. The "giving away," then, is customary, even at the simplest home wedding.

If the bride wears a traveling dress she has a maid-of-honor, the one attendant being so-called. The groom is attended by his best man. There are usually two ushers, though these may be omitted, The maid-of-honor wears some pretty costume which is in keeping with that of the bride. If the latter wears white, the attendant also wears white with colored trimmings. If the bride wears a veil, the maid wears a hat; the veil being the head covering of the bride.

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The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat and tie, silk--not lawn, gray or white gloves, and patent leather shoes at a day wedding, The ushers are similarly attired, save that they may wear black waistcoats. Silk hats are worn.

Minor Particulars.--The bridegroom and best man will require a room. The clergyman expects a room where he may don his surplice or gown. The ushers may also require a room.

The bride's mother receives the guests, her father remaining with his daughter to conduct her to the room where the ceremony is to be performed. A mother may perform this office if the father is not living. After placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman, the father steps back a pace or two, awaiting the end of the service. Wedding music is played when the party is ready to enter, and may be continued, very softly, through the ceremony; it must not overpower the voices of the participants.

Guests should arrive at the hour named, leave wraps in hall or dressing room, and descend to the parlors. It is not expected that all will be seated, though a few chairs are provided for the elderly. The ushers stretch two lengths of white ribbon from end to end of the room, making an aisle for the little procession.

The clergyman, groom, and best man enter and take their places at one end of the room, when the music begins. Then come the ushers, next the maid-of-honor, walking alone; then the bridesmaids, if any, followed by the bride on the arm of her father. The groom steps forward to receive her and the two face the clergyman. The best man stands on the bridegroom's right. The maid-of-honor will hold the bride's bouquet and her glove, if this is removed; the ring is in the custody of the best man.

Etiquette to be Observed.--At the close of the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the pair and steps aside. They face about and the bride's mother is the next to offer her good wishes, then the groom's parents. The guests then extend felicitations. It is thought in better taste to wish the bride happiness and congratulate the groom, it being supposed that he is the most fortunate in having been able to secure such a prize.

It is no longer customary for everyone to kiss the bride; she is not compelled to suffer to that extent.

The best man assists the ushers--whose first duty is to remove the white ribbons--in escorting guests to the bride and groom. His duties are the same as those of the best man at a church wedding.

The maid-of-honor stands at the bride's left as she receives.

The bride and bridegroom lead the way to the dining room, the best man offering his arm to the maid-of-honor.

The bride's father escorts the bridegroom's mother, the guests follow in such order as is convenient, and the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father are the last.

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