Part 7
"What secret place, what distant star, O Lord of all, is thine abode?"
Miss Ellis copies it in full. In 1883 the young man wrote Miss Ellis:--
"A year ago I was in the dreariest stage of agnosticism. I was in despair at times, and sometimes my very soul seemed to be in agony. Through reading scientific literature I had been convinced that most of the religious teaching I had learned was false. The flippancy and shallowness of Ingersoll and his school disgusted me. I could not find rest in materialism; I considered it as far astray from the truth as Orthodoxy. I was nineteen years old, and found myself facing the most tremendous problems of existence. I tried to tell myself to wait for maturer years to solve them, and to a great extent that satisfied me. But I still yearned for _something_,--simply this: 'My soul cried out for the living God!' Alas! I could not find him. I looked around me for a little sympathy or a kind word even, but I looked in vain. Every Sunday I heard denunciations of such views as mine. I heard a great deal of 'blatant atheists,' 'infidel scientists,' etc., but no sympathy for a despairing agnostic,--only scorn and ridicule. It pained me intensely to be misunderstood by even those dearest to me on earth, but I determined to stand firm for what I took to be the truth. Oh for some men to preach a little charity for the views of others, and to consider a man as not being necessarily worse than a criminal because he cannot accept their own views! I owe you a large debt of gratitude for being the means of lifting me out of a state of misery and despair, in which I had no pleasure in life, into a state of cheerfulness, happiness, hope, and peace; not intellectual peace,--for I do not expect that,--but real 'soul peace,' a calm trust and a real faith in a living God. I have been surprised to see how largely Unitarian theology is based on science. I owe it to science that my life is something more than daily drudgery. The foundation of my scepticism was laid when I learned the rudiments of natural philosophy in school. I was astonished at what I read of Nature's wonders. Since leaving school I have been an ardent reader of all kinds of scientific literature. By means of the Mechanics' Institute I have the use of all the magazines, reviews, etc., besides a splendid library. I have read a great deal that I did not understand,--books which are beyond my years; but I have a good idea of what is occupying the minds of the world's thinkers in this nineteenth century. One of the best lessons I have learned from the literature you have sent me is faith,--a very different kind of faith from the mere credulity I once knew by that name. At times I am dazed and confounded when I think of the great mysteries surrounding us, especially of the mysteries of death; but I feel that a good God is over all, and the main thing is to do right, and all will be well. I cannot express how much I owe you for the great good you have done me. You have my heartfelt thanks."
In another letter he wrote:--
"To say that I am delighted with 'The Religion of Evolution' is but a poor way of expressing myself. You could not have sent me a more timely book. I would like to get all of Mr. Savage's books. You 'wish I could go to Boston,' etc. Ah! you do not know how I sometimes yearn for some such thing myself. I find my great pleasure and recreation in intellectual pursuits; and of course I have not nearly so great advantages in a small city as I would have in a large one. But for meditation and communion with the Infinite, communion with Nature and the incomprehensible God, I must have solitude. It was a favorite dream of my childhood that I would be a minister. But I have to work in another way. My father died when I was six years of age, and my mother therefore had a struggle to give us an education,--that inestimable blessing of a common-school education. I feel that the highest work for me is to support her to the best of my ability.... I value highly the sermons you send me. Most of our churches here offer one 'dry bones' instead of the living truth. Do you know of any low-priced publication which would give me a fair sketch of Theodore Parker's life and thought? I would like to know something of him. I am greatly pleased with the 'Register.' Mr. Savage's sermons are also a feast to me. The sermons of J. F. Clarke you sent me in June have a ring about them and a spirit in them that I find in few others."
Miss Ellis wrote him, Dec. 29, 1883:--
Am glad to hear you have gained _something_ in the past year. Do not be discouraged if you are not perfection at once. It takes _years_ of struggle to become so. Read the lessons on "Patience," in "Day unto Day," particularly "Jan. 9--Parsons." You are quite young, remember, and there are many years for you to improve in, "and room for improvement," as people always say.... I will not allow _your_ want of time to keep me from writing you. It is my own lack of time, and troublesome eyes. Have been very busy this winter. Have a gentleman in Alabama who is becoming much interested in Unitarian theology, and also one in Kentucky. It keeps my mind at work to send just the right thing to each one. My eyes are troubling me much this evening. Must close, to make some last preparations for Sunday, as I have to start early in the morning to be in time, and must also write a postal to a young nephew in Philadelphia, who is very fond of me and remembered me Christmas and always. Wishing you a bright, happy, and successful New Year, in which all the ladies join me, with kind regards to your mother,
Truly your friend, S. ELLIS.
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APRIL 15, 1883.
I must answer your question, "Why no denunciation of sin (by Unitarians)?" In the New Hampshire "Statement of Belief" I first sent you, if you still have it, you will find: "(4) In Human Nature, as not ruined, but incomplete. Man is not fallen from a primitive state of holiness, but is imperfectly developed. Being imperfect, he is liable to sin.... _The essence of sin is the failure of the higher nature of man to rule his lower nature._ Human nature is made sacred by the indwelling presence of God. Humanity is not tending downward, but is divinely guided from lower to higher forms of moral and spiritual life."
Starting from such a high ideal of man's nature,--that he is created in the "image of God," and as found in the first chapter of Genesis, I think, and in Psalms viii.: "Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with honor and glory,"--we feel him capable of so much, that our ministers are too busy talking concerning _being_ and _doing_ good to have any time left for denunciation of sin. Our great concern is to raise man in _every_ way. Teach him to be cheerful, looking _forward_ all the time, moving onward and upward, and to find no opportunity to spend in vain regrets,--only looking at his sins long enough to learn lessons from the past, that he may avoid them in the future. Our sins leave a deep stain that will affect us during our lifetime, but the only way to overcome them is to be so engaged in right doing that we rise above them. Now, do you not think this a far higher way of converting men than by dwelling on their weaknesses? Give the world something higher to do all the time, and they will naturally rise to that level. We start from a higher standpoint than the Orthodox, therefore our methods are very different. We denounce sin by avoiding it whenever we come in contact with it, or evil of any kind, and there is no more effectual way of overcoming it. Do you not see why it is we have ceased to speak of it in sermons? We are too busy with the good, the true, the beautiful, to pay attention to the wickedness. Dr. Dewey wrote some stirring sermons, on "Human Nature." The topic of one is, "On the Wrong which Sin does to Human Nature;"--text from Prov. viii. 36: "He that sinneth against me, wrongeth his own soul." That was the former way of dealing with and denouncing sin; but the later way is, to take care always to place the better in people's way, and the sins will fall behind. Think you not so?
* * * * *
JANUARY 6, 1883.
... We sometimes strain at _words_ when in reality we agree with others. If we would only remember to strive to discover wherein we agree, and not always be looking for divergence of opinion, there would be more of practical piety in the world. Let us open our eyes to the fact that _all_ denominations endeavor to make men better, though they differ in methods; and see to it that we ourselves are true to the highest and best as far as we know it, and the kingdom of God will be hastened in everywhere. Do right for its own sake, and not from fear or hope of punishment or reward. Let me give you a hymn we sang after the sermon last Sunday. The subject was, "This life: why we are in it, and what we have a right to expect of it." The hymn is one of Rev. Samuel Longfellow's, "Life's Mission:"--
"Go forth to life, O child of earth! Still mindful of thy heavenly birth."
[The whole hymn is copied] ... Methinks if one lives up to such a mission he will be none the less Christian than if he can accept the dogmas of churches.
He had consulted her about the propriety of his contributing to the support of the Methodist church when he no longer accepted its doctrines. She wrote in reply, Oct. 6, 1884:--
... "There are two precepts which come to my mind when I am perplexed as to what to do, which I will mention: 'What doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?' (Micah vi. 8). The other: 'If ye have not the spirit of Christ, ye are none of his,'-- from the epistles, but can't recall it just now. If you conclude to contribute to the Methodist church, you could tell Mr. B---- what your intention had been, and how I reasoned upon the subject. However, act just as you come to the conclusion. The thing is to do as you believe to be just. I should think the church I attended had the first claim upon me. 'Duty before pleasure' is true in any church. Am glad you think so well of Unitarianism, and hope you may be able to work heartily with us some day. Only be patient."
* * * * *
JUNE 7, 1884.
You speak of the "loneliness" of the position you are taking, and I felt glad to find you so firm in the step you are taking.... It will be a position full of self-denial many times, but on the other hand will bring its own rich rewards, known only to the true minister of God. To encourage you in the many hours of discouragement, I advise Dr. Furness's sermon on the "Solitude of Christ," in "Register" of May 8,1884, I think, which I believe has been sent you, but if not, will hunt it up and send it to you; and besides that, the words of Jesus: "He that hath put his hand to the plough and looketh back, is not worthy of me;" therefore have firmly fixed in your mind the glorious hymn by Rev. Samuel Johnson, "The Conflict of Life."
The whole five verses of this hymn are then copied, followed by the whole of Watts's
"Awake, our souls; away, our fears,-- Let every trembling thought be gone;"
and Doddridge's
"Awake, my soul, stretch every nerve, And press with vigor on!"
Miss Ellis saying, at the end, "I have copied these, for they have more weight when written by those we know."
JULY 5, 1884.
... I will permit you to "unburden yourself" with as many pages as you see fit, at any time you feel disposed to do so, and promise not to be "bored." I, in my deafness, understand what it is to feel so utterly alone, though surrounded by dear, old, and tried friends. This lack of one congenial person or thing no one can appreciate but those who have experienced.... Remember, _opinions_ separate us, but kindly deeds and affection draw us close to one another; and so pursue your studies patiently, striving to make yourself the kind of man you think one ought to be, and in attending church do it in the spirit of Jesus,--with the feeling of worshipping God, and cast aside all other feeling, knowing that those around you are doing what they feel to be best. Leave it to the Good Father to judge them, and in time to help them to see differently. We are judged by living up to the highest and best we know, and if others have not been so far enlightened as we, or have not been moved by the Spirit to seek higher light and truth, we must work in patience and leave them in the hands of God.... Only be true to your own convictions, and you will lead them by example rather than precept, unconsciously to them. Work on patiently, and God's promises will not fail you. It is a slow process to overcome one's many failures; but we shall come out conquerors at the last if we only will, and are earnest in our endeavors.... After two weeks our churches will close for the summer, but _my_ congregation will still be ministered to. I go to the church during vacation every two weeks to lend books to any who desire them.
* * * * *
NOVEMBER 16, 1884.
I feel for you greatly in your isolation; but comfort yourself in the thought that the generality of Unitarian ministers are cut off from all companionship with ministers of other denominations where they are settled, and are seldom permitted to enter into charities, where they are, with other ministers. It has been the case ever since the days of Jesus, that those who really hold his views are separated from others in the community. But as you say, and many more say, "if we have God alone, that is enough." I cannot consider myself a "theist" entirely, but might call myself a "Christian theist." I have come to know God as manifested through Jesus, but have as much respect for those who do as Jesus did, and who have as firm a trust in the Father as Jesus had. Think that is what Jesus taught, and labored to have no man worship him. "There is none good but One," he said; "why callest thou me good?" Though I value Jesus, I do not worship him, or feel that he is my support in life. I only look to him in difficulties and trials to show me the way to the Father. I ask to worship and to live in his spirit and so gain strength from the Father wherewith to do. You and others look more to men of later date, who have learned from others nearer to them; but if we trace it all back to the beginning, we will find it is Jesus' spirit working through them. So one and all, whoever they are, wherever found, who have the spirit of Christ, are the sons of God, whether they call themselves merely theists, or Christian theists, it seems to me. George Eliot was truly religious, though perhaps not a Christian in the common acceptation.
* * * * *
DECEMBER 27, 1884.
I do not know as I "have ever realized the depths of absolute negations," but I have realized the depths of absolute solitude, and can sympathize with you in your loneliness, and "think it a good thing to keep the Eternal and Infinite always in view, and so love quiet, solitude, and meditation. They strengthen me to do my work in life." Do not despair, then, if you are despondent at times. Every one is, and it is good for us to some extent to be disgusted with ourselves; it makes us know ourselves. "The dark hours of life bring us nearer to our fellow-men, help us to know ourselves and bring us nearer to God." God has put these questionings into you for some wise purpose. Be true to your highest and best self, and work them out by degrees. But remember you are young yet, and there is time for you to solve all these mysteries in. Do not try to solve all the great questions of life at once. Be patient, and do not brood too much. Meditation and solitude are good, but try to mingle somewhat with those around you. See God in the world about you, as well as in the stars. I would like to dwell longer upon your letter, but perhaps I shall bring you out of doubt by giving you something to do. [She then proposes a bit of work for him to undertake.] ... Our doubts and mysteries are solved sometimes by setting to work on things we are pondering over.
He wrote Miss Ellis, Aug. 24, 1885:--
"A shadow has come across my way of late,--a great disappointment. I think I mentioned it to you before. A doctor, an acquaintance of mine, has often told me that I studied and read too much.... It is hard for me to realize this, but he insists on a year's rest from study. This will postpone my entrance to Meadville for two years, I fear. I confess to great disappointment over this. I will be past twenty-five when I get to Meadville; and yet there is another side. I have often questioned my fitness for this great work. I wish to be cautious. I do believe that I have a noble gospel to preach. 'To preach,'--but first to live it. And, in shame I confess it, I have not lived it. It will therefore be a good thing if in these two years I give myself to growth in manhood. But enough of this. These matters must be dealt with in the closet,--the soul's closet.... After my taste of Montreal fellowship I am sick with loneliness here. It is fearful, at times, this longing for one friend even, and finding none. But it must be borne without grumbling. And now I must stop. The doctor would object to even this light piece of writing. Thank you kindly for sending me the 'Register' and 'Unity.' It is very good of you to look after me so much. Be assured that your kindness is giving great encouragement to a lonely one who, amid much opposition and misunderstanding from his dearest ones, is making at least a _little_ honest effort to be true to himself and God. I would that I were fully faithful; but it is not so. Still I think your seed will yet bear fruit, and spring up in a life devoted to the uplifting of mankind. My deepest prayer is for this. I trust your health will improve. Still more do I trust that you may continue to grow nearer God, and help others to do so, as you have helped me."
Miss Ellis replied, Aug. 30, 1885:--
"... I have neglected you of late, thinking you were soon to go to Meadville, and that you were busy. We are sorry to hear of your great disappointment. It is a disappointment to us as well, particularly to me. However, we need the reverses and crosses of life as much as the air we breathe, to strengthen our characters. You have pushed yourself so hard with business and studies the past two years, that you have not taken time to view the life around you in the right light. Let the next two years be given principally to building up your character individually and socially, and to improving your health, as one of the first requisites of a minister is a sound mind and a healthy body. Be social; take life cheerfully; make those about you better for your company; and mingle freely with your family and best friends, showing them you are practising Unitarianism. Yes; make these two coming years tell as a preparation for college in another way, and let them prove a blessing to you, though a disappointment at first. Did you read Rev. E. E. Hale's 'Methods,' in 'Register' a few weeks since? This week's 'Register' contains an excellent sermon by Rev. John Clifford on 'Spiritual Building.' Have a home worship of your own sometimes. During the vacation, every Sunday I have had a regular worship. For instance, to-day I read for sermon, 'Spiritual Building;' opening hymn, 'Come, Thou Almighty, help us to praise;' 'Scriptures Old and New' (a compilation by Mr. Forbush and Mr. Hosmer, from all religions, and an excellent thing to have), Lesson 27,--'The Kingdom within us;' prayer, followed by Scripture lesson, Galatians iii., from which is taken text; then Wesley's hymn, 'The whole armor of God;' sermon; closing hymn, Doddridge's 'Awake, my soul, stretch every nerve,' etc. Have been interested during the vacation in looking over Gannett's 'Childhood of Jesus' and Carpenter's 'Palestine when Jesus lived.' Also bought 'Selections from the Apocrypha,' compiled by Mrs. Tileston, who compiled 'Daily Strength.' Readings from the Apocrypha are so common in Unitarian pulpits now, that it is well to be familiar with the best portions. Am not able to do much reading now. Am physically too weak. Never was able to use my brain to its full extent,--feeble and nervous all my life, but active otherwise."
Miss Ellis's last letter to him was written but little more than a month before her death, when in the utmost weakness herself; but to this she makes no allusion. It was a letter of consolation in bereavement, from which this is an extract:--
NOVEMBER 18, 1885.
... The only way to reconcile ourselves to our sorrows is to think of those who are worse off than ourselves. It makes us less inclined to murmur in our own sadness. It is good for us to bear the cross. If things were always as we would have them, many virtues would never be developed. There are so many comforting pieces in "Sunshine in the Soul." Some I marked for a former correspondent. Mr. Thayer read for his Scripture lesson last Sunday, Job. iv. 5; and v. 6-11; 17 to end. I have no doubt your sister knows many comforting passages; but the real comfort is found in keeping ourselves busy for others, while at the same time we lean and trust in God to give us peace of soul. We find it in time as we go on patiently doing the duty just before us, and loving the blessings which remain to us.
One of Miss Ellis's last thoughts was for this correspondent. When hardly able to speak, she requested a special "Register" sent to him. It was sent, and a postal card informing him of her condition. He replied:--
DECEMBER 25, 1885.
Your card came to me this morning. I am shocked at its sad message. I was not in the least prepared for it. It seems to hold out no hope. Though I have never seen Miss Ellis, she has been to me for over three years a close friend. And now I must lose her friendship, and her kind encouraging letters! But I am not intending to complain of loss, but rather to be thankful for the help I have received from her. I shall now have another motive to work on, to be more faithful in life. That motive shall be the memory of Miss Ellis's self-sacrificing life. I have a large package of her letters which will be more valued now than ever before. I do trust her work will go on; it ought to certainly. If I can help I will gladly do so.