Part 93

At afternoon teas, receptions and "At Homes" the visitor leaves a card for the hostess on the tray in the hall, and one for the guest of honor, or the debutante if one is being introduced.

A card to an "At Home" or an afternoon reception does not require either acceptance or regret. If the person invited attends she leaves her card; if not, she sends it by mail to reach the home on the day of the reception.

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An invitation to a dinner must be answered immediately, and unconditionally accepted or declined.

If, having accepted, it becomes absolutely impossible to keep the engagement, the earliest possible notice must be given to the hostess.

It is unpardonable to be late at a dinner party. Arrivals are expected within ten minutes of the hour named.

One wears the best she has that is suitable for a dinner party.

The reply to an invitation must follow the style of the invitation. If formal, that is, in the third person, the reply must also be in the third person. If informal, the personal form being employed, the reply is also informal.

Do not send your card with "Regrets" written upon it, in response to any invitation, formal or informal.

Telephone invitations are admissible only for informal affairs. General invitations, given verbally, have no social footing. "Do come and dine with us some day," unless followed by a definite date or note of invitation, means nothing.

An invitation given by a man to dine or visit, or to a home entertainment, is not to be accepted unless seconded by his wife.

A girl, sending invitations to commencement exercises, encloses her card.

It is bad form to show that one feels slighted or affronted at not having been invited to any function, or not given the precedence one feels herself entitles to. The hostess, in her own home, obeys such rules as she believes correct.

A visitor is expected to contribute her share to the pleasure of the occasion by being conversationally agreeable.

If hostess, one must overlook every awkwardness on the part of the guest or servant, and any accident to one's belongings, but be deeply solicitous and apologetic if an accident happens to a guest,

The guest of honor at a dinner party should take leave first. Other departures follow speedily.

Remember--

That an invitation to spend a few days with a friend requires a speedy reply. It is not allowable to say one will come either earlier or later than the time specified.

A visitor should adapt herself to the ways of the household, be punctual at meals, and make no plans or arrangements without consulting her hostess.

She may not invite a friend of her own to a meal without requesting permission of her hostess.

She should be careful not to infringe upon the privileges and prerogatives of the man of the house.

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She may accept invitations in which the hostess is not included, but never without due consultation with her hostess.

She should show herself pleased with the efforts made to entertain her and enter into them readily.

She should leave promptly at the expiration of the time set for her visit. It is almost invariably a mistake to outstay the limit. If no limit was named in the invitation, she should, within a day or two of her arrival, state the date on which she will leave.

On her return home, her first duty is to write her hostess, announcing her arrival and expressing her pleasure in the visit. To omit this is a grave discourtesy. A hostess once said of a woman who failed in this particular: "We don't know whether she reached home or not; we never heard from her after she left."

On departure, maids or servants who have attended one should receive a gratuity, proportioned to the means of the visitor and the style of the establishment.

The hostess should arrange to have the visitor met, either meeting her in person at the station or being first to greet her on her arrival at the house.

Guest rooms should be in perfect order and equipped with every possible convenience for the comfort of visitors.

The hostess arranges whatever pleasures are possible for her guest's enjoyment, invites her friends to call on her, and probably gives a tea or reception in her honor.

Do not forget that it is ill-bred as well as unkind to discuss the family affairs of one's hostess with others; to criticise or complain of her arrangements; or gossip about her or her family.

Remember--

The announcement of an engagement comes from the family of the girl.

The parents and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the girl and her mother, or if living in another city write cordial letters without delay.

The bride-elect should respond to these advances with cordiality.

She should try to make her future husband's family like her.

Etiquette is not relaxed in the case of an engaged couple. They do not make calls together except on relatives or very close friends. They may not make journeys together unchaperoned.

The cost of a wedding, whether at church or at home, is borne by the bride's family, the bridegroom paying for the wedding ring, the clergyman's fee, and the carriage in which the pair leave the church after the ceremony.

Though it may be necessary to limit the number of invitations to a wedding, announcement cards should be sent to all the friends and acquaintances of the two families.

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The "giving away" of a bride by her father is no mere form; it is a recognition of family authority, the claim of a father upon his daughter. It should therefore be a part of the ceremony.

Invitations to the church ceremony do not necessitate a wedding gift. Those invited to the reception may send gifts if they so desire.

Cards are usually removed from gifts, but in some cases are left on.

All gifts should be acknowledged before the ceremony if possible, by the bride herself.

If the bridegroom's parents live out of town, it is customary for the parents of the bride to invite them to their home as guests of the occasion. If this is not practicable, they may engage rooms for them at a hotel, paying the bill in advance.

It is thought unlucky to postpone a wedding. Better withdraw the invitations in case of severe illness or death, and have a quiet home ceremony with few present.

A bridal procession always moves up the central aisle of the church. In case there is no center aisle, it moves up one aisle and retires down the other. The relatives of the bridegroom are seated in the body of the church on the right; those of the bride are similarly placed on the left.

The hats of the father and ushers are left with the sexton in the vestibule and handed to them as they leave.

At a church wedding a bride almost invariably wears a veil. Her attendants wear hats. The maid-of-honor may wear a short veil.

The dress of the bridal party has already been fully described in a preceding chapter.

It is the custom for the bridegroom to give a gift, almost invariably a piece of jewelry, to his bride; and a small gift of silver or jewelry to each of the ushers and to the best man. The bride generally gives some souvenir of the same character to each of her attendants.

The bridegroom sends the bride her bouquet, and often one of violets or her favorite flower to the bride's mother.

The bride's father seems a rather subordinate figure at the fashionable wedding. After he has given away the bride, he retires into the background, escorting his wife to her carriage at the conclusion of the ceremony. He does not assist her in receiving the guests at the house, but circulates among them after congratulations have been tendered the newly wedded pair.

Formal afternoon dress is necessary for men who attend a day wedding, at church or at home. At an evening wedding they wear evening clothes.

After a wedding, the members of the bridal party are expected to call on the bride's mother within ten days or two weeks.

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A bridal party always stand with their backs to the audience, the clergyman facing it.

Remember--

That men's evening clothes are not worn before six o'clock.

That women wear their hats at afternoon functions, teas, luncheons, bridge parties, etc., and remove them at evening affairs.

That in society, personal affairs, servants, dress, household difficulties, "symptoms," illnesses and bereavements, are not to be made a subject of conversation.

It is not good form to talk of the cost of articles or mention money affairs in company.

The social aspirant should cultivate the art of saying polite nothings acceptably. Small talk is the small change of social life.

One should be prompt at dinner, a card-party or a musicale.

At a dancing-party the hostess does not dance, as a rule, during the first part of the evening. She receives her guests and sees that the women are provided with partners.

A man who dances should pay his hostess the courtesy of inviting her to dance. He should certainly dance with her daughter.

Engaged couples should be careful to avoid demonstrations of affection or preoccupation in each other while in company.

Remember--

That the salt-shaker is out of favor; the open salt cellar and the salt-spoon are much preferred.

Never cut bread; break it with the fingers. Never butter a large piece, or spread it in the palm of your hand.

The finger-bowl will be brought on a plate with a doily under it.

Lift both from the plate to the table. The plate is then ready for the fruit course.

Black coffee--cafe noir--is usually served without cream. Cut loaf sugar is passed with it.

If a visitor for one meal only, the napkin is not folded at the conclusion of a meal. If staying a day or two follow the practice of the hostess.

Creme de menthe is served before the coffee, in small liquor glasses.

Do not break bread or crackers into the soup nor tip the plate to obtain the last of it.

Do not play with crumbs, or finger knife or spoon.

Never touch a knife to fish or salad.

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Remember--

Do not move glass, spoon, etc., when the maid brushes the crumbs from the cloth.

Knife and fork are laid upon the plate, tines of the latter upward, when the plate is passed for a second helping. This "second help" is permitted only at family or informal dinners.

A host must not urge food upon a guest after it has once been declined.

Lift the cup or glass to the lips, instead of bending toward it. Do not throw the head back and raise the cup to get the last of its contents.

Remember--

To prepare a list of the members of the family who will go to the cemetery at a funeral, for the undertaker's guidance, arranging them in the order of the relationship.

Flowers should be sent early in the morning of the day of interment, or on the previous afternoon. Acknowledgment by note or verbally is expected.

A letter expressive of sympathy in a friend's bereavement should be sent immediately upon learning of a death.

During an illness, make inquiries at the door, leaving a card with "To inquire" written upon it. This apprises a friend of your interest in her troubles, yet makes no claim upon her time.

Men wear mourning bands on their hats, not on the coat sleeve. Borders on mourning stationery and cards should be narrow.

Invitations to receptions, weddings, and general entertainments, excepting dancing parties, balls and cotillions, are sent to people in mourning. A response on black bordered stationery sufficiently indicates the reason for non-acceptance.

Remember--

That the typewriter does not figure in social correspondence.

A neat, well written letter or note is a credit to the writer, and a compliment to her correspondent.

Avoid "fancy" or bizarre stationery. A good quality of white or cream paper, in several sizes, is indicative of refined taste.

The forms of address, under the head of "Letter forms" may be profitably studied.

Abbreviations are incorrect. Write out the name of the state on your envelope; otherwise it may go astray.

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To keep a dictionary on one's desk is a wise precaution unless one is sure of herself in regard to spelling.

Answer all notes of invitation promptly, and unconditionally; and all friendly letters within a reasonable time.

If you never say an unkind or hateful thing in a letter, you will never fear you may be some day condemned by your written evidence.

Don't keep old letters; it is unwise.

Avoid discussions on any subject on which people feel strongly, like politics and religion. Do not hold an argument in society.

Remember that good manners are made up of petty sacrifices, gracefully made.

A kind "no" is often more agreeable than a rough "yes." An assent, given grudgingly, is always ungracious.

Take note of this quotation: "Life is like a mirror. It reflects the face you bring to it. Look out lovingly upon the world and the world will look lovingly in upon you."

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BEAUTY AND THE TOILET

INCLUDING MANICURING, CARE OF THE COMPLEXION, TEETH, EYES, FEET, Etc.

"The one thing that woman prizes most is her beauty. Though she have none, she yet persuadeth herself that she possesses some charm upon which men's eyes rest admiringly."--Johnson.

"There is no wound a woman will not more willingly forget than a blow to her vanity."

Although woman's chief desire is to be beautiful, it is a historical fact that nearly every woman whose beauty has been renowned has either led an unhappy life or met a tragic fate. Strangely, too, the most famous attachments of which we have record have been inspired by women who were not only not beautiful, but who had some noticeable defect. So to be attractive, and to charm, it is not necessary to be beautiful. Beauty gives a woman a start in the race; her other qualities must enable her to keep her advantage.

THE FACE-HEALTH AS AN AID TO BEAUTY.

The first essential to good looks is good health. The clear complexion, the bright eyes, the lustrous hair that are such helps are born of good health rather than of creams and hair tonics. Health depends a good deal on wholesome diet and out-door exercise, which make pure blood. Pure air is invaluable. Country girls often have exquisite complexions because of the pure air they breathe--unless they eat too much heavy, greasy food.

Study hygiene, then, instead of relying upon "Bloom of Youth" and "Cream of Roses" as aids to a good complexion. Such things deceive no one, and by use ruin the skin, wrinkling and withering it. It is a good thing to drink plenty of water. A glass on retiring, another on rising, and a third an hour before the noon meal is little enough. Keep the stomach and bowels in good order.

BLACKHEADS.--The most frequent inquiry in the "beauty pages" of the papers is what to do for blackheads. In the first place, don't allow yourself to get them. Keep your face clean. A blackhead is simply a pore that is filled with oil and dirt. Sometimes they are as large as the head of a pin. When taken out they leave an enlargement known as a coarse pore. Do not steam the face to remove them. Wash the face well with soap and hot water; wring cloths out of hot water and hold to the face then massage with cold cream. Several treatments will soften them so they may be pinched out between the thumbs. Never attempt this treatment before going out; do it at night, before retiring.

Blackheads are a reflection upon one's personal cleanliness, therefore bathe the whole body often.

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PIMPLES.--Pimples are due to an impure condition of the blood, for which sulphur is a good remedy, taken internally and applied externally. One dram each of camphor and flowers of sulphur in four ounces of rose-water is a good lotion for external use. Do not pick or squeeze pimples, unless pus has formed in them. Nothing is more disgusting than a face broken out in pus-filled pimples. See a physician if thus afflicted.

FRECKLES.--These have been poetically called "the kisses of the sun," but no girl cares for evidences of that sort of affection. Prevention is easier than cure. Simple home remedies are lemon juice and glycerin, sour buttermilk, and elderflower soap used in bathing.

A well-known application is six grains of bichloride of mercury in one ounce each of glycerin and alcohol, and a few drops, say ten or twelve, of oil of lavender. The trouble is that after using these remedies the skin is delicate and freckles more easily.

The fad for going bareheaded has ruined many a girl's complexion.

SUNBURN.--Avoid it when possible. If going on the water, apply magnesia to the face rather thickly. If sunburned, rub the skin with cold cream, leaving it on as long as you can before using water on it. A wash that is good for tan and sunburn requires half an ounce of borax and an ounce of lemon juice in a pint of rose water.

CHAPPED HANDS AND FACE.--Many cases of "chaps" may be avoided by the simple precaution of wiping the face and hands perfectly dry. If the skin chaps easily keep at hand a bottle of glycerin and lemon juice mixed in about equal proportions, and after wiping rub a little on the hands. Before going out in the cold, rub a little cold cream or oil of sweet almonds over the face; leave it on a few minutes, rub off lightly with a dry towel and dust with rice powder. Camphor ice is good for chapped lips.

A PURE FACE CREAM.--Set a bowl in a basin of hot water over the fire. In it put a quarter of an ounce of white wax and two and a half ounces of spermaceti, and the same quantity of oil of sweet almonds. When melted and hot, add a pinch of borax and an ounce and a half of rose-water. Beat these ingredients with a silver fork, briskly, till the cream is cold. Warm the jar before filling it and keep in a cool place.

ANOTHER GOOD CREAM.--One ounce each of white wax and spermaceti; two ounces each of lanolin and cocoanut oil and four ounces of sweet almond oil. Melt in a double-boiler or a bowl set in hot water, and stir in two ounces of orange flower water and thirty drops of tincture of benzoin. Stir briskly till cold, and of the consistency of a thick paste. This is to be used at night, after thoroughly washing the face. It is a good cleansing cream also.

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WRINKLES.--It is a great deal easier to prevent wrinkles than it is to get rid of them after one has acquired them. A little study of women's faces will show how wrinkles, that no amount of massage will obliterate, are being made. They make perpendicular wrinkles between the eyes by drawing the brows together when sewing or reading, sometimes through habit and sometimes because of insufficient light. Some wrinkles are born of in-temper, of fretfulness, or sorrow. As the skin loses its elasticity, through age or ill-health, wrinkles come more and more easily. The best remedy for wrinkles is a light heart and a contented mind. Assist these with good, wholesome food that makes pure blood to feed the body, and render external aid through gentle massage and some good face cream and you have done the best you can. It is a good plan to some day take your hand-mirror with you as you go about your daily duties and watch the process of wrinkle-making. Say you are sewing and note the glass. Without changing your expression, take a look at yourself. The chance is it will be a revelation. You will realize why wrinkles come.

MASSAGE.--Unless properly done, massage may do more harm than good. If one can afford a few treatments by a scientific masseur and study her methods, it is a great help. The thing is not to rub in more than you rub out, by improper manipulation. Rub the face up, not down. This is because of the tendency of the muscles to sag.

Rub across, not with, the lines. Rub the "parentheses" around the month up and out, and give a rotary motion to the rubs given the checks, gently pinching and pulling them out.

But after all, there's nothing like good temper and steady nerves to prevent the tell-tale lines.

WRINKLED HANDS.--Wrinkled hands belong to age, and are due to loss of oil in the skin. After washing and wiping them, rub with a little cold cream or olive oil. Rub well into the skin. At night, use the cream or oil freely and put on a pair of old gloves.

Camphor is a good whitening agent for the hands, and a teaspoonful of spirits of camphor beaten into any greasy, cold cream will be beneficial. A piece of the gum camphor melted with the ointment blends more readily. A piece of camphor size of a walnut to two tablespoonfuls of the cream is about right proportions.

RED HANDS AND NOSE.--Sometimes a too tight corset, impeding the circulation of the blood, is responsible for the blemishes; sometimes poor circulation due to poor health. Cold feet may send the blood to the nose. Find out what is the cause and remove it. Local applications are ineffective.

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COLD OR FEVER SORES.--These unpleasant afflictions may be cured if taken at the first indication of what is coming--a smarting or burning sensation--by frequent applications of dilute spirits of camphor.

FACE POWDERS.--There are few women who do not at times have occasion to use face powder. A woman once remarked: "It isn't decent not to in summer--one looks so greasy without." There are many face powders on the market, some of which are comparatively harmless, while others are deleterious. The injury done by powder is that it fills the pores, stopping them up and thus clogging the skin. Many powders contain lead or bismuth, both of which are very injurious. Magnesia is drying. Rice powder is most harmless, but does not adhere. The most innocent powder is probably a preparation of French chalk. Weigh a box of powder in your hand before purchasing. If heavy, it doubtless contains lead, and should be refused. Find some powder that agrees with your skin and then buy that brand. Suit the color of the powder to your complexion. Don't use flesh tint if you are sallow, the "outlying regions" of neck and ears betray you.

TO USE POWDER.--Wash the face; rub a little cold cream over it, rubbing it in well, wipe with a dry towel, gently, then apply the powder with a chamois--a clean one. Do not keep it on unnecessarily. Remove by rubbing with the cleansing cream, then wash the face. Never go to bed with powder on your face.

LIQUID WHITENERS.--Avoid these. They are "whitewashes" that wither and wrinkle the skin and make it prematurely old. Almost without exception they contain lead in some form. Constant use may produce a facial paralysis due to lead poisoning. Moreover they deceive no one, and give an unpleasing impression as regards one's good sense.

ROUGE.--Well, don't do it. There may be a few who can have a rouge especially prepared that is the exact tint that harmonizes with the skin, the hair, the eyes, and can apply it so carefully as to look "natural." But ordinarily the deception is evident, and rouge in conjunction with liquid washes and penciled eyes and brows, suggest the aids employed by women of the demi-monde.

If any rouge is used, let it be the "Spanish lady's rouge" or crepons--bits of white woolen crepe dyed with an ammoniacal solution of carmine. These are gently rubbed on the skin to produce the required glow.

THE HAIR.--Beautiful hair is woman's crown of glory. Thousands of the sex wear it unbecomingly. They follow the latest fashion in arrangement without reference to whether it suits the lines of the face and head or otherwise. One should never be satisfied with a front view alone. Study the back, the sides, the lines produced, just as you study the becomingness of a hat from all angles. If a new fashion is unbecoming, either avoid it, or modify it into becomingness if you can. So many women make guys of themselves by a slavish devotion to the freaks of fashion.

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