Chapter 82

Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. George Brown's company at dinner, 127 Blank Avenue. on March fifteenth at seven o'clock.

This invitation may be written on note paper or engraved on a card.

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The correct form of reply is this:

Mr. and Mrs. George Brown accept with pleasure the polite invitation of Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith for dinner on March fifteenth, at seven o'clock.

If the dinner is in honor of guests, the formula may be:

To meet Mr. and Mrs. William Dash, Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith request the pleasure of Miss Anderson's company at dinner, on Wednesday, January twenty-sixth, at seven o'clock. R. S. V. P. 91 East Ninety-fourth street.

If the invitation must be declined, this form may be observed:

Mr. and Mrs. Brown regret that owing to a previous engagement they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith's very kind invitation for Tuesday evening, March fifteenth.

Any other reason, as illness, proposed absence, or the like, may be substituted for a "previous engagement."

In acknowledging invitations it is better to err on the side of over-politeness than the reverse.

If a dance or theatre party is to follow the dinner, words indicating the fact are written across the lower part of the card or in the lower left-hand corner.

"R. s v. p." stands for the French phrase, "Respondez, sit vous plait,"--meaning that a reply is desired.

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Replies.--The reply to an invitation should be in the same form as the invitation; thus if in the third person the reply should also be made in the third person. Such invitations are the most formal. The reply is to be addressed according to the wording of the invitation: thus if Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith issue it, address the reply to them; if Mrs. John Henry Smith's name alone appears, address it to her. The same rule applies to a wedding invitation. The acknowledgement is sent to the parties issuing the invitation, not to those to be married.

Must Not Ask Invitations.--It is not allowable to ask for an invitation to a dinner, a luncheon or a card party for a guest or friend. These are functions arranged for a definite number of guests; to include another person is not possible. If your hostess knows you have a guest, she will, if her arrangements make it practicable, include her; if not, there is no slight to you or your guest. The presence of a guest does not excuse one from a dinner, luncheon or card party, the invitation having been already accepted. Provide some pleasure for your friend, or leave her to a quiet evening at home.

In case a guest drops out at the last moment, as sometimes happens, one may ask a very intimate friend, a relative, or some member of the family to fill the vacant seat. Such a "last minute" invitation is no compliment: one knows she is simply a substitute, but good sense and kindliness should prompt the recipient to help out in the dilemma, which may happen to her next time.

Other Particulars.--Dinner invitations are issued in the name of the host and hostess, so also those for luncheons to which both men and women are invited. Invitations to teas, card and garden parties, "at homes," balls, and women's luncheons are in the name of the hostess alone.

Guests should present themselves punctually at the hour named in a dinner or luncheon invitation, allowing themselves just time to remove wraps, etc., before the meal is announced. It is almost unpardonable to be late.

Invitations are sent to people in mourning after the month following bereavement, not because acceptance is expected, but as a compliment, except that cards for dinners, luncheons and balls are not sent. Wedding cards and announcements, and cards for large general receptions are sent. During the year of mourning people thus remembered send cards with a narrow black border in acknowledgment.

Unless an entertainment is exclusively for women, an invitation to a married woman should include her husband. That he is personally unknown to the hostess does not matter.

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INFORMAL INVITATIONS.

Invitations by telephone are permissible for informal affairs, but why a woman should spend hours at the telephone, calling up various parties and losing her temper over "Central's" dilatoriness when she could sit comfortably at her desk and write notes, is difficult to understand.

Whereas the formal luncheon invitation simply substitutes the word "luncheon" for "dinner," the informal invitation is written in the first person and requires a reply in the same form. It may be said again that the response should follow the form of the invitation; this is an invariable rule. This model is usually employed:

My dear Mrs. Henderson: Will you and Mr. Henderson dine with us informally on Tuesday evening, January twenty-seventh, at half-past six o'clock? Trusting we may have the pleasure of seeing you, I am, Yours sincerely, Mary Bronson.

In reply the recipient will write:

My dear Mrs. Bronson: Mr. Henderson and I accept, with much pleasure your very kind invitation to dine with you on Tuesday evening, January twenty-seventh, at half past six o'clock. Yours sincerely, Helen Henderson.

If the invitation is for luncheon, that word is substituted; afternoon written in the place of evening, and Mr. Henderson is left out. In an acceptance, one should repeat the date and hour, that no mistake may occur. If the invitation must be declined, it is not correct to explain the nature of the engagement or whatever reason occurs for refusal. We say we "are unable to accept," not that we "will not be able;" the refusal rests in the present.

An invitation sent by mail is enclosed in an envelope addressed to Mr. and Mrs. A., and then in an outer envelope bearing full name and address. Informal notes of invitation are written on one's best note-paper and no outer envelope used.

Afternoon Tea.--The afternoon tea is a favorite method of paying off social debts. Elaborate refreshments are not served. Tea is poured at the dining table, by some friends asked to do so--it is thought quite a compliment to be asked "to pour" For a very informal "at home" the hostess may have a small table at hand and herself offer a cup of tea to her visitors. For such a small affair she sends her visiting card with the date written in the lower left hand corner. If many guests are expected servants must be at hand to remove soiled dishes and replenish the tea and cakes.

In acknowledgment of invitations, it is highly improper to send your card with "regrets" written on it. An invitation is a courtesy offered; it must be received courteously. You regret you "must decline the pleasure" of accepting somebody's "kind--or polite--invitation."

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The Verbal Invitation.--Verbal invitations do not count for much. "Come and dine with us some day" has no standing among invitations. The day and hour must be named if it is to be reckoned with. And then--suppose the hostess forgets she has given the invitation, or she prepares for a guest who does not come! Except among very intimate friends the verbal invitation should be looked upon with great caution. A verbal invitation should be followed by a note repeating it.

WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS.

The number of wedding invitations often must conform to the size of the church or the house, and to the character of the wedding. If it is to be a large one, cards are usually sent as liberally as possible. An invitation to the church may not invite to the reception at the house afterwards, which may necessarily be limited because of the size of the house or the means of the family. No guest receiving cards for the church should let herself feel aggrieved because of failure to receive the other. Answers to invitations should invariably be sent; many omit this, not thinking it necessary, but why not?

Announcement cards are sent to everyone you know, or, more properly, to all those whom you wish to recognize socially. It is quite correct to send them to people you know but slightly. They are mailed immediately after the wedding. They imply no obligation in the way of gift or reply. If an "at home" card is enclosed, calls are expected.

Correct Form.

Wedding invitations of course must be engraved. The following form is employed:

Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Harmon request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Harriet to Mr. Harrison Richard Ames on Thursday, the sixth of January, at twelve o'clock. Church of the Messiah.

If the wedding is at home, the street and number are given in place of the church.

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If the bride has no mother, the invitations are issued in the name of the father; if no father, the mother's name is used. If an orphan, invitations are issued in the name of the nearest of kin in the town where the wedding occurs. If a married sister and her husband issue, the words "their sister" are used. If a girl has a stepfather her own name is engraved in full. Announcement cards follow the same rules as to who issues them, and are couched in these words:

Mr. and Mrs. Hughson Smith announce the marriage of their sister Bettina to Mr. James Rhodes Grayson, on Monday, the tenth of January, Nineteen hundred and ten, at the Church of the Messiah, in the City of Cleveland.

For a home wedding, this formula is correct:

My dear Mrs. Jennings: My daughter Julia is to be married to Mr. George Bronson Holmes on Monday, the tenth of January, at twelve o'clock, and it will give Mr. Brush and myself much pleasure if you and Mr. Jennings will come. Yours sincerely, Eleanor Graves Brush.

For informal church weddings, with small reception to follow, or for a simple home wedding, most people prefer to use the engraved cards, but personal notes may with perfect propriety take their place. For a home wedding, the above formula is correct.

The Bridegroom's Family.

In inviting the bridegroom's parents by note, the mother may write: "Will you and Mr. Holmes come to the quiet informal wedding of my daughter Julia and your son on Monday," etc. Such invitations are written by the mother. Other members of the family are included by adding "you and Mr. Jennings and your daughter will come." Written invitations may follow the form of the engraved, but for a small wedding at home, which will be of course more or less informal, the personal form seems more in keeping.

Other Items.

Formal wedding invitations and announcements are addressed, one to the head of the family, Mr. and Mrs. Jones; one to Miss Jones, or to The Misses Jones, if there are several daughters, and one to each young man of the family.

Note that the year is given in an announcement, but not in an invitation. Announcements are engraved on note-paper, as in the case of invitations.

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A double wedding, which requires two ceremonies, also requires two sets of invitations and announcements.

It is quite correct for a girl who has been employed in an office to send an announcement of her marriage to her former employer, but if he is married, it must be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs." So-and-So.

Do not abbreviate in writing notes of invitation, nor permit it on engraved invitations. Doctor, Judge, Reverend, are to be in full. Mr. before a man's name is the only abbreviation permitted. The names of the month, day, year, and of the street or avenue are written out in full.

DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS

FORMAL DINNERS.

"A fig for your bill of fare; show me your bill of company,"

As has already been remarked, we ask our "dear Five Hundred" to our balls and receptions, reserving our dinner invitations for those whom we particularly wish to compliment. The dinner we provide is by no means of the comfortable "pot-Iuck" kind. It is, in society, an elaborate and expensive form of entertainment. A dinner to eight people, not specially elaborate and without wines, rarely costs the giver less than $25 or $30, and may easily run much higher. It requires delicacies for the palate, flowers and bonbons and other decorations for the table, and ceremonious serving. The finest of linen, cut glass and silver adorn it, and the repast may easily be prolonged through two or more hours. Such a dinner is served in courses; begins with an appetizer, extends through soup, fish, joint, salad and dessert courses at the very least, and ends with coffee, served at the table or in some other apartment--the library or drawing room--where the guests converse over their cups.

Such a meal cannot be prepared or served without competent service in the kitchen and dining-room. The cook must know how to prepare every dish in the best manner, and have it ready at the right moment; the waiter must be experienced and noiseless. The hostess must have such perfect confidence that everything will progress in perfect and proper order that she can give her full attention to the guests,

Serving the Dinner.--Let us suppose a dinner for eight people is to be served. The ceremonious dinner, the world over, is served a la Russe, that is, according to the Russian fashion. By this fashion nothing but the covers--a term which includes the china, silver and glass at each plate--flowers, dishes of bonbons, salted nuts and olives, occasionally small cakes, are on the table when the guests are seated,

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The hostess has inspected the table, after it is laid, seeing that everything is correct, Silver must have had a fresh polish, the cut glass must shine and sparkle, There must be plenty of light, yet no glare; to prevent this, ground glass globes on the electric lights are preferred. The hostess herself will arrange the place cards, separating married people, and in so far as possible so seating her guests that each may be pleased with his or her neighbor. The centerpiece is of flowers; for this never choose a strongly scented flower like hyacinths or narcissi. The heat, the odor of the food, combined with the scent of the flowers, may induce lethargy, so that the dinner may be "garnished with stupidity."

There must be a service plate at each place. These are to be as handsome as you can afford. At the side of this is laid the dinner napkin, within which a roll is folded. The guest removes the napkin, unfolding it for use. The waitress removes the service plate and puts down another on which is a grapefruit, vermouth, or other kind of cocktail. This plate and glass removed, there comes another plate, and little dishes of caviarre are passed. These plates also disappear, others are substituted, and soup is served. After the soup is eaten the soup plates are removed, leaving the other plates, and celery and radishes and salted nuts and olives are passed, not necessarily all, but at least two, say celery and olives; nuts and radishes. If the little individual almond dishes are used, of course the salted nuts will not be passed.

These plates are again changed when the fish is served, the rule being that at no time during the dinner must a guest be without a plate before him until the table is cleared for dessert. Moreover, the waitress, in placing plates that have a monogram or heraldic device for decoration, must so place the plate before each guest that the design faces him. In taking up the plates, one is taken up with the right hand while with the left the waitress replaces it with another; one plate is never placed upon another.

The fish, meat, and other courses are served from the pantry, the portions being arranged for convenience in helping, and garnished with parsley or lemon. The dish is passed first to the guest seated at the host's right hand, next to the one on the left, and afterwards in regular rotation, irrespective of sex. All service is at the left; this leaves the guest's right hand in position to help himself. The waitress holds the dish upon a folded napkin on the flat of her hand, and low down. Vegetables are passed in the same fashion.

You will see how much depends upon having well trained servants at such a dinner. The service must be without haste, yet without delay; there must be no clatter of china and silver, no awkwardness in removing plates, etc. The waitress must be quick to refill glasses or supply whatever is needed.

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The Help Required.--A dinner to twelve or fourteen guests cannot be served properly without two or three waiters--usually men at such large dinners--and additional help in the kitchen. So much thought and anxiety are required for the success of a home dinner party that it is small wonder many prefer to add a little to the expense, in cities at least, and order a dinner for the requisite number at hotel or club, where the responsibility rests with the management after the details of the menu are settled. Such a dinner is less of a compliment to one's guests than the entertainment at one's own home, however; and why should one possess stores of beautiful and expensive furnishings without their use?

One dinner generally means another a short time afterwards, since in selecting the small number who can be entertained one must necessarily leave out others who have equal claims to hospitality and whose sense of being slighted must be appeased. And if the hostess is socially prominent she may find herself embarked on a course of entertainments that will tax her time and her funds to a considerable degree.

Invitations to a dinner must be sent at least two weeks in advance. As has already been stated, an immediate and unconditional acceptance or regret is demanded.

Precedence.--At these formal dinners, the question of precedence engages the hostess's attention, If all the guests are about on equal terms, the host takes out the oldest or most prominent lady, seating her at his right. The other, guests are paired off according to the hostess's ideas of social propriety or congeniality. No man ever takes his wife in to dinner. The place of honor for men is at the hostess's right hand. Dinner cards, legibly written, are placed on the napkins. The men draw out the chairs and seat the ladies, then seat themselves. Generally, at a small dinner, the hostess tells each man before leaving the drawing room, whom he is to take out: at large functions, he finds in the men's cloak room an envelope addressed to him containing the lady's name. He seeks out his partner and gives her his arm when dinner is announced.

Be Prompt.--It is almost unpardonable for a guest to be late at a dinner. The arrival should be within fifteen minutes of the time named on the invitation, never earlier. The hostess must be ready in ample time, and must appear calm and untroubled. Nervousness bespeaks the novice in entertaining. Generally, however, even if the affair passes off without any contretemps she is ready to say "Thank heaven it's over!"

Now this is not to say that one may not serve a good and very enjoyable dinner or luncheon to a few friends, without as much trouble and expense as are here indicated. This is simply to state how such meals are served, formally and informally. Knowing the proper procedure one may adopt as much or as little as her circumstances and style of living warrant.

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THE INFORMAL DINNER

The informal dinner resembles the formal, save that fewer courses are served, the menu is simpler, and the decorations less elaborate. The serving is on the same order--a la Russe. If one is fortunate enough to have a maid who combines the experience of a waitress with the qualities of a good cook, by ingenious planning it is possible to serve six persons acceptably in the approved fashion.

But there are thousands of households in which but one maid is kept, and in this case what may be termed "the family dinner" will be found better, because there will be no endeavor to do more than one can accomplish with the means at her command. Better by far serve well and simply than attempt something more elaborate and fall short in it.

Family Dinners.--At the family dinner, the grape fruit or oyster cocktail, or the raw oysters which form the first course, is on the table when the guests are seated. The grape fruit may be served in glasses, like the cocktail. If oysters are served, the maid passes the condiments. She then removes these plates, replacing them with service plates as she does so, and brings in the soup. This the hostess serves and the maid carries about. While this is being eaten--celery or olives being passed after the guests are helped--the maid slips out in the kitchen to dish up the vegetables unless these are already in the warmer. Returning, she removes the soup-plates, never taking more than two at a time. She then brings on the joint or roast, placing it before the host, who proceeds to serve it. (If oysters are served first, a fish course is generally omitted; indeed, so many courses tax one's resources too severely.) The maid carries about the dinner plates, removing the service plate with the right hand and placing the other with the left. She then passes the vegetables. The serving begins with the lady at the host's right hand. If the piece de resistance is a turkey, white and dark meat and a portion of dressing are placed on each plate; gravy and the vegetables, then cranberry or currant jelly, are passed. Here the waitress should refill water glasses.

The plates are then removed for the salad course, and the table cleared. This should be ready on the plates, and kept where it will be perfectly cold. While this is being brought on, the hostess will start dishes of salted nuts and bonbons down the table, the guests passing them. After the salad the plates are removed and the dessert brought in. This may be a mould of ice cream or a pudding; pie is seldom or never served. This the host or hostess serves. The coffee service may be brought in, and the hostess pours it; little cakes or wafers, or mints, are usually passed with it; then the maid is excused from further service. The hostess always gives the signal for leaving the table by a slight nod toward the lady on her husband's right, and rising.

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