Part 4

The rhinoceros couldn’t accept their treat; He had some rheumatics in his feet. But in a cage near-by a kangaroo Jumped twenty feet when they let him through.

An ostrich standing six feet high Called out to the Bears as they went by To hurry around with a piece of pie.

Two mountain goats with curling horn Said the mountain crest where they were born,

Their father rented just for thanks To the Roosevelt Bears to play their pranks,

And this they thought was cause indeed Why they should be asked to the morning feed.

A hedgehog and a porcupine Were the next pair asked by the Bears to dine, Then a dromedary chewing his cud Said he wouldn’t budge from where he stood,

But if they’d bring him a piece of cake He’d see if he liked their kind of bake.

From there they went to the animals’ cage Where they found the tigers in a rage And the lions roaring to beat the band In language the Bears didn’t understand.

A chimpanzee came near to see And he made a face at TEDDY-G. He was eating pie and said he feared That their basket lunch had disappeared.

The Bears took warning and started back To find ten keepers on their track, And animals both big and small Running wild on every mall, And Bolivar with his trumpet loud Calling for help to stop the crowd.

The monkeys had gone in a solid bunch And captured the whole of the picnic lunch, And out on limbs and high up on poles, And on top of roofs and into holes, And every monkey with cake or jam, Or pie or tart or sandwich ham,

Or nuts or lemonade or cheese; And Bolivar shaking poles and trees, And hungry wolves and the kangaroo, And mountain goats and a deer or two Running wild from place to place, Helping on the monkey chase.

’Twas noon that day when keepers ten And a police brigade of fifty men, And a hundred boys and firemen six Got the monkey troupe to stop their tricks.

The Bears looked on throughout the show And helped on the fun by laughing so For TEDDY-G, since he was a cub, Or at Bunker Hill down in the Hub, Said that making fun seemed to be his forte And that he never had such lively sport.

But the keeper made him change his laugh When he locked them up with a big giraffe And told them to stay and pay a fine When the police court met next day at nine.

The Roosevelt Bears go FISHING

When the Roosevelt Bears had paid their fine For the mischief done and the monkey shine, They said good-bye to the big giraffe And told him his neck was too long by half;

And asked the time it took his food To reach his body from where he chewed; And why he held his head so high, And the size of collars he had to buy;

And why he was neither round nor square; But the old giraffe didn’t seem to care; He wagged his tail and winked his eye And nodded his head to say good-bye.

When they quit the Zoo and got outside, “Let us take a train for a little ride; I’m tired of town and want to see A farm or stream,” said TEDDY-B.

So a train they took without the fare, For where it went they didn’t care. When “Tickets, please,” the conductor said, TEDDY-G began to scratch his head And to think up names of towns he knew, Like Hoboken and Kalamazoo;

But when “Tickets, please,” he said again, TEDDY-G got busy with a ten And said, “Take this for your railway pay And stop the train some time to-day Where fishing’s good if you go that way.” The conductor asked them questions strange About their plans as he gave them change

And slips of paper with holes punched through; He said a fishing stream he knew;

He’d stop the train at any rate And show them where to buy some bait And fishing poles and hook and line And a jolly inn to sleep and dine.

They reached the place that day at two, And said good-bye to the railroad crew,

And went by a path up a mountain ridge As the train went on across a bridge. They found the place and got fitted out With six poles apiece both long and stout, And bait enough and lines and hooks To fish a year in a dozen brooks.

For said TEDDY-G, “If fishing’s play Then I want enough, for I mean to stay Right by the game for at least a week Until every fish that’s in the creek Is caught and deemed and cooked and ate Or cut up in pieces to use for bait.” So down their rods and lines they took To the stream below to try their luck.

Of all the fishing that was ever done By Izaak Walton or his eldest son, Or by boys who fish with pins for hooks, That we read about in the picture books, Or for salmon trout which weigh a ton That they say are caught in Oregon,

Or for shad in the River Delaware, Or for pike or black bass anywhere, The fish that day caught by the Bears Would take first prizes at all the fairs;

And the way they caught them left and right, And the way they coaxed the fish to bite, And the way they tossed the fish in air, Landing in trees and everywhere, And the way they made the chipmunks run, The fish, themselves, enjoyed the fun.

For one fish spoke, vows TEDDY-G, A great big pounder, two or three, And said he wouldn’t miss the game Even if he never lived again. “A sport,” he said, “like TEDDY-G, Is the kind that fishes love to see.”

TEDDY-G got his line caught in a tree And climbed up on high to get it free When a ’possum called down from above, “If you come up here you’ll get a shove

Which will toss you off and break your head And put you fifteen weeks in bed.” But TEDDY-G just shook with glee And said, “I’ll come right up to see.” The ’possum scared and trembled so He fell off the limb and down below Where TEDDY-B broke an ugly fall By catching him like a rubber ball.

They fed that ’possum fishes eight And gave him hook and line and bait And told him stories about the Zoo And the things they let the monkeys do.

They met a man by the stream that day Who has fished for a hundred years they say, In ocean, river, creek and pond, And mountain brook and lake beyond, With statesmen bold and actors gay, And farmer lads found by the way.

He told them stories of fish he’d caught, And when fish were few, of fish he’d bought. And then had talked of this big land And of men he knew on every hand: The true to love and those to hate Who fish for gain with stolen bait.

He told them how to have most fun When they struck the town of Washington; “Because,” he said, “though I’m on the shelf, I had some fun there once myself.”

TEDDY-B said he would like to know How near a Roosevelt Bear could go To the Capitol or Monument Without being shot by the President.

But the man replied, “Trout-fishing’s fine, But shooting bears isn’t in my line.

Take my advice and take your gun When you turn your steps towards Washington.”

They shook his hand both long and tight And said they’d leave that very night.

They could get a train, they said, at four For Washington and Baltimore.

They tramped along a country pike And wished for horses, train or bike, Till they met a lad on his way from school, Whom they stopped to question about a rule To multiply and square and add, And what teachers did with lessons bad, And who made spelling and what ’twas for, And the day and hour of the next big war, And what athletics were all about, And where figures go when you rub them out, And why the moon isn’t always round, And the difference between a noise and sound, And on a fence, how long ’twould take To rest an hour or a dinner bake, And how things inside the earth were done, But the lad couldn’t answer a single one.

Said TEDDY-G: “If it doesn’t rain, And you’ll tell us where to get a train And the fare to pay and how long the run From the place you name to Washington, And your age and weight and greatest height, And two bears you know that never bite, I’ll give you a dollar, quick as wink, And let you have it before you think.”

Though he never learned this dollar trick The lad was bright and he answered quick, And they said good-bye and it didn’t rain Till they stepped on board their Pullman train.

Said TEDDY-G, as he lit his pipe, And bought some apples red and ripe, And settled down in an easy seat With a resting-place for both his feet, “I’m tired of clothes; I’m tired of fun; When I see the town of Washington I’m off again for the woolly West; I like the mountains much the best; I want to live as free as air; I’m satisfied to be a bear.”

“But you forget,” said TEDDY-B, “That all these things we came East to see Were made by the brains of every clime To keep folks working all the time.”

“That’s all right,” said TEDDY-G, “They can work ahead, but as for me I don’t believe that bears were made To be busy always at a trade.”

The Roosevelt Bears in PITTSBURG

They were on the train and at their ease When the conductor called out “Tickets, please.” “We have no tickets,” said TEDDY-G, “But cash we have, as you will see, And to Washington we want to go To see the President and to let him know That we are fully satisfied That Uncle Sam is tall and wide And big around, of mighty girth, The greatest show on all the earth; His boys and girls are full of fun From Omaha to Washington.”

But the conductor said, “You ought to know If to Washington you want to go You’ve started wrong; this train you’re on Is a Pittsburg special from Washington; And to-morrow morning, if we’re not late, You’ll be in Pittsburg at half-past eight.”

The Bears looked dazed and then looked mad, And then they laughed and both looked glad.

Said TEDDY-B, “Pay up the fares; We’ll pass to-morrow as millionaires And found a library and put through a deal Of high finance in oil or steel.”

But TEDDY-G didn’t think so far; He thought of night and the sleeping car;

He recalled some cranky things he said When they made him sleep in an upper bed On a train out West, and the banjo song, And the things they did a little wrong Till both were put right off the train On a Kansas farm in a shower of rain.

The conductor heard this wise remark: “If on this train, when the night is dark, You want this Bear to behave himself, Don’t make him sleep on a Pullman shelf.”

But the trip was made without mishap And both the Bears enjoyed a nap In lower berths till eight o’clock, When the porter gave their berths a knock And said, “Get up; it’s broad day light; The Iron City is now in sight.”

But things outside looked black as night And said TEDDY-B, “Do you mean to say That this is Pittsburg and this is day?”

The man replied, “Get up; that’s smoke; Take my advice and when you joke About this town, don’t do it loud, For Pittsburg people live in a cloud, And their ideas about a bear May be colored some by Pittsburg air.” “What’s that you say?” called TEDDY-G, “You seem to know your geography, But let me say right here and now, I’ll teach your Pittsburg people how To dance and sing, to laugh and joke, In mountain air or city smoke, For they must know this very day That Pittsburg too was made for play.”

They took a cab to a big hotel Where things are done both smart and swell; And breakfast over, TEDDY-B

On mischief bent, went out to see What the telegraph and phone could do To get a crowd their tricks to view.

He called up schools, every one in town, And ordered all the children down To the Old Block House at noon to see The Teddy Bears teach history.

Then on the Mayor he played a lark By ordering the police to Schenley Park, To be locked up there till after dark; “For,” said TEDDY-B, “the police you know Might spoil our little Block House show.”

At costume shops each Teddy Bear Bought a lot of Indian things to wear. They planned at the Old Block House to meet At the corner of a near-by street, And from that spot like Indians race And take possession of the place. They did the trick in Wild West style; Their whoops and yells were heard a mile;

But the fight was short; no one to scare; There wasn’t a soul there anywhere. They made the place from roof to floor Like seventeen hundred and sixty-four And put things into shape to fool The boys and girls from every school.

The children came, five thousand strong, A happy, merry, lively throng;

The little ones by teachers led To study history, they said,

But the history lesson learned that day Was livelier stuff, the fellows say,

Than most boys learn at public school; For it didn’t follow any rule, But just shot off with laughter loud In every corner of the crowd.

The Teddy Bears, as Indians brave, Did everything but behave: They chased each other round the Block With bow and arrow and tomahawk;

They climbed to the roof and danced a jig And called to children small and big To catch the arrows every time And bring them back and get a dime; And then to finish up the sport They asked the boys to take the fort: The boys to be the soldiers bold And they as Indians the place to hold.

In this the boys came out ahead; The Bears pretended they were dead, While the boys to do the thing up well Sent two dead Bears to the hotel. In half an hour they lived again And were out on bicycles for a spin;

This time to see men making steel, And in Highland Park to have a wheel, And to see the Zoo and the Bridge of Sighs, And Luna Park, where they won the prize.

In the afternoon they put up a lark At the entrance gate of Highland Park. A little lad who flew a kite Had got the string caught good and tight On the entrance post when TEDDY-G Climbed up the post and said that he Would untie the knot and start the kite Up to the sky and out of sight.

A rope was lying twirled around Where workmen left it on the ground, And TEDDY-G as quick as wink And before the men had time to think Caught up the rope and made it tight From post to post, from left to right, And out he went like a circus clown And whirled around, head up and down, And walked the rope and made more play Than folks had seen for many a day.

At six o’clock they said good-bye To busy streets and smoky sky And to boys and girls for the day of fun And started back towards Washington.

Said TEDDY-B, as a town they passed Where furnaces made fiery blast, “I’d rather be a Teddy Bear Than stand that heat and work in there; But this old world was made, they say, So that men would work and bears could play.”

The Roosevelt Bears get out a NEWSPAPER

When the station clock was striking four The Bears got off at Baltimore. They met a newsboy on the street Who said the newsboys were to meet That night at six in a nook of theirs And they’d like to have the Teddy Bears Drop in and help them plan and think How best to earn some extra chink. Said TEDDY-B, “I’d like to walk Around to your club and hear you talk And make a speech and help along With dance or story, trick or song.” “You ought to know,” the lad replied, “That some months ago a newsboy died. That night his papers didn’t sell And he had no home; no one to tell How cold he was and hungry too, And he just died; was frozen through. We mean to give a newsboys’ show To buy a home where the boys can go.”

This story stirred up TEDDY-G, “You leave that show to me,” said he, “I’ll use my wit from nose to paw To make more cash than you ever saw.” “I have a plan,” said TEDDY-B, “Let us run a paper just to see If our sheet won’t sell like sixty-three. We’ll fill each page with jolly stuff And give the boys the greatest puff. We’ll reuse the price and earn the pay To build that home in half a day.” So off they went to try their hand At a job they didn’t understand: To edit, proof-read, print and sell A newspaper and do it well.

The publisher took them all about To show how a paper is gotten out. They questioned every man they met And with the manager made a bet That they could put each page in rhyme And get the paper out on time. The bet was taken; the job was theirs; A paper run by Teddy Bears And they to have their own sweet way With news and ads for a single day. They said they’d do the best they could And make a sheet that was bright and good.

Of all the orders boys ever hear Who work on papers all the year, The orders given to the boys that night Beat every record out of sight. They made the editors fume and frown, And reporters chase all around the town,

And telegraph instruments click in chime, And telephone bells ring all the time, And linotypes go double speed And set up type big enough to read, And advertisers fight for space, And presses go at double pace, And everything hum on every floor To beat all “scoops” ever made before.

But the paper was out on time next day: The greatest paper, newsboys say, That was ever printed in all the land By the fastest press or done by hand.

They had floods and fires, and earthquakes, too; And kings beheaded and discoveries new, And ships upset and railroad wrecks, And ten millionaires break their necks; And the sun eclipsed at twelve at night, And Japan start up another fight; And Russia move clean off the earth, And an elephant sleep in an upper berth; And Niagara Falls turn upside down, And the President wear a golden crown; And ten feet of snow right in July, And a man discovered nineteen feet high; And robberies eight and murders ten, And mosquitoes kill ten thousand men; And a Wall Street smash, the worst in years, That made the bulls and bears shed tears;

And Robinson Crusoe come back to life And land in Baltimore with a wife; And little Bo Peep who lost her sheep Sold at auction mighty cheap; And the money hid by Captain Kidd Found in a box without a lid By a colored boy in the Isle of Wight A hundred thousand dollars bright. A diamond mine they said was found On Charles Street above the ground, They had boys at school their lessons know, In headlines deep a foot or so; And all the girls in the world combine, To go to bed at half-past nine, Or if rules they broke to pay a fine. And ending up on the final page A prophecy of a future age

When Teddy Bears would rulers be And hunt for men in cave or tree With guide and gun, with horse and hound, In a Colorado hunting ground. The advertisements made that night Were what the printers call a fright: All shoved together, old and new, Upside down and wrong side too, Grocers had hats and caps for sale, And tailors eggs, and barbers ale, And department stores had railroad ads, And big hotels sold writing pads, And music stores sold soap and tea, And theatres said admission free, And a jeweller, the best in town, Offered cheap a wedding gown. A private school sold cheese and lard, And furniture was offered by the yard. When TEDDY-B saw what was done He said he thought ’twould make good fun. “For we mean,” said he, “to sell our sheet And every record sale to beat.”

The papers sold at first for ten, But when approved by business men The price went up on every hand; And with papers in such brisk demand You couldn’t get a single sheet By ten o’clock upon the street. The money made for the boys that day Bought them a home with grounds to play And enough to spare to give each lad The jolliest time he ever had: A fresh air week down by the sea With candy, cake and soda free.